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Magnus was half asleep, the warmth of Alec’s back against his chest seeping into him and making his eyelids droop with exhaustion, but he wouldn’t let himself be pulled under just yet. His lips were still a little bit swollen and his body slightly sore, but he was so content with the feeling of their legs tangled together under the silk sheets, his arm thrown around Alec’s waist and their fingers entwined loosely. He listened to the steady breaths that filtered in and out of his boyfriend’s lungs as he willingly drowned in their closeness, and his own breathing sped up just a little bit.
It was not the first time that he forced himself to stay awake, to take in the sensation of someone else’s skin against his own and to fully appreciate tickle of hair against his nose and the snores that sounded in the otherwise quiet night. This was one of his guilty pleasures, letting his thoughts and affections run wild where no one else could see them. He encouraged himself to release the full weight of his adoration, to let his heart beat out of control and his overwhelming love bounce around in between the walls of their room. It was the small moment in time where he allowed himself to open up completely.
He had so many memories of nights spent alone in this very bed, his limbs stretched out to take up the empty space, and how he would dread sinking under the covers every night. During the day it had been easier for him to forget that he was by himself. Between dealing with clients and visiting friends he always seemed to have something to do. But when the sun sunk below the horizon and there was no one left to talk to besides his own reflection in the mirror, he felt nearly sick at the sight of the unruffled sheets and the dip in only one side of the mattress. It had taken him a while to get used to the presence of someone else beside him again, but it was certainly a welcome occurrence.
Lately he had been sinking lower and lower into this net of surety, a place where he knew his heart was secure and unharmed, and for the first time in so many years he wasn’t afraid. It had been different with his past lovers, like he was always sitting on the edge of a chair, ready to hop up and run the second there was a hint of danger. He had been low before he met Alec, had gone nearly a century with no one’s hand to hold and no one’s laugh to send pleasant shivers down his spine. He had foregone the intimacy that his entire being so desperately craved out of sheer terror.
Magnus Bane was a man who had experienced so much heartbreak and tragedy that he spent a lifetime forgetting what safety felt like, and with every gentle brush of lips and tentative drag of fingers he was learning a new lesson. His anxieties were coming undone, unraveling and spinning and making him dizzy as the very ground he stood on blew up beneath him and he was sent into a freefall. Even so, he never felt like he was going to break when he finally landed on solid ground again. More than anything, he was convinced that Alec would already be waiting there for him, his arms held at the ready to catch him and put him back on his feet. It was a strange sensation, knowing that he would always have someone to hold onto when he found himself out of balance.
Alec shifted suddenly, his back somehow pressing more firmly into Magnus’ front, and the sigh that left his mouth nearly brought tears to Magnus’ eyes. He nuzzled his face into the back of Alec’s neck, scrunching his eyes closed as this new, yet intimately familiar onslaught of emotion rushed through his entire body.
“Do you even know what you’ve done to me?” Magnus whispered into Alec’s skin, every cell in his body gasping for air and waiting for the pressure of his tenderness to ease up just a little bit.
The first time he had laid eyes on the tall Shadowhunter with messy dark hair and intense hazel eyes that widened at the sight of him, he had warned himself over and over to not let himself get lost, to make sure he knew how to find his way back in case running after Alexander Lightwood’s heart proved to be a foolish decision. It was the most terrifying journey he had ever been on, and he hadn’t even left New York.
He had waited and waited, pushed and pulled back, yearned and poured his soul on the floor for this man he just met to see in all its broken and desperate glory, and it nearly ruined him. But then Alec strode forward to meet him halfway, dumped his own soul into Magnus’ open arms in the inelegant and inexperienced way that only he could, and the connection was immediate. Their souls had intertwined, connected with each other in a way that was instantaneous and inseparable, and the change that occurred could not be undone. Magnus no longer saw himself as being lost, but instead knew that all along he had been clearing out a pathway that lead to greatness.
He looked over Alec’s head to see the omamori sitting idly on the nightstand, acting as a golden nightlight, and a new kind of warmth spread through him. Not only did he have Alec all to himself, but he got to keep him for the rest of eternity. It was new, a decision they had made together, and even after weeks of knowing their fate was sealed he still had trouble believing it. He had never imagined that someone would see him, get to know him in the most intimate way possible, and want to stick around for more.
Alec’s soul was a complex and intricate puzzle that Magnus was still trying to piece together, but it was just as much a part of him as it was a part of Alec himself, and he would never give that up.
He held his breath for a moment, hugged his boyfriend closer, and released it, finally letting himself relax. The pull of sleep was too great, and he succumbed to it, allowing it to draw him in just like Alec’s heart had with his own.
He made sure to press his smiling lips to Alec’s shoulder one last time before the world fell away and his dreams full of golden light and words exchanged above fingers adorned with rings took over.