Work Text:
If my feelings for you were money
I’m a billionaire
I like you
Really Really — WINNER
His silver suitcase emitted a loud rolling rrrrrrrrrr sound as he dragged the wheels over the parquet covered floor. There were stickers, big and bold and colourful, plastered all over the surface—he pasted them in purpose to differentiate his personal suitcases since all the WANNA ONE member each owned a suitcase with the same design. Guanlin had stored his basic necessities inside it—some stuffs that he will constantly need and some stuffs for emergencies. His other belongings were still packed neatly inside the piling stacks of those huge cardboard boxes on the corner. Minhyun-hyung had helped him packed, meticulously labelled every single boxes; and the latter had told him to unpack immediately before the older male went back to his own room to unpacked his own belongings.
“I wonder why I have so many stuffs, it’s only a few months—“ He muttered at himself, remembered that he only brought his old, smaller suitcase along with a rather empty medium sized backpack when he moved to their first dorm. It felt like yesterday, and now they were moving to another new, humongous luxury apartments in Yongsan.
They were placed on two 70-pyong apartment condos, and their new places were a total upgrade from their last one. He got his own room: decent sized with a super nice interior that felt like it was taken from IKEA’s bedroom catalogue’s pages directly. A fan asked him during a recent fanmeeting about his new bedroom after the new apartment rumour firstly confirmed—and he answered honestly that there were pros and cons for owning his own bedroom.
Owning a room for his own was considered as a luxury among idols, especially those whose group got a lot of members. Now he got a private space that he won’t need to share with another. The biggest cons was—for sure—the fact that his Jihoon-hyung were placed on the next condos and they didn’t share a bedroom anymore. They weren’t roommates anymore.
Only Woojin Hyung owned that title now: Park Jihoon’s roommate, since the pink sausages duo decided that they will share the room together when their staffs told them they will be partnered in two for most bedrooms’ arrangement. They decided the arrangement in a jiffy, enthusiastically doing their secret handshake—and Guanlin, who sat beside Jihoon, just clammed his mouth up since he didn’t want to interfere the older male’s excitement.
Guanlin dragged his suitcase to the center of the room, sat next to it on the floor, then opened the zipper as he slowly unpacked his things inside. There were noises from afar—chatters and laughs and fun banters; he recognized Jihoon’s infamous manly YAH! from next door condo. Then he sat still, both hands stopped doing his work. Followed with a longing sigh.
Guanlin remembered back there in Taiwan, his older sister loves to read webnovels—especially the romance genre. She spent so many times scrolling her screen endlessly; laughed and cried along with the fictional characters from the stories. Most of the time, the webnovels got this particular theme: the love interest didn’t recognize the other character’s feelings of love harboured towards them. Even if the love interest did know the latter’s feelings, the said character often acted coldly as if they didn’t know how much the other character pursue their love.
His big sister often created big fusses as she was so immersed in the storyline, got upset all by her own and sometimes even cursed on the protagonist’s love interest. “Aish…!” She facepalmed dramatically as she gestured her fingers onto the screen, “This CEO was so DUMB! The protagonist clearly loves him so dearly, how could he be so blind?? The protagonist almost die saving him…!”
On the other occasion, his big sister yelped: “OH MY GOSH THE EMPEROR…! The concubine clearly loves him so much, she endured all the harsh treatment just for him! Why the emperor acted so distance and hard to get? Aiyoh, the court musician even treated the concubine far better than this stupid king…!”
Young, naive Guanlin never commented on his sister’s outburst. He even thought that it was amusing to watch his usually elegant older sister acted so emotional like that. The stories were indeed fictional, but the unrequited love between people was indeed real. He never got any chance to taste the bittersweet of young, innocent puppy love yet—so he couldn’t imagine how it feels to love someone who don’t love you back.
The protagonist on those stories were usually not conveyed their feelings clearly though, He thought once in a while, They did everything for the one the love, but most of the characters didn’t say “I love you!” directly. On most stories, they were yielding—almost stoic in the piety way, 100% believed that their actions will speak louder than their words.
“That’s not good ah, Jie,” He finally commented one time, when his big sister told him the current protagonist on the latest series always secretly helped his love interest, “The other person won’t know it’s him. He need to speak up too. Like ‘It’s me who helped you!’ or directly confess ‘I love you the whole time!’—something like that.”
His sister laughed, “But that won’t be romantic…!”
“Romantic is useless if the said person didn’t know about it at all, Jie,” Guanlin laughed, run away from his spot as his big sister threw the round pillow cushion from the sofa onto him, “Romantic things like that only useful to building the tension up for the reader, just to prolong the story into a longer timeline—but in reality it must be super frustrating.”
