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Asajj and I had a fight this afternoon. I should have known it was coming, but it still took me by surprise. I wanted to send a message to Bail Organa to see about admitting Annileen to the exobiology program t the University of Alderaan. I could see how much it had meant to her, even though she'd tried to hide it. It was the least I could do after all the help she'd given me. Asajj didn't share my sense of reciprocation, however.
I say 'fight'. It wasn't so much that as it was a chewing out. “What if it gets intercepted? What if they trace it back here? You'd really risk your life and Luke's so some stranger can go to school?” I tried explaining that it would have been over the secure link Bail had given me before we parted ways on Polis Massa (I don't know why I was so confident in that when I've had the same doubts myself), that even if it were intercepted before it got to Bail no one would look too closely at a university application. That just made her angrier. She stormed out hours ago saying she needed to “kill something”. I do hope she meant something for dinner instead of trying to go after a bantha...or a person.
She's scared, Qui-Gon. She's been trying to conceal it ever since Palpatine declared himself Emperor, but it's coming to the surface now. I'm afraid it's at least partially my fault. I've been so wrapped up in my own guilt over Anakin and trying to stay off the locals' spanners that I didn't see how terrified she was. For herself, for me, and, although she'd sooner pitch herself off a cliff before admitting it, for Luke. In her own way, she's trying even harder than I am to keep us all safe. She's had more practice at laying low, so I'm sure all the commotion I keep causing at the oasis has been more than frustrating for her. And combined with her attempts to keep away my memories and nightmares at night, it's been too much for her. I seem to have a talent for causing the ones I love pain.
Asajj has been gone for hours; she's even closed off our bond so I can't reach out to her. I don't like it when she's cross with me, Qui-Gon. We've wasted enough of our lives fighting each other. I don't want to keep going back to that when we've come so far. If she's not home before first sundown, I'm going out looking for her. I don't doubt that she can take care of herself, but even with the tenuous truce between the settlers and the Tuskens, Tatooine isn't a place for anyone to be alone after dark. If only she would open back up to me-
Someone's coming...
Annileen didn't fully understand why she was pushing Ben so hard to leave Tatooine with her and the kids. He'd already said, in so many words, that he had a child to look after. That should have been enough for her to stop right then and there, but it wasn't. She suggested options, saying that he could still provide for it off-planet like other fathers sometimes did. But he refused to budge. He was as stubborn as that bantha calf that had tried to knock down his house weeks ago. He didn't fit here; she knew it, the locals knew it, he knew it. There was no reason for him to stay in this miserable sandheap and waste his talents. He should be out in the galaxy, not trapped in an isolated hovel surrounded by sand, heat, Tuskens, and all manner of unpleasantness the planet had to offer. So why was he so insistent on pushing her away? What kind of man was he really to-
THUD! “Mom!” she heard Kallie and Jabe yell. Annileen had no idea what hit her, but whatever it was was strong...and sharp. Once she regained her bearings, she realized that her neck was about to become very good friends with a knife. A hand had fisted in her hair and pulled. Hard. She couldn't see her attacker, but she could see the horrified looks on her kids' upside down faces. “You have three seconds to explain who you are and why you're here before I paint the sand with your blood.” The voice hissing in her ear was definitely female, but deep, low, and...angry. She tried answering, but the blade was pressed too tightly to her throat. Fear began to eat into her heart. She was going to die here...
Another figure loomed over her to block out the setting suns. “She's a friend, A-Anyanka.” Ben! She hoped he could talk this crazy woman off of her before she made good on her threat. Wait...he said a name. He knows this woman?
Annileen allowed herself to breathe only when the weight lifted from her chest and the knife disappeared. Adrenaline was still rushing through her veins when she sat up and got a look at her assailant.
Dark trousers clung to long legs, a flowing shirt that was belted at the waist covered a slim torso, and a turban and veil covered her head. Only her eyes were exposed, and they were decidedly not friendly. They stared at Annileen as if they could pierce her heart. Annileen shivered despite the desert heat.
Ben came back into view when he put his hands on the woman's shoulders. Her hard gaze finally released the storekeeper to focus on Ben, softening only slightly. His lips didn't move, but Annileen could almost swear they were having a conversation of sorts. His hand slowly slid down an arm to gently pry the knife from pale, slender fingers.
In those few seconds, Annileen finally understood. This was why he wouldn't leave Tatooine. She was why he had turned distant when Annileen had, in a way, expressed her burgeoning feelings for the young hermit. When he had first entered the Claim what seemed so long ago, she had deduced that he was indeed living alone given how few household luxuries he had purchased, including just one pillow. That initial assessment had been so wrong, and Annileen was now kicking herself for her childish foolishness.
“I'm very sorry for that, Annileen,” he said, extending a hand to help her up.
She didn't take it. She stood up and gave him a hard look. “You lied to me.”
Ben blinked. “I'm sorry?”
“You've been lying to me from the beginning.” Annileen felt her face grow hot, whether from shame, anger, or a combination of both she didn't know nor care. “Not once did you mention...no. You know what? Doesn't matter. But all you had to do was say you had someone waiting for you and that would have been the end of it.”
The veiled woman snorted. “Right. Like you people wouldn't have gotten nosier if he'd told you. You did such a great job of leaving him alone when he said nothing, after all.”
Annileen turned to her, instinctively wanting to give her a piece of her mind as well, but one look at those vicious eyes and the words died in her throat. Whoever she was, she wasn't one to be trifled with even with her knife safely tucked into Ben's boot. Annileen opted for the safety of Ben instead. “Who are you really? How can I trust anything you say when I know that everything out of your mouth is a lie or a half-truth?”
“You can't,” the woman snapped venomously. “So move on before you learn another lesson the hard way.”
