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“Speak up. Speak the fuck up.”
Usually, Bakugou knew how arguments like this would end, but now he didn’t have a single clue. His harsh words didn’t seem to faze her Uraraka. She seemed exhausted. She was pale, with dark circles under her empty eyes.
It had been so long since she had said anything. Uraraka had left Bakugou going off on a rampage, swiping books of his desk and throwing things, all that whilst yelling on top of his lungs.
The silence made Bakugou panic and made him even more frustrated, angrier than he intended to be. He even started to scare himself, not being able to think twice about what he was going to say or do.
If only she just said something.
He was hurting and she didn’t want to see that. She wasn’t allowed to look so sad. She pissed him off, agitated him, annoyed him, pushed his buttons.
“Why can’t you just apologize. For once, don’t make this my fault. Make another broken promise. I will believe them. Kiss me to make everything right. I would kiss you back.” Bakugou thought to himself.
“I’m sorry but I don’t want to do this anymore.” Uraraka said.
Bakugou wished she had stayed silent.
“What did you say?” Bakugou stammered.
“I don’t want to this anymore. You want me to do the impossible.”
“Is taking some distance so hard for you? In what fucking world is not acting so overly friendly with that god damn nerd impossible? Is listening to me, for once, so fucking hard for you? Impossible my fucking ass.”
Bakugou knew it was impossible
“He’s my best friend.”
“Then fucking act like he is.”
“You exhaust me.”
“So do you.”
Bakugou knew deep inside that he shouldn’t start arguing again. Why push her even further away? But at that moment, not being at fault was more important than making her stay.
“Then I suggest we won’t exhaust each other anymore.”
She didn’t apologize. She didn’t promise anything. She didn’t kiss him.
She ended it.
Bakugou was lost for a while. It was hard to remember what he liked to do when he was alone. He didn’t know who to talk to when he wanted to share his thoughts. He didn’t even know where else to look in class.
Each day, he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
She had started to look different, in a good way. She looked healthy again and much more energetic. She didn’t doze off in class anymore. Uraraka actually paid attention and could answer almost every question right she got called out for. She was back in her element.
The world kept turning for her.
For her, everything was back to ‘normal’. She still had things she loved to do, she still had the same friends she could talk to anytime she wanted. The only thing she didn’t have was anything to do with Bakugou and she made that obvious. Uraraka barely looked at him.
Bakugou had tried so hard to accept their situation, despite not wanting to. It had been one of the most difficult things he had ever done.
He was convinced that she still loved him. After all, Uraraka had never said she stopped loving him.
He kept clinging on to the idea that sooner or later her heart will take over her mind and she would come back.
Despite that bit of hope, Bakugou had eventually came to terms with his pain.
Bakugou came to understand himself. In the end, he didn’t blame her for leaving. He knew it was all him. He would like to tell her that. H wouldn’t know how to phrase it, nor did he know if he could ever build up enough courage to look her in the eye again, but he would like to tell her.
But Uraraka wouldn’t let him, and there’s no telling if she ever would.
“Bakugou.”
Bakugou lifted his head from his hand. “Hah?”
Bakugou looked around the classroom. Everyone was staring at him. Not with their usual grin they had on their faces when someone got called out for not paying attention, but with open mouths and wide eyes.
Aizawa sighed. “Can you rephrase that?”
“I wasn’t paying attention Sensei. Sorry?” Bakugou groaned.
Aizawa nodded and looked at his papers. “I assigned you and Uraraka to work on the project together. Now start paying attention.”
Bakugou could feel the wide eyes burning holes in him. He wanted everyone to drop dead right that second. He aware how bad the situation was. It’s not like the words weren’t like a kick in the gut. His whole body was aching.
Bakugou carefully made himself small so less eyes could burn holes in him. Forcing the ache to compress into one center point in his body, he hoped the pain would dissolve into nothingness.
The class was vocal. They all talked like the two people involved weren’t even in the room.
Bakugou gripped the fabric of his pants and dug his nails into his thighs. They were loud. They were so goddamn loud.
“Oi! Is there a problem? If so, then you can each come up and announce it to the rest of the class!” Aizawa raised his voice.
The class fell dead silent.
“Uraraka, are you opposed to working with him?”
Bakugou could feel his heartrate strangely slowing down. His chest became as quiet as the rest of the class. Is this was it felt like to literally die from embarrassment?
