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It's been snowing in Oslo for three days, and Isak's so relieved to finally turn the corner onto the street where the KB is. He'd started walking to his 9am Biotechnology lectures as part of his resolution to get fit this year, but his feet are freezing, his hands are numb and he's wondering if it's really worth all this to stop him getting out of breath every time he climbs the stairs to kollektivet.
As soon as he steps into the coffee shop, however, every grumble leaves his mind and is immediately replaced with Even, the gorgeous barista who he's been infatuated with ever since he started getting coffee on the way to uni a month ago. The rush of warm air that hits him as he enters is nothing compared to the chills running down his spine as he makes eye contact with Even at the counter and smiles. Even is always smiling (god, his smile is beautiful, his lips so full and his eyes so blue), and asking Isak how he's doing as if they've known each other for years. In every sense, he's a morning person - the complete opposite of Isak, who spends every morning cursing his past self for choosing a course that forces him out of bed before noon four days a week. But Isak can't bring himself to be grumpy around Even, even when he is running on an average of four hours of sleep.
'Isak!' Even beams, already reaching along the counter for a pink to-go cup. 'Same as usual?'
Isak stifles a yawn and mumbles 'yeah' before catching himself and self-consciously straightening his back. 'How are you, Even?'
'Better now my new favourite customer is here,' Isak blushes and tries to cover it by ducking his head into his scarf. Even catches his eye and grins even wider, as if that's even possible, before turning briefly to sprinkle sugar into the cappuccino he's making. 'I watched this great French arthouse film last night with Mikael and I think it might be just what I needed to work out how to finish my project for Introduction to Cinematography. The way the director focused on the male lead's relationship in parallel to the balance between light and shadow was just-. Sorry, you probably don't want to hear all this. How was your night?'
Even hands Isak his drink and, for a moment, their fingers brush. 'You know, the usual. I've got this really important essay due at the end of February so I just stayed in and worked on that for hours. Probably a lot less fun than your pretentious French films.'
'You're welcome to join me.' Even smiles and attempts a wink, 'if you're not too busy saving the world from killer viruses or whatever it is you do in biochem.'
Isak rolls his eyes, trying to hide how much Even suggesting they hang out sometime affects him, and turns to leave. He salutes with his free hand.
'Bye, Even. See you tomorrow!' He calls, walking back out into the cold Oslo morning. The clouds are heavy with snow, but Isak's heart is light and warm.
*
Two days later, it's Friday and Isak finds himself walking to KB again, even though he has no early lecture today. He's still got a lot of research to do for his paper, so he's going to the campus library to work somewhere without Eskild's Lion King soundtrack playing through the walls. And if going to the library means passing by where Even works, that's just a coincidence. The weather's got much colder overnight (if that's even possible), so he's wearing two sweaters, a jacket and a huge scarf but his face is still freezing. His nose is pink and he's clenching his hands in his pockets in an attempt to stay warm. It's later than the usual time he sees Even at KB so he's not even sure if it'll still be his shift, but a big part of him can't wait to stare into those beautiful blue eyes again.
He regrets coming in as soon as he opens the door. Over at the counter, Even's hugging a boy with long brown hair that falls into his eyes. He's holding a giant heart-shaped balloon in one hand and a bunch of red roses in the other and Isak can clearly see Even's beaming face over his shoulder. His smile is so big that his eyes are scrunched up completely. He looks absolutely gorgeous. And he's hugging someone who is very obviously his boyfriend. Isak can't help the sudden that should be me that crosses his mind. He has to leave - the guy he's been thinking about for weeks has a boyfriend and he's just standing there watching them. He turns back to the door, jealousy pooling uncomfortably in his stomach. Neither of them even notices him.
It's stupid, but Isak fights the urge to cry and he finishes his walk to campus. He knows Even doesn’t owe him anything and didn’t ask for Isak to have a crush on him. But he's upset. For once, he'd actually thought a cute boy was flirting with him and wanted to be around him, but of course he was wrong. Of course Even has a boyfriend. Of course he's not interested in someone like Isak, who's wearing a shirt that hasn't been washed in weeks because he's too lazy and who knows nothing about French arthouse films.
