Work Text:
1
Some mornings, Jungkook feels incapable of moving out of his bed. By the time his eyes slide open, almost three hours before they are supposed to, and his body slowly shifts to awareness - he feels molded into mattress, held down by the blankets acting as weights, body numb and paralyzed.
He knows that he could move. When he curls his toes, when his fingers twitch from where they are sandwiched between his stomach and the bed, he's reminded that he's fully capable of getting out of bed. And yet, he can't bring himself to even shift over - not even when his neck aches from the position he lays in, or when his foot starts to itch.
He laid there, for hours - silent, blinking up at the ceiling in the dark, watching as the morning sun flooded through the closed curtains.
When he heard Namjoon's alarm go off, a soft tune (Jungkook has no idea how he hears it over Namjoon's snoring) like bells, Jungkook couldn't even turn his head to look when he heard Namjoon shift and get out of bed.
Namjoon sighed, deep and with a yawn. Jungkook matched his sigh, with a small whine.
There was a throaty chuckle from the leader, "You're awake, Kookie? I'm impressed."
Jungkook wanted to reply, but all he could manage was another sigh, quieter than the other.
That was when Namjoon walked over, Jungkook listened to the sound of his heavy steps. The older stopped beside him, "Are you feeling sick? Do you want me to get Jin-"
Jungkook thought about nodding his head, and finally he did, a small shift side to side against the pillow.
Namjoon paused, and his hand reached out to brush Jungkook's hair back, showing more of his face that was smushed on the bed. "Are you okay?"
Jungkook thought about shrugging, but his body thought otherwise, because he shook his head again. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes, and they burned. He sniffed.
Namjoon's gaze softened at the sight of Jungkook. He bit his lip, wondered if he should get Seokjin but decided against it. Namjoon laid his hand on Jungkook's bicep, pulling slightly, "C'mon, Kookie. You'll start to feel better once you get out of bed."
Jungkook wanted to, but it felt like his whole body had fallen asleep.
Namjoon tugged again, his other hand reaching out to steady Jungkook as he helped lift his torso up, pulling him closer. The movements kicked Jungkook into action, his body following Namjoon's lead and slowly uncurling from position. He managed to swing his legs off the bed, and the touch of the wood against his feet was familiar. He felt his heart lift.
Namjoon's hand settled onto his back, a gentle weight, not pushing. He patted his back. "Good job. That was the first step, right? It will be okay."
Jungkook nodded now, sighing again but it was from the ache of his muscles as he stood up from the bed. Namjoon's hand was still on his back, helping keep him steady as if Jungkook were going to faint at any point.
"You can shower first," Namjoon told him, a smile in his voice, "Take my spot."
Jungkook chuckled breathily, soft and airy, whispering, "Thank you, hyung."
2
Jungkook lost track of time the moment he sat down on the shower floor, head down to let the hot water run down his back. All he could think about how the ache of his muscles, almost like his body were covered in fresh bruises, was soothed under the stream.
He felt safe inside the shower walls, closed in and protected. He also felt exposed, open to the world outside and feared that it might slip in.
When he curled his knees up to his chest, it was to steady his swaying body from tipping forward. He folded his arms over his knees and dropped his head against them, another sigh escaping him, one that expanded his chest and dropped it like a weight.
His eyes went lidded, and minutes later they slipped closed.
Jungkook's eyes opened again minutes - maybe hours, it felt like hours - later to the sound of the bathroom door sliding open. He listened to the foot-steps, quiet but purposeful steps, before hearing a deep voice say, "Good morning, Kookie."
The voice was throaty, raspy with the morning. Jungkook tilted his head up, the water tickling his face and catching on his eyelashes, so that he could focus better, but everything was still so distant. Taehyung was right outside the shower curtain - he could see his shadow - and yet it felt like he was miles away. The water hitting him started to feel like nothing, like it wasn't touching him at all. He was holding onto himself, but it felt he was holding onto a board.
"You alright, Kookie? Namjoon-hyung told me you weren't feeling well."
Jungkook dropped his head back down to his arms.
Taehyung's voice neared closer, asking "Want me to keep you company?" as he heard the older slowly settle down on the ground, a thump as he leaned back against the wall. "I can sing a song, or- oh! I forgot to tell you about what Hoseok did yesterday, it was so funny."