“I’m not opposed to working with Bakugou.” Uraraka answered from the other side of the classroom.
Bakugou could hear the tiniest gasps leave the mouths of some of his classmates. He couldn’t blame them.
He hadn’t heard her say his name in ages. He imagined hearing it again for the first time right after the words “I love you” had left her mouth. It would sound soft and warm and his name wouldn’t have sounded any better than it did in that moment.
But instead his name sounded like a stranger’s name.
Aizawa turned to Bakugou. “Bakugou, are you opposed to working with Uraraka?”
Bakugou felt his ace to growing back and spreading like a rash. He wished he could hang on to the fact that Uraraka didn’t mind working with him and that there was a chance she wasn’t lying about it.
But he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop hearing her say his name in that certain way.
“Sure.”
Aizawa raised an eyebrow. Bakugou sighed and it took all of him to rephrase the sentence.
“I have no problem working with Uraraka.”
The teacher groaned and put his papers on his desk. He picked up his yellow sleeping bag off the ground, stepping in and zipping himself up.
“Now all the partners have been assigned my work here is done. This project is due Monday. I’ll fail you if it’s simple or dull.. Dismissed.” Aizawa slumped on to the floor and closed his eyes, seeming to have fallen asleep way too easily for all the commotion that immersed after his closing words.
Several people in the class stood up and hurried towards their partner, panicking potentially failing the class due to their lack of creativity. Some brainstormed few suggestions, others immediately put their schedules together and made appointments. Everyone was busy, trying to make the most of a project that Bakugou didn’t pay that much attention to, to completely understand.
Through the commotion Bakugou looked over at Uraraka. They were the only ones left in their seats. She was biting on her favorite pen, which meant she was overthinking. At least she had stopped biting her nails.
He thought about how he used to kiss her hands and fingers. How she wouldn’t get embarrassed anymore because she wasn’t ashamed of her short fingernails. The idea alone made him hot in the face.
Just before wanting to avert his gaze, Bakugou noticed Uraraka was looking back at him. She didn’t know what her eyes were saying to him. She’d become harder to read as the days went by. Of course he could clearly tell when she was excited, frustrated or focused. Now, with her reciprocating his gazes, it was hard to tell what she was thinking.
After a while, she blinked away and looked up to the ceiling.
“What the fuck are you doing to me?” Bakugou whispered to himself.
He watched Deku and Iida approach her. Uraraka became all smiles in an instant, happily conversing with them.
It made Bakugou sick, seeing that nerd make her face light up. Deku was a constant reminder of his lack of confidence in himself, and how big of an idiot he was to throw those issues onto his girlfriend.
“Dude, you alright?” Kaminari was leaning against the side of Bakugou’s desk.
Riddled with hate, Bakugou glared at Kaminari and tipped his desk, making him slide off. Kaminari laughed it off and jumped on the desk in front of him.
Bakugou hated to admit it, but he’d actually grown fond of the idiots that kept wanting to be his friend. Kaminari, Kirishima, Sero and Ashido had specialized themselves in translating Bakugou’s raging and cursing into emotions beyond anger. They had been the first ones to witness him rage and curse about not understanding what he felt for Uraraka. And they had also been the first to see Bakugou so distressed about the girl that he was past the point of raging and cursing.
Bakugou tried to open up to them every once in a while, in his own way. He didn’t like it, but he owed his friends that much for trying to take care of him and worrying so much.
“I’ll live.” He watched Kaminari’s legs dangle off the desk.
“I know you will. It’s just a project. It might kick our grade into an early grave but still; just a project.”
Bakugou smirked. “Speak for yourself. My grade isn’t on life support unlike yours.”
Kaminari gripped his jacket and pretended to collapse backwards on the desk. “I felt that one dude, I felt that one.” He moaned. Very like him, he made himself laugh. Out of breathe, Kaminari pushed himself upwards again and fixed his hair.
“Anyways, we wanted to go to the cafeteria early today so we can get a spot in a less busy area. Are you coming?”
In the corner of his eye Bakugou saw Uraraka stand up from her desk and getting ready to leave the classroom with Deku and Iida.
Bakugou had to say something to her. He couldn’t just sit there like an idiot the whole time whilst everyone else had everything sorted with their partner. He had overthought what to say to her exactly, but nothing sounded right to him. Thinking that Uraraka would give him enough time to think about things like that was foolish in the first place.