He still hasn't had his morning coffee, so he stops in the cafe on the campus and spends 30 kroner on a cappucino. It's nowhere near as good as the ones Even makes and tastes like dirt, but he swallows it down anyway (burning his throat and making his eyes water) then rushes into the library. Making a bee-line for the desk in the corner, he puts his headphones in and shuts out the world (and thoughts of Even) for a few hours while he works on his paper. By the time the library closes at 18:00, his eyes ache from staring at the screen for so long and he can't focus on anything.
When he gets back to the kollektiv, Eskild's sitting at the table in the kitchen, drinking a fruit tea and flipping through a magazine. He takes a dramatic sip then turns to face him.
'Halla babe, how was the library?' Eskild asks, getting up to pour Isak a cup. He makes space at the table for him to sit and rubs his arm comfortingly. He knows Isak hasn't been sleeping much lately, and Isak's noticed since he's stopped getting annoyed at the dirty laundry he leaves around the apartment and instead started quietly adding it to his own to wash.
'It was alright. My paper's nowhere near finished though,' Isak sighs, tiredness starting to wash over him as he takes his shoes off and hangs his coat on the back of the chair before sitting down. Eskild slides his NASA mug over to him and sits opposite, giving him a look.
'And how are you, my favourite son?' Isak rolls his eyes fondly at the nickname. 'I've barely seen you this week, leaving at 8am every morning.'
Isak's about to say that he's fine, as usual, but it's just that he's not. He's exhausted from university and frustrated about his paper and seeing Even today has done it for him. He knows he can trust Eskild and Linn to listen to him and he's come a long way from being seventeen, closeted and aggressively disguising his feelings, so he decides to tell him about Even. Although he is talking to Eskild, so he tries to keep the details to a minimum to stop him interfering like he always does:
'To be completely honest, I'm exhausted. This Biotechnology paper I'm doing is taking up most of my time, and it turns out the hot barista at KB, who was the only thing motivating me to go to my early lectures, has a boyfriend, so I'm pretty fed up-'
Eskild interrupts him excitedly. 'Hang on, baby gay, there's a boy you like, and you haven't told me about him? Spill! Tell me everything!'
'You're missing the point, Eskild. I just said he has a boyfriend, so he doesn't like me. There's nothing to say.'
'Come on, sweetheart. I'm an old man - I need this! Is he tall? Short? Blonde? We both know you have a thing for blondes...'
Isak's heart aches just thinking about Even. 'He's tall and blonde and gorgeous. And he has a boyfriend.' He takes his mug and leaves Eskild calling after him go as he walks to his room. Once he closes the door, he lies on his bed fully dressed and stares at the ceiling blankly. It's going to be a long night, he thinks.
*
Isak wakes up on Saturday morning to two texts from Jonas.
hey man, haven't seen you in a while
do you wanna come over and play fifa?
He replies with a quick 'sure, see you in half an hour' and gets out of bed. He knows he should really work on his paper some more now it's the weekend, but when he looks over at the stack of textbooks on his desk, he realises he has no motivation to do anything that doesn't involve sitting on Jonas' couch eating junk food all day.
He has a shower then bumps into Eskild on his way to the kitchen.
'God morgen, baby gay! Worked out what to do about that hottie at KB?'
'I already told you, Eskild, he has a boyfriend. He brought him flowers at work and everything.'
'Well, you never know. Good luck anyway!' He blows Isak a kiss and returns to his room.
Isak sighs, wishing he could be as eternally optimistic as Eskild. It hits him that what was really keeping him going for the past few weeks was seeing Even when he got coffee nearly every day and entertaining the idea that maybe (just maybe) he was flirting with him. He sighs again.
