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Dean was sixteen when he got married.
His husband was Castiel, four years older than him and someone Dean had known for what felt like forever. They’d lived next to each other as kids, back before the housefire that took his mother’s life. Of course, Dean and his family had moved away after that, but Dean had remembered Cas’ address. So, they exchanged letters. They wrote about everything and anything. To keep Dean’s Dad unaware, Dean would wait until everyone else was asleep before sneaking out of bed and writing his letter in the bathroom, using the light of the moon to see. It was easy enough to steal paper, envelopes and postage stamps, but even so Dean kept a supply in his duffel bag just in case.
Whenever they were in the area, Dean would sneak out away from his family and meet up with Cas. They’d hangout at the park, go watch movies (Cas was forever fascinated with nature documentaries and Dean thought it was cute so he would go to each one without complaint), go to diners together and just enjoy each other’s company. Hanging out with Cas was fun, and as easy as breathing. Castiel had this kind of dry wit that Dean really liked, and when he was with the other boy, Dean didn’t have to worry about anything. He didn’t have to worry about Dad or Sammy fighting, or about how to make it to the end of the week with the money Dad left. Instead, he could relax and have fun.
And when Dean got older and his Dad taught him about hunting, well… Cas became his normal. Cas never asked about the scars that Dean gained, and Dean was eternally grateful for that. He didn’t want to lie to Cas, ever. But he didn’t think he would be able to tell him the truth, either.
When Dean was fourteen, Cas got his own apartment. Castiel had told him about it in excitement over one of their letters. It was nothing fancy, but it was Cas’ and it was somewhere they could hang out together and be lazy. In the past, they’d avoided either of their homes. Dean, for obvious reasons of not wanting his Dad to know, and Cas because his family was strictly religious and wouldn’t allow Cas to play with other children who didn’t share their faith.
Still, it was a month before Dean got a chance to see Cas’ place. Dean and his Dad had been hunting a particularly tricky and violent ghost, and it had taken them awhile to take it out. Even then, they hadn’t gone all the way back to Lawrence, but the next town over, so Dean had had to take a midnight bus to get there. He knew the address off by heart, but even still he was nervous as he rocked up at the apartment building. He hadn’t told Cas he was coming, because Dean hadn’t known they’d be back this away again so soon after the ghost, and it was the middle of the night. Making his way up the elevator to the fourth floor, Dean was so excited to see Cas again. He’d brought an overnight bag, and he was wearing a hoody and jeans, the hood pulled over his face partially as he didn’t want anyone seeing his face and wondering why a teenager was out and about at this time. Dean was tall for his age, but his face was still obviously that of a teen.
Reaching Cas’ door, Dean knocked quietly, not wanting to wake up the neighbours. After a few moments of silence, Dean knocked again, but louder this time. He could hear shuffling on the other side of the door, then it opened just a crack.
Cas’ face appeared, wide awake as Dean had been expecting (Cas was a nightowl), his eyes cautious as he said, “Hello?”
Reaching up, Dean flicked back his hood and grinned, “Heya Cas!”
A smile bloomed over Cas’ face and he unlatched the security chain and opened the door wide, pulling Dean in for a strong hug that made Dean laugh as he returned it. Shuffling backwards without releasing Dean, Cas moved them into the apartment and closed the door and locked it behind them.
“I missed you too,” Dean said warmly, patting Cas on the back and thoroughly enjoying the affection even though it hurt his still-healing injuries from the ghost.
Cas pulled back and scrutinized him, bright blue eyes squinting at him with a tilted head, before clucking in disapproval. “You’re hurt, Dean,” he said unhappily.
“It’s nothing,” Dean dismissed, taking in Cas in turn.
His friend’s hair was slightly longer than usual, but he looked healthy. Turning his gaze to the apartment, Dean gave a low whistle. Cas’ version of ‘nothing fancy’ was way different to Dean’s. The apartment was bright and clean, it had comfortable furniture everywhere (including a comfortable looking couch, armchair, overflowing bookcases, a work-desk with a laptop on it), and a pretty modern kitchen.
“Wow Cas, you did good,” Dean told him with a grin, returning his gaze to Cas, who still looked unhappy. “C’mon Cas, let it go,” Dean pleaded, “I can stay the night, so let’s just enjoy it, yeah?”
Grumpily, Cas agreed, though his gaze lingered on Dean’s injuries before releasing Dean and stepping back.
