Chapter Text
I got low. I didn’t see an end. So I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out.
Those words echoed in his head.
Bruce gently leaned back on Tony’s extremely comfortable sofa. His whole body hurt after letting The Hulk loose after such a long time. He felt a grunt of satisfaction from the guy. He had fun today, smashing to his heart’s content, but the battle had still taken a toll on him. So thankfully the snarls and grunts from him Bruce usually had to work hard to control and ignore were silent.
That left him alone in his head to go over what happened on the Helicarrier. He hadn't meant to tell them that. He could still see their faces, the expressions on them, shock, surprise, pity. Tony had looked especially stunned. He knew that they would want to discuss this further. Thankfully everything that had happened after that had ensured that none of them had any time to talk to him. He certainly wasn't looking forward to that conversation.
All of them were sitting around him now in the ruined living room at Stark Tower. The battle had wiped them all out and even Thor was feeling pretty exhausted. So after the team had secured Loki from Stark Tower and handed him over to SHIELD for safekeeping, till Thor took him back to Asgard, they had shawarma at Tony’s insistence.
After that was done all of them returned to Stark Tower to recuperate till it was time to escort Loki and the tesseract back to Asgard. Bruce was itching to leave but he understood the Captain's request that he stay till Loki was 'deported' as the Hulk seemed to be the only one who could prevent his escape.
In Tony’s living room it was an unusual sight. Natasha and Barton sat at a table in a corner talking earnestly to each other in low tones. Captain America stood at the window Loki had thrown Tony through, gazing at the wreckage below him. New York was still chaotic. SHIELD had started organizing local authorities for cleanup and Bruce knew that the Captain would be down there doing whatever he could do to help if Fury hadn't ordered him to “take a break soldier”. His expression was a mixture of awe and anger gazing at the chaos below.
Thor was slumped on the counter were he had gathered whatever he could find in the kitchen and was gobbling it down. Watching him his own stomach gave a twinge. The shawarma hadn't nearly been enough. He burned up a lot of calories during the transformations. There was a huge clanging sound from below, some cursing. Finally Tony stumbled through elevator. His two robots rolling out after him. He made his way to his half ruined bar stepped over the glass that littered the floor.
“DUM-E find a broom. Butterfingers find U and start gathering the broken pieces of furniture. JARVIS-“
“I took the liberty of making an appointment with the contractors for tomorrow, Sir.” came JARVIS’s cool voice.
"Tell them to leave the Loki-dent as it is. It's pretty."
"I thought you might say so sir they already have the instructions to leave it untouched."
Tony grunted and poured himself a shot of whiskey. After downing it he took a deep breath and turned to take in everyone else. Everyone kept doing what they were doing.
He had gone down to his lab straight after getting back form the shawarma place to do some repairs on JARVIS, he had only come out an hour later. Tony’s eyes met Bruce’s who was sitting in the same place he had collapsed in when he had entered. Bruce gave him a tired smile, Tony returned it and went back to pouring more whiskey for himself. He then picked up a couple of glasses and went around offering everyone a glass. Captain and Bruce declined, Thor thanked Tony and Natasha took the whole bottle took a swig and passed it to Barton who finished the rest. He still looked a bit shaken but better. Well better for a guy who just had a crazy alien god messing around in his head.
Tony made his way to the huge comfy sofa Bruce was sitting on and gingerly lowered himself on it wincing. The fall had roughed him up pretty good. The Hulk hadn't been really gentle either and Bruce flinched seeing the black and purple bruises peeking from the top of Tony’s old Metallica T-shirt. Tony noticed and frowned.
“Stop it. These are from the fight. He was really careful. Otherwise my neck would've snapped.”
Bruce nodded not believing him at all but going back to staring at the ceiling.
“Sooo.” started Tony hesitantly.
Bruce turned his head towards him. Captain had stepped away from the window and was sitting on a chair looking at him. Natasha and Clint had stopped talking and were staring too. Thor was still eating while clearly paying attention. Bruce sighed internally. He had known this was coming and was really not liking it. He knew that ignoring it wouldn't make it go away so he sat up and turned to look at Tony.
“Yes?”
“He spit it out?”
“Do we have to do this now?”
“Dr. Banner what were you-“Captain America started.
“That is none of your concern-“
“What were you thinking!” Tony cut in furiously.
“Look I appreciate the concern, I really do, but I barely know any-“
“Self-harm is nev-“began Captain again.
"Despite what you may believe Captain, this is not a team. You are not our leader and I am not your responsibility." Bruce spoke sharply. "No this is just a bunch of dangerous people gathered to deal with a threat. As soon as that is done all of us will be on SHIELD's list ourselves and I for one am not looking forward to being locked up and experimented on yet again."
No one spoke after that. Natasha looked at Bruce with a calculating gaze that made him certain that SHIELD had no plans of letting him go. Well he wasn't going down without a fight.
Tony looked like his was solving a particularly difficult equation in his head. While Steve had a frown on his face.