He grabs a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter - he's been trying to eat healthily as well as walk to uni, and it turns out there are fruits he actually likes - then puts on his shoes, jacket, hat, scarf, and gloves this time and prepares himself to go out into the freezing cold again.
Jonas still lives at home with his parents and sister since he goes to UiO too, studying Philosophy. And Isak's been over so many times that he knows the quickest route and gets there in under 10 minutes. Jonas opens the door and envelops him in a hug straight away. They're not usually this tactile, so Isak suspects something straight away.
'Don't hate me for this, but-' Jonas starts.
'That's never a good way to start a conversation.' Isak unloops his scarf from round his neck and hangs it up on the coat rack - Jonas' mums, Lise and Elisabeth, always leave a peg free for whenever people come over, and it makes the house feel even more like his second home.
'He asked me not to tell you, but I can't lie to you about it, man. Eskild texted me saying you're cut up over a boy and I should invite you over to distract you...'
'Faen, Eskild!' Isak runs his hand through his hair where it's been messed up by his beanie. 'He's always meddling like that! And I'm not "cut up", I'm fine. Turned out a guy I liked had a boyfriend, that's it. I can't believe you'd get on board with his schemes, Jonas.'
'Come on, you of all people should know how persuasive Eskild can be when he wants something. And I really haven't seen you in ages, so even if Eskild did push me towards it, I would have asked you over to play fifa anyway.'
Isak can't stay mad at Jonas when the alternative to hanging with him is staring at his laptop screen and desperately looking through textbooks all day. He follows him through to the lounge and flops down onto the couch straight away. He's just getting comfortable when his eyes fall on a bright red heart-shaped box of chocolates on the coffee table.
He looks up at Jonas, who's still standing by the door.
'I know Eskild told you I'm heartbroken or whatever, but I don't think he meant I need this.' He gestures at the box. 'I'm not sixteen anymore - I see you as a hundred percent, totally, platonically my best friend-'
'Oh, shut up, Is. They're Elisabeth's. Lise gave them to her as an early Valentine's gift but she left them there for all of us. You can have some if you want.'
Isak pulls the box towards him and looks at his options. There's hardly any left so he picks the one that looks the least fancy. It tastes disgusting. Jonas barks a loud 'ha!'.
'Sorry, I should have told you Thea and I already went through and ate all the good ones. There's only hazelnut or praline left.'
Isak gives him the middle finger as he backs into the kitchen. 'It's a bit early for beer. Do you want a hot chocolate?'
Three hours later and Isak's lying stretched out on the couch while Jonas tries to connect his laptop to the TV, so they can watch Kill Bill. Isak had lost almost every game of fifa (despite claiming proudly that he's 'the master of fifa, no one's better than me') and now he's feeling more content than he has in a while. He loves hanging out with Jonas, who's been a constant in his life for longer that he can remember. And he knows that no matter how stressed he gets over his paper or school (or Even), there'll always be a place for him in Jonas' home to go to and forget about it.
'Done!' Jonas stands up from where he'd been crouched on the floor. He jumps on the sofa next to Isak and picks up his (fourth) hot chocolate, complete with a mountain of whipped cream.
Just as the film's finishing, Isak looks over at Jonas, who's been on his phone for the last half hour. He supposes he's texting Eva, who he knows is in France as part of her year travelling. She and Jonas had decided to go back to being friends before she left to make it easier, but Isak suspects they both still have strong feelings for eachother.
'How is she?' He asks.
'Hm?'
'Eva. The only person who makes you look that gone when you're on your phone.'
'She's good. Apparently, it's raining loads in Paris, so she's had to go to museums pretty much every day this week. I don't see the problem with that, but it's Eva, so...'
Isak nods. He'd been quite surprised when Eva had announced at the end of their third year that she was going to travel Europe before starting uni. She always struck him as a home bird, but she seemed to be thriving going from country to country and living out of a backpack.
'Oh yeah, I nearly forgot. There's a guy in my Film and Philosophy class who's hosting a party next Friday. I thought you could come - you know, to keep your mind of this boy Eskild told me about. And it's been too long since we went out together.'