That’s why he decided: when he fall in love with someone one day, he will tell the latter about his feelings—loud and clear as day. He will make sure that the other person know how his feelings towards the latter. I won’t dilly-dallying; instead I’ll do my best to convey my love, He promised himself.
♪ ♫ ♬ Wanna tell you something
Don’t know how to say it but
It’s nothing weird, no pressure
The most beautiful thing in my eyes right now
Is you ♪ ♫ ♬
It might be love at the first sight—Guanlin remembered every moment when he saw Park Jihoon for the first time. The Maroo Entertainment trainee was cladded in oversized white jersey, a square black box pattern embedded on his chest. On the stage, the older boy performed beautifully—his jersey bounced along with the popping dance move. The first thing popped inside Guanlin’s mind was Woah, he’s gonna make it followed by He’s so beautiful, I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
Beside him, Seonho smirked and nudged him teasingly, “Hyung, you need to close your mouth.”
Bashfully, Guanlin pulled up his jaw and closed his gaping mouth—covered half his reddened face using his palm. “Don’t say anything,” He whined to Seonho, who grinned so wide that the younger male found something to tease him from now on. “I’m not saying anything,” Seonho still giving him the shit-eating grin, but indeed the latter didn’t saying anything about Guanlin’s longing eyes for the dark brunette haired boy.
It turned out to be hard to just say a simple hi to the other boy. Their first evaluation placed the two of them on the different grade level: Guanlin was placed on the D while Park Jihoon was placed on the C. The competition was tough and gruelly tiresome, and young Guanlin really want to give up and quit. It was a whole new experience of hardships, plus it was hard for him to follow the instruction since the language barrier was totally hard on him. He wasn’t fluent yet, and there were so many slang terms spoken in rapid tempo, bombarded him like crazy.
After the final evaluation, Park Jihoon rose to the B class, while he fell to the F rank along with Seonho. It wasn’t a surprise really, since he acknowledged how bad he perform on the evaluation video. It doesn’t help that he acted so immature and childish several times during his lessons. Kahi even gave him one particular concerned look, as if she feared he was too young and not ready for the competition.
“It’s okay, Hyung,” Seonho patted his back, “Well, you stuck with me here on the F class, at least. I could translate the instructions for you, if you get any issue with language. Being on F class wasn’t the end of the world. We still got disadvantages, but we’ll make it work somehow. On the previous season, there was F class member included on the top 11…!”
“Hmm…”
“Come on, cheer up! If you want to pursue Jihoon-Hyung from Maroo, you need to step up your game Hyung. From the online voting, it seemed that he was famous already. If you want to be his equal, you need to work hard.”
♪ ♫ ♬ If my feelings for you were money
I’m a billionaire
I like you ♪ ♫ ♬
So he did.
Guanlin tried his best—practiced his dance, honed his rap skills, asked the vocals some tips to help him project his voice better. He knew he was such a mess, and being placed in the F class reflected his lacked of abilities. He was in training for a mere 6 months, and haven’t learned much after all. He also tried his best to learned Korean—fortunately most of the P101’s Korean trainees didn’t mind his sometimes broken Korean and helped him corrected his grammar and pronunciation.
He rose in fame and rank, especially after his FEAR performance—but it still wasn’t enough. Park Jihoon was still out from his reach. Guanlin braced himself and purposely stand near the latter; tried to initiate any conversation possible. He didn’t want to be assumed as pushy or even worse borderline creepy, so he held himself back when Jihoon seemed uncomfortable with his approach. Guanlin started schemed such elaborate tasks to masked his hard efforts as a mere coincidence, casually always be there in Jihoon’s line of sight almost 24/7.
“We keep meeting each other, don’t we,” Jihoon laughed as they met on the hallway—coins jiggling on Guanlin’s palm as he pretended that he was there to buy some drinks from the vending machine.
“Yeah,” Guanlin smiled, sweet and bright as butterflies filled his stomach. He tried to surpress his blush, so he tilted his head as he slotted his coins into the machine. “Do you want to drink something, Hyung? Let me treat you.”
“No need, Guanlin-ah,” Jihoon shook his head, “How can I mooch someone younger than me. It’s such basic courtesy.”
Tried to push his luck, Guanlin slotted his coins for the price of two cans of cold ion energy drink. “Well, I’m a foreigner. Cut me some slack and lemme treat you once in a while, Hyung?” He pushed the button and two blue cans of the sports drink rolled down. Guanlin offered one to the older male, “I’ve buy it anyway.”
