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Dean wasn’t worried at all. Nope. Not one bit. He wasn’t worried and shaking with fright, at this very moment. He most definitely was not wearing a hole in his rug from his constant pacing for over three hours.
He was simply thoughtful.
However, as much as Dean hated to admit this (he’d never out loud), he knew that he was beyond the point of worrying by now. Dean knew he was at the point of actual fear and terror that was coursing through his veins. He’d been at this point for probably the last three hours actually. But his worry had been going on for days now.
All thanks to little Castiel.
No, Castiel hadn’t done anything in actuality, himself per say, to worry Dean. It’s honestly wasn’t Cas’ fault at all. How could it be the eleven-month-old baby’s fault, that he was sick? No, Castiel wasn’t to play for his unfortunate first illness. Leaving Dean to worry his heart out even more than usual. He’d only been a father for eleven months and it seemed that every week, Castiel found a new way to scare Dean more and more. That and the fact that Dean was still trying to grab a hold of the reins of fatherhood, but he had yet to fully take hold of them. Every day was a learning experience for the both of them.
Including this experience, this time.
Dean leaned over the edge of the crib, when he heard Castiel’s irritated whines and snuffles. He swallowed thickly at the noise, leaning in to stroke the side of one of Castiel’s red cheeks. Alarm and panic began to run through Dean’s veins when he felt how warm Castiel’s cheeks were. Dean pressed his palms further against Castiel’s chubby cheek before pressing the back of his hand against Castiel’s forehead, like he used to do to Sammy when they were younger.
Castiel’s forehead was burning up.
Dean’s throat nearly closed and suddenly he felt that he wasn’t in control of his body anymore. Trembles coursed through his arms and legs, making his knees weak. If it wasn’t for the bar on the crib next to him Dean would have fallen straight to the floor. How much would that have helped Castiel?
Castiel whined softly, little fingers curling into tight, painful fists near his sweaty face. His eyes were clenched shut in obvious discomfort and by now Dean could see traces of tears on his cheeks. That was the final straw for Dean.
Pain, sickness, fear. Dean could handle all of that. But he was weak when it came to Castiel’s tears. Just one teardrop and Dean was succumbed to whatever the baby needed. And right now, Castiel needed help.
But what kind of help? A doctor? A hospital? Dean thought, mind racing wildly. I don’t know what to do. Is he really that bad, or is he really just a bit sick and I am overreacting? Dean paced back and forth in the room, finally maneuvering away from Castiel. Unable to bear the painful cries coming from the crib. Dean was new to all of this. New to parenting for Christ sake!
Dean didn’t understand when to go to the hospital and when to simply call a doctor. He didn’t understand the difference between a cold and a life-threatening illness. Castiel had never been sick before; this was the first time, and of course Castiel had to get sicker than most other kids. Always an overachiever. Worst of all, Dean was alone this weekend.
Sam had to stay home with their parents this weekend and was forbidden to go to Dean’s house until his grade in Chemistry improved. Currently it was at a B-. But of course their parents would take any excuse they could get to keep Sam from seeing their irresponsible older son. And Bobby was out of town for the week, with Ellen, Jo and Ash for Ellen’s birthday. They were seeing Ellen’s parents, so Dean couldn’t even get Bobby to come out and help them. Or even Ellen.
Dean never wished more than right in this moment that he could be surrounded by those who loved him and were here to help him and Cas out. Normally Dean would desire to assert his place in which he could raise Castiel as a single father without his family coddling him. Although this was more to prove his mother and father wrong.
Boy, his mother and father would have a ball at seeing the panicked phase Dean was going through. I can’t even take care of my son when he’s sick! Maybe they’re right. Dean thought bitterly, as he reached into the crib to pick Castiel up. The young baby began to cry loudly out of pain, but he somehow sensed that he was in Dean’s arms and snuggled deeper into Dean’s broad chest, as if trying to escape the pain and misery he was in currently. Dean swallowed and attempted to hush the baby with soothing words and a soft voice.
However, nothing seemed to be calming Castiel, and he only continued to increases his cries into wails. His fever wasn’t getting any cooler and by now his entire face was flushed and nearly covered with sweat. Dean knew he didn’t look any better, but he wasn’t sick. He was nervous.
“Oh Cas, what am I to do? What do I do?” Dean pleaded, realizing fully he was not about to receive an answer. Why would the eleven-month-old answer? “I’m sorry Cas, I’m so sorry. I wish I could take this all away buddy. I would do anything to trade places with you buddy. I’m so sorry.” Dean whispered, voice raw of emotion. He just couldn’t believe he had let Castiel get this bad. But how bad?
Screw it all.