"While you might not think of this as a team Mr. Banner but still I can not just let go of the fact that you tried to end your life-"
“Well I can’t do that now can I? I can’t ‘end’ myself. I can’t! I CAN NOT DIE. Though it’s not due to a lack of trying let me tell you that. He doesn't let me! Nothing works. I can’t die, either by getting poisoned or by falling off mountains; I can’t even drown to death. I’ve tried!” he snapped losing his cool. “Everything. Believe me I have had a lot of time on my hands before I moved on and started trying to help people.”
“Do you have any idea how it feels to be inside his head-your own head-watching what you’re doing every blow, every hit. Trapped. Watching everything, experiencing everything unable to do or change anything. Everyone thinks that I don’t remember what I did after I change back. They’re wrong I remember everything. That’s not even the worse part, no the worst part is that The Hulk isn't a separate entity the one who’s doing all that. It’s me! Every ounce of that-that anger, that rage. It’s all me. It’s always been me.”
Silence met his outburst. Tony and Captain and shared the same appalled expressions. Barton looked at him with sad eyes. Bruce could see that he understood what he was saying more than anyone in the room. Natasha was tensed, with a blank expression on her face but he could see that she had a hand on her gun under the table. Thor had stopped eating and was looking at him solemnly.
Bruce cringed internally. He sighed, got up and moved away sending reassuring thoughts to the Hulk who had started growling within, more due to the topic of conversation than because of any perceived threat. He knew his eyes had flashed green during his little flare-up, evidenced from the tense atmosphere in the room. The Hulk really didn't like it when he tried to end his life. He kept moving and went towards the elevator.
“Bruce.” came the Captain’s firm voice.
He took a deep breath and looked back. All of them were looking at him. He looked at Tony’s horror struck expression, sighed, and came back to where everyone was sitting.
“You don’t have to worry about me trying to blow my head off with a missile. It doesn't work either, and I have better things to do now.” when they still kept looking at him, he continued, “Look not that it’s any of your concern but I won’t be trying again either. I met-I had help from-a friend the last time it happened."
“That part of my life is over.” he didn't add the ‘for now’ he thought in his head.
Captain stayed silent for a few seconds nodded and got up, going to the fridge and getting himself a bottle of water. Natasha searched his eyes for a few seconds and went back to bandaging Clint’s hand. Thor went back to eating. Tony opened his mouth about to say something else when JARVIS interrupted him.
“Sir, Director Fury just left a message requesting for all the Avengers presence when they send Mr. Odinson back to Asgard. He told me to inform Sir Thor that his brother is ready for transportation.”
Bruce, thankful for the interruption, spoke quickly to avoid discussing the topic any further, “Great so I’ll be on my way after we go do that."
Captain America spoke up,” The Avengers are a team. Despite what you seem to think, you doctor, are a part of this team.”
“Oh stop with that soldier stuff Cap’n. And Bruce you are not leaving me here with these people with embarrassingly inadequate mental capabilities.” Tony said tapping away at his Stark phone which he had pulled out of his dirty jeans.” We just saved the world! You heard me we SAVED THE WORLD from freaky grabby aliens led by a fucking psychotic god with major daddy issues, no offense,” he directed at Thor who waved it away, “All of us deserve some well-earned downtime including you two.” he said looking up at Hawkeye and the Black Widow.
Barton began to speak but Stark interrupted him getting up. “I just arranged it with Fury,” he said gesturing at the Stark phone in his hand, “All of us get free time after our little errand. Come on Cap tell me you don’t want to spend some time traveling the country looking at everything that’s changed since your ancient times. I even have your old Street 750 in the garage somewhere. Dad kept it tuned. And Fury gave both of his agents vacation too. Full paid vacation might I add.”
“Fury gave us both a fully paid vacation.” she said in a disbelieving voice, “really?”
“I have ways of persuading the one-eyed menace. And I really think he wants to keep both of you out of sight for a while. Frosty reception on the Helicarrier and all that. Anyway, all of you guys will be staying here. I will make the necessary arrangements. After I get some minor repairs done of course.” he gestured at the ruin around him. Then in the same breath he continued.
“It will be no trouble and I have plenty of empty space. No pets. And it will be better if we’re in one place in case, you know, any more crazy icky aliens try to make a house call. That includes cats, not in the aliens, I meant the pet thing. I hate cats. Soul sucking little devils. No need to be concerned about privacy everyone will have their own floor. Fully equipped according to their needs of course. JARVIS take notes. A central gym, shooting range, the works, oh, put an order of about a hundred punching bags for now,” he continued ,talking quickly to JARVIS, as he walked by the Captain patting him on the shoulder. “A reinforced ramp on the roof capable of surviving continuous high velocity landings, grounded of course. A lab fully equipped for Bruce, the top floor for Thor, Cap’s own private gym in his room. Oh I have some ideas for a Hulk proof room. For any uh off days you may have. JARVIS pull up the file codenamed ‘Mondo martello demolitore’, that’s one of my favorite nicknames Big Green has. Sounds cooler in Italian. Yeah that’s the one.” he said gazing at his phone. “Display it in the lab. Run diagnostics. Pool on roof, upgrade our security system, missile proof glass. Put Hawkeye’s and Widow’s floors near to each other. Oh how about secret connecting passages between their bed-“
“Stark aren’t you getting a bit ahead of yourself? Thank you for your invitation but we really don’t want to impos-“ began Captain ,politely.