“But—“
“Or do me a favour instead, Jihoon-Hyung?” Guanlin’s heart drummed really loud as he acted calm and unbothered. He prayed that Jihoon won’t notice the tremblings from his fingers when he took the Maroo’s trainee hand and placed the can on the latter’s palm. Jihoon stared on the can for a second before lifted his gaze, eyes filled with curiosity and slight amusement when he stared on Guanlin’s face instead. The older male knew there were no malice intended from the CUBE trainee’s somewhat ambiguous plea.
“What do you want, Guanlin-ah?” He asked, his tone was somewhat testing. Guanlin swallowed his fear, pushed his pride aside as he croacked: “I just want you to congratulate me on stage if I made it to the top 11 with you, Hyung.”
“With me?” Jihoon’s eyes crinkled into a cresent shape, “You sounded so sure that I’m surely placed on the top 11 already.”
“I do,” Guanlin bashfully scratched his own nape, “You will be on the top 11, Hyung. You have the talents: you dance well, you sing well, you even rap. And you have the top visual as well.” He purposedly mention the latter’s look last. Despite his sweet appearance, Park Jihoon acted manly and Guanlin knew that the latter hated how people praised him so much solely on his look—nicknamed him the wink boy yet failed to notice his hardworks and effort for his performances.
“You got the visual as well, Guanlin-ah,” Jihoon amusedly replied, finally took the can. He opened the tap and gulped the ion drink down, “Your skills was good, you know? You worked so hard, and it showed. You’ve matured so much despite you’re only trained for 6 months.”
“So it’s an okay, then?” Guanlin grinned, pointed to the drink on Jihoon’s hand, “Will you congratulate me, Hyung? On the stage? I mean yeah I know my rank was really unstable, but I want to hope—“
“Yeah.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, Guanlin-ah,” Jihoon smiled, “Okay. I’ll congratulate you on stage if the two of us made it to the top 11. How could I say no to such sincere request?”
There was another second of silence, and Guanlin felt like he will miss a golden opportunity if he let this moment slipped away. “Hyung,” He opened his mouth, remembered his oath to clearly show his interest as clear as day, “May I asked for another selfish thing?”
“Shoot,” Jihoon raised one of his eyebrows, but his tone was positively still in good mood. Guanlin felt like he was haggling with fate itself, “Could you kiss me as well, Hyung?”
Jihoon’s eyes widened—and Guanlin rushly added, “A peck. On my cheek. For good luck—and uh—um—“ He rambled, losing his words. Guanlin panicked. Damn I messed this up. Abort mission. Abort mission. Abort—
“Sure.”
“Oh?!” Guanlin blinked repeatedly. Did Park Jihoon just agree to kiss him on stage if they made it to the top 11? But the boy in front of him flashed him a smile, “Sure, Guanlin. I wish the best of luck for the two of us then.” He raised his share of can as he left to the left wing, “And thanks for the drink.”
Guanlin stood there, waved a dazed goodbye. When Jihoon disappeared upstairs to the upper level, Guanlin finally broke a grin. He raised his fist to the air as he jumped excitedly. He mouthed a silent YEAH!! scream as he dashed through the hallway to the cafeteria.
Seonho was there—ate his third meal of the day. Supposedly they only got two meals per day, but the chick trainee made friends with the cafetaria ladies and they absolutely love to feed the boy with insatiable appetite. Sometimes Guanlin even wondered if his fellow CUBE mate really got a bottomless pit or black hole inside his stomach.
“Grin wider and you’ll split your face into two, Hyung,” Seonho commented, muffled as he was still chewing the japchae, “Something good happened with Jihoon-Hyung?” It was obvious, as the only person who can make his Hyung acted so in love like this was the one and only Park Jihoon.
“Hmm,” Guanlin hummed as response. He placed the drink he bought from the vending machine, “Your idea worked. Thanks, Seonho-ya. Here’s a drink for you.”
“Oh, he actually agree to hug you on stage like I suggested?” Seonho opened the tab and gulped down his gift.
“He agreed to kiss me.”
Seonho choked on the drink and spewed some of the remained liquid from his mouth, “WHAT?!”
“You heard me,” Guanlin’s smile widened, looked totally whipped. “So pray for me so that I’ll be on the top 11, okay Seonho-ya.”
♪ ♫ ♬ I may be big
But i grow small in front of you
Do you know how I feel? ♪ ♫ ♬
“Do you need help, Guanlin-ah…?”
Jihoon’s voice brought Guanlin back to the present. Jihoon stood there in front of his room’s opened door. The older male was wearing a black denim topped with a fluffy pink oversized sweater, the one he matched with his platinum blonde locks before. It was a honey brown shade at the moment—brunette brought a more familiar vibe from him. Jihoon’s hair was indeed brown in colour when the P101 show started, thus unconsciously Guanlin associated the colour with the latter.