That was the beginning of Dean sleeping over whenever they were close to Cas’ place.
Cas had proposed two years later, and Dean had said yes without hesitation. They spent months both working hard to earn enough money to afford a wedding and rings, and during those months they wrote more letters than ever, and hung out together as much as they could, both giddy with joy. They’d never even kissed. Dean had brought it up shyly, and Cas had just smiled at him and told him that he wanted them to share their first everything on their wedding night.
And so, when they finally had enough money, they met up at Vegas in rented tuxes, and got married. Dean would never, ever, forget his wedding night, or the way Cas’ eyes had shone so brightly with joy during the whole ceremony. That night, they consummated their marriage and Cas was so gentle and loving.
Dean had never been so reluctant to leave as he had been the next morning, waking up in Cas’ bed covered with passionate marks, and rolling over to find Cas still sleeping.
The rings that they had chosen were white-gold, with two heartbeat lines, beating in sync. On Dean’s ring, the top heartbeat was emerald in colour, and the bottom one sapphire. On Cas’ ring, the colours were opposite. It was cheesy and hopelessly romantic, but Dean loved it. After much discussion, Dean wore his ring on his right hand instead of the left, so his family wouldn’t know. They both kept their own last names as well, but Cas wore his wedding ring on his left hand. It made Dean giddy every time he saw it.
Sammy and his Dad had questioned the ring at first, but Dean had waved off their questions and told them it was just a ring he’d found in a shop that looked cool. They’d regarded it curiously for a few weeks, then forgot about it entirely. That suited Dean just fine, and he never took off his ring.
Dean partially moved in with Cas when he got older and separated with his Dad. He would stay with Cas until he either caught wind of a hunt or until his Dad needed his help with one, then he’d be off again. Cas was supportive of Dean’s coming and goings, knowing that Dean didn’t want to settle permanently with Cas just yet – he wanted to spend a few more years driving through the country with his family before settling. They’d had long discussions about it, and they’d decided that this suited both of them for now, and they’d wait until Cas finished university before living together full-time.
The arrangement might’ve seemed odd to others, considering that Dean and Cas were already married, but it worked for them. Dean wasn’t prepared to leave his family fully just yet, and Cas was still in schooling, so he needed quiet to be able to study properly.
They still exchanged letters when Dean had go to away for long hunts with his Dad, and Dean adored every one of them. So, at twenty-two, Dean knew something was wrong when he was on a hunting trip for three weeks and didn’t receive a single letter.
He’d been anxious after the first week. Even when Cas was busy, he would send a letter telling Dean that he was too busy to write. But, nothing. After the second week, Dean was annoyed, and after the third he was terrified.
Dean had rushed home (home¸ where Cas was was Dean’s home) and his hands had shook as he unlocked the door and walked inside. Nothing seemed different. Walking from room to room, Dean could tell by the stale smell in the air and the food in the fridge that was going off, that Cas hadn’t been home in just over two weeks. Walking into the bedroom, Dean sunk down on the bed, confused and terrified. Where was Cas? His husband had always been home whenever Dean got back.
Lying on his back and trying to dispel the panic rising in him, Dean grabbed Cas’ pillow and hugged it tight, then froze. There was something in the pillow case. Sitting upright, Dean shoved his hand into the casing and pulled it back out, slowly, staring down at the ring in his palm. Cas’ ring. Cas had never taken off his ring since they’d gotten married, just like Dean.
It felt like his heart had stopped beating. Cas never took off his ring, which meant that either something really bad had happened to his husband and someone had forced him to remove it, or… or Cas had left him. Dean instantly banished the thought as soon as it entered his head. They’d been married for six years now, and their love was as strong as the day they’d gotten married. Something must have happened to Cas. Castiel wouldn’t leave him…
*.*.*.*
For two years, Dean searched high and low for Cas, ganking anything supernatural he found on his way. After two years, Dean had to concede defeat. Either Cas was dead, or… or he was alive, somewhere, and didn’t want to be found. Both options were horrible, but one less so.
Dean never fully gave up looking for Cas, he just stopped actively looking. He’d kept Cas’ ring, and hung it from a silver chain around his neck, keeping it safe in case he ever did find Cas. He never annulled their marriage, either. He did check on it, every few years, but if Cas was alive, he’d never tried to annul it either.
Dean was more alone than he’d ever been, so when his Dad disappeared, Dean leapt at the opportunity and dragged his brother out of school. His family was all he had left.
