Work Text:
Seven is sitting by Rika’s work desk with his laptop placed on top of Rika’s. I haven’t really tried to open it, I guess it would be protected by password anyways. There is supposed to be all kinds of secret documents here in Rika’s apartment, but I guess most of it are on the computer hard drive. At first I really wasn’t curious even when everyone keep mentioning all the top secret information in Rika’s apartment, but the fact that it had to be protected by a fucking bomb!!! got me interested and I searched through papers that were on the desk and in the drawers. Why would charity organization even need that kind of secret information? Was there really a need to take the protection in such extreme measures or was Rika just out of her mind? Was it really Seven, who planted the bomb in there? Would he have agreed to do something so dangerous, and let someone live in an apartment with a bomb?
I wish I could ask Seven, but he had been in really crappy mood ever since he came here and Saeran left. He keeps insisting that I should just leave him alone and continue living as if he wasn’t even here. But how could I? I know its maybe too early to say this, but I love him. I really do. I owe him my life, too. His distance and silence are breaking my heart. We are in the same studio apartment, no more than maybe ten meters away from each other, but we’re never been so emotionally distant ever since I joined RFA. I know he has feeling for me too, whatever he says. Right after Saeran run away, he kept insisting that he’s dangerous and shouldn’t try to get to know him. “I have no plans to pursue any sort of personal relationship with you”, he said. Well, this really is too late for that for both of us, don’t you think?
I wanted to yell. I did. “How can you say such things?!” I cried. “I’m sorry if you had any fantasies about me”, he said with a deadpan expression on his face and I run to the toilet just because there was the only door I could slam. I collapsed on the floor crying hysterically. He didn’t come after me, he didn’t try to comfort me. He kept insisting that trying to get to know him and being in relationship with him would hurt me, but how couldn’t he see, that there wasn’t really any way he could hurt me more?
After I cooled down a bit, I kept wondering if it was hard for him too to try to brake every bond between us and pretend he didn’t care about my feelings. Maybe he too was suffering behind his expressionless face. Maybe he was also crying. I got up and tried to be as silent as I could be while walking back to the living room to spy on him. I could hear quiet sobbing even before I saw him, so I my guess was right. He was sitting on the floor, holding his face on his palms, his shoulders were slightly shaking.
Suddenly I felt so bad for him, although he had been so mean to me only a moment earlier. I wanted to go comfort him, give him a hug and let him cry against my shoulder, but I didn’t know how we would take it. Maybe he would let his guards loose for a moment and let me in, or maybe he would yell at me and make me upset again. While I was pondering, he must have noticed me standing there. He got up and wiped his nose on his sleeve and turned to look at me but didn’t say anything. For a moment I could see the hurt in his face, the helpless look and the wet eyes before he turned away and walked to his back bag and started to pull his computer stuff out. “I really need to work now so don’t bother me, ok?” he said with a broken voice. Did it sound bit gentler than his tone before, or was it just imagining it? I didn’t say anything, I grabbed my phone and went back to the bathroom. I felt like I wasn’t done crying yet and I didn’t want him to see me like this. Even though seeing him cry made me lot more emphatic, I was still angry at him.
Hours went by without us even changing a word. Before I put some music on, the only sound in the whole apartment was his fingers tapping his keyboard. I was lying in my bed trying to entertain myself with mobile games and my facebook feed. I didn’t want to log in the RFA app, because I knew everyone would want to talk about what happened here and am I safe and did Seven catch the hacker yet. Seven had forbidden me to say anything about the fact that the hacker was inside the house and that he actually has relations to him. I had no intentions to go against his will on this, and I really didn’t want to worry anyone any more. They all seemed very concerned even with the fact that security system had failed temporarily. I needed to get my mind of today’s events and I doubt that chatting with them would help with that.
At some point I got hungry. There was zero chance Seven would let me go to the grocery store, so I scavenged through kitchen cabinets looking for some ingredients. I managed to find some rice, which was a good start of a meal. In the fridge was half of block of tofu I had yesterday and I found some frozen vegetables from the freezer. I was positive I could make something out of these. Cooking lifted my spirit a bit, for a moment I ever forgot that Seven was there and started to sing along with a song that was playing on my stereos. I immediately stopped after I realized and felt so embarrassed. I wonder if he heard it… Of course he did, he wasn’t far away. Shit. Did my singing bother him? Did he like it? Do he think I have beautiful voice? I accidentally almost put some cinnamon in the sauce I was making because I got so distracted. Hahaha, that would have been awful. He must think I’m crazy singing and laughing alone.