At his remembering, Taehyung immediately launched into the story. His voice more lively, but still that same rasp that felt so familiar. Jungkook couldn't see, but he knew that Taehyung was waving his hands with emphasis, gesturing into the air.
Jungkook finally shifted, uncurling his arms from around his knees.
Taehyung laughed mid-story, deep and throaty. Jungkook smiled.
The story continued, and Jungkook found that he could follow along now. The words clearly running through, and not as a haze. He listened, staring at the curtain, at Taehyung's shadow, as if he were looking at his hyung directly.
When the story finished, they both laughed. Taehyung's much louder, but he must have heard Jungkook's because he giggled and told Jungkook not to tell Hoseok that he told him.
Jungkook slowly started to stand up, feeling blood rush up to his head.
Taehyung stood with him, and he heard the other return over to the sink, the sound of the water running followed by Taehyung starting to brush his teeth. Talking through his mouth-full, Taehyung said, "You were in there a while, I thought you were dead."
Jungkook turned under the spray, letting it hit his chest. "I think I fell asleep."
Taehyung laughed again, almost choking on his toothbrush, and Jungkook grinned.
3
It's important to eat in the morning. In order to have the energy to get through the day, you need to have the right amount of nutrition to keep you going. You won't perform the same if you don't eat, you won't function as well as you possibly could. Even just a little bit helps.
Jungkook knows this. Seokjin told this to Jimin every day when Jimin was on his harsh diet, and Jungkook has his words engraved into his mind.
And yet, as he watches Seokjin move around the kitchen, cleaning up the counters and putting things away in the cabinets, as he looks down at his plate of food - he can't bring himself to eat.
One hand is folded in his lap, feeling like a weight, unmoving and still - the other is flat on the table, brushing against the plate. His arms feel sluggish, as though, even if he tried to lift his hands, they wouldn't be able to support the weight of the movement.
He can almost feel the blood flowing through his veins, and if he focuses hard enough, he swears he can feel his heartbeat in his finger-tips. It's not where his focus should be, he knows that, but he can't seem to change direction.
A part of Jungkook wonders if he's doing this to himself. Maybe he's telling himself not to eat, maybe he's doing it just so his hyungs will worry about him, just so that Seokjin will slide into the seat across from him and reach a hand out to touch him, asking him what's wrong.
Jungkook jolts when he feels Seokjin's hand lay over his own. His hyung is sitting in the seat across from him, a towel thrown over his shoulder, a worried crease in his brow. Jungkook wonders how long he had been sitting there - he hadn't noticed him.
"What's up? You need to eat, you have to start getting ready soon."
Seokjin is trying to cover his voice, trying not to sound nagging. He has a tendency of rushing with Jungkook, skipping from A to Z because he just wants to fix things immediately. He's learned to pace, but it still takes him a while.
Jungkook curls his lips in, flicking his eyes back down to the food. There's still steam coming from the rice and vegetables, the small amount of broth poured over smells like his mother's cooking and yet it's not enough to inspire him.
"Sorry, hyung."
"Do you not want to eat that? I can make you something else; what do you want? Toast? Cereal?"
Jungkook shook his head. He looked at the spoon, and his hand from his lap finally moved to it, curling around the metal and lifting it up. He could feel Seokjin's eyes on him, watching as Jungkook scooped up the first bite and brought it up to his lips.
He paused, before taking the bite.
Seokjin's hand was still laying over his, and his fingers curled around Jungkook's hand and squeezed. Jungkook caught his soft smile. "Good job, Kookie. Eat what you can, okay? I'll make sure you have a big lunch."
Lunch seemed entirely too far away, and entirely too close at the same time.
Jungkook nodded, already reaching for another bite. He chewed slowly, trying to ignore how he could feel the food settling in his empty stomach, like sludge, like an iron weight.
"Lamb skewers?" Jungkook found himself mumbling, a playful quirk on his lips.
Seokjin rolled his eyes, standing up from his seat, but the smile on his lips was unmistakable. "We'll take it up to vote later."
And later, when they did take the vote, after Seokjin told them that it was Jungkook who wanted lamb skewers, everyone immediately voted for it. Jungkook's smile was infectious
4
There was a buzzing under Jungkook's skin. A feeling of restlessness that wouldn't settle, tan incessant urge to move around - it was all overwhelming, and Jungkook felt trapped.
