Work Text:
Falling in love with Jungkook was like walking into the warmth of home after spending hours out in the freezing winter air. It stung a little, as you were so used to enduring the cold that it hurt to feel anything different. Numb cheeks and hands forced to feel when they had grown too cold to be in pain just moments before. Like standing in the warmth after being left in the cold, tears pricked the corners of your eyes and you despised it. Resentment at the cold, resentment at the heat, resentment at the world for inducing your suffering through it all coursed through your blood like antifreeze. You couldn’t be happy stepping out of the ice, just as you couldn’t be happy about stepping away from your boyfriend of three years. It was better this way though, you knew it even as you hated it all. It was better to step away even if it hurt. That didn’t mean you didn’t recoil when Jungkook was there to witness it all.
The fire was mesmerizing, flames reaching up to the sky, laughter, and conversation coming together to form music for them to dance to. Eyes still glistening with burning tears you watched them move upon the bonfire, looking up and up until you could see the air above it. The air above the fire morphed, creating an illusion in the space as if a tear in the dimension. It was if there was a break in this reality. The thought comforted you.
Perhaps if this was not reality, then what you had just witnessed could all be a lie. That would be more agreeable than the alternative. Anything would be more agreeable than the alternative. A hand came to rest lightly on your shoulder, gently luring you back. You had presumably gotten to close. It was if you were toying with the idea of jumping towards the flames and landing into the next dimension. Nevertheless, you turned to shoot a half-hearted glare at Jungkook who stood a bit behind you. Then you turned from him, rebuffing the dark-eyed boy when he returned your glare with a sympathetic eye.
“You deserve better.” His voice was quiet beside the crackling of the fire and the ricocheting laughter behind you but you still heard it, as if drawn to the low timbre.
“I thought he was my better.” You admitted, deciding right then and there that you were not going to cry again. Not in front of Jungkook and not for Jin, the man you thought was your rock.
Ironically, that was where you found him, on a rock. Jin had invited you to come to the bonfire party one of his friends was hosting. It wasn’t often you got to meet his friends, as you practically lived at work and unfortunately, this night would be no different. At least that is what you thought before the head of your firm shuffled over to you. With eyes rimmed with red and face gaunt, they told you that they were calling it quits for the night.
“Go wild.” She told you, tossing the stack of papers in her hand onto the desk with a loud thump. Million-watt smile lighting up your face, the news gave you ten cups of coffee worth of energy. You hopped out of the office excited to finally spend some time with your boyfriend.
It felt like forever since you arranged time be with him and time to well 'be' with him. So the thought of spending some quality social time with Jin and his friends and perhaps going home a little early to spend some quality alone time with just your boyfriend had you practically jigging with joy. You assumed Jin would feel the same. You also assumed it would be fun to surprise him at the party. You sneakily got the local from one of his friends and drove over there with a bottle of wine.
You suppose your biggest assumption was that Jin would be alone. You figured he would be an actually decent boyfriend and human being and not fuck some girl on a rock in the middle of the woods. Well, you know what they always say about assumptions. All assuming does is make an ass out of you me. Though you had seen Jin’s ass many times before, this was the first time you witnessed his bare butt being grabbed by someone else. You were also sure this probably to the first time he got his bare ass smacked by a huge chunk of driftwood. But well then maybe he shouldn’t have been cheating on you when he was so open to the elements.
It was freezing cold, long streams of tears decorated you face, and your hands were a little rough from beating Jin with wood.Conceivably you could have walked away with a shred of dignity if you hadn’t turned to see Jungkook, there to witness it all. He stared at you with an odd mixture of horror and pity. If you weren’t already too wounded to put up much more effort you would have smacked the look off his face right then and there. Instead, all you could do hold back a sob and wipe your face with the back of your coat. Without acknowledging him you stomped past him. You went to the only place you could consider;back to the party. The crunching from behind you told you that you weren’t going to escape him that easy. Then you were right before the fire, staring at it as your tears dried.