“That’s it Cas, I got to get you to a hospital buddy. I don’t care what anyone thinks.” Dean growled, scuffling out of his room quickly. Dean hurried to put his coat on and bundle Castiel up, who unfortunately was a very unwilling participant to help Dean. With that Dean was out the door, slamming it shut behind him and the last sounds to be heard in the apartment were the heart wrenching cries of a young baby.
And the sound of a heart breaking.
X.X.X.X
“Please I need help. Please can’t one of you help?” Dean pleaded. Normally he was not a beggar; instead he was assertive and demanded others to listen to him. But Castiel always twisted Dean’s emotions and rewired the teen. Especially in a crisis like this.
Luckily the main nurse at the station was a kind older woman, in her early forties, with soft eyes and a gentle smile. She did not look at Dean with judgment or horror as some were looking at him and Castiel. She also did not completely ignore him for other patients.
“Hello sweetheart, how can I help you?” She asked softly, just barely enough to be heard over the crying Castiel. Dean took a deep, shuddering breath. “Oh dear, what have we hear? Is someone being fussy?” He eyes traveled to Castiel and a frown tugged at her lips. Dean hugged Castiel closer to his body.
“U-Um yeah, he’s pretty fussy right now. Been for about a day or so.” Dean began weakly. “B-But that’s not the problem ma’am. He’s sick, really sick. For about a week by now. At first I thought it was just a simple cold, I called my grandfather and he told me that babies can get colds and to give him medicine and just keep an eye on him. He helped me out with Cas for most of the week but he’s gone this weekend and I was left alone, but yesterday Cas got worse. Like real bad. And he’s only getting worse and I tried to figure out what to do! But I didn’t know! Cas is sick and he could die and he’s all I have left anymore and I can’t let anything happen to him! Not Cas! I just didn’t know what to do so I brought him here and –”
The nurse brought her hands up to Dean’s shoulders and grabbed the teen tightly. He eyes were filled with worry but also there were hints of fierce determination in his eyes. The same kind of determination Dean had seen in Ellen when she worried about her kids or Dean.
“Hey, hey sweetheart. Calm down, alright? Take a deep breath. There you go, in just like that. Not let it out. And another. There we go, just breathe.” She commanded in soft but firm voice. Dean hiccupped, feeling his eyes water but he did as he was told. “Alright sweetheart, now you did the right thing alright? There’s no need to panic, because that’s what we are here for. We’re here to help out - Cas right?” Dean nodded shakily. “Good. We can help Cas out, so you did the right thing getting him here. Now, of course babies will get sick. Unfortunately their immune system is not as great as ours. Even in my old age, my immune system never fails me.
A weak smiled graced Dean’s lips. “I don’t think you’re that old ma’am.”
“Very polite. That’s not something you see in a lot of younger kids these days.” The nurse smiled at Dean. “My name is Janet sweetheart. I’m the head nurse here.”
“Dean. Dean Winchester. And this is my son, Castiel.” Dean introduced.
“What a beautiful name for a precious child. Poor baby, do you not feel well? Huh, are you unwell today?” The woman cooed towards Castiel and held out her arms. Dean hesitated, only drawing Castiel closer to his chest and his eyes became wary. She wanted to take him? But upon hearing Castiel’s screams, he gave in and handed Janet his son. Instantly Janet held the baby close to her breast and gently stroked his cheek.
“Aw you poor baby, you don’t look so hot. Shall we figure out what is wrong? It’s a good thing you have such a good daddy who loves you and got you here, so we can help take care of you.” Janet said. Suddenly she moved away from her desk and moved toward the large doors leading away from the waiting room.
“W – Where are you taking him? Where are you going?” Dean cried, scrambling to catch up with her, only to be stopped by another nurse. This one was male. “Stop! Give him back! Where are you taking him?!”
“Dean, sweetheart, I promise you will see Castiel again. But right now, I need a doctor to look at him so we can make him better again. If my suspicions about his illness are confirmed, Castiel needs help. Immediately.” Janet turned to face Dean as she spoke, before she rushed through the double doors and Castiel was out of Dean’s sights. Dean thrashed violently trying to reach his son, when Castiel’s wails could no longer be heard.
“Hey brother, calm down. He’ll be safe. With Janet, he’s in the best care he could get. Don’t worry, that kid of yours will be safe.” The nurse holding Dean back said gruffly. Dean growled and thrashed but the large nurse wasn’t budging.
Until Dean finally wore himself out. Only then did he let himself breakdown and cry.
Dean’s knees gave out from under him and if it wasn’t for the nurse he would have hit the floor hard. The nurse knelt next to him, awkwardly holding him in his arms while Dean cried and cried.
