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“How about this one?” Michaela asked, holding up a brown teddy bear with a bow on its ear.
Josie looked up from the doll she had been examining and shook her head. “No, no teddy bears. She already has one of those.”
Michaela shrugged as she put the bear back. “I thought it was cute.”
“Cute isn’t good enough, Kaykay. It has to be perfect,” Josie said, with such conviction that Michaela had to stifle a laugh.
“Got it.”
The two of them continue to make their way down the aisle, Michaela following Josie’s lead as she peruses all of the different toys. They’d been wandering between the same three aisles for at least fifteen minutes and Josie had yet to make up her mind.
“Do you think babies like Barbies?” Josie wondered aloud, eyeing the neon pink display.
“I don’t know,” said Michaela, “I don’t think a baby would know what to do with a Barbie just yet.” Josie’s face fell, causing Michaela to begin to backtrack. “But maybe when she’s a little older you two can play with them together.”
“How old?” The girl was truly her parents’ child, always needing all of the information before she could be satisfied.
Michaela thought for a moment. “Two or three?”
“Okay,” said Josie, content with that answer. Michaela continued to find all sorts of cute ideas, only to immediately be shot down by Josie for one reason or another. The girl was nothing if not determined; she really wouldn’t settle for anything for anything less than perfect.
Just as Michaela was about to give up and suggest they try another store, they found them. Or rather, Josie found them.
“Kaykay, what about these?”
Michaela looked up to see Josie holding a plush Winnie-the-Pooh in one hand a matching Piglet in the other. “Those look great, Jojo!”
The girl smiled, exposing her dimples. “I could give Baby Izzie the Piglet because he’s the little friend, and I could have Pooh, because he’s the big friend. And I’m Izzie’s big sister.”
“Josie…” Michaela trailed off, in awe of how thoughtful her goddaughter always was. “That’s so sweet! She’ll love that.”
“You think so?”
“Oh yes,” Michaela said, “I think they’re perfect. Is that what you want to get?”
“Yep,” said Josie with a tone of finality in her voice. “I’m done.”
“Alright then. We’ll go pay for these, pick up Uncle Asher from work, and then head to the hospital, okay? Uncle Con and Uncle Ollie are gonna meet us there, too!”
Josie looked up at Michaela with a confused look on her face. “The hospital?”
“Yeah, that’s where your mama and papa are. They’re with the baby, remember?” Michaela reminded her. Josie nodded, but there was still a hint of confusion in her eyes. “Your papa just texted me saying how excited he is to see you.”
A small smile creeped back onto the girls face. “He did?”
“Uh huh,” nodded Michaela, returning her smile. “He said he misses you bunches.”
“I miss him too. And Mama,” said Josie. Her voice immediately got smaller, and Michaela could tell the girl had missed her parents more than she had let on. She knew that Wes and Laurel had talked to her about what was going to happen, that she’d get to have a sleepover at Michaela and Asher’s house while Laurel had the baby. But in all of her six years of life, Josie had only spent a handful of nights away from her parents, and never more than one night in a row. It was only natural that she’d get homesick.
“Then let’s go buy your presents and then we can go see them, okay?” Michaela said warmly. Josie nodded in response as they made their way to the register. The rest of their time in the store was spent with Josie being uncharacteristically quiet; she didn’t say a word other than a quiet thank you after they paid.
Ever since she could walk Josie had been a wanderer, always walking at least five feet ahead of any group she was with. Which is why when Josie took Michaela’s hand and held it the entire walk out to the car, Michaela knew something was off. She watched Josie climb into the backseat, clutching the two stuffed animals in one arm as she buckled in with the other before speaking up.
“Hey Josie?”
Josie looked up. “Yeah?”
“Everything okay?”
The girl nodded, but her eyes said otherwise.
“You sure?” Michaela asked gently. “You can tell me if something’s bothering you, you know.”
There were many possible reasons for Josie to be upset. She could have missed her parents. She could have been worried about her parents having another kid. She could have been second guessing her present for the baby. All of these and about fifteen other scenarios raced through Michaela’s brain in the span of about ten seconds. But for all of the possible ideas she came up with, none of them could compare to the next question that came out of Josie’s mouth.
“Is my mama gonna die?”
“What?” Michaela felt her jaw drop. “Why would you ask that?”
“Because!” Josie cried, “Ben and Lillie said that when their grandmas died they went to the hospital first. Mama went to the hospital yesterday.” Tears began to well up in her eyes. “I don’t want Mama to die.”
“Oh sweetie,” whispered Michaela. She leaned over to level herself with Josie. “Your mama’s not going to die.”
“How do you know that?” asked Josie, concern still etched on her face.
“Well…” Michaela started. How in the world was she supposed to explain this to a six year old? “People go to hospitals when they’re sick or hurt. And most of the time, doctors and nurses help them get better. Some people die, but only when the doctors can’t help them anymore.”
Josie’s eyes grew even wider. “Mama’s sick?”
