Work Text:
I've got a secret for the mad / In a little bit of time it won't hurt so bad / And I get that I don't get it / But you will burn right now but then you won't regret it // You're not gonna believe a word I say / What's the point in just drowning another day? / And I get that I don't get it / But the world will show you that you won't regret it // Little things, all the stereotypes / They're gonna help you get through this one night / And there will be a day when you can say you're okay and mean it // I promise you it'll all make sense again / There's nothing to do right now but try / There are a hundred people who will listen to you cry / And I get that they don't get it / But they love you so much that you won't regret it / You're at the bottom, this is it / Just get through, you will be fixed / And you think, that I don't get it / But I burned my way through and I don't regret it
~Secret For The Mad, dodie (You, 2017)
•-•-•-•
Dan is asleep on Phil's lap.
It's become a normal thing by this point. When he can't sleep, can't shut off his mind, he lies across Phil's lap, curls up, and listens to him talk.
Phil talks about anything and everything while he plays with Dan's hair.
He makes lists of the things he needs to get at the store. He tells Dan how beautiful he is. He rambles about the differences between the United States and the United Kingdom. He ponders the music industry. He mumbles the things he wants to do. He whispers about how proud he is of everything they've accomplished.
Dan doesn't mind how often the subject changes. He doesn't care what Phil talks about- he just enjoys hearing his voice.
Even before they met, Phil's voice was familiar and calming.
Now, it's even better, because Phil's entire being has become familiar and a source of comfort. It's as if all the friends, all the lovers, all the relationships Dan missed out on over the years condensed themselves into one singular, absolutely incredible man.
Dan pulls himself out of his head and focuses on Phil's words.
"-and you're such a wonderful person," Phil is saying quietly. "I love you so much- I hope you know that.
"What time is it? Three thirty... that makes it what time in America? Wait, different time zones, isn't there? Why do they have so many? It's confusing. I mean, we have a few, but there's one for every state there, it seems. There's fifty of those, yeah? No, there's more. Puerto Rico is technically an American territory, right? Ugh, America, sort yourself out.
"I wonder if I should I read that book again. I've read it so many times before, but it's a good one. A classic. I have so many others I really should get to, though. I feel like I never have time to just sit down and read something. You know what I mean? I feel like we're always running around and working. It's good work, work I love, but work all the same.
"Speaking of working and YouTube and all that... Do you think we should do a collab on your channel? We haven't done that in so long. It's been a few years. People who only watch you have probably forgotten I exist."
"No one could forget you," Dan murmurs sleepily, opening his eyes halfway and squeezing Phil's hand gently. "You're too great to forget."
"Thank you," Phil replies softly, smiling. "I appreciate that."
"Mean it," Dan continues, his eyes fluttering shut again. "You're the greatest thing... that ever happened to me."
"And you to me," Phil returns, running his fingertips over the side of Dan's face. "I love you so much," he whispers, leaning forward and placing a delicate kiss to his temple. Dan hums in response, curling up a little smaller. His breathing slowly evens out and slows, his lips parting as he mumbles. Phil smiles at that.
Dan doesn't talk in his sleep or snore, but every so often he inhales sharply, or he murmurs a slurred word or two, or his nose twitches. He's never aware of it; Phil hasn't told him.
"Sleep well," Phil whispers, shifting a bit so that he's in more of a lying down position. Dan doesn't stir, other than to move closer once Phil's stopped squirming. Phil wraps an arm around Dan, kissing him gently. "You are all I could ever ask for.
"Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bite."