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“The order is given!” the pigeon squawked, using his Shurima Shuffle to prevent Rengar from latching onto him and eating him. “BEGONE, THOT!” Azir bellowed, willing his soldiers to aggressively poke the big cat away.
Rengar cackled as the spears broke on his armor, flexing his furry arms to max thiccness. “You think your toys can defeat me?”
“Yes, they can! FOR SHURIMA!” Azir shouted, swaggering on his massively swole bird legs with his powerful, meaty thighs towards the jungler. He cornered Rengar against his turret when Vayne appeared.
“Surprise, motherfucker,” she muttered as she one-shotted Azir into oblivion, roasting his skin with her statik shiv.
“NOOOO, MY BEAUTIFULLY TANNED BY SHURIMAN SUN SKIN THE COLOR OF SHURIMAN SAND IS RUINED!!” he cried, dying in the fountain a second time from the sheer pain of his delicate emperor’s image ruined. “Shurima will never be restored without my beauty,” he weeped, tears streaming down his feathers. He could taste the e x t r e m e saltiness of them as they crept into his beak.
Vayne triumphantly took down the outer mid turret, tanking 3 shots. Azir, thinking he had a chance, went all in on her, despite being 3 levels behind. He was, without a doubt, bird-brained. He sobbed as she danced all over his freshly cooked to perfection corpse while BM’ing with 5 million missing pings. Azir could feel a sharp pain in his muscular biceps where Rengar had taken a large bite of fried chicken when he respawned for the 27th time.
His jungler, J4, was off “afk farming” and so was the enemy team’s Shyvana support. In fact, he was pretty sure Xerath disconnected because the potato couldn’t handle his gloriously golden armor and Shuriman propaganda. It was a 4v3, and his team was still losing. Azir wanted to curl up in a nest and sing Shuriman lullabies until he fell asleep, preferably in Shuriman cloth and sand custom-delivered right then. He flapped his chicken wings, cawing in displeasure as he defended the inner mid turret, asking for assistance from a 26 cs at 20 mins Gangplank, a 0 ganks 30 mins jungler, and an Ezreal who rushed Ohmwrecker.
The Vayne had a Project skin, and the annoying non-Shuriman music hurt his pure Shuriman ears as she danced, flaunting her 38/0 KDA.
“Try me, bicth,” she smirked, “I’m a Challenjour smurf.” She hexflashed into turret and flashed out, using her heal as she used her smug ass Vayne emote and spammed her Mastery 4 emote.
Azir’s feathers were beyond ruffled. He called upon the power of the gods, the power of Zoe, the power of past fed Katarinas and Zeds and Yasuos, using his Shurima Shuffle again. “BEGONE, THOOOOOOOOOT!” He let out an anime yell, increasing power with the volume and duration of his warcry. Vayne exploded into a million pieces, and Azir puffed out his broad chest with pride.
“For Shurima,” he whispered, turning his back on her, thinking the fight was finally over. But she resurrected with a Guardian Angel, condemning him in the middle of his victory mating call.
“How could you do this to me?” he asked, a single tear slipping down his cheek.
“For Dem-”
“DEMACIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” the enemy Garen shouted as he barreled in and twirled Azir’s health away.
“Goodbye, cruel world…” Azir cried, dying with the smell of KFC (Karthus’ Fried Chicken) in the air, flashing his Mastery 7 emote for the first and last time.