“Hush now kid, it’ll be fine. You’re kid will be tough. You’ll see. Everything is going to be fine.” The nurse said gently. Dean felt warm near the nurse, as if he was with someone he trusted. Like Bobby or Ellen. Dean continued to cry and cry. He didn’t stop after ten minutes or even half an hour. It took over an hour before Dean could finally stop bawling. Tears still ran from his eyes, much to his embarrassment. His cheeks warmed as he realized he had been crying like a little child, in the arms of a complete stranger right in the middle of a public hospital waiting room.
Not his finest moment.
This male nurse must have been an angel sent from heaven. Well, if angels were tall, broad and scruffy. Like a Paul Bunyan morphed with an angel type of person. For he didn’t leave Dean once, or make him feel like an idiot for crying and lashing out. He didn’t make Dean speak or even apologize. Instead, the tall man led Dean to some chairs in the back of the nurses’ station and gave him a cup of coffee to refuel.
Dean smiled wobbly. “Thanks man.”
“No problem brother.” The nurse nodded, glancing over some paperwork in his hands. Dean felt a tinge of guilt in his stomach, realizing he had kept this man from his job. “Are you doing alright now?”
Dean startled, blinking at the man. “Huh?”
“Are you going to be alright right now? Or would you rather be somewhere a bit more privet?” The man repeated. Nothing in his voice hinted at anger or sarcasm, but rather there was concern to be found.
Dean blushed. “Uh, no thanks. I’m good now. Sorry about that. I don’t really like to leave Cas alone…ever.” He rubbed the back of his neck. To his surprise the nurse chuckled and nodded, taking a seat next to Dean.
“I understand brother. It can be hard letting kids out of your site, especially when they are that young. But let me tell you, that Cas is in the most capable hands this hospital has to offer. He’ll be safe with them.” The nurse said, giving Dean a bit more room to relax and feel at ease. He felt like he could finally breathe for the first time in days.
“That’s…that’s good.” Dean sighed.
“Oh, the name Benny by the way.” The man introduced and one of his hands reached out to shake Dean’s hand. Dean smiled and shook hands.
“I’m Dean.” There were a few moments of silence. It wasn’t awkward or tense, but neither had anything to say. “So, you don’t think that it is irresponsible that a teenager has a son?”
“Nah. What I don’t know ain’t my business. It’s yours and I’m not about to poke or prod into it. Besides, it doesn’t matter how old you are kid, it’s obvious you love that boy more than some parents love their kids and they’re much older than you. And you’re taking pretty good care of that boy too.” Benny replied with a small shrug and leaned back in his chair as he filled out some paperwork. Dean sighed and he couldn’t help but smile at this nurse. He was certainly unlike most people he had ever met before.
“Dean?”
“Sam? What are you doing here?!” Dean shot from his chair just as Sam body plowed into Dean for a hug. The lean and shorter boy wrapped Dean in a tight hug, burying his face in Dean’s leather jacket. Dean blinked.
“Ah, that would be my fault.” Benny waved from his seat. “While you were so upset I decided to call someone you knew, and Sam’s name was one of the most recent calls made, and there were a lot of calls made to this brother. I figured you could use a bit of comfort right now.” Benny explained with a gentle grin. Sam nodded into Dean’s chest and Dean could feel his throat tighten, while Sam pulled away. His face was a look of mock anger and the pre-teen slapped Dean on the arm.
“Ow! What the hell man?”
“You couldn’t call me? At all?! To tell me that my nephew was sick? And then I had to learn from some random nurse that Cas was in the hospital and you were having a mental break down! Why didn’t you call me?!”
“You were with mom and dad –”
“No! I don’t care. You call me, especially when you need help. I don’t care where I’m at, you need to call me. I could have helped you Dean. I could have comforted you.” Sam interrupted firmly. “You’re my big brother Dean, and Cas is my little nephew. I love you guys. I know you’re supposed to help and protect me, but it goes the other way too Dean. I’m always here for you and whenever you need my help, no matter when or where, I am here for you man. I’m here to help and give you whatever support you need, because I love you. So don’t ever do that to me again!” Sam smacked Dean’s shoulder one more time and the older brother pouted.
“I’m sorry Sam.” Dean whispered. “But what about mom and dad?”
“I told them I had to help you and take care of something and no matter what they said I was going. They couldn’t stop me.” Sam growled bitterly. “But enough about them. How’s Cas? Where is he? Did they say what was wrong?”
Dean’s smile turned into a grimace. Right as he was about to speak, Janet’s voice broke through the room.
“Dean Winchester?”
X.X.X.X
“Pneumonia. He had pneumonia Sammy. He could have died.” Dean’s voice was so quiet and so sorrowful that Sam had to strain to hear his brother, despite standing right next to him. Tears prickled in Sam’s eyes.