It was their last schedule for the day. A meeting with management that was supposed to be no longer than a half hour but seemed to have no end in sight. Namjoon was leading their side of the discussion, talking about data with the staff, about their progress on some written and self-produced songs.
Jungkook was sat at the end of the table, hands folded in his lap and leg shaking restlessly. It bobbed his seat, a plastic rolling chair, and the occasional squeak made his ears burn in embarrassment - yet he couldn't stop his shaking leg.
Yoongi was at his right. A glance to him showed that the older seemed to be disconnected from the meeting too, but not for the same reason that Jungkook was. This was stuff that Yoongi discussed with Namjoon on a regular basis, and the older hated talking to the staff anyway so he always zoned out during their meetings.
Jungkook's fingers twitched, beginning to tap against each other.
Jungkook flinched when a hand slid onto his knee, following the arm up until he reached Yoongi's face, who has concern behind his apathetic eyes. With one leg stopped, Jungkook began to shake his other leg, needing to release the pent-up energy he felt bubbling inside him.
"Quit it." Yoongi mumbled, not in a harsh way, but as a soft command.
Jungkook forced his legs to stop bouncing and froze his fingers, but was met with the fact that his body was now quivering - and it felt like it had been quivering the whole time, for he could already feel exhaustion from the constant buzzing.
His body was shaking violently, almost as though he were scared.
He felt his eyes prick with tears in worry, worry about what was going on, but as Yoongi's hand squeezed his knee, and his hyung's other hand reached out to lay over his quivering back, he felt that he would be taken care of.
Yoongi's hand rubbed his back in large circles, a constant and repetitive motion that Jungkook followed and counted. The pressure against his back helped him focus his attention away from the shaking and instead to Yoongi's touch.
Jungkook let his eyes slip closed, head tilting forward and his hair hanging in front of his eyes. He felt calm now, the buzzing becoming distant static. He lost track of time again, forgetting how many circles Yoongi had made, forgetting how many minutes went by.
He opened his eyes again when he felt Yoongi move his hand from his knee. For a second he worried it would start shaking again, but it hadn't, it remained still.
Yoongi's hand stayed on his back, pausing and now simply resting there.
"You okay, Kook?" Yoongi asked, voice quiet and gentle.
Jungkook nodded, taking a breath, "Yeah, sorry, hyung. I'm just tired."
"We'll be leaving soon. Namjoon gave me the signal, so it will only be about ten more minutes. That okay?" He paused, his hand slipping around to hold Jungkook's shoulder, "I can step outside with you, if you need. Do you need that?"
Jungkook shook his head, smiling softly at the older, "I'm okay. I can wait." Yoongi squeezed his shoulder once more, before they both turned their attention back over to the meeting.
5
Some nights, Jungkook finds it impossible to fall asleep. His head buzzing with activity, empty thoughts but a busy mind; unable to find a comfortable way to lay in bed, even when he moves out to the couch; and the paranoia that he is missing out on something important is what drives him out of his bed past midnight.
It's what brings him to walk all the way to the dance studio - hidden under a hat and mask, not wearing clothes suitable for the chilly weather - and begin to practice as if it was their slotted time and not after-hours.
On these nights, Jungkook never thinks of an alternative. His mind, a flurry of useless thoughts, doesn't stop to think of a better option. One that he won't regret in the morning.
Those useless thoughts lead him here; practicing over and over again a routine he already knows more than well enough, muscles aching in fatigue, driven to the point that his breathing sounds like wheezes and dry-heaving. The lights were dimmed low, like a candle-light in the center of the room with the borders of the room in shadows.
Jungkook was in the center, watching himself in the mirror whenever he could. He used to feel his breath catch in his throat when he saw himself, distaste over something he might see, but now he hardly has a reaction. Some might say it's progress - it feels more numb, than anything else.
He couldn't see himself clearly, could hardly see his eyes - which is why, when all the lights suddenly switched on, Jungkook felt nothing when he could clearly see everything of himself. When he could see the sweat on his face, his pale lips parted with his wheezing breaths, the dark bags under his eyes - it didn't make him feel anything.
But when his eyes flickered over and saw Hoseok - wearing his pajamas under a big coat, looking half-asleep but awake enough to hold a disappointed expression - he finally felt familiarity.
"What are you doing here so late, Kookie?"
