Chapter Text
The palace garden was filled with life during the summer here in Asgard. Birds were chirping, butterflies fluttering their wings and flowers were smiling up at the sky with their thousands of colors. You loved it here. Everything was beautiful and peaceful. You sat in the tall grass on the raven haired prince’s side watching Queen Frigga demonstrating a new spell she decided you should know.
You and Loki were friends since you started to participate the classes of the queen. You learnt fast and shared your pranks with Loki. You were best friends and hang out together all the time. Thor, the elder prince was jealous of you sometimes but always teased Loki that he had feelings for you. He always declared making your heart swell with sadness but you always hid your emotions and acted like it didn’t hurt you because you definitely had feelings for the younger prince. You were adolescent now and kept attending the balls. Princesses and noble girls were seeking the princes’ attention on each evening as noble men were seeking yours. You always danced with a few of them but always wished Loki would ask you dance once, only once. But he never did keeping company of the princesses or noble girls. It made your heart ache and so you always left early to not see him with another. However Queen Frigga always noticed you leaving early and how you looked at her son. You noticed her make attempts to get the two of you together but after a few failed attempts you decided to tell her to stop. That is why she was looking at you with sadness shining in her gentle blue eyes.
‘It is not a difficult spell and disguising yourselves will make it easier for you on the battlefield to help your comrades. You can observe while not letting serious harm come to the ones you fight together with’ explained Frigga an invisibility spell.
‘That will be most convenient with the way my brother runs into battle’ Loki sighed on your left side. You huffed in agreement knowing he was right.
‘Well? Who will try first?’ questioned the queen quirking an eyebrow at the two of you. You snapped your head to her and lifted your hand eager to learn. Frigga smiled at you and motioned for you to stand. After two hours of practicing she told the two of you to go back to your chambers to prepare for the ball tonight. Your heart sank at the thought of another night suffering through the endless attention of the nameless men who tried to woo you and watch Loki dance and laugh with other girls with that spark in his eyes. The one you never got to see in his beautiful blue-green eyes when he looked at you.
You walked along the hallways and corridors with Loki. He was already way taller than you and his long legs were striding down the corridors quickly while you were struggling to keep up the pace. After a while you decided to stay behind. He wouldn’t notice your absence anyway. And he didn’t. You stopped and watched him turn on the next corner and disappear his green cape waving behind him. But there was a presence behind you and a gentle hand pressed down on your shoulder.
‘You should not let his stubbornness get in the way… he does not see how compatible the two of you are yet but if-‘
‘Please, stop, my queen’ you interrupted Frigga with tears in your eyes. ‘He will never love me the way I wish he would and I have to accept that.’
‘You are just as stubborn as he is’ shook her head the queen. ‘Just tell him and he will realize that he is seeking affection at the wrong place.’
‘I will not humiliate myself… losing him as my friend would kill me’
‘Watching him love another is killing you also, my child’ sighed Frigga before leaving you alone.
‘I know…’ you whispered as a tear slid down on your right cheek and splattered on the marble flooring.
Time skip~
The ball room was decorated with flowers and tapestry. The walls were shining in gold and the tables were filled with food in every kind you have ever seen. Noble women and men were laughing and talking, smaller children played hide-and-seek while young men and women were dancing and flirting. You stood by the corner with a glass of wine in your hand and you knew you shouldn’t have drink this much but you just kept drinking the sweet alcoholic beverage.
You wore a beautiful (f/c) dress the corset making your already narrow waist narrower and your figure thinner with it. You eyed the elven princess with almost white hair and a beautiful face who participated in the balls for at least the seventh time and always kept Loki’s attention all to herself. You knew he had feelings for her and clearly she was happy to get his attention but all you saw in the way she moved and interacted with Loki that she only wanted to marry into a wealthy royal family. You hated her and last time you talked to her. At the end of the conversation you made her face turn red with rage at your words and you learnt that she was a rude creature. She was awful to her maids who were helping her while she stayed in Asgard. You were holding that glass of wine so tight that it shattered in your hand and the wine splattered onto your dress and the marble floor. You threw the remnants of the glass to the ground and left the ball room with a huff. No one stopped you because no one noticed you depart except Frigga who watched you with a sad expression. She loved you like her own child because how kind hearted and polite you were to everyone. You were a gentle being never wanting to cause harm.
You hurried down the corridors until you arrived to the spot you and Loki shared when you were younger. For a long time the two of you hid there often but as he started noticing girls as he never noticed you, he ditched your meetings for the noble girls. Here you thought no one would disturb you and you kept crying and sobbing painfully into the silent night. You felt weak and hurt. Your heart was shattering the way that glass shattered in your hand. After a long while you heard footsteps startling you. You turned invisible quickly before the door opened to the small tower room. You thought you had cried enough… but as you realized it was Loki and the elven princess your eyes watered again and tears kept streaming down your face.
‘It is beautiful, Loki!’ chirped the elf with a fake smile. You saw how fake it was but not Loki. He was too enamored to notice.
