Chapter Text
#1 GOOD OLD DAYS
Seokjin doesn’t tell him when or why he’s returning back home. He doesn’t tell him he’s returning at all; he just lands up at Jungkook and Yoongi’s apartment with his bags in tow, and his precious dancer boyfriend on his arm.
In hindsight, it was probably Jungkook’s fault for having offered to take the trash out and let Yoongi sleep in when it wasn't even his turn to. He’d heard the commotion at the door as he slung the bags of trash on his back, and quietly peered through the peephole to find Seokjin nervously worrying his lips between his teeth as he leaned into Hoseok’s hold on his waist, mumbling inaudibly. Hoseok kept running his hands down Seokjin’s back and pressing kisses to his face, to his mouth, to the lids of his swollen eyes and Jungkook had wished he could find it in him to stop scraping at his own wounds and just look away. He did however stop when Seokjin finally broke into a smile and leaned in to kiss Hoseok, lazy and deep and slow like he’d kiss Jungkook on mornings after-
“Hyung, what are you doing here?”
Seokjin jumps 5 feet apart, eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. “Jungkook-ie, surprise - I’m moving back home.” His voice is tired and thin despite the weak attempt at excitement. Hoseok rubs the back of his head sheepishly, looking anywhere but at him.
Jungkook runs his mind for the right words - ‘fuck you for leaving me and finding someone else’ doesn’t seem to cut it. Or maybe actions speak louder than words, and he should just dumped his trash bags on them and shut the doors on their face firmly in revenge. No, he’s Seokjin’s friend now….and by association, Hoseok’s too.
Yoongi appears behind them, looks back and forth between Jungkook and the two guests at their door, finally says, “You’re not getting your room back, hyung.”
He’s never been more grateful to the man.
“So….he's back.”
Jungkook sighs as the couch dips beside him.Trust Namjoon to drop by when he’s at his weakest.
“Yes, I can see that.” Quite clearly, right before his eyes - Seokjin's suitcases lined up by the door, the sound of his voice cheerily narrating anecdotes to the rest of the group. One friend after other arrived to meet them, and it had transformed into a full-blown party. Seokjin is back, alright.
“Right in the middle of your apartment.”
“He says hotels are packed right now. Only a day or two till he- they can find a place to rent.”
“Hmm,” Namjoon says, drawing the syllable out annoyingly. “He looks good, doesn't he?”
“ Sure. Yeah. I mean,” Jungkook pauses. He's not sure he wants to admit that. Then again, through his biased eyes, Seokjin always looks good. “He's just the same to me.”
“Right.” There's a hint of condescension in Namjoon's tone, the kind that makes Jungkook want to jump out the balcony just to avoid. “Because you guys facetime so often.”
“If you can call once a week as often,” Jungkook shrugs.
“That’s more than how much any of us get to talk,” says Namjoon. From the corner of his eye, he can see Namjoon studying him with furrowed brows, can imagine the wheels in his brain turn as he applies his stupid psych degree on Jungkook's predicament. He tries to ignore it and carry on with watching the match playing idly on TV but he can't get rid of the uneasiness that comes with having someone scrutinize him.
“The new guy seems nice enough.”
“Yeah, Hoseok-ie hyung’s really cool.” In an alternate world where Jungkook's a good person, he wouldn't have to fake liking the guy.
“ Hyung?” Namjoon cocks an eyebrow.
“We've talked a few times now and then, when hyung facetimes. They were just friends for the longest time.” Like us.
“Well, they look happy together.”
“Yeah,” Jungkook smiles bitterly. “He doesn't talk much about it, but I can hear it in his voice.”
There's an awkward silence, and Jungkook feels himself slip into heartache territory again. He hasn't dared to look in Seokjin's direction for a good hour or two. There's always the chance he'll find Hoseok's hand wrapped around his waist, or Seokjin leaning on his shoulder. He's not strong enough right now to make it through seeing something like that, even after having seen them make out right outside his door.
“And how are you holding up?” Namjoon asks finally.
“Me?” He’d been waiting and hoping all day someone would ask him this, but when someone finally does he wishes Namjoon hadn't asked at all. He's slowly dying inside. The man he loves is finally back home but loves someone else now, and Jungkook is dying inside and helpless about it.
“I’m fine,” he manages with a thick swallow. “Seriously,” he affirms when Namjoon squints at him, unimpressed.
“You don't look fine to me.”
“Then stop looking,” Jungkook snaps. Curse Namjoon for that question. He’d quite successfully been ignoring the weight in his chest and burn in his eyes till this moment.
“Geez, you're going through it, huh?” Namjoon holds his hands up in surrender, and Jungkook eases down on his glare and stiff posture.