“You’ve finished unpacking, Hyung?”
“More or less,” Jihoon plopped beside him, crossed his legs and opened the flap of the nearest cardboard box, “Oh? This one is actually light—Ah, the shiba doll~!” Jihoon pulled the rounded shibainu plush from the box, hugged the dark brown doll happily as he nuzzled his face onto the soft fur.
“Yours is the lighter one, isn’t it Hyung?” Guanlin smiled at the sight—Jihoon was hugging his plush so cutely, eyes sparkled as he did love the said doll. A fan presented them with the dolls in one particular fanmeeting, one with the lighter hue of brown as the latter got a darker brown hue. Guanlin wanted the lighter one, but he knew Jihoon would prefered the lighter one as well—so he deliberatedly picked the darker one.
“This brings back memories,” Jihoon hummed, kneaded the plush before he pulled the cheeks. He smiled widely, and there were butterflies all over Guanlin’s stomach once again. His chest felt tight, indeed.
He suddenly remembered the final evaluation. His name was called, and he ran to the stage. He thought to himself: I did it. I made to the top 11, with Jihoon-Hyung! His favourite Hyung took the 2nd place, and Guanlin proudly smiled as he clapped endlessly. See, I know that you’ll surely make it to the top 11, Hyung.
There were a gap between their rank, but Guanlin didn’t take it by heart. They finally together: the top 11 will formed a group. They will be spend their time together, doing activities together. There will be chances for him to be closer to the older boy. And he need to be openly showed his infatuation with his Hyung.
So he approached the Maroo trainee, shyly reminded him about their promise. Jihoon responded and hugged him, congratulated him—but no kiss. “You promised me a kiss, Hyung,” Guanlin held the latter’s wrist, pointed his cheek with his other hand. For a moment, Jihoon looked baffled. “We are in public, Lin-ah…!”
But isn’t it the point? Guanlin wanted the world to know that he was infatuated with Park Jihoon. That he was so whipped—that he will try his best to pursue the latter. He wanted them to witness the kiss. Guanlin’s determined face made Jihoon chuckled. He gave up, and leaned in. “Here,” He pecked Guanlin’s cheek—lips felt velvety soft against the younger’s skin.
Then the fangirls roared. There were high pitched scream everywhere; Guanlin knew for sure their moment was well-witnessed; the SNS’s timeline was filled with photos and videos of the kiss. “Ah, what you have started Lin-ah,” Jihoon laughed, “We’ll be surely on the news.” Guanlin replied with a wide grin; it was his point after all. Later they know that the MNet official video also included the moment to their video release. As the result, there were hastags with their names and couple names everywhere.
♪ ♫ ♬ At first sight
Falling in love like I’m slipping
The criminal who stole my heart (it’s you)
You’re so beautiful
Even goddesses are jealous of your beauty ♪ ♫ ♬
Guanlin enjoyed the moment.
Blissfully, he smiled as the searched their couple name as the keyword on google and websites forums. They were all over social media: especially twitter and instagram. Some fans edited them together, collaged their photos side by side. Some made a compilation video. Some drew them together, doing cute poses together. There were even some R rated pictures and stories of them together—he even could read the one written in English. After all he was proficient enough in English, while Chinese had always been his first language.
His heart soared when he was voted to be paired with Jihoon on the WANNA ONE GO mission. They were tied using a red ribbon band—it somewhat felt like they were tied by the red string of fate. It was paying off that he was putting all of his effort to mentioned Jihoon in almost all of his interview: he will always stated that he like the latter best, that Jihoon was his ideal type and he really like being together with the latter.
Some writer and PD caught his intention alright; highlighting their moment as Guanlin tried his best to make Jihoon notice his feelings. He blurted out his feelings like an open book, with such transparency: I like you, I love you, please love me back. I wanted us to be together.
“Guanlin really like Jihoon,” Jisung stated during the show. It was so transparant between the members, and Jisung was one of the those whom recognized Guanlin’s affections were more than a simple crush. Their youngest member was totally head over heels with his favourite Hyung.
♪ ♫ ♬ If I made you uncomfortable
Just let me know
I’ll take a step back
Just be a guy you know
I can wait ♪ ♫ ♬
Despite that, things were indifferent with Jihoon.
Guanlin pondered hard about the latter’s feelings towards him. In some occasion, the older male seemed to fancied him—complied to his gushing confession. Jihoon let Guanlin touched him; little skinships like hugs and laced fingertips. He makes jokes with Guanlin, seemed amused to the younger’s company. Whenever they were together, Guanlin’s heart soared. He will smile blissfully, beamed with happiness as Jihoon showed some attention for him.