“Hold it. Yup you are right all of us do need to get out of New York for a vacation. So while I’ll be spending my vacation time in Malibu with Pepper. You spend the time traveling around as you wish. Thor will be in Asgard and you two will probably go to some super-secret spy resort for a while but after that you can crash here. Everything’s approved. And Bruce will join me in Malibu and we’ll do all sorts of really cool sciency stuff together in my labs that you can’t begin to understand at all. This will be enough time for the contractors and designers to transform this place. Keeping the dent the Hulk made in the floor with Loki, ofcourse. ”
He continued walking towards the elevator, “This is perfect. JARVIS pull up the towers blueprints in the lab. It’s your job to make sure my specifications are followed perfectly. To the letter.” The elevator pulled up he stepped in, still chattering away, and turned to face us. When he saw that everyone was standing there gawking at him he sighed and stepped out.
“Look here you guys have nowhere to live.” he pointed to me and Rogers.
“You need some place to stay whenever you’re on earth.” he addressed Thor who nodded.
“And Fury agrees with me that the Helicarrier probably isn’t the best place for you both to stay right now considering…. Well everything. You do know the WSC is going to start a witch hunt” Barton flinched and Natasha glared at Tony who looked apologetic and continued. “So let’s just get the formalities over with. Uh how does it go? Oh right. It’s no problem. It would be my pleasure. I insist. I have more money than I can probably spend in my whole life. Please do stay. And ha here’s the trump card- Fury agrees with me. It was his idea. No Cap’n no need to pay me back. It’s no big deal. If you insist SHIELD will foot the bill. It will be good for them. Ease the pressure on the stuffed bank accounts, cause I just peeked and man whoa! Now I know where all that tax money goes. ”
Banner started to speak trying to get in a word edge wise when he pointed Tony finger in his face. “No Banner you are not leaving. It will be alright you won’t break the tower. Big Green likes my pretty face too much. And trust me you’ll have a lot of fun. More so than you would have had in whatever mosquito infested country you were planing on going next. I still have to show you those R&D labs. So are we good or is there anymore stupid stuff someone wants to say?”
Bruce stayed quiet knowing that there would be no reasoning with him when he was like this. Barton nodded and Natasha stayed silent.
Captain opened his mouth to say something when Thor who had stopped eating a while ago walked up to Steve and placed his hand on Steve’s arm,” On Asgard it is considered a slight upon a hosts honor if one refuses a his kindness.” he spoke in a huge booming voice. "We will all gladly accept your invitation Man of Iron and I would be honored to share quarters with such brave warriors. I think that it would be best in light of the interest Midgard is receiving from the other realms now that it has proven itself strong. You will be soon seen as a threat to be eradicated. Now I find myself sufficiently reinvigorated. I would rest easy only when my brother is back on my planet. If all of you are rested enough I would request that you accompany me so that I can take my brother and the tesseract off this planet in short order.”
Tony sighed and grinned, “See the alien prince gets it.”
Captain frowned and then nodded his head. “Okay. You’re right yes. Hawkeye are you-can you do it?”
Clint took a deep breath, looked Captain America straight in the eye’s and said, “I’m fine. I can make it. Let’s just get it over with. ”
“Okay fine we’re taking the Quinjet? Wait will you guys be coming back here or will be starting the vacays early? ” came from Tony.
“Barton and I will be leaving for two weeks after seeing Loki off. Where we go is none of your business Stark. After that we will make our next move according to the Director’s orders.” The Black Widow spoke up.
“I really hoped to get an early start on the trip myself. I want to witness everything, so much has changed. It hasn’t really sunk in yet.” Captain said giving a small smile.
“Okay so you can take the Harley now. Will any of you need any stuff clothes, toothpaste anything?” Tony asked.
When Natasha shook her head he fell quiet satisfied.
Banner spoke up addressing Natasha “My stuff. I had a bag of my things with me when I went on the Helicarrier I would like it back.” Natasha put a finger to her ear, “Your possessions are already on site. The prisoner is already in transit. I suggest we hurry this along.”
“Yes please lets.” Came Tony’s plaintive appeal.
All of them started moving toward the elevator. As the door closed and the elevator started to drop, Tony started humming 'Here comes the Bride' and tapping his foot to the beat for some inexplicable reason. Thor closed his eyes and leaned against the wall while Captain America stared around the elevator in fascination. Both the assassins were adjusting their weapons and checking their ammunition clips. Banner couldn’t help but sigh and think that this was almost certainly going to end very badly.
--------------------------------------