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“Get some sleep, guys. Have a good night.”
“Thanks,” Namjoon spoke on behalf of all of them.
The seven of them were wordless as they entered their building in near single file, Namjoon punching in the code, nodding to the security guard stationed next to their front door.
Jimin was grateful for the silence. He was utterly exhausted and he didn’t have the energy to speak. He couldn’t handle anymore questions, or interviews; even waving at fans had become difficult. His fans made him happier than anything, but he’d reached the point where the muscles in his face couldn’t even maintain a smile. When the windows of their black SUV had finally been drawn up, he’d sunk back into the seat, crossed his arms and fallen asleep. It had taken seconds.
Now he was in that state after a nap where you know you’re playing roulette dozing off. You might wake up feeling refreshed, you might wake up feeling lost and confused, and you might wake up feeling more tired than when you fell asleep. He had definitely landed on that last square tonight.
They approached their dorm room door and Jimin leaned heavily against the wall as he waited for Jin to punch in the second security code. He messed it up on his first try, and now Jimin was concerned that his legs weren’t going to hold him long enough to get inside. He was sure the others could see his limbs shaking.
Finally the panel beeped and Jin pushed the door open, Namjoon waiting outside for them all to file in. Jimin followed behind Yoongi, Taehyung behind him. At least he knew if he fell backwards Taehyung would be there to catch him.
He stumbled slightly, but caught himself on the wall.
“Hey, careful,” a voice came from behind him. It wasn’t Taehyung, but Namjoon. Big hands steadied him, one on his shoulder the other under his arm. “You ok?”
“Yeah,” Jimin muttered, hardly able to find his voice. “Just really tired.”
He managed to collect himself and he continued into the entryway, kicking off his shoes.
“Jimin gets first shower upstairs,” Namjoon announced as jackets and shoes were shed, kicked aside and tossed over banisters.
“What? No it’s fine. We can rock-paper-scissors for it,” he argued. But even those words took effort, and he knew he wasn’t hiding it well.
“Rock-paper-scissors for the rest of the order. Jimin, go ahead.” Yoongi’s words were firm as he locked eyes with Jimin.
Jimin quickly looked away, feeling guilty. Everyone else was exhausted too. It wasn’t fair to them.
“Go clean up, baby boy.” Hoseok’s hand found his shoulder, squeezing gently. “Call if you need anything.”
Jimin wanted to protest, but Hoseok offered a radiant smile which seemed to both brighten the room and void any objection Jimin was about to make. You simply couldn’t say no to that face. That smile. Finally he nodded and dragged himself up the first few steps, one at a time, leaning heavily on the railing.
He made it to the bathroom, flicking on the light and quickly turning on the shower. He needed to get clean before he passed out on the floor.
He nearly tripped as he pulled off the first leg of his jeans, just barely catching himself on the counter and silently cursing as he whacked his knee on the corner of the cupboard. He took a deep breath, leaned against the door and carefully pulled his pants off. His shirt came next, and he got himself into the shower and sat himself on the floor, plugging the drain.
He knew Namjoon sent him to this shower because he knew he liked to sit on the ground and let the bath fill with warm water around him as he showered, especially when he was tired. They walked in on each other enough to know silly little things such as these, and the downstairs shower was small and didn’t have a plug.
He appreciated it, but at the same time he was tired of the special treatment. He was ready for this weekend to be over.
He stretched out his neck under the hot water, still feeling the tension and the strain. It had been a rough couple of days. He knew it was probably his own fault, but it didn’t make it any easier.
Jimin had decided the only thing more exhausting than dancing a full concert was sitting on a stool while everyone else danced. It had almost killed him. He’d gotten so much flack for getting up, especially when he danced half of Spring Day against the wishes of the medical staff, but he didn’t care. His sanity required it. It hadn’t felt great physically, but his body had been so jittery. It was hard enough to keep himself from getting up and dancing when he heard music in the house or in a restaurant. Singing to every one of their singles and not being allowed to dance was straight up unhealthy for his mind.
He understood why. They were heading to the US in a few days and he needed to be rested and in top condition.
The Macau concert had not been good, but he was ready to move on.
The heat helped, but he didn’t allow himself to sit there longer than it took to wash his hair and his body as he knew the other members were patiently waiting for their turns. He washed his face and turned off the water, giving himself an extra thirty seconds to sit in the warm water before he pulled the shower door open.
Getting out was a struggle, but he managed to haul himself up to the sink where he put his toner and moisturizer on, hardly able to keep his eyes open. He then tossed on his robe and slippers and let himself out of the steamy bathroom, instantly feeling the rush of cold. He hoped they were listening to the door, because he was ready to disappear into his room and not resurface for several hours.
He was surprised when he opened his door to find his light on. Upon further observation he realized Hoseok was already in there, hair soaking wet and clad in his green and blue plaid pajamas. He was sitting on his bed, propped up against the wall with his phone in hand.
“That was fast,” Jimin said, his voice still quiet no matter how hard he tried to make himself heard.
“I got to go first downstairs. I’m so tired I could hardly stand up,” Hoseok said, his voice still full of energy contrary to his claim. “You too, right?”
“Yeah, I assume that’s why Hyung gave me the big shower.”
“Ahh you deserved it,” Hoseok said as Jimin turned to his closet. He pulled out a pair of black pajama pants and slipped them on under his robe. Next he retrieved a white long sleeve, and still facing his closet, he dropped his robe and pulled the shirt over his head. He winced slightly as his aching shoulders protested the movement, but he managed the task without too much difficulty.