“I don’t know why you stay with him, Y/n. Why have you ever stayed with him at all? ” His voice swayed you back to the present and you finally decided to look over his way. Jungkook’s hair laid in front of his eyes, beanie pulled low over his head. But you could still see his confusion in the pout on his lips and his tense jaw.
“He has been there for a lot of harsh times.” A flash of memory to one of the hardest times in your life, when you could barely eat let alone get to work shimmers before you. Jin had taken care of you every step of the way, emotionally financially, and in any way, he could. He was always caring, always there for you, even when the hard times hit. It was when you finally dug out, though, when you could put both feet on the ground and find your way again, that was when he started wavering. “I’m not going staying…This is it. I’m done,” You intoned, finality clear in your voice.
“Really?” Jungkook had been here before. The first time Jin cheated on you, and even the second and the third. He was in Jin’s friend group, had known you just as long, and somehow always seemed to be at the wrong place at the right time. He was there like magic right before you were about to jump off the edge of sanity. It was no wonder he was skeptical now. He had watched you cry, even as you instructed him to leave. Yet, you had always gone back the next week, tears dry and another scar on your heart. This was the first time you were said done though, and that had to mean something. Perhaps it was because it was a month before Christmas, and this bonfire was supposed to be a holiday get together. Maybe it was because you were supposed to go to his parents’ house on the long weekend. You couldn't even imagine going there and pretending to be happy in love and even ready to get married like they hoped. It could be you were just finally done with him and his inability to stay loyal to you. Any reason would be a valid one if you were asking Jungkook, but you weren’t. Nevertheless, you could only nod your ascent, setting your shoulders straight and looking up at the man before you, voice firm and eyes pleading. With a bold hand on his chest, you whispered to him.
“Distract me.”
This wasn’t exactly what you were expecting when Jungkook took your had with a glint in his eye. He led you to his car, bypassing a group of friends who all gave him a discreet side-eye. No, what you were presuming was something way different from a big field in the back a school building filled with layers of snow and a bunny-smiling boy fitting an extra pair of gloves over your hands.
“Let’s build a snowman.” He breathed, a puff of air misting aches your shocked features. Clearing your throat and glancing away from his sparkling eyes you sighed.
“You know what? This is probably a bad idea, can maybe just take me home–“ You started but were stopped with Jungkook’s large palms settling on your cheeks. He directed you to his eyes.
“Y/n. When was the last time you just had fun?”He wondered and you gulped, blinking up at him, caught now that you were unable to look away. Jungkook was a couple of years younger than you and his boyish charm always seemed to capture you by surprise. It was why you sometimes avoided him, straying away every time you got more comfortable. It was addicting, laughter coming so naturally in his presence that you missed it when he was gone. Coming over to Jin’s apartment that he shared with a couple of his buddies and finding a few of his friends there was inevitably a curse and a blessing. A curse because Jin suddenly didn’t pay any attention to you and a blessing because you could always count on Jungkook to make you laugh. One day Jin had found himself three-quarters of the way through a bottle of gin, throwing down another gulp every time he made a pun and laughing so loudly it washed away any protests made by anyone else. Jungkook had nudged your shoulder and led you to his room, sharing coke as you watched him play overwatch and argued about sweet and savory popcorn flavors.A particularly loud cackle made him wince and roll his eyes.
“Why do you stay friends with him if you hate him so much?” You wondered, playing with a cookie shopped pillow and pretending to make it dance to avoid his eye. You could feel it even without looking, the look that asked you the same thing.
“Who else is going to be your shoulder when he’s being a massive dick?” He reasoned and you laughed, smacking him with a pillow to hide the fact that you were actually touched.
A small pat on your cheeks hauled you back to the present and back under Jungkook’s watchful stare. He was searching you and having a hard time of it too if his expression had any indication of his findings. So you finally smiled, eyes still glassy even as you felt the warmth coming over you.
“Okay. Okay, let’s build a snowman. Actually,” You pulled back from him despite that wish to stay and raised an eyebrow. “ Let’s make two snowmen. One snowman each. Best one wins.”You challenged and if there was one thing that Jungkook loved the most it might be competition, at least that is what you believed. So his grin was expected even though it still made your chest tight at the sight.