'I could say no just to spite you for listening to Eskild...but I haven't been out in ages.'
'Yes!' Jonas grins, punching the air. 'We're back in business.'
'As long as you buy the beer.' Isak shoots Jonas a look.
It feels good to have something to look forward to.
*
Isak spends the week leading up to the party writing his paper, working in the library and avoiding the KB where Even works. It means he's been living off awful coffee and flaky croissants for five days, so by the time Friday comes around and his last class finishes at 16:00, he's ready to get drunk and hopefully have a good time.
He's the only one at the kollektiv when he gets back, so he plugs his phone into the speakers in his room, turns to volume up all the way and tries to make the apartment look tidy enough for when Jonas comes over to pregame later. He told Isak that he'd invited Magnus and Mahdi to the party as well, but they'd be meeting them there so it's going to be just the two of them. He has time to kill after tidying and decides to heat up some minestrone Noora made. He's just sat down with it at the kitchen table - it took him a lot longer than he'd thought it would to work out how to warm the soup up without burning it - when the doorbell rings. Jonas shouldn't be arriving for at least another hour.
He opens the door to Eskild, who's forgotten his key.
'I thought you were going out tonight?' He asks as Eskild walks past him and down the hall to his room. He seems to be in a hurry.
'I am, I just-' Isak can hear him searching his room, '-forgot something. Pretend I was never here. See you later, babe!'
'I'm going to a party tonight, I won't be here, Eskild.' Isak turns to see him leaving again, carrying an H&M bag full of white feathers (Isak must be seeing things). He doesn't want to know what kind of party Eskild is going to if it's one where he'll need feathers.
Shaking his head, Isak goes back to his soup and thinks about what the party tonight will be like. He doesn't know much about the guy Jonas knows who's hosting, but if he's in his Film and Philosophy class then he must be as much of a hipster as Jonas. That means good beer and bad music, from his experience. Still, he can't complain when it's going to take his mind off his painful crush on Even for a few hours (and most of tomorrow morning if his plan to get drunk works out).
Jonas arrives an hour later just as Isak's losing his concentration reading his Biology textbook. He's trying to do at least some work, so he doesn't feel too bad about going out, but he's just not in the zone. They start on a six-pack that Jonas brought. He tells Isak all about what Eva thinks of Berlin, which is where she is now. The more beers he drinks, the bigger his hand gestures become. They're both pretty buzzed by the time they leave for the party. However, just as Isak's putting his coat on, Jonas takes a pair of heart-shapes sunglasses out of his pocket.
'You're gonna need these.' He hands the sunglasses to Isak.
'What? What are these for?'
'Sorry man, did I not tell you? It's a Valentine's themed party.'
'Jonas! I need to know if you're inviting me to a themed party.' He takes the sunglasses and puts them on his head. 'Wait, what's your costume then?'
Jonas laughs and points down at his tight, red jeans. 'You think I'm wearing these for fun?'
'Yeah man, I saw them when you came in, but I didn't want to say anything in case it was some new hipster thing you were doing.'
Jonas playfully shoves his shoulder, then they bundle out of the door and down to the tram stop. The house isn't that far away, but it's still snowing heavily and Isak doesn't really want to have wet feet at this party.
*
The first person Isak sees when he walks into the party is Eskild. He's wearing a pair of white feathery wings (that must be what was in his bag earlier, Isak thinks) over a tight white t-shirt with matching white jeans. Then he spots Noora, his other roommate, dancing next to him and is that Sana the girl he sits next to in lectures sometimes? How does everyone, even Eskild, know some guy from Jonas' Philosophy class? Isak turns away from the people dancing in the living room and looks for Jonas to ask about the guy hosting, but he's already gone. The whole apartment is decorated with pink string lights and streamers and garlands made up of glittery hearts. There's a table of vibrant, red drinks and snacks at the side of the room. It's a bit much - Isak can see why Eskild is in his element.