“How you feeling?” Hoseok asked as Jimin turned back. He locked his phone and set it aside, then patted the edge of his bed.
“Stiff, but fine,” Jimin said. He wasn’t really lying. It just felt like he’d gone too hard hard at the gym. He moved across the room and gratefully took a seat in front of Hoseok on his bed.
Hoseok moved around him and reached for his shoulders, setting his hands on the joints and gently massaging his tissue.
“You don’t need to do that,” Jimin said quietly, but immediately feeling the relief as his hyung kneeded his hands into his tissue.
“I know,” Hoseok said, the smile easily detectable in his voice. “Just relax.”
“Thanks,” Jimin whispered.
“You feeling ok though? Like, in here,” he said, running his hand through Jimin’s hair, indicating he was more concerned for his mental wellbeing than physical.
“Yeahhh, I think so,” Jimin said, feeling completely wiped out and leaning back against Hoseok who let him fall against him and wrapped his arms around his chest and shoulders. Jimin reached up to hold onto Hoseoks grasp, catching his left hand and lacing their fingers together.
“I can’t imagine not being able to dance. That must have been so hard,” Hoseok said.
“It sucked,” Jimin admitted. “It was so hard to sit still.”
“I could tell,” Hoseok said more quietly now that he was so close to Jimin’s ear. “It’s over now though.” His words were soothing, as was the hand he was rubbing up and down Jimin’s right arm. “Want to watch something? Or you ready to sleep?”
“‘m tired,” Jimin mumbled, flopping over and curling into Hoseok’s ribcage.
“Let’s sleep then,” Hoseok said softly. “Let me get the lights.”
Jimin curled in tighter on himself when Hoseok jumped out of bed, immediately feeling cold at the loss of contact. He whined a little, causing Hoseok to laugh.
“Can I sleep in hyung’s bed tonight?”
“As long as you don’t think it’s going to irritate your neck,” Hoseok said, making his way back to the bed in the dark.
Jimin shook his head, but felt silly realizing Hoseok couldn’t see him in the dark. He nuzzled closer as Hoseok climbed back into the bed and pulled the blankets back. “Get in,” he whispered, holding the blankets up for Jimin.
Jimin scampered underneath, feeling the cold sheets beneath him and curling back into a ball, shivering.
“Why you so cold?” Hoseok asked, shifting so his arm was under Jimin’s neck. “Does that feel ok?”
“Mhm,” Jimin sighed into Hoseok’s warm embrace, his other arm wrapping around Jimin and pulling the blankets up to their chins. Hoseok curled his body around Jimin’s, making him feel warm and secure. It didn’t take long for Jimin’s body to relax against his, the tension leaving his body.
“I’m proud of you,” Hoseok whispered into his ear.
His breath was warm on Jimin’s neck, and he tried to inch even closer against Hoseok. “Why?” He whispered.
“Because the weekend wasn’t easy for you, but you got through it and sang so well.”
“You’re too good to me,” Jimin said quietly.
“Nope, just telling the truth,” Hoseok’s words were soft, and Jimin could feel the smile on his face as he buried it in the crook of Jimin’s neck.
As his body relaxed, so did his mind and he allowed himself to feel all of the emotions that had been swirling inside of him over the last 48 hours. They hit strong and hard, and he found his hands clenching into fists. The pain he’d felt on the plane, the embarrassment he’d felt trying to get off the plane, the shame and frustration he’d felt going to the hospital in which he didn’t speak the language. The anxiety he’d felt about potentially not being able to perform, and finally the frustration and hurt he felt sitting on that stool while the others danced around him. His fans had paid and waited to see him, and they didn’t get to see the best of him. It still hurt so much, and he felt so guilty.
A lump found its way into the back of his throat, and before he could even attempt to swallow it, he had tears in his eyes. It was all too much to keep inside. There was only so many feelings his small body could contain.
He must have made a sound or tensed or something, because Hoseok gently took his shoulder and rolled him over so they were facing one another. He pulled him close, Jimin burying his face in Hoseok’s neck, Hoseok gently squeezing him.
Quiet sobs wracked his body, and Hoseok held him, running his hand through Jimin’s hair and rubbing circles into his back.
“It’s ok, Jiminie. Let it out, you’ll feel better.” His voice was soft, gentle and soothing.
And Jimin did.
He cried into Hoseok’s shirt, his mind easing as he did. Hoseok wrapped both arms around him and held him so tight, making him feel safe and secure, like nothing could touch him, and whispering words of reassurance.
When Jimin felt like he was all out of tears, he pulled back a bit, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Their eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness, and Hoseok reached to wipe his eyes. “Feel better?”
Jimin nodded, sniffling and relaxing back into the pillow. Hoseok brushed Jimin’s bangs out of his eyes and continued to lightly stroke his hair.
“You did so good, Jiminie,” he whispered.
“Thanks hyung.”
“Come here,” Hoseok said, pulling him closer. “Get comfy, ok? You need to sleep. You’re exhausted both physically and mentally.”
Jimin nodded, curling closer and letting Hoseok wrap himself around his body again, holding his hand tightly in his.
It felt so good, not just the proximity, but the lack of judgment, the support, and the love. He knew all the members supported him, but there was just something about his Hoseok, being here together in their bedroom that felt so positive, so comforting and healing.
The weekend from hell was over.
Everything was going to be ok.
He finally felt like he could let it go and move on.