Bakugou picked up his bag and stood up. Uraraka was already leaving the classroom.
“I gotta do something.”
Kaminari followed Bakugou’s gaze and nodded. “Right, we’ll save a seat for you, man.”
Bakugou started rushing out the classroom, pushing through his classmates. Bakugou saw the trio walking down the hall, excitedly talking and laughing as they always did.
He needed time to think how he would approach her, but they were almost out of sight. Instinctively, Bakugou started running up to them.
The sudden, fast footfalls made all three of them turn. Deku and Iida frowned when seeing him. For the first time Uraraka had a distinctive expression on her face when seeing him. She seemed a little surprised.
“You guys can go ahead, I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”
Deku leaned in. “Are you sure, Uraraka?”
Bakugou couldn’t help but grit his teeth. He hated how Deku made him feel like the bad guy with the blandest comments. What could he possibly do or say to her now to hurt her? Bakugou’s aware he’s done that enough.
They were just partners, working on a stupid project. That’s all that it was about. Bakugou aimed that thought at Deku, but also at himself, trying to calm down.
Uraraka waved her hand in front of them and smiled. “Of course! In a bit okay?”
Iida and Deku smiled endearingly back at her and continued walking to the cafeteria.
Uraraka tucked strands of hair behind both of her ears and stared into Bakugou’s eyes.
He felt like combusting right on the spot. She was waiting on him to speak but he lost every single opener he had thought of. He was started to feel more choked up by the minute, as the hallway had started to fill up with people. People started to bump into him and push past him.
“The project. When do you…When are we going to work on it…you know, the project?”
Uraraka spun a ring around her pinky finger with her thumb. She spun it around her finger four times before answering him.“Tomorrow morning, 10:30, at your room, I’ll bring supplies. See you then.”
She turned around and left without any confirmation, merging with the mass in the hallway. She left Bakugou standing there like an idiot, with a blank face and the corners of his mouth left twitching upwards.
The rest of the day Bakugou kept mouthing the words ‘ten thirty’ to himself, not knowing he was scaring everybody around him. He made mental to-do lists, trying to remember what he needed to put away, or what he should get before she would enter his room again after a month or so.
More than a month ago, his room had turned into their room. Uraraka left her sweaters, books, earrings, gum, nail polish, scrunchies and 60 cents in his room. He still hadn’t cleaned up what she hadn’t collected. Everything had stayed exactly as she left it.
He couldn’t put her things away. He tried to, several times. But his room looked a empty without all her junk. So he chose to casually avoid every penny, scrunchy and bottle of nail polish he had found, pretending that it was supposed to be there, and not in a box.
He had thought about Uraraka every single day, but he only allowed himself to think about her five times a day.
That day, he thought about her seventeen times.
He reminisced the past and panicked about what was to come. And what was about to come was getting scarily close.
Fourteen hours before she would come see him again, he tried to sleep.
Eleven hours before she would come and see him he woke up from a bit of sleep drowned in a cold sweat.
Six hours before she would come and see him, he gave up on getting a decent amount of rest.
Three hours before she would come over, he started checking things of his to-do lists.
Two hours before she would come over, Bakugou had already thought eight times about her.
Thirty minutes before she would come over, he heard a knock on his door.
Bakugou lifted his head from math textbook where he had been staring into for too long. He had tried to get ahead on his homework, but his eyes kept lingering on the questions, reading them but not understanding them.
Another knock, this time more impatient, sent Bakugou flying off his chair and towards the door.
Bakugou looked back on his clock. Uraraka was early as per usual. She was early for everything, barely looking at the clock when preparing to go somewhere. It’s like she felt the time. Bakugou had always found it annoying, but then he couldn’t help but smile.
A mixture of excitement and nerves filled his body and made him feel nauseous. In his head he drew character for courage and paid attention to his breathing, trying to control his heartrate.
“Bakugou?” a muffled sound came from the other end of the door.
One more time he drew the character of courage before opening the door.
When seeing her standing there in front of him, Bakugou realized that no matter how many times he drew the character for courage, her presence would leave him stunned to the core. Losing the ability to speak up or move.
Uraraka looked lovely. The color of her hoodie suited her. Her skirt was flirty and flowy and she wore pink socks that were decorated with lace. She had her hair in a bun, something she had started to do more often. Her heavily stuffed, pink schoolbag was held in one hand, thumb spinning her ring around the finger of her other hand.