A few years after that, Dean went to Hell. And not long after that, he found himself in an abandoned warehouse with Bobby, an array of tools on long table beside them. Every so often, Dean would finger the ring on his right hand, then the one on his necklace. He couldn’t express in words how relieved he was that his rings were still on his body when they’d buried him.
He wasn’t sure what he would have done if he’d come back and his wedding rings were gone.
Then the storm was raging outside and the doors burst open, and in walked … Cas. Except it wasn’t the Cas Dean knew. There was clearly a supernatural air about him, his eyes were glowing – but not with joy as Dean remembered seeing so often – but with a white light, and there were the shadow of wings on the ceiling as Castiel moved forward. Cas’s eyes were locked on Dean, and there was a slight smile on his face, and Dean had a gun in his hands but didn’t lift it, too many emotions rolling through him.
Cas was alive. Or was he? Was this just Cas’ body and there was really something possessing him? The possibility was heart-breaking. And what if it was actually Cas? What then? Here he was, alive and well. He’d left Dean. But no, this couldn’t be the same Cas that Dean had married. The Cas Dean had married was human.
All this passed through his head in moments, and then Bobby was shooting, and Dean was so shocked he couldn’t even shout, but it didn’t matter. The bullets didn’t even seem to faze Castiel, he seemed more irritated than anything. He kept eye-contact with a still-frozen Dean, until Bobby threw a knife at him. Then his gaze snapped over to Bobby, and he waved his hand and Bobby crumpled like a sack.
“Bobby!” Dean shouted, running over to him.
“He’s fine. Just sleeping,” Cas’ voice assured him, and Dean’s head snapped up from where he was kneeling beside Bobby.
“Stay back,” Dean snarled, raising the gun.
“Dean,” Cas started, a slight frown on his face and his tilted in that familiar way of his that made Dean’s heart ache.
“Who are you?” Dean questioned harshly, removing the safety from the gun.
“You know who I am,” Castiel answered.
“No,” Dean denied, “You’re not my Cas. You’re not even human!”
“I have never been human, Dean,” Castiel told him with a slight smile.
Dean shook his head in mute denial. No way. He couldn’t have married a supernatural creature. “What are you?” He rasped out hoarsely, keeping the gun trained on Castiel.
“I am an angel of the Lord, and the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition,” Castiel proclaimed.
“Angels don’t exist,” Dean denied instantly, standing slowly. This had to be a trick of some kind, something using Cas’ body to lure Dean into a false sense of security.
“Your mother believed in them, why don’t you?” Castiel asked with that soft sad look on his face he got when they discussed family.
“Stop it. You’re not… You’re not Cas,” Dean snarled, breathing hard, and he glanced down for a moment, unable to bear seeing that expression on his face.
“Why are you so unwilling to believe this, Dean?” Castiel questioned softly, as the lightshow faded, and all that was left was Cas, looking human again.
“Because you can’t be my Cas,” Dean told him, knowing that he was being repetitive but unable to help it.
“Why?” Castiel asked, oh so softly.
“Because you left me,” Dean snarled, full of rage, “The Cas I married would never have done that!”
Castiel’s face softened, “Not by choice,” and took a step forward, hand outstretched, so Dean shot him.
Bobby had already proved that shots didn’t harm Cas, and Dean was hurting and furious. “What do you mean, not by choice?” Dean snarled as he fired another round, “What happened then? I got back and you were gone,” the word ripped out of Dean as he unloaded yet another shot into Cas’ chest, “What else was I meant to think? And if you are an… an Angel – not that I believe you – then why did you leave? What could cause a fricken Angel of the Lord to just up and leave? Did you get tired of playing at marriage with a human?”
Years and years of pain and anger were welling up all at once, and Cas was just standing there letting Dean shoot him.
“I wasn’t playing,” Castiel replied, sounding hurt and horrified, “I love you, Dean, and I always have.”
“Then why did you leave me?!” Dean shouted, unloading the rest of the bullets in a quick burst.
He threw the now-empty gun on the floor, but as he turned to pick up a new gun, Cas was there, in front of him, gripping his arms to constrain him.
“I was forced to, Dean,” Cas explained, his face so close to Dean’s they were pretty much breathing each other’s air, “let me explain, please, and stop shooting me.”