And it's then that he sees him. Even, bopping his head to the music and leaning down to listen to what the person he's with is saying. The person has long brown hair and Even is touching his arm. Oh, Isak realises, it's his boyfriend.
For the next hour, Isak focuses on getting as drunk as possible and avoiding Even (and his boyfriend). It's going pretty well, he thinks. He dances with Magnus and Eskild (who won't tell him how he knows the host no matter how many times he asks and keeps calling him baby gay in front of strangers) and he's made eye-contact with a cute-looking guy across the room more times than is really necessary, but he's certain he's almost too drunk to do anything about it. Third year Isak would be ashamed at how quickly he's gone (he's only four beers in), but his Forgetting Even plan is well underway.
That is, until he bumps into him in the kitchen. Literally.
He's just moving back from the fridge after getting his fifth beer when he collides with someone walking past.
'Faen, sorry!' He exclaims, but it comes out a little slurred.
'It's okay, don’t worry – hey, Isak!'
Isak swallows suddenly, not sure what to say. 'Halla, Even. Great party.'
Even has pink hearts painted on each cheek and he's wearing a black turtleneck, which shouldn’t be hot but it is.
'Yeah, I'd sure hope it is. Since it's my birthday party and all...'
Hang on. This is Even's house? Jonas invited him to a party at Even's house because he knows Even? It's a bit too much for Isak's drunk brain to process.
'Wait, you know Jonas? and Eskild?'
'Yeah, Jonas is in my Film and Philosophy class and Eskild goes to the same slam poetry nights as me. How do you know them?'
'Jonas is my best friend. Eskild is my roommate.' Isak notices how close Even is to him. They haven't really moved since he backed into him. It's different without a counter between them.
'So, what do you think of the party theme? I thought it was appropriate since my birthday is so close to Valentine's Day.'
'It's cool. Not really my thing,' Isak gestures towards the sunglasses that are still on his head, 'but it looks great, if a bit cheesy.' He smiles at Even, feeling hopeful that they could maybe fall into the friendly banter they had up until a week ago (when Isak had to go and ruin things by expecting Even to like him back).
'A bit cheesy?!' Even puts his hand to his chest and opens his mouth in mock-offense. His eyebrows rise up comically.
'I don't know. I just don't really go in for Valentine's Day like this. Never had anyone to celebrate it with-' Isak realises how self-pitying he sounds and stops.
'No? I'd have thought you'd have guys all over you.' Even looks him straight in the eyes, then his gaze flits down to his lips. He takes a tiny step closer.
Even starts to lean in. Isak's mind is a mess of yes yes yes yes but a voice at the back of his head says he has a boyfriend so he forces himself to stop Even. He puts his hand in the middle of his chest.
'I saw your boyfriend in KB bringing you flowers and I want this but I can't let you do this to him. I'm sorry, I-'
'Wait, what boyfriend?' Even meets his gaze, confused. He tips his head a little to the side.
'The guy who brought you flowers and balloons...?'
Even starts to smile. 'Oh, oh! You mean Mikael? He's not my boyfriend.'
'Then why did he come to KB like that, Even?'
'He was showing me decorations for the party. I didn't have time to get them because I was on shift, so he came by to ask what I thought. Sorry you got the wrong impression.'
Isak can't believe it. He let himself get all worked up and upset over nothing. Even was just hugging his friend. He moves forward immediately.
'Don't be sorry, it was completely my fault.'
He looks into Even's eyes then down to his lips. He can hear Even's breathing speed up. Then he leans forward and kisses him. His hands move to Even's neck and he feels hands come around to settle on his waist. He smiles into the kiss, and soon it becomes them just smiling against each other's mouths. Even crowds him up against the kitchen counter and kisses him some more. Even kisses gently and softly, just like Isak thought he would.
As Even starts kissing his neck, Isak turns his head to look out the window. It's started snowing heavily outside, but Isak is happy and warm.