Chapter Text
"Honesty is the best policy." Minsoo says.
"Friends don't keep secrets from each other." Chanhee says.
He knew they were right but what if telling the truth could possibly ruin everything that means the most in your life?
Choi Jonghyun knew he had done just that. He knew his friendship and career were now pretty much destroyed just because he took advice from his hyungs.
It was the first week of the brand new year of 2014 and here he sat on the edge of his best friend’s bed waiting for his world to come crashing down. Too scared to look at the boy sitting next to him, he stared down at his hands that were fidgeting in his lap.
Every silence filled second that passed made him more and more scared. He wished the other boy would say something; ANYTHING. He knew there would be no way he’d ever get the one thing his heart truly desired, he just wanted to come out of this with their friendship intact.
At one point he did say, “Jonghyun, I…” but that was followed by more silence. He couldn’t be upset at him though. He couldn’t imagine how awkward it would feel to have your straight best friend confess that he’s in love with you. He knew it was a bad spot he put the boy in but he was ready for the rejection that would come from it.
But waiting to hear the rejection was driving him crazy so he took a deep breath, stood up and turned to face his friend, “Look hyung, I’m sorry okay! I mean………I just…………I wanted to be honest with you! I……” he could feel himself trembling inside as he forced himself to look into Changhyun’s beautiful brown eyes.
He really hoped Changhyun couldn’t see the tears he was fighting to hold back.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.” He lost the fight.
“Jonghyun, come here.” Changhyun gently grabbed his hand and pulled him until he was sitting back on the bed.
“Look,” he started as he put an arm around the maknae’s shoulder, “how you feel is not something you have any control over so don’t apologize for it.”
Jonghyun nodded slowly as he used his sleeves to wipe his face. Changhyun’s kindness and understand was making him feel more emotional instead of calming him down.
“And, having somebody love you isn’t exactly the worst thing that could happen to a guy. Especially when that somebody is as amazing as you.” Jonghyun would’ve smiled at the compliment if he wasn’t using every bit of his energy to calm the storm of emotions that were trying to overtake him.
“So you don’t hate me?” He sniffled, hating how much of a child he sounded like at that moment.
“Jonghyun-ah, look at me,” he turned to once again look his friend in the eyes (which almost made him lose it again), “you’re my best friend. I could never hate you.” Changhyun said with the most compassionate and sincere look on his flawless face.
Just then Chanhee had called them for dinner so Changhyun went ahead as he took a few moments to get himself together.
Changhyun’s words did nothing to placate him. Everything was ruined in his mind and he had no idea how to fix it.
~~~~~~~~~
Changhyun seemed normal. Too normal. Like a forced type of normal. Something had to be up. It had that he was just pretending to not be freaked out so that his friend wouldn’t feel bad.
The thought of the other being uncomfortable due to his romantic feelings for him made him sick inside.
In his mind there was only one way to make this better. Total avoidance. He needed to give Changhyun space and lots of it. For his sake only of course and not at all because being alone with him now scared him to death.
So at fan signings he made sure that he was quick to pick a seat at the end with another member sitting next to him. He got a few weird looks from a few of them (plus a confused look from Changhyun) but he knew it was from the best.
He was sure the eldest maknae wouldn’t want to participate in their nightly ritual of joking around before bedtime anymore so he made sure that when Changhyun came to bed he was already laying down with the covers pulled over his head. Or he just wouldn’t come in there until the other boy was already sleeping. This sometimes led to him sleeping on the couch.
He knew he had to be extra careful especially after the incident when he walked into their room and Changhyun was changing his shirt. Sure, it was something innocent that all of them had done around each other. Heck, a lot of the time they practically walked around naked and didn’t care. But because of the situation, he bolted from the room and the dorm and ended up hiding in their company’s dance practice room until he HAD to go home.
There were other things like making excuses to not go places with his best friend and secretly asking their manager to pair him with someone else when they had to stay at a hotel.
At this point the others were starting to notice something was up. The elders of the group thought about getting involved but they decided to give it a while hoping that whatever it was they could work out themselves.
Another day came where the youngest found himself one of the few group members with no individual schedule to attend to. So he did some dancing in their studio, took a couple selcas, and wandered around nowhere in particular while trying to stay hidden from fans. Before he knew it a day had been wasted away and it was time to go home.
When he got back he was greeted with a smack across the back of his head for being out so late and a plate of hot pepperoni pizza which he took to his room to eat. Daniel was still out and to his relief so was Changhyun. About an hour and a half later the bedroom door opened and in walked a very tired looking Changhyun.
“Hey,” he greeted him.
“Hey,” he returned the greeting as he looked down at his plate of crumbs.
