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Jude opened her eyes slowly, not wanting to see morning light just quite yet. She breathed a small sigh of relief, as she saw the night sky through the small holes that passed for windows in the caves Joshua Graham and the Dead Horses slept in. She let her eyes adjust to the darkness, before getting up as quietly as she could, getting a water bottle from her bag in the corner of the small chamber.
The difference between Zion and New Vegas was never more apparent to Jude than in these late hours, where her sleep was interrupted by vague dreams, that couldn't quite qualify as nightmares, but still bothered her enough to wake her up. The cold stone floor kept Jude on her toes, rather than sinking into the overly plush carpets back at the Lucky 38. The only sounds that could be heard were the soft sounds of wind and water, not the constant bustle of The Strip, that drifted up from the street, even into the highest levels of the casino. The air itself seemed different, clean and breathable, and Jude never felt choked and claustrophobic, as she did, even in the empty casino rooms, where the thick scent of smoke and sweat lingered. She was happier here, even though she desperately missed her friends. Six months in Zion had treated her better than the three years she spent trying to tame the Mojave.
Jude crept back to the bed, stepping over the sleeping dog, and tousling her short, curly hair, watching Joshua sleep for a moment, not wanting to wake him. Jude was careful with how far she went with Graham. He was different than any man she had been with, and she wasn’t as reckless as she was with her other romantic ventures. Jude knew that what she had with Joshua was something special, something that would last. She got back into bed, curling into herself, careful not to touch him as much as the small bed would allow. They were both tall, Jude nearly being the same height as Joshua, so it was inevitable that their bodies would meet, but Jude tried to ensure Joshua hurt as little as possible. Their times together hurt Joshua, Jude was sure, though he never complained. She just tried to be as gentle as possible.
“Are you doing alright?” Joshua turned to face her, taking her hand, and Jude gave a small gasp The bare fingertips traced lined on her palm, and Jude smiled.
“Did I wake you?” Joshua was just as restless sleeper as Jude, sleeping even less, and waking at the slightest sound. She felt a bit guilty, not just for waking him, but for taking pleasure in the fact he was awake. They both had duties that kept them busy during the day, but they had the nights to themselves.
“Sneaking isn’t your strong suit,” he teased, “Did your dreams wake you?” Joshua asked, his eyes resting on hers.
“I’m not sure,” Jude admitted, glad for the conversation that was starting. “I saw open fields, and I saw that woman who looks like me again. Ark-Kansas, I suppose. Nothing that should frighten me,” she told him. The dreams bothered her, more than scaring her. Jude’s life before waking up in Doc Mitchell’s was a mystery to her, her thick accent being the only clue to her origins. “What about yours?”
He twined their fingers, his stormy blue eyes flickering over Jude. “My dreams don't normally stay with me anymore, and the ones that do…” he trailed off, his mind in another time. Jude threw the blankets over the both of them, the cold hitting her. Despite how warm it got during the day, nights were always cold, and the body heat from a shared bed was much appreciated.
“What do you suppose life would've been like,”Jude started, scooching closer to the man, sand changing the subject. “If we lived before all of this,” what Jude could see of his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “You know, war, and the bombs, and all that?”
His eyes widened slightly, giving Jude a look of surprise. She learned to read his mindset over the months, with his faint facial expressions through the bandages, utilizing his eyes mostly, and reading his body language, though she couldn't see much of him currently. “You're not one to dwell on the past. Where did that come from?”
“I try not to focus on regrets, and what-ifs,” she agreed. “But it was something Follows-Chalk said, and it was just something interesting to think about,” Jude explained, trying to be nonchalant about her interest.
Joshua was quiet, and turned on his back, taking his hands, and folding them on his chest. Jude stayed on her side, listening to the river and Rex’s occasional noises, while watching Joshua’s pensive face. She would have thought him asleep again, had it not been for his eyes, which were still open. His breathing was always light and quiet, and Jude listened for it when she awoke, comforted by the fact that he was still with her. She never wanted to be the person who depended on someone else to be happy, but coming to Zion, and meeting Joshua Graham had changed her. Jude knew she eventually needed to return to New Vegas, to make sure The Strip wasn’t controlled by a tyrant like Mr.House again, and to tell her friends what became of her, but she was putting it off as long as possible. She knew it would take awhile to sort everything out, and her guilt at letting it go undone so long gnawed at her. The tribe would move back to Dead Horse Point soon, and Joshua would lead them, at least for awhile.
“I most likely would have been what I was before I met Caesar; Doing the Lord’s work, and spreading his message. A priest, I suppose. I may have have joined the fight,however,” Joshua stopped speaking for a moment, and continued, explaining himself better. “Depending on who I was for the time. Fighting as we do now, for our lives and land is acceptable, but again, I believe it would have depended on many factors I cannot know.”