“You’re on, Snow Flake but looser buys all the hot chocolate.” He bargained, eye wide and determined. You couldn’t help but laugh, the feeling unusual among the pain that thrummed even under your fingertips. It was not wholly unwelcome.
“You got a deal, Rudolf,” you poked his nose, reddened by the chill. You giggled at his wrinkle nose and exaggerated pout before taking a massive step into the snow, thoughts focusing on your snowman game plan.
“Well, that’s completely unfair.”
“How so?”
“Well, I mean. I was supposed to win.”You pouted as Jungkook laughed, both of standing in front of two completely different snowmen, one clearly better put together than the other. How had he managed to make his so round and perfect? Yours looked like it was ready to have a mental breakdown. Well, at least it was relatable. After he stopped laughing, he let out a long satisfied sigh.
“Well, time to get some hot chocolate!” He exclaimed, marching for the snow and leaving his masterpiece behind for you to glower at.
The overnight diner was practically empty when you entered and you almost turned right back around think it was close before, Jungkook hustled you inside. Grinning at a waitress, who waved him over to the side of the diner he lead you to a booth and sat down across from you. Shivering, you pulled off your borrowed gloves and stared at your red-tinted flingers, numb for the chill, slowly the pulsed, warm coming back into them as you winced. Jungkook moved his larger hand to encapsulate yours, bringing heat to your rumble fingers and making them sting. You felt your face heat up as you kept your eyes on your joined hands. Extracting them out of his touch a bit too quickly, you blinked rapidly and avoided his questioning stare. Before you could give an excuse, however, the gruff voice of the waitress cut between you.
“What’ll it be tonight, sweethearts?” She wondered, and you peered up at her. You wanted to frown at her, fling your head down on the counter and groan because even if you felt marginally better after playing in the snow you still felt like shit and sweetheart was one of those nicknames. Jin always liked to call you those to butter you up and all this poked through your brain like sharpened needles even as you pressed your lips together and paused for just a moment before speaking.
“Two hot chocolates, please.” You ordered quietly, voice tilting up sweetly because even if you were feeling a little off you didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. Jungkook spoke up, eyes crinkling in a sweet grin.
“And maybe two of your chocolate chip cookies? I think that would be lovely. ” He spoke oddly softly, the tone so sugary it made both you and the waitress laugh. He looked at you both pretending that he didn’t understand your outburst even though the corner of his lips pulled up. Just like that some of the tension melted as if it was never really there. Hot chocolate warm on your lips you listened to Jungkook talk about this new anime he was watching lately. After having blabbed to him about a show you were watching for probably way too long it felt nice just listening. Watching Jungkook was mesmerizing sometimes, you have often caught yourself watching the way his eyelashes flutter and his hands move to touch his hair. He bites his lips and you track that too. He such pretty lips, he should really put chapstick on them.
“Should I?” he brings a hand to his parched lips and extends a finger across them, Realizing you must have said that out loud you blush.
“Did I say that out loud? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”You winced.
“Don’t worry about it. You’re right. Do you have any chapstick? “ He wondered, and you immediately searched through your purse, producing a small stick for him to use. You sighed, embarrassment still clinging to your shoulders as Jungkook continues, seemingly unperturbed. Eventually, though the weight of the day sagged on you, an unwelcome yawn escaping your lips.
“I’m sorry.” You apologized quickly. “It’s not because of you. I’m just tired and um…”you played with the cup in your hands, expecting some sort of admonishment.
“You don’t need to keep on apologizing for that kind of stuff.” Jungkook tried to sooth.
“Sorry–– I mean––“ You stumbled over your words, glancing up at him and expected to see annoyance and wincing when you saw it.
“God, I hate that he’s made you feel this way. That you have to apologize all the time. Y/n…You don’t have to buckle down all the time. Well…”He rubbed the back of his head adjusting his beanie.“ I guess you know that. What with the log and everything.”He chuckled and you groaned, sliding you head to the table.
“That was way too much, huh? I just! I was so mad…Should I apologize?”You peeked up at him passed your arm, and he shook his head vigorously.
