Chapter Text
There was a knock on the door.
Bilbo had to grit his teeth and stop himself from throwing his mother's second favorite tea pot on the floor. He straightened his waistcoat as he marched over to the front door of his smial, took a deep breath, and pasted on a half convincing grin.
"Lobelia, how nice of you to come to tea. Again." Bilbo said dryly as he opened the door. On his doorstep stood Lobelia in one of the most hideous dresses he had ever seen, and he had seen the canary yellow monstrosity she wore for Otho's birthday five years ago. It was furiously pink. With ruffles. Everywhere. And it matched her equally hideous pink AND yellow ruffly hat with... Were those fake birds on top?
Bilbo shook his head and closed the door as Lobelia swooped in and headed straight for the sitting room without a word to Bilbo.
"I'll be just a minute!" He called as he walked back into the kitchen and grabbed sugar and cream, a plate of crumpets and jam, and some cucumber tomato sandwiches. He hurried into the sitting room with the tray, carefully maneuvering around chairs and low tables to set the tray between his usual chair and Lobelia.
He poured tea for the both of them before settling into his chair and gazing at Lobelia. She was glaring at him over the rim of her teacup. The minutes ticked by in uncomfortable silence until Lobelia finished her first cup of tea and handed her cup back to Bilbo for a refill.
"Your flower beds look a mite under watered. Have you been neglecting your gardening in favor of writing to those odious dwarves?" She sniffed as if she had smelled something horrid.
Bilbo handed her back her newly filled cup of tea.
"Oh, I've been preparing for a short trip to visit my Took relations." Bilbo replied with a smile. "Fortinbras has asked me to look over some papers of trade-"
"Of course you're going to stay with the Thain! You're trying to get him to let your dwarves come back-"
"He's my cousin, Lobelia! And my dwarves, as you call them, are on the other side of the Misty Mountains. They won't be here anytime soon."
Lobelia huffed and sipped her tea angrily.
"I've been back for less than three months. I can't believe that a caravan of dwarves is going to show up anytime soon-"
"And I can't believe you ran off without telling anyone where you were going except 'on an adventure'!" Lobelia frowned. "Not respectable at all! Look at what you've done to the Baggins name-"
"Lobelia-"
"No! You are already known as Mad Baggins by most of Hobbiton. How do you think that reflects on us, your relatives?"
"It will make you look better in comparison," Bilbo quips. "You can blame it on my Tookish nature, if that helps. And the children love the stories about the trolls-"
"That's another thing! How can you fill the fauntlings heads with such lies and tales? They are rediculous-"
"They are true!"
"Kings and dragons and giant spiders-"
"You saw the dwarves yourself!"
"And giant eagles and elves with singing and dancing! And that sword! And armor! No true hobbit needs armor-"
"So I'm not a true hobbit now? What am I then-"
"And don't think I don't know about your correspondence with the elves-"
She broke off as there was a firm knocking on the front door. They both stared for a moment before Lobelia huffed indignantly.
"And you invited someone else to tea! You know I come over-"
"Every other day." Bilbo finished as he stood. "I don't remember inviting anyone over today." He walked to the door with Lobelia following at his heels. He opened the door to find a totally unfamiliar dwarf: bright red hair, an axe strapped across his back, and a pack on the ground next to his feet. His clothes were of good quality: sturdy, but worn, and slightly tight across the chest and shoulders and short in the sleeve. There was something in his eyes that was vaguely familiar.
"Ah! Are you Master Bilbo Baggins, the Burglar of Thorin Oakenshield's Company?" His voice was rich and bright, youthful and jovial, but with a hint of sincerity and depth.
"Burglar!" Lobelia yelped.
"I am," Bilbo replied with a slight bow.
"Gimli, son of Gloin, at your service!" The dwarf replied with a grin and a deep bow. "My father has written many letters speaking of your great deeds with the company and the highest praises of your loyalty and honor! I have heard of your great bravery in the Battle of Five Armies and how you stood against the king in his madness. I am honored to make your acquaintance."
Bilbo blinks, shocked for a moment before he gestures inside.
"Please do come in! If your father has spoken as much of me to his kin as he has of his kin to me, I should be flattered. Come in and put up your axe! We were just having tea-" he looked over to Lobelia, who had turned a frightening shade of green.
"Lobelia, are you alright?" He asked as she swayed on her feet.
"Ah, no," she said faintly.
He and Gimli looked on in horror as her eyes rolled up and she fainted in a ruffly heap on the floor.
The dwarf and hobbit looked at each other briefly.
"Could you give me a hand?"
"Aye, Master Burglar!"
Bilbo watched as the young dwarf easily lifted the hobbit over his shoulder and carried her into the sitting room.
"Well, I do think we'll need some more tea." Bilbo said to himself and hurried to ready a new kettle in the kitchen. This was turning into an exciting day indeed!