“You’re early.” Bakugou thought to say.
“Am I?” Uraraka tried to look over Bakugou’s shoulder to check the time.
Bakugou stepped aside and gestured for her to enter his room. Uraraka entered inspecting the place. He knew that she was looking for things that had changed since the last time she had been there. Nothing was different, the room was just less messy. It was more or less the way she left it. He hoped she would feel familiar again and feel comfortable in an unusual situation.
“You are. I’m not surprised though. You used to be late to everythi-“
“-I’ve got everything you could possibly find in a supply store; markers, glue, glitter, you name it.” Uraraka started unpacking her back and laying everything out on his floor.
Bakugou wanted to put his head between the door and smack the door closed. How has he managed to make her feel awkward so early on?
The one thing he wanted to refrain from; was bringing up the past. This was a perfect opportunity to tell her that he had come to terms with the past, saw his mistakes, adjusted, and that he knew it was all him.
He couldn’t do that if he kept opening old wounds. Uraraka would feel uncomfortable, close off completely and no matter what he would say, it wouldn’t reach her. She wouldn’t want to hear it, or she wouldn’t believe it.
“Right.” Bakugou closed the door and kneeled down on the opposite side of Uraraka, the supplies she laid out creating a distance between them.
Uraraka glanced up for a second and then went on with arranging her supplies in satisfactory positions. In complete silence Bakugou watched her opening marker cases and trying to wipe glitter off her hands.
“Maybe you should start coming up with a few key points for the essay.” Uraraka broke the silence.
She didn’t even look at him.
Bakugou nodded, grabbed his notebook of his desk and took a pen from Uraraka’s pencil case.
Of course the pen was chewed on. Bakugou clicked the pen several times before pressing it down on his paper, then he realized he didn’t have a single clue what they were supposed to do.
Uraraka sat with a leg propped up and her head laying on her hands that were resting on her knee. Her eyes went back and forth, from her pen to Bakugou’s face.
“You have no idea what we’re supposed to do, do you?”
“How the hell can you tell?”
“Because if you knew what we were doing you would’ve had about ten things written down by now. I think.”
Bakugou got flustered, throwing down his notebook and pen.
Uraraka sighed and a she let a small smile creep up on her face. “Sensei wants us to work on analyzing, giving feedback and reflecting. He wants us to make a poster of each other in hero costume.
“In the poster you need to explain why you think your partner has added particular things to their hero costume. That’s the analyzing part. You also need to write a two page essay where you mention your partner strengths, weak points and tell them how to tackle their weak points. That’s the feedback part. Lastly you also describe the last time you’ve worked together, how you handled your partners weak points and what you would do differently when handling them. That’s the reflection part. That also needs part of the two page essay.”
Bakugou brought his index finger and thumb to his chin. Being creative was not going to be that big of a problem. Besides that, he knew Uraraka quite well, as a person and as a heroine. The project itself wasn’t going to be much of a struggle, but Bakugou wasn’t prepared to be confronted by someone whose opinion he valued very highly.
“Do you understand the project?” Uraraka asked whilst getting out her own notebook. “To be honest, I don’t think we have to be together for this one. I think you could’ve easily done this on your own. Maybe it’s so we don’t get the costumes wrong or to discuss some things, like the last time we worked together, I don’t know. I actually have a hard time thinking of the last time we worked together, maybe that one time where…I’m sorry, I’m rambling.” She started scribbling down things in her notebook.
“If you didn’t think it was necessary to be in one room for this one, then why are you here?” Bakugou’s curiosity took over and it didn’t make him think twice about asking things that would make her feel uneasy.
Uraraka leaned her head closer on her notebook, her nose almost against the paper, making it hard for her to continue writing.
“You can’t draw, and you often forget to take your notes out of your essays. I figured I had to help you with that.” Uraraka mumbled.
Bakugou was ready to feel offended, ready to tell her that he knew he wasn’t Picasso but he could sure could draw. But he started to realize that he should probably stay silent, considering the fact Uraraka had basically buried her face in her notebook.
He took one of the large pieces of paper Uraraka brought and traded Uraraka’s pen for a pencil. He wanted to start with her face.
Every single line he drew didn’t feel good. Bakugou had to look at her, after deciding that his memories weren’t accurate enough. But he didn’t dare ask her to look up for him. He was convinced his heart would skip too many beats and would eventually stop.
So much for ‘courage’.