“Hell no! He deserved it and it was the most like you, you have been in a while. Not taking shit, being a badass. Ever since Jin started being all controlling and manipulative and just fucking evil it’s like he’s just–“ He paused once he realized how uncomfortable you were getting Shame colored his cheeks. “I’m sorry I am being really insensitive.” He apologized, deflating when he watched you pick at a napkin.
“It’s okay.” You agree automatically, and he was subdued for a moment.
“It’s okay if it isn’t okay, you know? Like if I’m being a dick and am hurting you, it’s okay if you tell me so. More than okay. I don’t…I don’t want to make you feel trapped.”The words came to a shock to you, your immediate instinct torn between crawling over to his side of the booth and pressing into him or running away and hiding for all of eternity. Unsure of your own thoughts you just nodded, blinking at him to fit a smile on your face. Coming to terms with the fact that that was all he was going to get from you he nodded back. “How about I take you home, it’s late, yeah?” He suggested and a real smile slips on your face for a moment before ghosting away.
“Yeah.” You agreed, pulling your wallet from your purse when you remember to pay. Jungkook shook his head as he shrugged his coat back on.
“I already paid when you went to the bathroom earlier.” He revealed, and you blink in surprise, trailing after him as he lead you back his car. The car ride back is quiet, gentle music playing from the radio. Jungkook sang along, voice light and mystic like mist rising from a river bend. It was so charming it lulled you to sleep, dreaming of rain clouds and fluffy blankets. When you arrived he guided you to your apartment door and bid you goodnight, patting your head as you yawn around your own whispered good night.
Needless to say, you avoid speaking to Jin again. You blocked his number, put a box of his stuff in front of his door before sneaking away, and prayed to God that he wouldn’t track you down. It seemed to be working as you spent day after day without having to see his face. Jungkook, however, was the direct opposite. More and more you kept seeing him. Whether that’s to check to make sure you had eaten more than just ice cream that day. Or to just pop in a challenge you to a card game duel. He often came to see you or text you to ask about your day. It’s soothing in a way, relieving to have someone to talk to when you were sure you wouldn’t have any of that if you left your boyfriend. It also hurt. Why hadn’t Jin tried harder? Why did it feel so odd to be taken care of so much? It made you uncomfortable some days, leaving you to ignore the good-intentioned boy for a while before guiltily calling him back. He never complained though, never sliced you up for ignoring him when you needed space.Jungkook was different, you were starting to grasp this but it didn’t alter the way your heart struggled every day.
It was a Wednesday afternoon, and you were heading to a cafe to meet up with Jungkook on your lunch break. It had been a long day. Paperwork was stacked so high you needed to shovel to get out of it. You were beyond ready to see your friend and complain about it. Then there he stood, Leaning outside on the wall outside the door and staring at you with his jaw clenched tight. Kim Seokjin.
“So, you and Jungkook, huh? That didn’t take you long.” Was his greeting and you stepped back in shock. “ Unless this whole thing started more than three weeks ago? That would make more sense. But if so, when is it my turn to strike you with a stick until your red in the face?”Jin leaned over you, making you feel smaller than you were, smaller than you had felt these last couple of weeks.
“I-I’m not seeing him. We’re just friends! We’ve always been friends.”You tried to reason, taking it a deep breath and trying to stand up straighter only for Jin to scoff.
“Right. Whatever, but you owe me.”He started, lifting a finger up to poke you on the cheek.
“Owe you?” You questioned, eyebrows shooting up into your knitted hat.
“Exactly. You owe after abandoning me like that at the bonfire and for leaving me to deal with my parents this Christmas. I need you to come with me this weekend. There’s no way I’m going to explain to them why you aren’t there.”He accused and maybe if you hadn’t spent the last few weeks trying to repair your heart or maybe if you hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing Jin just as exposed and vulnerable as you were, then you would have cowed at his words. Instead, you stared him down and took a tremendous step forward. Nose to nose you glared back into the eyes that used to make your heart flutter. If you were honest though, those feelings did not stop weeks but months if not years ago. It was just high time you accepted it.