Michaela shook her head. “Oh no, Jojo, no. But having a baby hurts a lot, and sometimes it can be a little dangerous. So having the baby at a hospital means that the doctors helped your mama and made sure her and the baby were safe. Your mama isn’t gonna die.” She paused, trying to make sure Josie got this. “Your mama and the baby are perfectly healthy, okay? That’s why we’re going to see them right now.”
“So they’re both okay?” Josie asked, as if trying to wrap her brain around all of this new information.
“Yeah, sweetheart, they’re both perfect,” said Michaela, taking Josie’s hand and squeezing it. “Let’s go so you can see for yourself, alright?”
Josie thought for a second, then nodded as she squeezed back. “Okay.”
--
Laurel heard her phone buzz on the bed beside her before she felt it. She grabbed the phone and clicked it to reveal the text from Michaela saying they were on their way up.
“Alright baby girl,” she whispered, “You ready for this?”
“Yeah Mama, of course I’m ready!” said Wes, talking for the baby. He got up from his perch on the couch to look at Isabel who was asleep in Laurel’s arms. He ran his hand over her tuft of jet-black hair, the only part of her that remotely resembled Wes. The rest of her was the spitting image of Laurel, from her tiny nose to the bright blue eyes under her closed eyelids. “She’s so beautiful,” he sighed.
“I know,” Laurel nodded, smiling at Wes before bringing her gaze back to Isabel who snorted as she shifted in her sleep. “We love you so much, you know that?” Another snort. “Uh-huh. And you’ve got a big sister who can’t wait to meet you, too.”
“I kinda can’t believe how much I love her,” Wes admitted. “I mean, I was always a little afraid that I wouldn’t love her as much as I love Josie. But that was silly, wasn’t it?” he said to the newborn, leaning down to press his lips to her forehead.
“Right? Now I know what people meant when they say their hearts double in size,” Laurel agreed, not taking her eyes off her baby. “She’s only been here for 12 hours and I already can’t remember a time before her.”
It was then that they heard a knock at the door. Wes squeezed her shoulder before going to open the door.
“Papa!”
Josie crashed into him, her coat unzipped to reveal her “World’s Best Big Sister” shirt underneath. Michaela, Asher, Oliver, and Connor walked in behind her, Michaela holding a small gift bag.
“Hey Peanut!” he said as she hugged his legs. “How’s my favorite big sister?”
“Estoy bien,” she mumbled into his jeans. She looked up without letting go of him. “I missed you, Papa.”
“Mama and I missed you too,” he said, reaching down to pick her up and plant a kiss on her cheek. “We missed kissing you goodnight and talking about your dreams in the morning.”
“Where is Mama?” Josie asked, craning her head around his shoulder.
“Right here, mija,” Laurel called from inside the room. Wes set Josie down and watched as she walked over to the bed with a very un-Josie amount of caution. He looked up at Michaela, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
Laurel, however, immediately picked up on Josie’s nerves. “Come here,” she said, smiling as she waved her daughter over. Wes and everyone else hung back, watching as Josie reached the bed. It was clear she needed to see Laurel for herself to really understand what was happening.
“Did you have a good night with KayKay and Asher?” Laurel asked softly.
Josie nodded shyly. “Asher and me made a fort. And we had mac n’ cheese for dinner.”
“Wow, that sounds like fun!” said Laurel, brushing a stray piece of hair out of her daughter’s face. Josie smiled, but her eyes were still wary. “What’s wrong?”
Josie played with the blanket on Laurel’s bed. “Are you hurt, Mama?” she asked.
Laurel’s heart swelled for her sensitive little girl. “Aw Josie,” she sighed, “Is that why you’re so worried?”
Again Josie nodded. “I don’t want you to hurt.”
In a way she wasn’t surprised at Josie’s reaction. Since she could talk she was always thinking and asking about other people. Every time they saw a stranger in a cast or a wheelchair she always wanted to know what happened, and what they could do to make it better. So of course she’d be even more upset when it was her own mom who was in the hospital.
Even still, Laurel felt herself tearing up just seeing how worried Josie was about her.
“You’re so sweet for thinking about me,” she said, running her hand through Josie’s hair in an attempt to comfort her. “But I’m really fine, okay? It did hurt when the baby came out of my tummy and I might be sore for a couple days but I’m okay now. I promise.” Laurel traced her hand down Josie’s face and cupped her chin, rubbing her cheek with the pad of her thumb. “You believe me?”
“Yeah, I believe you,” she said, giving Laurel a much more genuine smile.
“Good,” Laurel pulled Josie forward and gave her a kiss on her forehead. “I love you, Mija,” she murmured against her skin.
“Love you too.”
Laurel pulled back and noticed Josie’s eyes had been drawn to the baby still asleep in Laurel’s arms.
“Now, there’s someone I want you to meet,” said Laurel, her eyes sparkling. She patted the spot on the bed that had been Wes’ for most of the day, which Josie promptly occupied. “This is Isabel.”
Josie reached out a hand and pulled back the blanket so she could get a better look. A tiny gasp escaped her mouth.