Bakugou blinked, feeling himself getting cross eyed staring at the paper for so long.
“I can’t fucking draw.”
“I know.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Bakugou asked, getting slightly frustrated.
“I’m not looking at you so I can imagine it’s hard for you to draw me. I’m sorry but I really want to write down these key points for the essay. I suggest you do the same for now and when I’m finished we can start working on the posters.”
Again, it was like she was in Bakugou’s head. It was unfair, that she could read him like a book and that to him her whole face was a mystery. It was unfair that she was handling this situation very well. It was unfair that she had the obvious upper hand here and what seemed to be an opening was starting to look like another closed door.
Bakugou picked up his notebook. He split the page in half, writing ‘strengths’ and ‘weaknesses’ above the page. His pencil hovered under the word ‘strengths’ for a while, after some thinking he finally started writing down words. It didn’t take him long to stop thinking actively. The words flowed out of his pencil he had written it down before. Like he was writing down a story he heard a million times before. The one half of the page was filling up quickly, words gradually getting smaller to fit everything in on one page.
“I can’t write.” Uraraka said after a while.
“I know.” Bakugou smirked.
Uraraka stuck her pen in her messy bun and shifted towards Bakugou.
“What did you write?”
Bakugou closed his notebook. “I don’t think we’re meant to share that with each other.”
Uraraka bit her lip and looked off to the side. “I’ll get to read it sooner or later. Also, I hate the fact that you have written so much down whilst I can’t word anything right. So therefore, I want to know what you wrote.”
She was still as honest and direct as she always was. He still admired that about her. With her curious eyes and because she was so close, she could still make him do anything she wanted.
Bakugou opened his notebook.
“Strengths: The biggest strength of Uraraka Ochako is her cooperativeness. She’s a hero that is willing to and actually can work with anyone who she’s assigned to. She’s kind to everyone, but doesn’t let her kindness get in the way of her professionality.
“Uraraka has become very goal-oriented over these past months. She doesn’t lack motivation, and she’s also very good at motivating others. She’s always ready to improve and try new things. She’s confident, even when it comes to things outside her comfort zone. She shows a lot of empathy which is a good trait to have when trying to calm down citizens in a time of crisis.
“Over these past few months she has also managed to stay focused for long periods of time. Now she’s very good at paying attention to her surroundings and predicting the next move of the enemy. She’s always tries to go beyond her limit, and that might also be one of her weaknesses. But still, she’s an excellent hero.”
When Bakugou finished reading Uraraka had turned her face away. Her cheeks had turned from rosy to bright red. A hand covered her obvious smile.
She still didn’t know how to take compliments.
“Thanks.” She mumbled from behind her hand.
Bakugou looked at the other half of his page. It was blank. But he continued. He had to take his chance. She was finally listening.
“Weaknesses.” Bakugou hesitantly continued. “Uraraka Ochako only has a few weaknesses. First of all, she isn’t always honest with herself and others. I’m convinced she’s still in love with me, but she won’t tell me. This is like torture. I recommend her telling me if I’m right.
Second of all, her face might not be easy to read but her body language and mannerisms are not too hard to read. That’s why I’m convinced she’s still in love with me, because she still spins her ring around her finger when you’re talking to me. That’s exactly what she did every time she told me she loved me. I would recommend she becomes aware of this.
Bakugou glances at her before he concludes his list.
“Lastly, you close yourself off. You haven’t given me the chance to tell you that I understand you. Completely. I understand that I was an ass, an unreasonable ass that was tiring you out. I only have my own lack in confidence to blame for what happened between us. I understand now. I promise I do. I would recommend letting me tell you that sooner. That’s all I got.”
Bakugou threw his notebook and pencil on the ground. This was the best thing he could’ve done. His body seemed to think otherwise. His heart wanted to jump out of his chest. His body temperature raising to what felt like a dangerous level. His hands didn’t know what to do, where they should be placed.
“Damn it.” Uraraka chuckled.
“Damn it.” She repeated. Her chuckle turning into a soft cry. She turned back to face Bakugou properly.
Bakugou didn’t know what to do. All the alarms in his body were going off and stopped him from moving.
‘Get closer to her!’
‘Comfort her!’
‘Do something you fucking idiot!’
Bakugou thought to himself.
“You’re really good at this.” Uraraka smiled through her tears. With her thumb she pushed the silver band around her pinky once more. “I’ll have to take your feedback to heart.”