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At first, the thought flickered in her mind in the aftermath of one of their fights. She would explain to Orochi later that while they failed to work things out, the emotional trauma following a breakup would interfere with their missions.
“Kagero, you don’t need me to say this to you but, you need to learn when to give up.”
Gods, hearing Orochi give gentle words, devoid of mischief or humor, was unnerving.
“Giving up” wasn’t a mindset she was comfortable with. She was lenient with regrouping because it was a necessary evil to admit defeat so that she and her allies could live another day. It was her job to hide in the shadows, so using the backhanded method of attacking a target at their weakest was natural. Giving up was what Saizo viewed retreat as. Giving up meant ceasing to care.
They passed each other in the hallways silently. Kagero felt his hand brush against hers. Subtle and faint. Reminiscent of his affection. Kagero closed her eyes and sighed once the scarlet ninja was out of earshot. There were times she wondered where their relationship started.
There was their childhood. Luckily, her diary collections maintained those memories vividly over the years. Kagero remembered the rush of wind that whistled in her ears as she raced through the fields. Speed training was her favorite. That didn’t make the exercises any easier, but it fueled her art. In her free time, she would steal away to any quiet, secluded area to paint.
“What’s that?” One day, she was interrupted by a little boy with red hair and a grim expression.
She had been a little startled at the surprise encounter - the child hadn’t entirely perfected the composure that ninjas were known to have yet. “A painting,” she stated bluntly.
“It looks like a man being stabbed by a green onion.”
Kagero did not hide her embarrassment. “It’s a mountain against the sky!”
The boy made a noise that struck Kagero as disapproval. “I could not tell by that image.”
Instead of replying, Kagero began to pack her supplies. She was done for the day. Even back then, she and Saizo could never find a compromise, let alone agree to a subject. Their communication was no better. Saizo managed to be an open book to her, but some of his chapters were blank. Once, Saizo missed months worth of training, returning to Castle Shirasagi wounded and his left eye scarred. Not even his twin brother, Kaze, knew why. He described it as a case of “natural secrecy”.
They weren’t intimate in the traditional way, she admitted, but there was still something holding them together. Small displays of affection. The occasional words of praise. The feeling of genuine relief when the other half returned from a mission in one piece.
Theirs was a lukewarm romance, neither cold or hot. Everything was kept under the wraps, save for Orochi and perhaps Kaze. Every moment was fleeting. “Fragile” as Orochi put it.
Then Ryoma joined the mix.
Kagero was transferred from Queen Mikoto to the High Prince, Saizo’s liege. Sharing the duty to protect their lord strained their relationship even further. What little time they had in the past was shortened as each spent prolonged amounts of time away.
What are we? This question escaped her lips as she sat across from Saizo, who had returned from a mission to Mokushu, a region that had a shaky allegiance with Hoshido which Saizo detested.
Saizo gave her a questioning glance. “I don’t know what you mean. We’re together, aren’t we?”
It was no shock that her partner (never use the term “lover”, they agreed, we can’t leave ourselves in a vulnerable position) was confused. He was so stoic and rigid, something that made Kagero respect him early on in their relationship.
“Are we?” Kagero replied, a frown etched onto her face. She wouldn’t go into details. Kagero couldn’t cope with another headache.
Saizo leaned away. “If you’d rather not, then I won’t stop you. It’s better that way. We need to focus on serving Lord Ryoma, especially with the Nohrian invasion.”
No protest, Kagero noted. She gazed at Saizo’s mask, wondering if he was hiding a scowl. Did she want him to refuse and insist on staying together? It was impossible to imagine Saizo crying, and him begging would be out of character. She wanted a hand to hold and reassure her that things would be better. She wanted him to tell her everything. As dangerous as it was, she wanted vulnerability. There was none of it.
“Then, it’s over then.”
Silence ensued, only broken by the sound of the wooden floor creaking as Saizo stood up. The kunoichi followed in suit. They left the room without a trace, as if nothing ever happened.
Kagero wondered if there was anything they could’ve done to become better - she chose to ignore Orochi’s comment on how Saizo should have grown a brain. As the summers lapsed, the two kept their relationship professional, not once reverting back to the ways of the past or bringing it up. It was only upon joining Corrin and her party in the war did she find an answer.
It was ever present in seeing the group’s camaraderie. They had the Hoshidan-born Nohr-raised princess to thank. As she watched Saizo flush as Corrin spoke to him, Kagero felt a small glimmer of hope.
Maybe this change would be good for the both of them.