“But he’s getting better now. They caught it, so they can administer medicine and keep him monitored. At least it was bacterial so they can give him antibiotics and make him healthy again. He’s even breathing better.” Sam tried desperately to cheer his brother up. But it was a failed attempt. How could he cheer Dean up, when Sam’s nephew lay in a small bed, hooked up to oxygen through his nose and an IV through his hand? Cas was still pale, paler than his usual self and his cheeks were rosy. But he wasn’t crying or wheezing any more. That was a good sign. Right?
“But he can’t breathe on his own.” Dean spat. “He has to freaking been given oxygen just so he won’t die, and he’s not even a year old yet.”
“So what? It was pneumonia, Dean! He’s not going to bounce back and be peachy in less than a day. This could take a while.”
“But why pneumonia? Why Cas? Why did he have to go through this? Cas didn’t deserve this Sammy. He doesn’t deserve to be stuck in a hospital. He deserves to be home, sleeping peacefully and cuddling with is teddy bear.” Dean croaked. His finger stroke one of Castiel’s bright red cheeks and the baby snuffled closer to his father’s touch. Out of focus blues eyes blinked tiredly up at Dean. Cas’ eyes were foggy and his eyelids drooped as he turned to face Dean. Upon seeing his father, Castiel’s foggy blue eyes lit up as much as they could in his current state and his little arms rose. Quiet streams of babble escaped the eleven-month-old’s mouth, with words from English and of Castiel’s own little language.
“Dada. Dada! Sammy!” Castiel mumbled sleepily. His little arms waved around and Sam grinned.
“Hey there buddy, how are you feeling? How are you? I bet you feel sleepy huh? I hope you’re feeling better.” Sam allowed one of Castiel’s hands to wrap around his index and middle fingers. Castiel grinned weakly, but his other hand waved impatiently.
“Sammy! Dada! A dada.” Castiel grunted.
“Looks like Cas wants his daddy.” Sam laughed. His laughter quieted at the heartbroken look on Dean’s face. “Dean, it wasn’t your fault. Castiel needs you right now.” He said.
“Sam’s right kiddo.” Sam and Dean both turned around to see Bobby and Ellen entering the room. Castiel’s foggy eyes locked onto the two and his babble started up again.
“G’mpa! G’mpa! G’ma! Dada!” Castiel babbled. Bobby and Ellen chuckled, both leaning over to press a kiss to the sick baby’s head.
Bobby was the first to face Dean. “Come here you dofus.” Bobby pulled the emotional teen into a tight embrace, feeling the tremors travel down Dean’s body. “You’re brother’s right Dean. This wasn’t your fault. Yes, it is every parent’s worst nightmare, but it wasn’t your fault. You can’t save Castiel from everything. Kids will get sick, and unfortunately pneumonia is an illness anyone can catch at any age kiddo. You just have to remember you took care of Castiel and did the best thing any parent could; you got help. When you were all alone, you went out and sought help so that Castiel could be better.”
“But why Cas? Why him? He doesn’t deserve it.” Dean sniffed into Bobby’s vest. Ellen walked over and removed Dean from Bobby’s arm and hugged the teen. Bobby stood to entertain Cas with Sam.
“Why do children still get cancer? None of those kids deserve that, but it still happens to even the people who deserve to be sick the least. Of course Castiel doesn’t deserve it honey. You and Cas are the last people on Earth besides Sam and my kids, who deserve this kind of pain. But it happens. It sucks and you want to kick and scream because it is so unfair but it happens, honey. The only thing that matters now is you did your job as a parent, and now Cas can recover. He is alive and talking his baby gibberish to Sam and Bobby because of you Dean. Thanks to you, your son is alive. Just remember that.” Ellen replied, rubbing Dean’s arms as the teen wiped his eyes and his nose. He nodded with a wobbly smile. He felt mortified at how much crying he had done in one day, and in front of so many people.
“Now, your son wants to talk to you and be with, so you go right on and help him out. Bobby and I are going to find that nice young man who called us about Cas and yourself.” Dean had to smile at this. “I believe he was a nurse.
“Yeah. Benny. He was a good guy. Really…helped me.”
“Dada?” Dean turned around sharply, with his eyes locking onto Castiel’s sleepy eyes. As he walked over to the cot holding Cas, Bobby and Ellen left the room as quietly as they could. With fingers as gentle as feathers, Dean rubbed a thumb against the oxygen tube around Castiel’s face. Cas let out a mighty yawn and Dean chuckled.
“Tired little angel?”
“Dada.”
“Yeah little angel, its daddy.” Dean smiled as Castiel’s wrapped his chubby fingers around Dean’s thumb and his eyelids drooped. Sam beamed from where he stood.
“Dada. S’mmy.” Cas yawned once more.
“That’s right. Daddy and Sammy are here to watch over you little angel. Now and forever.”