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Rey had always loved the night. Back on Jakku, she savored the retreat from the burning sun. She would sit on her fallen AT-AT and watch the wind toss the sand, silver in the moonlight, across the desert. When the two moons were full, the sand would shine like polished chrome. Now, as she sat outside, her legs folded beneth her as she perched on a boulder, she could have sworn the salt dusting the ground on Crait glittered like the crystal fur of a Vulptice. As if the creature had heard her musings, a glimmering white snout peeked over a stone, and two paws hauled the creature onto the flat surface. He sat and wrapped his tail around his paws, observing Rey with curious caution.
"I wish I had something to give you, friend," Rey told him. She checked the pockets of her Resistance issued trousers to see if she had stored a ration or two inside but came up empty. She often took to taking extra rations, not because she was afraid of starving. On one side, she would forever in some part be a scavenger, and her food hoarding instinct has a habit she was struggling to break. On the other, there was a constant anxiety knawing at her that they would suddenly take her portion from her, throw her out. This was senseless, she knew. She had friends. Finn, Poe, Rose, and multiple other people that she was happy to talk to. The change from tragic isolation and constant socialization was a jarring one, but one she was happy to accustom to.
The Vulptice padded closer to her and sniffed the air. She shook her hair slightly and laughed.
"I really do not have anything to give you." She leaned back and balanced on her hands, legs still folded. "Perhaps if you come tomorrow, I'll have something for you," she told him. He tilted his pointed head and narrowed his onyx eyes at her, padding ever closer. He stopped a meter from her and turned to the front, so they were companions in admiring the night. The wind was cool, and the night atmosphere was slightly humid but not unpleasant. It struck Rey that, just barely six months ago, she was still on Jakku, living in solitude, starving day by day Now, she sat by a base that held sleeping friends and a case she would die for. Or, at least she thought she would.
Rey was concerned about her loyalties. She knew that she would do anything for her friends. A fond smile found it's way onto her lips as she thought about them. Quirky Rose, always ready to take on a new challenge. Her latest challenge was Finn, who was kind as he was brave. And Poe, the passionate, impulsive man he was. He was more boy than man, and Rey found that widely endearing. Yes, she would do anything for them.
But there was the matter of Ben. As she thought about him, the bond that connected them stirred. She hurriedly hushed the bond in her mind. It was silent, had been silent since the battle. That was two weeks ago. Rey was surprised as she found herself missing him. She thought back to that night in the hut at Acht-to, where he patiently listened to her story, his sad dark eyes never leaving her. In that moment, he had felt human. He looked lost, confused. Rey wanted to help him, desperately. She sometimes wondered if that was why she came out here at night, hoping the bond would bring him to her. She had been so close, in the throne room. He had protected her, given up everything to save her. Looking back on it, she should have fought harder. She sighed and ran a hand through her dark hair, fallen from its half bun after a day fixing old X-Wings with her friends. If only she had fought him more, insisted he stop his power-hungry path.
"Where would I be if I had said yes?" she thought. If she had bargained harder if he had agreed to leave the First Order. Rey wouldn't have brought him back to the Resistance immediately. No. She didn't know where they would have gone after that, but she wouldn't have made him go to the Resistance yet unless he wanted to. She was done with fighting between the dark and the light, and she knew she could find a balance with his help. He needed her, too, and she selfishly coveted that. He was hurting, lost, forced into a role he didn't belong in.
But she had to be realistic. No one made Ben Solo kill his fellow trainees. He was a monster. But a monster that Rey believed could change. He would never stop fighting her, and she wouldn't surrender, either.
The bond suddenly thrummed violently. Rey jumped to her feet and spun around, expecting his tall frame somewhere around her at any moment. Suddenly, a vision hit her like a punch in the gut.
She was meditating on the cliffside in Acht-to. The sea filled her senses and a deep calm settled over her, her mind filled with light and shadows that balanced perfectly. She felt the Force around her, filling her, flowing inside and out. She felt him, his presence coming closer. She let him come.
"Thought I'd find you here," he told her, his baritone voice adding to the peace she was in. "Ben," she sighed. Two strong hands pulled her up and she opened her eyes, smiling.
"How are they?"
"As a whole? Improving. Quickly. There's a clear division between those with a natural talent for darkness and those with light, however," he took a frustrated breath, "they still think they have to choose." Rey stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"It's hard, finding that balance," she admitted. "We know that from experience." He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her flush to him, grinning down at her.
"We did it, they can too." She laughed and nodded her head. He slowly sat down, Rey still in his arms, and crossed his legs. Rey settled herself in the space his crossed legs created and leaned the back of her head against his chest, and together, in the sun and the roar of the sea, they found the balance.
Rey gasped and stumbled backward, head reeling from what she just saw. Her-and Ben- training the new generation of Jedi. On Acht-to. He legs started to shake from adrenaline and she lowered herself down, cradling her head in her hands. Strangely enough, she didn't hate the idea. Where the new generation wouldn't feel pressured to choose, they could just be. There would always be the pull of both the light and the dark. Why not say yes to both? Rey groaned, head aching from the confusion. Was that even possible? No one could answer those questions for her. She laughed, a small chuckle at first, then realizing how unrealistic and fanatical this vision was, she laughed harder and harder. Tears streamed from her eyes by the time she was done. She wondered if he had seen the same vision, what he would think of it.
From the past vision her and Ben had shared, she figured, it might have been an altered version of the same thing. The way he held her in it... did he see that too? The same hands that had murdered hundreds gently lowering her to the ground, her leaning into him, them meditating. Together. She felt like a naive child as the thought made her blush. Curiosity burned at her, and she accepted the fact that was probably wasn't going to sleep tonight. She glanced at her Vulptice friend, who was curled in a crystalline ball, snoozing contentedly. Rey snorted.
"At least one of will sleep tonight."