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"Hello darling." She cooed at the poodle who came to greet her at the door.
Placing her bag down and removing her coat, she grabbed Tigger and placed kisses all over his face with the dog eagerly accepting the love. The apartment was silent, unusually so, because there was normally always something playing or someone was visiting.
"Where's daddy? Hmm?"
Moving past the Valentine's decorations in the living room that they had put up at the beginning of February, she looked at some of the mail on top of the table, all the while softly bouncing the small poodle in her arms. It always made her smile seeing the usually minimalistic apartment decorated in all different shades of pinks and reds.
Early in the morning when she had woken up to get ready for work, Yongguk had been dead to the world so she hadn't bothered to wake him up knowing that he had finished late in the studio again. It wasn't until she had dismissed her class for lunch that her phone had notified her of a text message with a red heart and a rose emoji from him.
He wasn't a man of many words, choosing his actions to prove him rather than his words. Sending him a quick message saying Happy Valentine's day and that she would be home by three, she put her phone away just as a couple of her students came in screeching.
Stopping by a small store on the way home, she had bought the small, heart shaped box of chocolate that had the Winnie the Pooh characters on it and noticed later that she had walked home with a spring in her step.
Never really one to be a big fan of Valentine's day, it was only recently that she saw it as something worth celebrating because, oddly enough, Yongguk enjoyed the holiday. He had been the one to come with a box of decorations and urging her to help him. He had been the one to have explained how it was celebrated in Korea and the difference between the American Valentine.
So the small apartment looked amusing and oddly cheery with all the color on the walls and furniture.
Tigger wiggled in her arms as she neared the bedroom so she placed him down on the floor as she opened the door, allowing him to slip into the dark room.
The curtains were still drawn from how they were that morning and didn't seem to be any sign of movement since she had left. If she squinted, she could make out the outline of the body under the covers that didn't seem to move even as she progressed into the room.
"Oh boy…"
Her whispers sounded loud in the noiseless room. Tigger had already lain against Yongguk's body, offering any comfort his small form could. She recognized the signs, she was too well acquainted with this scene and that meant she had to tread lightly on how she was going to go about this.
She made her way around the bed and crouched next to the nightstand table where there were many frames with pictures of their friends littered over the wood stand. A man's watch and an iPhone also laid scattered in front of the frames. Above the bed were a couple of shelves that were home to a significant amount of Tigger toys that he had collected over the years thanks to fan meetings and concerts.
Barely making out the mop of hair that protruded out of the thick, white covers, she threaded her cold fingers through the dark tresses and smoothed them away. The body shuffled about in a sluggish manner that reminded her just how honey moved when it slid down the surface of a spoon; slow and unhurried.
Gradually, two black eyes peeked out from the depths of the protection of the covers and she could tell that he wasn't all there.
"Hey you, good afternoon."
Yongguk rubbed at his right eye and grunted in acknowledgement.
"Have you eaten yet?"
He stared at her, nose and mouth and arms and chest hidden from her view still.
"Not hungry."
His voice was guttural, same as it always is when he was still half asleep. Today it had a different feel and she knew, from the many times they had gone through this, that he was trying hard right now. The mind was a powerful thing and he was trying his hardest to claw out of the dark corner he was currently in.
"Baby you got to eat something."
Her thumb skimmed the dark skin under his eyes and his sigh caused her heart to constrict.
"Have you showered?"
Glassy eyes never once looked away from her own but it was all that she needed to know that he hadn't once left this bed since she had left this morning.
"Alright how about we compromise?" She leaned in and gave the valley in-between his eyebrows a kiss. "I give you a couple of more minutes to sleep while I prepare you some ramen and, once I leave it simmering in the pot, we take a quick shower and have dinner in bed."
Her smile was strained, and she knew it, but it was all that she could do so that she didn't break down. It was difficult for him to go through this and she made sure to let him know that they could get through it together, no matter how long it took. His episodes depended on him. Sometimes he could be down for days and weeks, although that was an extreme case, and more often it lasted just a couple of days before, just like the chugging of an old machine, the light slowly returned in his eyes. This wasn't something she liked to see him go through, but it was part of him and she had to accept him as a whole.
"How about it?"
Tigger's small face appeared and he wiggled in-between them and licked at the small amount of skin that Yongguk offered.
"A couple of minutes."
She nodded because yes, that was the first step out the door. Slowly standing and hearing the creaking of her knees, she kissed the top of his head before beckoning Tigger to follow her.
"I'm sorry."
The words were muffled as he wormed himself under the covers again where he felt the safest.
"You have nothing to be sorry about," She mumbled from the doorway. "We'll get through it."
It wasn't how she had expected to spend Valentine's day but, seeing him appear at the entrance of the kitchen minutes later, was enough for her.
It meant that he was trying and that was all she needed.