The voice was warm, comfortable. Jungkook's flurry of thoughts dimmed, empty mind now focusing entirely on that voice. Jungkook shrugged, moving out of form. "I don't know."
"How did you get over here?"
"Walked." Jungkook mumbled, voice slurred, as if he hadn't used it in days.
"You walked," Hoseok confirmed, shaking his head with a tight-lipped smile. He pushed himself off of the doorway and moved towards Jungkook, holding a hand out.
Jungkook immediately reached out to take his hand without a second thought, letting Hoseok tangle their fingers. He was being pulled to the door now, Hoseok's grip tight and firm. Jungkook followed along, forgetting about practice.
"No more of these late nights, Kook. You need your sleep."
"I couldn't." Jungkook defended, "Sleep."
Hoseok glanced back, expression understanding but still serious. He let go of Jungkook's hand, instead sliding his arm around Jungkook's waist and tugging him close. "I know. Hyung will help you go to sleep, okay?"
When they had reached outside, the cold bite of the air made Jungkook flinch, a sudden reminder on how he walked all the way here with only his thin t-shirt on. He apologized.
Hoseok tugged him tighter, squeezing him, and turning his head to kiss his shoulder. "Hey, no reason for that. It's okay, everything's fine. It's just midnight and we should be sleeping, right?"
"Right." Jungkook couldn't help the small smile that spread his lips.
+1
Instead of being led back to his own room, Hoseok took Jungkook to the room he shares with Jimin instead, insisting that it was "closer" but Jungkook was aware enough now to know that the older was just worried he would sneak out again.
The room was silent, dark. The only light coming in was from outside the window, with the street-lights and the occasional passing car. As one car passed, the lights flooded through the blinds and crossed over Jimin's bed, revealing the older fast-asleep in his bed.
He could hardly make out his face in the dark, but Jungkook still felt a rush of warmth - safety, home - wash through him at the sight. Jimin's bed always felt the most comfortable, with all his pillows and blankets it was like heaven, one that Jungkook wouldn't mind staying in.
He felt Hoseok's hands curl over his shoulders, his hyung's tired voice quietly saying, "He's the one who woke me up worrying about you. Must have fallen asleep while he was waiting."
Jungkook smiled softly, watching the faint rise and fall of Jimin's side with his deep breaths.
Hoseok nudged him towards Jimin's bed, "You get into his bed. He's the one who was crying about it, plus you take up too much space." He was joking, Jungkook knows that Hoseok would always welcome him with open arms if Jungkook wanted to be in bed with him. Jungkook chuckles softly, letting his body fall into step towards Jimin's bed.
Jungkook's body lead itself, feeling a lot more tired than he had previously. Every step felt like gravity was pulling him more, weighing him down.
Jungkook lifted Jimin's blankets, already climbing in and sliding snug under the warm covers. He looked up at Jimin's face, seeing it was much more clear up close.
Jimin started to shift, lifting his head up from his pillow with a bleary hum of confusion.
Jungkook shifted further down, until his head was level with Jimin's chest and curled against him. His hands fisted into Jimin's sleep shirt, top of his head fitting snug under Jimin's chin. Their bodies slotted together, adjusting to the space that the smaller bed would allow them.
Jimin relaxed further, a soft sigh filling the air. His arm reached up to loosely wrap around Jungkook, holding him close. One of his sock-clad feet hooked around Jungkook's leg, fitting snug there. His voice was raspy with sleep, but still awake, when he said, "I was worried about you. Went looking for you earlier, you weren't there. I think I cried."
They both laughed, breathy and tired.
Jimin held him tighter, face tilting down to brush his lips over the crown of Jungkook's forehead. Voice gentle, "You okay?"
Jungkook nodded against his lips, arms curling more around Jimin's waist, needing to feel that safety as close as possible. "Can't sleep."
Jimin hums, keeping his lips in place on Jungkook's forehead.
Jungkook's eyes are still open, staring into the shadows in front of his eyes, but he can feel them slowly drawing closed.
"Do you want me to stay awake with you?"
Jungkook made a noise of disagreement, "I'm tired. Just stay here."
"I'm not going anywhere." Jimin's words were slurred, clearly falling back asleep, but his hand smoothed up Jungkook's back, curling into his shirt, "I'll be here, okay?"
Jungkook nodded again, eyes slowly sliding shut. Jimin wished him good night, and Jungkook could only hum it back before he felt himself drifting off.