“Fuck off, Jin. Bring that girl you were fucking to your parents for all I care. I’m not your toy so stop treating like one of your playthings.”You seethed, taking another step forward and relishing in his stumble backward.
“Look if It’s about the girl. She doesn’t mean anything, just a once in awhile thing and I thought we were past all that anyway. There was no reason for you to it that far, sweetheart. “ He raised his hands in the air. Punching Jin in the face in front of the law firm you were employed at probably wasn’t the most ethical legal choice. But boy did it feel good to hear him wail.
“I’m not your sweetheart, bitch!” You yelled, feeling like you got a piece of yourself back as you watched him clutch his nose. Invigorated you flounced away from him, feeling light even as he shouted curses your way.
It wasn’t until a block later that you realized the tears welling up in your eyes and the hollowness carved in your chest. There were a million big and small things that Jin had said that made you want to dive into the shallow head of a pool so you were proud that you had kept it together all the way to the coffee shop. Then you walked inside. Jungkook stood up to great you, dark eyes sparkling and smile so wide lines trailed down his cheeks. You couldn’t help it. Burring your head into his chest, you let yourself be held for just a moment.
“Y/n? W-What happened, Snowflake?”He wondered, hand coming down to smooth up and down your back as you tried to regulate your heartbeat and shook your head. He didn’t ask again, even ask you wiped your tears with the back of your sleeve and averted his eye. Instead, he guided you to a private corner of the room and pressed warm coffee into your palms.
“It’s Christmas next Monday,” You point out, toying with your cup absentmindedly. Jungkook hummed.
“Jimin’s having a Christmas party if you want to join us.” he offered, and you lifted your shoulder and half-hearted shrug.
“I don’t know I really want to go to any parties.” You admitted, taking a small sip of your coffee and licking your lips. Jungkook nodded understandingly.
“Then how bot I come over to yours? We can stay in our pj’s all day and watch movies. I here freeform is having a marathon. “ He suggested, and your eyes swung up to his.“Really?” Your voice lifted at the idea and he grinned, sitting his own hands around his coffee cup.
“Of course.” He promised, and you probably shouldn’t have been as happy as you were but it was too late for that.Less than a week later and Jungkook arrived in his silky pajamas, hair pushed back, pillow in his arm, looking way hotter than necessary. In comparison, you wore a big fuzzy sweater and leggings, hair tied up and sleep mask slapped to your forehead.
“Why do you look so hot?” you asked sleep still clinging to your voice and filter not yet in place. Jungkook laughed shyly and stepped inside, glancing around the room as if he hadn’t seen it before. Without further ado, you both cuddled up in front of the t.v., cereal in your laps and Frosty the Snowman greeting you from behind the screen.
Now ‘cuddled up’ meant staying on opposite ends both couch each with your own cocoon of blankets. Eventually, however, it meant curling around each other in the center of the couch. You were one giant cocoon.Your head laid on his chest and his arm sat around your waist. This was something you could have ignored. So you did. For the next movie and even the movie after that. Until something started eating at you.
“Jungkook?” You murmured, voice barely reaching up past the volume of the movie.
“Hmm?” He hummed and his voice sounded so low against your ear you almost abandoned it before even beginning. Then you recalled what he said earlier, about how you should tell him what you are feeling. You thought of all those other times he’s encouraged you and been there for you. Suddenly it is all too much.
“Why are you doing this? Are there reasons? Is it pity? Is it because…you want to get in my pants? I just…um, ”You were pulling away from him, physically and emotionally but all it took for him to pull you back was a simple touch on your cheek.
“Y/n. I care about you. I always have and always will. I just want you to be happy. With me, with anyone, really just with yourself. Because you deserve it. And I’m sorry, I really am, that someone has ever made you feel like you deserve anything less.”Sincerity clear in his eyes his face blurred at tears collected at each word spoken. Before they could fall, Jungkook brushed them away. All at once you could feel his warmth, heating you up as if you were never cold to begin will. From that day on you could feel the ice chipping and your heart falling. Each day, each week, each year, the chill seeped away until it was like you had never been left to freeze in the first place.