He wanted to say that he was content just being with Jihoon—but as time goes by, he felt that he was being greedier. He keep wanting more. There was this longing, empty feelings inside his chest: gaping and sometimes hurting. He didn’t have a name for his relationship with Jihoon—and Guanlin keep wondering if Jihoon was really liked being with him or merely tolerated his maknae.
Guanlin remembered his older sister and her list of webnovels: wondering if those characters felt the same heartaches as he did. It was hard and it was frustrating; he felt like he was stuck and faced with a wall—the one he tried to conquered with no avail.
I don’t know if you’re really not noticing my feelings for you, or actually pretended to not recognize it. It’s like we were playing masquerade, parading around in masks; covered our true selves. I wondered if you’re avoiding any direct confrontation to my affections, since you were putting me in a grey, ambiguous zone between friendship and something a little bit more intimate than that. And no, I know for sure that we weren’t lovers. We weren’t tight or inseparable: that belongs to Niel Hyung and Seongwoo Hyung. Or Jinyoungie and Daehwi. But it wasn’t us.
I envied them sometimes, you know. I believed that I displayed my feelings for you so clearly: as if I screamed the words using a megaphone with a super loud voice from the top of my lungs; I screamed and I screamed… until I was left breathless and sore. I’m spelling my love for you as bright and obvious as those neon coloured signs: big, bold and attention-grabbing. Yet you always stay indifferent to me. It’s like you didn’t want us to have any progress, thus I’m stuck in this limbo for it seemed like an eternity.
It was better to just reject me, you know Hyung? Flat and direct. Tore and shatter my heart apart, so I could pick the pieces up and tried to mend it as I’m moving on. I really hate being in this position. I also hate when you used those phrases for me: that I’m too young and I’m just not get what you mean. “It’s not your time yet I guess, Lin-ah,” you said that to me last week, then you joined Woojin-Hyung’s game and laughed with him.
Is it… really about my age? Our age gap? Does maturity really tie that closely to someone’s age? Isn’t it just a mere number, Hyung?
I would never be able to catch you up in the matter of time and age, Jihoon Hyung. You know that as well. They weren’t something that could be solved with hardwork and effort. I couldn’t turn back time, I couldn’t do magic or something that defied the physics nature laws.
Or… is it your way to push me away?
Am I annoying? Am I bothering you, Hyung? You seemed happier with Woojin Hyung these days. The two of you named yourselves an unit: the pink sausages duo. You two have stated that it was exclusively just for the two of you guys, and you didn’t want to add another member to the group. Is it… my cue to give up, as you’re pulling these separating lines way too often? Am I just an outsider whom way too foolish to understand your hints…?
♪ ♫ ♬ Tell me you think you like me too
Let’s meet right now
I have something to tell you
I like you ♪ ♫ ♬
“Hyung?”
Guanlin hesitated for a bit, but he braced himself and asked. Jihoon turned around and put the boxes he opened to the desk, “Yeah?”
It was a deafening silence yet it was so loud: no one said anything yet those noises from afar were loud and clear, the ticking noise from the clock was rushed and impatient. Guanlin tried to smile, but he failed as his smile broke midway. He wanted to ask what am I to you? but he just couldn’t.
“How do you feel about me…?” He asked instead.
Jihoon seemed confused with the sudden question. Guanlin’s tone was vague, but his expression was serious. The older male left his unpacking and approached the CUBE trainee, slowly sat in front of the latter. Jihoon crossed his legs, stared straight to Guanlin’s eyes and tilted his head. “Why you asked…? Is something wrong or…?”
“I…” Guanlin let out a breath that he didn’t realize that he was holding the whole time, “I just wanted to know.”
Jihoon’s eyes softened. He cupped Guanlin’s cheeks and kneaded slightly, pulled the taller male down. Guanlin leaned in, blinked his eyes as he was focusing his sight—Jihoon’s eyes were clear and beautiful. He could feel the warmth of Jihoon’s breath on his face, and the latter emitted the soft scent of something smelled like flower, citrus and bergamot.
“I like you,” Jihoon answered, short and direct with an amused tone. It was answered easy, without any hesitation. “I like you, Guanlin-ah. I could give you thousands of reasons why I do—like it was fun and comfortable with you and the list goes on… But in sum: of course I like you.” He was giving the you need to ask that? expression to Guanlin, and those brows furrowed a bit before he smiled. “Let’s continue unpacking…?”
Guanlin smiled, and then slowly nodded.
“Yeah.”
It’s enough reason.
And I really, really like you.
So this is enough.
Really.