He must have been really hungry too. It have been several hours since he came and he haven’t been doing anything else than working on his computer since Saeran left and we stopped arguing. I pondered if I should ask him to join me to kitchen table, but he would probably just refuse, and I was actually still angry with him. I took a plate and laid quite large amount of rice and some sauce on it and grabbed chopsticks and walked it to Seven. I placed the plate on the desk and just stand there for few second and thinking about just walking away without saying a word. But I couldn’t, no matter how pissed off I still was. “I made some dinner and you must be hungry too, so…”, I finally said. He just replied with “thanks” so I walked away and sat down to kitchen table to eat my dish.
I didn’t want to start with the dishes right after I was done so I logged into RFA app to chat with the guys. After I insured everyone that I was ok and I was safe and Seven was here looking after me so nothing bad would happen we got back to our regular topic with “have you eaten yet?” . I told them about cooking lunch for us. Yoosung was really curious and kept asking about ingredients I used and asked for a picture, but unfortunately I didn’t take any. Jeahee was happy that I took care of myself and remembered to eat regularly, so she wouldn’t have to worry about my well-being. Zen seemed to be bit jealous and insisted that I should cook for him too some day. Some day, I promised, after the party and when things settle little more with the hacker thing and everything. To my surprise 707 logged in and just commented “yea, it was good. thanks” without even saying hello to anyone. He must have been reading back logs of the conversation.
Everyone else found it funny that we would talk to each other through this chat app when we are physically in the same space. For a second, I wanted to tell them that I couldn’t find anything funny about this situation and hoped that Seven would just come up to me and talk, but somehow I didn’t want everyone to know how charged the atmosphere here was and that we had been arguing. 707 logged off quickly after that, but I knew he would read the backlogs at some point anyways, he would see everything I write here about him. Everyone else was also leaving to go to bed. When there was only me and Zen in chatroom, he got weirdly protective towards me and keep telling how all men are wolfs. I guess he was worried that Seven would come on to me and flirt the way we used to joke around in chatroom. All that was gone, to my great disappointment, anything like that wasn’t going on. We didn’t even talk, there was several meters of distance between us any given moment.
I felt like Zen was hesitant to leave me alone. I had to assure him that I was going to bed too soon and I was ok. Finally he left the chatroom to get some sleep after I pointed out that his skin needed those precious sleep hours. Zen was a real sucker for me talking about his looks, he left seeming happy and hoping that I would dream about him. This was my moment to talk privately to 707 because I reckoned he was reading back logs almost at real time, and he would probably be the only one who ever reads back logs anyways.
“Seven… I would want you to come to bed to sleep next to me. You probably won’t, you probably get all angry again for me to even have these kind of thoughts. After everything that happened today, I’m really in a need of a long hug. You don’t have to talk about your past if you don’t want to. I wish we could just talk about anything at all. I don’t wish you would become that cheerful and funny person again who memes around all day if that’s really just a mask you hide your true emotions with. I really care for you, and I want to get to know you, the real you, and everything that comes with it. So, this is me saying good night. Good night God Seven, sleep tight! And please don’t get angry, I really hate to be yelled at.”
I logged off after posting it and glanced at Sevens direction if he were watching, I was about to start taking clothes of in order to go to bed soon. He was just staring at his laptop so I proceeded and took my bra off without removing t-shirt. I took my jeans and socks off and was ready for bed. I never really wear any pyjamas while sleeping and I would probably sleep just in my underwear if I was alone. I crawled up to the bed and hoped tomorrow would be a better day. I wouldn’t let us just sit in silence opposite sides of the room the whole day! I tried not to worry about the agency finding him and taking him away. Maybe everything would be ok if he just finishes his work.
In order to cheer myself up, I tried to come up with ideas I could do tomorrow. Maybe I could just sit on the floor next to him and just stare at him until I get some kind of reaction out of him. God, I wish “angry” is not going to be only reaction I’m going to get out of him tomorrow. Maybe if I take all of my clothes off and make sure he notice me and the beast would get out… Maybe I just need to be way more aggressive with my approach? He is obviously in desperate need of some love and support and it seems like tough love is only way I could get through to him.
I don’t know what tomorrow would bring but I hope something better than today. I don’t want another day of both of us suffering. I finally fell asleep while hugging a pillow imagining it was him.