“What do you think, Jojo?” Wes asked, walking over and standing over her shoulder.
“She’s pretty,” Josie whispered, clearly mesmerized. “And she’s small.”
“I know, she’s tiny,” Laurel said, adjusting so Josie could see better. “You wanna hold her?”
Josie nodded with such vigor that Laurel couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay then. Put your arms out and Papa will help you.”
On cue Wes gently took Isabel out of Laurel’s arms so the two of them could readjust. Laurel reached one arm around Josie and placed her hands on either side of her daughter’s outstretched arms, then Wes set the baby in Josie’s lap, making sure her head was supported by Laurel. Michaela stood by taking pictures and making sure every moment was documented.
“Hi Baby Izzie,” Josie cooed, running a finger over Isabel’s head. She looked up at Laurel in surprise. “She’s so soft!”
“Should we show Isabel what you got for her?” Michaela asked, holding out the gift bag she’d been holding.
“Ooh yeah! Mama, I got Izzie a Piglet and I got a Winnie the Pooh for me!” Josie exclaimed. “Kaykay, can you get them out?”
“Sure baby.” Michaela grabbed the bag and brought it over to the bed. “While I do that tell your mom and dad why you chose them for your present.”
“Izzie gets the Piglet because he’s the little friend and she’s the little sister. I get Pooh because he’s the big friend and I’m the big sister,” she told them.
“She picked them out all on her own,” Michaela said proudly, placing the toys on the bed.
Laurel looked up at Michaela.
“Thank you,” she mouthed over Josie’s head, hoping that those two simple words conveyed how grateful she really was. “We couldn’t have done it without you.”
Michaela grinned back in understanding. “No problem. We had fun, didn’t we?” She looked to Josie, who nodded in agreement.
“Mmhmm,” Josie replied as she looked up at Michaela. “You wanna hold her, Kaykay?”
“Sure,” said Michaela, leaning over to take Isabel out of Josie’s (and Laurel’s) arms. She looked down at the baby and got her first real look at the newborn.
“Oh hi, beautiful,” she breathed. “Welcome to our crazy little family.”
Asher peered down at the baby over her shoulder. “You were right, it’s like looking at a mini Laurel.”
“I know,” Wes said, smiling. “She’s even got her eyes.”
“I see that,” Michaela cooed as the baby’s eyes began to open. “You’re gonna wake up for Kaykay, yes you are! You’re gonna be great practice for me and your Uncle Asher before our--” she tried to stop herself, but it was too late. Asher froze in his spot, his eyes widening.
“Before your what?” asked Wes, raising his eyebrows.
“Uh yeah, your what?” Connor repeated.
“What’s going on?” Oliver asked.
“Nothing,” Michaela said a little too quickly.
“No, not nothing. Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Laurel demanded, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. Michaela cringed.
“No?”
Laurel didn’t buy it for a second.
“Michaela Pratt I KNEW you didn’t refuse a drink on Wednesday out of solidarity. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?” piped up Josie, who was clearly confused.
“Because,” said Michaela, “It’s still early. We only found out a few days ago and you were about to have a baby of your own. It didn’t seem like the time.”
Laurel gave her a look. “You’re ridiculous. Of course you could’ve told me! Michaela, that’s amazing!”
“Congratulations buddy,” said Wes, clapping Asher on the back.
“ What’s amazing? Why are you saying congrach-lations?” Josie asked again, looking at each adult in hopes that one of them would answer her.
“Well…” Michaela paused as she looked to Laurel, who nodded her approval. “Uncle Asher and I are having a baby.”
Oliver brought his hand to his mouth. Connor let out a laugh, running his hand through his hair.
“Like my mama?” Josie gasped.
“Mmhmm,” nodded Michaela before glancing up at Asher, who had a dopey smile plastered on his face.
Josie shrieked with excitement. “Oh my gosh!” she squealed. “Another baby!”
“Another baby,” Michaela repeated, laughing.
Wes gave Michaela a hug as he ran a finger over Isabel’s cheek, with Connor and Oliver quickly jumping in line after him. Asher lifted Josie off the bed and began twirling her in circles, her little giggles filling the room as he chanted "Baby! Baby! Baby!".
Laurel leaned over to grab tissues off the side table as she watched the excitement unfold around her.
There was a sweet sense of normalcy to it, to watching everyone dance around the little hospital room.
Wes came over and kissed her cheek. “I think we did it,” he whispered.
It was then that Laurel realized something. If a stranger were to walk into this room, they would have no idea that these people had once lived their lives ruled by uncertainty, by danger; that these people had been on the edge of losing everything they’d ever worked for; that for a while they thought they would never, ever get here.
No, they wouldn’t see that at all.
Instead, all they’d see was joy, excitement, content.
They’d see her family.
“Yeah,” she replied. “We did it.”
--
Fin.
--
And the seasons, they go round and round
and the painted ponies go up and down.
We're captive on a carousel of time.
We can't return, we can only look behind from where we came,
and go round and round and round in the circle game.