The boy threw his jacket on his bed and turned to face his friend. He was waiting for a follow-up question or some kind of commentary but there was only silence and he frowned.
After a few more seconds of nothing he thought he’d go and take the initiative, “So what did you do today?”
“Um, nothing much. Hey I’m gonna go see what’s on tv.” And with that he got up with his plate and left the room. Leaving Changhyun feeling like he did when he was 7 and nobody picked him for their soccer game. Or when he was 8 and his parents got mixed up on who would pick him up for school so he sat at the curb feeling like everybody forgot him for 4 hours.
Jonghyun tossed his plate in the sink and plopped on the couch ignoring the weird looks the others were giving him.
“Should we say something?” Chanhee whispered in Minsoo’s ear.
“Nah, give it a little more time, I’m sure they’ll work it out.” The leader replied to him.
Changhyun let out an exasperated sigh and went to go take a shower. He thought everything was okay with them the day Jonghyun confessed; so what was going on? He replayed in his head that day over and over and yet still didn’t understand what had gone wrong.
Instead of feeling relaxed from the hot shower he was only tenser. He had had it to be honest and decided that if nothing was going to change on its own, he’d make it.
After getting dressed he went into the living room to see his roommate playing a video game with Byunghyun.
He tapped him on the shoulder, “Jonghyun-ah, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Not now hyung, I’m busy.” He said without looking up at him.
Changhyun gritted his teeth and took a deep breath to calm himself as he tapped him again, “I REALLY need to talk to you like right now PLEASE.”
Jonghyun tensed up, “Hyung, I’m busy okay? Later.” He tried to say as nonchalantly as possible.
That was it. Changhyun grabbed the controller out of his hand and threw it on the floor. He then grabbed a fistful of the boy’s hoodie yanking him up from the couch and dragging him towards their room.
Minsoo took the maknae’s place on the couch and picked up the PS3 controller and glanced over at the vocalist with a smirk on his face, “See I told you.” Earning a snort from Chanhee.
After successfully dragging his friend to their bedroom, he pushed him inside and slammed their door shut.
Jonghyun stood there stunned. He’d never seen the boy that upset before and also he didn’t realize he possessed that kind of strength.
When he turned to face him the look on his face made him want to cry and throw up at the same time. It was pain; pain that he knew he was the cause of.
He slowly walked closer until was right in front of him, “Look,” he paused for a moment as he gathered the words in his head, “I’m sorry, that when you told me what you told me that day my reaction wasn’t to reciprocate your feelings. I wish I could’ve but I couldn’t. I’m sorry okay! You took me by surprise and I didn’t want to hurt you, but I didn’t know what else to say!” Changhyun was almost yelling by this point and it almost scared the younger because he’d never seen him like this before, “What exactly did I do wrong? I need to know! Please tell me so I can fix this!”
“Hyung, you didn’t do anything wrong!”
“Then why are you angry at me Jonghyun? Why? You won’t look at me or talk to me or anything?”
“I’m not angry at you hyung, I swear I’m not!!!” He was almost yelling now.
“Well what the fuck is it then?”
“I don’t know I just….” He trailed off and angrily raked his fingers through his head as he paced around for a second before letting his body fall back on his bed.
“WELL?”
“I just, thought that, I dunno, after everything that happened, maybe I needed to be away from you for a while.”
“Oh, well if you needed some space then why didn’t you just tell me?” Hurt evident in his voice.
Jonghyun groaned in frustration and threw his hands over his face, “No no no not like that! I mean I thought maybe that’s what YOU wanted.”
“Why would I want that?” He said quietly as he sat down on the edge of the maknae’s bed.
“I dunno, I guess to process everything. Maybe I thought you might feel kinda awkward or uncomfortable around me or something.”
Changhyun sighed and fell back on the bed. Jonghyun peeked through his fingers at him. He was looking at him. The older reached over and gently pulled his hand away and they just stared at each other for a while before a smile spread across his face. Jonghyun slightly smiled as well.
“You’re, such a dumbass.” He said to the maknae.
“I know. I guess………I guess I was just scared. I’m sorry Changhyun.”
“It’s okay. Just, talk to me next time okay?” The other nodded in response.
Changhyun sat up a bit and scooted closer to him. He laid his head on Jonghyun’s muscular chest throwing an arm around his waist and one of his legs over his.
“Mmmmm,” he hummed, “I feel so awkward and uncomfortable right now.”
Jonghyun let out a loud laugh and wrapped one of his own arms around his also laughing hyung.
Total avoidance; NOT a good idea (so he came to realize). Maybe the elders in Teen Top had given him good advice after all. Not that he’d ever tell them that.