‘I come here when I want to have a quiet minute for myself’ he replied and you were boiling with rage at that. This was the place the two of you would come for a quiet minute. He stilled and turned in your direction even if the spell was hiding you from everyone’s eyes. He knew you were there and so you dropped your disguise. You watched as his eyes widened seeing your teary eyes and trembling lips. ‘(Name)… what is wrong? Why are you crying?’
‘Do not concern yourself with it…’ you bit back and fled the room. You ran down the corridors you came once only stopping at your chambers. You threw the doors closed with a loud echoing bang and closed it with magic. You saw how his blue-green eyes turned soft at seeing you with that hurt expression on your face. He was still your good friend but… nothing more. You were just a friend to him. You sighed into the sob as you curled up on your bed and closed your eyes tight. However there was banging on your door making you jerk in surprise.
‘Let me in! (Name)! Tell me what is wrong!’ Loki yelled through the door. Your heart swelled with hope and it hurt you that you still hoped that he would look at you differently. You shut your eyes and yelled back:
‘Go away! I do not want to talk to you!’ your words were trembling but harsh. You needed him differently than what he could give you.
‘Who caused you harm? Who hurt you?! I will kill them!’ he yelled back angrily but not at you. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing harshly and humorless making it sound so cruel and heartless. It was funny… should you yell at him that he should then kill himself? You took a deep breath and got out of bed furrowing your eyebrows letting go of your anger to boost your confidence. You threw the door open to see his blue-green eyes widen in surprise but soon his face turned into determined.
‘I do not want to talk to you or Thor or anyone. I want to be left alone. Leave me alone’ you said and slammed the door in his face. There never came a single knock and you listened to the retreating steps of the dark prince. That night your heart froze and love turned into hatred. You wanted to cause him pain as much as he caused you. He broke your heart and you decided to break his, shatter it on the ground and step on it.
Time skip~
A few days passed and the elven princess was still present in the Asgardian palace. She joined you and the royal family for every meal and seated herself next to the younger prince purring like a cat. It didn’t hurt anymore and it made you happy. It only fueled your hatred towards both of them.
You and Loki grew distant quickly. You never spoke to him and avoided him as much as you could, only meeting him on the classes with Frigga or on the corridors. During the classes you kept silent and only spoke to the queen. She noticed how Loki looked at you and decided that maybe it was for the best. She thought he would realize his mistake but as your coldness towards him grew his bond with the elven princess only grew which displeased the queen. She saw the elven princess for who she was just like you saw it but the queen couldn’t say a word about it if she didn’t want Loki to turn from her.
It was night time already and your plan was perfect. The elven princess received a message from “Loki” to meet him at the library. You left the note in her chambers while she was away with another princess. She was hurrying down the corridor to the library in the middle of the night in her night gown and you were following her invisible. A grin was plastered on your face as you followed her silently and stopped with her in front of the library entrance. Across from the library doors was a staircase leading to the meeting rooms and the throne room. She called out to Loki but instead of the prince she saw you.
‘What do you want?!’ she asked putting her hands on her hips in balls. ‘I have a meeting with Loki.’
‘How easy it was to deceive you…’ you laughed a cruel laugh.
‘What are you talking about?’ she asked confused making you laugh with mirth. It was hilarious. She was so dumb that she didn’t realize it yet that she just walked into a trap. You rolled your eyes and sighed.
‘Are you sure that note in your hands is from Loki?’ you asked lifting an eyebrow. Her face went pale when she finally realized what just happened. Your lips pulled into a cruel smirk before approaching her. You ripped the note out of her hand and burnt it in the air with flames of your magic before grabbing her neck circling your finger around her pretty neck. She tried to fight you but you were way stronger by the fact that you were trained along with Thor and Loki. You lifted her off the ground. ‘I will cause him pain as much as he caused me…’
‘Please…’ she croaked out her face reddening.
‘Let go?’ you laughed. ‘Oh, darling, happily’ and you let go of her above the marble stairs. She cried out for a second but her skull made contact with the marble her neck in a bad angle and she stayed silent for the rest of the way she rolled down. You walked slowly over to her and checked out if she was dead. She was and your lips pulled up into a cruel smirk. ‘That was what you deserved… whore.’
That night your life changed completely. You grew cold and only left your chambers when you really needed to. The next day they found the princess’ corpse and you only needed to pretend that you were shocked and afraid. No one suspected anything making it even sweeter. You watched as Loki turned cold and sad and your smile kept pushing at the edges of your mouth. You had to hide your happiness at seeing everything going as you planned keeping your evil, almost mad laughs to yourself. But you knew you couldn’t stay for too long now. You noticed how Frigga’s eyes watched you most of the times and how she was having that suspicious look in her blue eyes. You couldn’t risk getting caught and so you planned your departure.