“Hyung and I are friends now, so it doesn't matter. I feel…..happy. As a friend, I'm happy that he's happy.” As an ex though….Jungkook’s withering like a dry leaf (not that he'd ever let Namjoon know). He'd really like to be able to just break down and cry right now.
Namjoon amplifies the TV volume and leans in till he can drop his voice to a whisper. “You don't want to be friends, though. You and Jin hyung, you've never been just friends, not even before you got together. I know you're hurting inside by playing into his fantasies, but you didn't have to indulge him in something like this. Breakups are rarely mutual, Jungkook. He can't wish to have the cake but not want to eat it. It sure as fuck isn't fair to you.”
But it makes him happy, and Jungkook can't remember a time he didn't live to make Seokjin happy. Even it didn't always pan out the way he wanted. He smiles tight at Namjoon and slaps lightly at his thigh in reassurance. Namjoon tries hard to fix him, has been trying for 6 months now. Maybe it's work if he was actually interested in being fixed. “Things are the way they are, hyung. I don't know why they are, but I don't want them to change. Thank you, though.”
Namjoon nods in defeat, hand coming up to cover his. Sometimes he imagines if he'd fallen in love with Namjoon - tall, handsome, intellectual, compassionate and caring Namjoon who'd love him to a fault. The thought ends before it can start. It feels fundamentally wrong for Jeon Jungkook to love anyone but Kim Seokjin, despite the love not being reciprocated anymore.
Seokjin walks up to them with an enthused smile, thankfully alone. “What are you guys up to?” He catches their hands on Namjoon's thigh and -Jungkook can’t believe what he sees- his smile falters. “Am I interrupting something?”
“Absolutely not,” Jungkook says but Namjoon tightens his grip on Jungkook's hand and at the same time, says ”I don't know.”
Jungkook looks at him, failing to hide the surprise on his face. Namjoon grins at him and stands up, letting Jungkook's hand drop lamely to the empty spot. “You two catch up, I'm gonna grab a drink.”
Seokjin sits next to him, a sliver of gap between their thighs. “Why do I feel he's been mad at me ever since I left?”
“It's impossible for Namjoon hyung to be mad at anyone. He just misses you. They all did.”
Seokjin’s frown falls off at that. “I missed everyone too. I'm so glad to be back home. Hoseok already loves everyone, and I’m guessing they like him too.”
“Hoseok hyung is great, he's gonna fit right in.” Jungkook bites his lip and smiles uneasily. His stomach hurts with the weight of the lies that so easily slip off his tongue just to see Seokjin's smile breathe easy. It's worth it though, when Seokjin looks up through his lashes, all hopeful and happy. “You think so?”
Jungkook nods. “He treats you well, right?”
Seokjin grins shyly. “The best, I can’t even - I can’t put it in words. He could make me happy by doing nothing but existing, but he does everything he can anyway.”
I’d do everything for you too. “Then he’s perfect in all our eyes.”
Seokjin smiles gratefully. “Coming from you….that means the most, Jungkook.” He loops an arm awkwardly around Jungkook's shoulder and squeezes it for a brief moment before he gets up. “Hoseok's probably alone….”
“Yeah, go save him from Taehyung and Jimin.”
Seokjin takes a look in their direction, where the playful shouts and giggles are slowly intensifying, and chuckles. “Yeah, they're chewing him up like a dog toy.” His expression sobers when he turns to Jungkook. “Jungkook, I….thank you. For everything. I don't know what I'd do without you.”
Jungkook feigns ignorance. “I did nothing though?”
Seokjin shakes his head, mouth opening and closing repeatedly like he can't find the words to explain what he meant. Jungkook knows what he did, knows the worth of his actions to Seokjin more than Seokjin understands. He stamped on his own heart so Seokjin wouldn't feel guilty, alone, abandoned, left without a friend back at home.
Fact is, Jungkook hates that Seokjin's happy with someone else.
For all that he says about wanting Seokjin to be happy with whoever makes him so, about being the sacrificial lamb for his sake, it's also a low-key selfish move that he had been forced to make when Seokjin had called up from US, a fortnight fresh into their breakup.
“Jungkook,” he'd said tentatively, voice heavy and nasal. “I don't want to lose you from my life.”
And how was he not supposed to say, “You don't have to?” when he felt the exact same way? When the only two options for him were to accept Seokjin's friendship or have not a fraction of him in his life, it was either accepting a grim chance at life or slow, painful death.
It's his fault really, for making Seokjin the axis he spun on. That he'd gone so far down the rabbit hole that he was living on the mere scraps of Seokjin’s attention.
And what makes it worse is that Hoseok's really nice. He's handsome, kind and funny, even if a tad bit over enthusiastic and trusting for his own good. And he doesn't know Jungkook's an ex which makes him nicer to Jungkook.
“I think he’d find it a little weird that we're so close after a breakup, won't he?” Seokjin had told him warily after he'd almost revealed it accidentally via video call. “I don't want to screw this one up, Jungkook.”