Dean struggled for a moment, but Cas’ grip was firm and unyielding so he subsided after a few moments grumpily, giving a reluctant nod. Cas gave him a small smile before starting to talk.
“I was sent to Earth to watch over you, the righteous man. A couple of the other Angels joined me, we set up next door, to guard you and your family,” Cas started.
“Bang up job on that,” Dean snarled, “My mother died!”
Cas did look slightly ashamed at that, “It was… necessary. We were told not to interfere with that particular instance. We just needed to make sure you, your brother and your father got out alive. I-I was young, Dean, I was raised to follow orders without question. I regret that day, I truly do, and I know how much pain it caused you – still causes you.”
Dean recoiled slightly, “So, all this was just orders? A job to you? Everything was just… a lie?” And somehow that seemed way worse than Cas having left him.
“No! No, of course not Dean,” Castiel reassured him urgently, giving his shoulders a little shake, “I was never supposed to get close to you, Dean. Never supposed to be friends with you, fall in love with you, marry you,” Cas’ voice grew soft, as did his eyes. “I broke away from heaven when I realised that I loved you. I hid myself from heaven, cut off all ties so they would never find me – or you, Dean. But they did, eventually. My brother Balthazar came first to warn me, to tell me of what they’d planned for you. How could they expect me to just let you get sent to Hell, knowing that they planned to torture you until you broke?”
Dean inhaled sharply, “You knew?” His voice broke, and he struggled again against Cas’ firm hands, “You knew I was going to go to Hell? Years ago? What the fuck?”
“And the instant I knew, I did everything in my power to stop it, Dean!” Castiel told him firmly, his hands holding Dean tighter and refusing to let Dean escape his grip, “But the moment I started making a fuss, they found me. They found me and dragged me back to Heaven and locked me up. They didn’t let me out until you were actually in Hell. Then they gave me leave to go and fetch you from Hell. They underestimated just how much I love you, and how furious I was at my brethren for sending you to Hell to start the apocalypse. You never spilt blood in Hell, you didn’t unlock the first seal and start the apocalypse. Don’t you see? This changes everything! Heaven is furious, of course, but we can hide away. Just you and me, Dean, together again!”
Dean was speechless, staring at Cas’ vivid blue eyes, so hopeful. “You want… to be together again? Cas, man, it’s been years. I-I don’t know if it’s that easy,” Dean said, glancing away.
“Dean, look at me. Look at me,” Cas urged, sliding one hand up to cup Dean’s cheek tenderly, turning his face to stare Cas straight in the eyes. “Do you still love me?”
Dean gazed up at Cas’ face. It was a face as familiar as his own, every line and every scar had been traced over by Dean’s fingers, his lips, his tongue. “Yeah,” Dean whispered hoarsely, then cleared his throat.
“And I still love you, Dean. Can we start over, live together again, as a married couple?” Cas pleaded, his eyes wide and blue.
Dean had always been a sucker against those big blue eyes of his. “Yes. Yes, of course,” Dean agreed, a slight smile on his face that got bigger as Cas returned the grin joyfully.
Leaning in, Cas kissed him, slow and sweet and soft and perfect. Utterly perfect.
For a few minutes they just kissed, slow kisses as they relearned each other’s mouths. Slowly, oh so slowly, Cas pulled back and smiled at Dean.
“May I have my ring back? I’d quite like to put it back on, if you don’t mind,” Cas asked softly.
“Once I put this back on, I ain’t ever letting you go again. This will never come off again, you get it?” Dean demanded pulling back slightly and glaring at his husband.
Castiel laughed softly. “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he promised.
Reaching up, Dean drew the necklace up over his head and unlatched the clasp, sliding the ring free and holding it carefully. Glancing up at Cas, he met that blue gaze steadily, and as he slid the ring onto Cas’ ring finger, he promised, “To death and beyond.”
“To death and beyond,” Cas repeatedly seriously, then leaned in and kissed him sweetly.
*.*.*.*
Back at the hotel, Sam looked up in shock as he saw Castiel. “Who’s this?” He demanded stiffly, “Your boyfriend?”
It was a joke, of course, his family had never known Dean had never actually gone after girls, but before Dean could open his mouth to correct his brother, Cas beat him to it.
“Husband, actually,” the Angel told Sammy, flashing his wedding ring.
Dean groaned, covering his face with his palm, face heating as his little brother gawked at them in disbelief. Still, a smile twitched at his mouth. It was good to have Cas back.