You packed your things and were almost ready to go when there was a knock on your door. You cursed under your breath and turned to the door. You asked for a horse asking permission from the king himself to let you go back to the only sibling you had in a small village. Of course you didn’t have anyone but you had to get away from here and fast. You decided to not hide your package and open the door. What you didn’t expect was to see Loki on the other side of the door.
‘Can I come in?’ he asked looking down at you. You nodded reluctantly and stepped to the side. He stopped a few steps from the door when he spotted your package on your bed. ‘Going somewhere?’
‘I am visiting my aunt in Vanaheim’ you replied. ‘Please, be fast with what you want to say.’
‘You leave me as well?!’ he yelled angrily at you suddenly making your eyes go wide but you didn’t flinch. You were too cold blooded now… a murderer.
‘It is a visit. My aunt asked for me because she is very ill’ you sighed exasperated all the while being on edge.
‘Why are you so cold?’ Loki asked out of the blue sadness lacing his voice. You felt a familiar feeling in your chest and you closed your eyes for a second to will it back to where it came from. ‘So distant since the night up in the tower?’
‘I was upset’ you replied.
‘Why?’ he pushed.
‘It matters not anymore’ you shook your head your face growing hard and cold.
‘What have I done? We were the best friends! What happened?’ Loki asked desperately.
‘Friends! That was what we were!’ you laughed cruelly. You felt anger now. It was burning through your veins. ‘What we only ever could be…’
‘What?’ he breathed surprised. Your lips pulled into a sad smile as you looked at him right in his blue-green eyes.
‘You have never seen the way I looked at you, Loki. You never noticed how much I wished I could be the center of your attention on those balls. You never noticed how much more I felt for you and you just kept going after every other woman in the realm.’ you replied tears welling up in your (e/c) eyes. ‘That night was the last thing that pushed me to distance myself from you. I could no longer feel the way I did if I wanted to survive. That night you brought her to the place where you used to be with me only. The place that was only ours.’
‘You never said anything…’ Loki furrowed his eyebrows. You had to laugh at that.
‘Why would have I?! I saw the way you looked at the other women and you never looked at me that way! You never showed that you noticed me as a woman and not just a friend!’ you yelled at him walking to your package and closing it hurriedly before yanking it off of your bed. He grabbed your wrist stopping you.
‘Because you never said anything… I thought we could be no more than friends’ he said.
‘What do you want?’ you asked coldly.
‘You know what I want’ he replied but you yanked your wrist out of his grasp.
‘You are late. I no longer have feelings for you’ you replied and opened the door to walk out. Loki followed your down the corridors as you went towards the barns.
‘I will make it up to you! (Name)! I need you!’ he pleaded.
‘Oh, what happened to princess what is her name?’ you asked. ‘Did you love her? You were pretty upset when you learnt that she died.’
‘I will never let harm come to you!’ he kept walking after you.
‘You still do not know who killed her’ you stopped suddenly with an expressionless face. Loki stopped dead in his tracks. You slowly lifted your gaze from his feet to his face looking over his half-formal attire. Your lips pulled into a cruel smile. ‘I wanted to cause you just as much pain as you did to me. I wanted to see your heart shatter just like mine did every fucking time I had to watch you with another. I wanted to-‘
‘Do you know what you have done?!’ he was holding your throat with one hand tears streaming down his face and a snarl pulling at his lips. His grip slowly tightened around your neck with every second. ‘I thought you were so… gentle… pure… good…’
‘Well… not anymore’ you spat before kicking at his stomach with your feet making him stumble back and letting go of your throat. You lifted your hands and threw a binding spell on him but it missed as he stepped to the side and sent his magic towards you which you avoided successfully.
He ran towards you to tackle you to the ground but you hit his chest hard making him stumble back again. You attacked next and jumped into the air kicking at his waist. Loki tried to grab at your leg and you let him to pull you closer. You needed to be close to cast the spell to make him lose consciousness. When he wasn’t paying attention you pressed your index and middle finger to his temple and sent him to sleep. You both dropped to the floor and so the air from your lungs left you in a whoosh. You groaned but got up quickly and turned to him with tears in your eyes.
‘You would never want a murderer like me’ you breathed and leaned down kissing his cheek. You grabbed your package and fled the palace on the fastest horse. You reached the BiFrost and went to the observatory knowing Heimdall would stop you.
‘Not many can tell that they defeated the God of Mischief and even tricked him’ spoke up the black man with golden eyes. Tears were still streaming down your face. ‘You should not cross here.’
‘But will you let me?’ you asked sadness and pain lacing your words.
‘You protected him even if it no one sees yet’ he replied walking down to you.
‘I just wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me’ you shook your head.
‘And you did… with distancing yourself’ replied the gatekeeper. ‘You should go now. Not everything is lost do not forget that, (Name).’
You could only nod not knowing what he meant by that. You took a deep breath and stepped into the open portal to be transferred to Vanaheim. You landed in the middle of a large clearing surrounded by forest. You sighed and nodded. You will find a place where you can hide and find out how to start a new life here on a completely strange realm.
To be continued…