Ben let out a long sigh; Annileen had made that sound more times than she could count in regards to Kallie and Jabe. It was a sound of ultimate frustration. “Darling,” -Annileen involuntarily flinched at the endearment- “please.” He took her hand in his and turned a pleading look to those pale eyes that cut like a razor. “Would you give me a moment with Annileen?”
The look she gave him clearly said something along the lines of 'like hell, I will!', but it was unnecessary. “Don't bother,” Annileen interrupted. Most of the fight had drained out of her, leaving her feeling exhausted and heavy, along with a migraine trying to form behind her eyes. “Whoever you two are, you deserve each other. I guess I should thank you for exposing Orrin for the man he really was...and for getting me into the university...even though I didn't ask you to.” She sighed. “Yeah. Thanks for all that. Enjoy yourselves out here in the Wastes.”
She didn't slow down or look back when Ben called her name. He didn't matter anymore. His girlfriend/wife/whatever didn't matter. The important things were right in front of her in the landspeeder. Kallie and Jabe seemed like they hadn't blinked or breathed since the veiled woman made her appearance; Jabe looked as if he were trying to catch sandflies with his mouth gaping wide open. “And just what are you two looking at?” she snapped tiredly as she climbed into the driver's seat.
Kallie looked like she was going to cry. “He never said he had a girlfriend,” she muttered.
“What happened, Mom?” Jabe kept staring at the two figures, Ben now resting his forehead on the woman's shoulder when her arms encircled him. “Who was that?”
Annileen didn't look at him as she turned the landspeeder away from the hut and started out across the endless sands. “Nothing, and no one I'd care to meet again, Jabe.”
Annileen would let go of her disappointment and anger once she was above Tatooine airspace, on her way to a new life she'd secretly always dreamed of. She would even thank Ben for what he'd done for her. But right now she just wanted to stew for a bit.
“Did you have to be so harsh, darling?” Obi-Wan asked as Annileen walked away.
“Yes, I did,” she said simply, if snappishly. “I don't care how much of a bleeding heart you are, I'm not taking any chances with these people. Especially ones that seem so intent on snooping.”
He turned to her, one hand tugging the veil away to reveal a frown borne out of fear and an innate urge to protect their anonymity. That same hand cupped her cheek. “Some of them mean well, Asajj,” he whispered, just in case any unseen ears were nearby. “Annileen especially.”
“Forgive me if I don't share your trust in them.” At least her voice had lost its edge. “A lifetime of betrayal will do that.” She loosed a harsh exhale and shook her head. Her arms wrapped around him and one hand went to the back of his neck to draw him down to her shoulder. She sighed when he returned the embrace, sparing only the briefest glance at the retreating landspeeder. “I'm not taking any chances.”
Obi-Wan breathed deeply for a moment, the sharp aroma of sweat and hot flesh filling his nostrils. “I understand,” he mumbled against her. “I should have been more thoughtful of that earlier.”
Asajj stiffened for a beat, then relaxed into his arms. “I'm sorry for losing my temper. But you do realize how easy it would be for Sidious to find us if he got wind of that transmission, right?”
“I do but I took every precaution, as will Bail. If nothing else, trust me.”
She lifted his head to look him squarely in the eye. “I do trust you, Obi-Wan. It's everyone else I have a problem with.”
He chuckled. “As stubborn as ever.”
“And don't you forget it, my dear.”
A kiss to her hand, a gentle smile from them both, and their fight was officially over. “I assure you that's one thing about you I will never forget, my sweet.”
Asajj raised one eyebrow as a familiar heat entered her eyes. “Is that the only thing?”
Obi-Wan felt his face flush at the way she said that. “Asajj...”
The smile she gave him was at once promising and playfully mocking. “Dinner first. The I'll remind you of other things you need to remember about me.”
Asajj picked up the sack she had taken with her after their fight, now filled with several rodents and birds she would roast for their meal. Sack in one hand, her lover's in the other, she led him into their home and closed the door to the final light of day.
Our little spat is over, Qui-Gon. I'll admit, a part of me was worried that it would take longer to work out, given Asajj's ability to hold a grudge. I think her fear of discovery is a valid one, however, one that I need to be more mindful of. I know I've said it before, but this time I mean it: I can't keep going around as Obi-Wan anymore, not if I'm to keep both Luke and Asajj safe. Despite how much it goes against my nature, I can't keep intervening. I've drawn enough attention to myself as it is. And if the 'stormtroopers' don't kill me first, Asajj certainly will. No, Obi-Wan must be left behind if I'm to keep my family from harm.
My family.
I don't have to tell you how surprised I am to use that phrase, Qui-Gon. More surprising is who comprises my family: my best friend's child that should never have been born in the first place, and the woman whose only mission in life once was to have my head on her wall. The irony of it all hasn't escaped me, Master. I see now that pretending Anakin's love for Padme didn't exist was a mistake. He internalized so much and I didn't help in the slightest. Another of my failings with him. And to make it worse, I became involved with Asajj and kept it hidden. For obvious reasons, of course, but I still turned my back on one of the most basic rules of the Order while still lecturing Anakin about attachment. Perhaps if the Order could have allowed such relationships, but teach us to let them go if the Force willed it without fear, without anger, then maybe all of this wouldn't have happened..
I'm sorry. I'm ruminating again. Asajj just told me to stop thinking so much. She's right. These thoughts won't change anything. What's done is done, and all I can do now is move forward. Maybe when Luke is ready we, Asajj and I, can teach him how one can pursue love without falling victim to possession like Anakin did...
Ow! She just pulled my hair! I'm starting to regret her discovering that weakness of mine. She says she's serious about my thinking. Says she'll make me stop if I keep on. I'd better go before she makes good on that threat.
Good night, Qui-Gon.