He’d silently fumed about the fact that Seokjin hadn’t bothered half as much trying to make their relationship work, as he nodded and assured Seokjin he’d keep mum, as fishy at it felt to him. But Seokjin had been sincere in his words, and Jungkook had unwillingly watched and heard him pine in the same way he’d pined for Seokjin all those years. As much as it hurt, it’d hurt far more to watch Seokjin in pain.
So when Jungkook turns to look at Seokjin, craning his neck to look at Hoseok with a glimmer of fondness in his eyes, he knows he doesn’t belong next to him anymore. He extends his leg to nudge Seokjin's calf. “You’re welcome. Go, hyung. Hoseok hyung must be waiting.”
He keeps himself firmly rooted in front of the television, and occasionally Taehyung and Jimin come along to keep him company and silently measure his emotional state. Seokjin doesn’t press him on to hang out with the rest, and even if it hurts a little he’s thankful for it.
And then, Hoseok drops on the spot Seokjin had been warming.
“Hey,” Hoseok says, bright as ever. He wishes some of that positivity could leech into his skin. “You doing fine? I haven’t seen you all evening.”
“Just tired,” Jungkook brushes it off and presses his beer to his forehead, longing for the coolness. “It’s been a long week at work and I’m not in a state to socialize, sorry about it.”
“No it’s cool,” Hoseok says. “I get it, sometimes you just want to get away from fellow humans.”
“Exactly.”
“It can’t be easy that your ex and his boyfriend land up in your apartment when you’re that done with life as well.”
Jungkook’s head snaps in his direction. He doesn’t remembering doing anything to let Hoseok on their relationship. Oh god, Seokjin’s going to kill him, he’s going to kick him out of his life completely and Jungkook’s going to die without Seokjin-
“I found out,” Hoseok shrugs. “He keeps your old letters in his desk and I chanced upon them. You aren’t really good with words are you?”
Jungkook's letters were...kind of a joke, at first. Right after their first date, when Seokjin had spun him around by the arm and pressed their lips together before Jungkook could disappear behind his door and scream - he'd felt that rush of emotions, of finally having his feelings reciprocated, the feeling of being loved by the man he'd quietly loved for so long - and he'd penned it all out awkwardly and forgotten all about it because there was no way in hell he'd say it out loud to Seokjin. He'd written the whole thing like a poorly spelled text message because he knew no other way, but with feeling. It wasn't meant for Seokjin's eyes anyway, but by the third date when Jungkook cheekily pulled him into his bedroom and left to wash up, Seokjin had snooped around and found it half-crumpled in his trash.
"I caught my name," he'd said when Jungkook returned, and Jungkook swears he saw a tear in the corner of his eye. "Can you do this more often?" He'd asked, so sincerely that it had Jungkook doubting if he was reading the sarcasm wrong.
Turned out that he'd been serious, and it was hard for him to deny Seokjin anything. He wrote them every once in a while, on birthdays and anniversaries and Christmas, just as badly as the first one - filled them with lame inside jokes to drive it as far away from the region of sappy as possible and he'd still manage to make Seokjin tear up.
The letters were their thing.
“Hoseok-ie hyung, I…” Jungkook tries, fails to come up with an explanation. He’s still fixated over the fact that Seokjin keeps his fucking letters in his desk and what does this mean.
“It’s cool, I’m cool with it. Hyung loves me, I know.” Hoseok looks towards the party huddled around Jin in the kitchen, stealing bites of the food being cooked. “Whatever you had was in the past.”
“He does,” Jungkook jumps in readily. Judging by what he saw in the doorway, Jungkook’s definitely Seokjin’s past. “And it is. He loves you a lot, hyung - he wouldn’t stop talking about you when you first met, hasn’t stopped ever since.” But he keeps my badly written letters of confession in his desk. He hadn’t stopped to consider that maybe Seokjin had asked him to stay close, that his face fell at the sight of Jungkook and Namjoon's hands together because he’d been unable to let go as well. He shouldn’t entertain that thought any longer. Seokjin’s an actor, through and through. Good enough to delude him.
Seokjin’s voice rips through his thoughts. “Hoseok-ie, do you want to help, none of these buffoons can light a stove to save their lives.”
Hoseok pats him on the thigh passively and leaps to Seokjin’s help. It’s not hard to see why Hoseok doesn't worry - It’s Hoseok that he calls out to now, Hoseok he reserves his smiles, his touches, his heart for. He’s not going to let it hurt when Hoseok stands by Seokjin’s side, hips touching as he effortlessly cuts vegetables, he’s not going to think of Seokjin lifting him up on the counter and kissing him as a reward for helping out with dinner.
He’s definitely not going to think about the way Seokjin looks right at him when Hoseok loops his arms around his waist.