“Without the war.” she reminded him.It seemed that even in peaceful times, there were always bloodshed.
“War is a fact of life. There will always be fights, even if it is small feuds between neighbors,” His tone shifted, to a more joking manner, and he turned on his side to face her once more. “You've clearly thought about this. What would your life have been before the bombs fell?”
“I can't see myself as anything but what I am,” Jude confessed, breaking eye contact, and looking at her hands, which Joshua had taken again, and she pulled them close to her chest, feeling her heartbeat beneath the loose shirt she wore to bed. “A gunslinger, like in those old books and comics. I saw them in a movie, when I was at the Sierra Madre. I know cowboys and those types weren’t around anymore, but I could’ve been a sheriff.”
“You're a woman of the people, Jude,” Joshua thought on her answer for a moment. “You helped clean up the Mojave; I wonder what you could do with better resources than a handful of casino owners and securitons.”
“And a few nuts who resemble Elvis, and without the largest government organization this side of the country breathing down my back,” she added, smiling. The peace with the NCR was shaky at best, and the resentment over losing Hoover Dam was always evident in her meetings with the leadership of the NCR. “And what about us?”
“A priest from Utah, and a sheriff from Ark-Kansas? As much as it pains me to say, it was unlikely that we would meet, nevermind the fact our lives would be very different. I’m nearly twenty years older than you,” he reminded her, his voice soft.
“There will be water, if God wills it,” The phrase came from a scrap of a book Jude once read, but seemed to apply to the situation. “Even if Benjamin and Edward Sallow hadn’t tried their best to kill us, I like to think we would still have met.”
“The world of fire and blood that birthed us into this world would not have existed in that time,”Joshua began, his eyes searching her face, and Jude saw him lingering on the thin line on her lip, the bump and scar on her nose, both from accidents she couldn’t remember, and finally on the large patch of lighter skin that stood out the most out of any of her scars from her olive complexion the right side of her forehead, which he gently touched, tracing his finger along the edge. “But perhaps the sheriff is in town on a case. Or the priest is sent to preach in another town. If the Lord wills us together, we would have been, in any case” he relented, though he didn’t sound entirely convinced.
Jude brought his hands to her mouth, gently kissing Joshua’s knuckles. She didn’t completely understand his religion, and doubted she ever would, but she could respect it, and maybe even believe in it, given the chance. It was something that was beyond her grasp, but she could appreciate it for what it seemed to be; hope. The hope that she didn’t survive a round to the head for nothing, or that Joshua didn’t survive being covered in pitch and thrown into the Grand Canyon by sheer luck.
Jude sighed, and closed her eyes for a moment. “Some leader I’ve been, leaving without warning for so long.” So much for not focusing on regrets, she chided herself.
“Had the people burned down The Strip, we would've had heard about it, even here,” Joshua assured her. “Some trader or refugee would have passed through. Remember, we heard the news of the Second Battle for the Dam, though it wasn't completely clear. And your friends know where you went. Or the general direction rather.”
Cass would’ve come, Jude supposed, or at least sent word. Jude was rather suprised she hadn’t yet, in actuality. Cass was always coming and going from New Vegas, but never failed to visit when she was in town.
“I have to return, sooner or later,” she admitted, more to herself than Joshua. “I don’t want to. But I can’t just abandon the damn place. And I ain’t about to just let Benny take control after I fought tooth and nail for New Vegas and Freeside.”
“And you shouldn’t,” Joshua agreed. “Daniel mentioned we should move on before winter,” It was still early summer, which gave Jude a few months. She saw his jaw set. “You know I would travel with you, if I was able to. Though the Dead Horses no longer need my leadership, I do not wish to completely leave them just yet, or Daniel.”
“I get it,” She wasn’t completely sure if she wanted Joshua to come to the Mojave anyways. Legends of the Burned Man were still whispered, especially as the Legion disbanded, and some integrated themselves into the somewhat peaceful society that the Mojave was becoming. The ghostly figured was rumored to have aided in the downfall, a fact Jude somewhat resented. She was the one who had put a bullet into Caesar’s head, though she could admit that the battles would have been easier with Joshua’s tactical knowledge. And her friends were another problem. Raul and Veronica were romantics in their own right, and wouldn’t mind who Jude fell in love with, but Boone and Arcade hated the Legion and its legacy so much, it would take some convincing to show them Joshua was a changed man. “I can make it back on my own fine. I’ll fix up one of the brahmin carts, make the trip easier.”
“It must be done, and until it is, your heart will not rest easily,” Joshua said. “I say none of this lightly though. I do not wish you to go.”
He lowered his forehead to rest it against Jude’s. Her heartbeat was as fast as it had when she first recognized her feelings for the man, and she leaned into the touch.
His rich voice had the faintest hint of a plea in it, which tore at Jude’s heat. “Don’t go just yet.”