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“Today on Try Guys, we will be getting two of our coworkers together!” Ned said, looking into the camera enthusiastically. “Now this isn’t something that we’d normally do, but this has been a mission for everyone in the office for a while now. We've just decided to film it from now on.” Zach added, shrugging slightly.
“This might be a long video, or it could be a short video, we don’t know. But we won’t stop until these two fuckers fuck.” Eugene says, with a sly grin. Everyone in the room laughs. “Now you might be wondering, who are you guys trying to get together? Well, look no further than our resident spooky boys, Shane and Ryan!” Keith said.
“So we’ll be setting up a couple cameras on desks close to theirs so we can record some interactions and hopefully some results. We’re not too horrible, so any personal stuff will be edited out and, well, this is Buzzfeed so they shouldn’t be too surprised that they’re being recorded at any point in time. Now let’s look at how these two interact to show you guys what we mean.”
-
“Hey Ry,” Shane said, leaning over the entirety of Ryan’s back to point at his screen, “I think you should cut that part and- yeah, that.” They both nodded slowly, looking at the clip on the screen before looking at each other softly. After a few seconds Ryan startled. “I should probably…” Ryan trailed off. “Yeah, me too.” Shane said, going back to where he was sitting next to Ryan.
-
“And you know what, fuck ghosts!” Ryan slurred his speech. It was obvious he was drunk. “Yeah!” Shane said enthusiastically, raising the drink that he got at the bar they set up in their office for the office holiday party.
They were both sitting on an old, lumpy couch not too far from their actual desks. “You know… I’m really glad we can do our show together. I’m really happy that I met you. I’d be dead without you ya know.” Ryan said, looking at Shane like he hung the stars. The taller just giggled, “Yeah man, I know. I’m glad I met you too.” They both seemed to sober up for a second before bursting out laughing, leaning on each other as they did so.
-
“Are you ready for movie night tonight?” Ryan asked, leaning into Shane’s personal space. Shane grinned down up him, “Hell yeah I am, we’re starting the Lord of the Rings movies again tonight, right?” “Yup! And I’ll have my own personal Ent there with me.” Shane laughed. “If I’m you’re Ent, than you’re my Balrog. I could make the argument that you’re the demon seeing as you’re constantly warm.” Shane retaliated. They both wheezed.
-
“So today I will be trying to get Shane and Ryan to go out on a date.” Ned said, smiling sweetly at the camera. “I will be telling them that I booked reservations for a romantic date with my wife, Ariel, and that our plans fell through and ask if they would like the reservations. I’ll have a couple of friends there to see what happens and to see if everything goes smoothly. Cut to the goods!”
-
“Hey guys!” Ned said, walking up to Shane and Ryan who were sitting together on a couch, likely editing and going over footage. “Oh, hey Ned! What do you need?” Ryan asked, “Well Ariel and I were going to go on a date tonight and we had something come up, so I was wondering if you guys would like the reservation that we booked? It’s a nice, but relatively cheap restaurant with a really romantic atmosphere. You interested?” Ned said, trying not to seem too conspicuous. Ryan and Shane both looked at each other for just a second before they both looked back at Ned, “Sure! Sounds really nice. Could you text me the information?” Shane said casually.
-
“Wow, this place really is nice. Ned wasn’t lying.” Ryan said, trying not to look so amazed and almost failing. “Yeah, it’s too bad our favourite food is popcorn and not something like caviar or truffles like Steven.” Shane said, taking his own seat at a really nice two person table. Ryan gasped, “Are you dissing popcorn?” He said, faux shock in his voice. It was Shane’s turn to gasp, “You know I would never! We are kernalheads till death do us part and I would never break that bond! Shane said, slightly reaching out for Ryan dramatically. Ryan slowly put his hand up close to Shane’s before dramatically pulling it away and turning his head. “I can’t do this,” He said, sounding like a cheesy 50s film star, “I… I want a divorce!” Shane tried gasping, but something went wrong, he started coughing, and the both of them started wheezing and laughing again.
:-:
“Have you noticed the others acting weird recently?” Ryan asked. The two men were lying on their bed, cuddling after they had finished the second Lord of the Rings movie and decided to finally sleep. “Yeah. What do you think it’s about?” Shane asked, leaning over so he could look more at Ryan. “I don’t know. But Ned literally gave us reservations to a nice restaurant and the others have all been weirdly watching us.” They were both quiet for a second. “Do you…” Shane started. “Do you think that they know we’re married?” Shane asked, kind of disbelievingly. Ryan stared at him, confused.
“I mean, that’s the only thing that would make sense to me. They keep trying to get us to do romantic things together and stuff. Maybe they’re trying to get us together?” Shane said, moving around the hand that wasn’t holding Ryan’s.
“I guess that makes sense. But how do they not know? I know that we don’t really do much PDA, but it’s not like we’re subtle. But neither of us totally changed last names seeing as we both just go by our own, and we don’t wear rings on our fingers, so I guess it makes sense.” Both men were quiet for a minute before they couldn’t hold back their giggles. They almost calmed down before they looked at each other and started full body laughing again.
“I mean, we have no other option than to lead them on, right?” Ryan giggled. “I mean, obviously!” Shane replied. They both grinned at each other before slowly leaning forward, their lips meeting sloftly. They pulled away and looked at each other, their foreheads touching. “Hey, it’s the Lord of the Rings fan club!”
:-:
“So the dating thing didn’t really work, seeing as they didn’t even act any differently than usual. So I’ll be going in a different direction with this. I’ll be trying to get Shane jealous. I’m going to have our good friend Garrett flirt with Ryan to try to get a reaction out of Shane.” Keith said. “If this doesn’t get them moving in the right direction, God knows what will.”
-
Ryan was just sitting at his desk, editing some footage for Jen when Garrett walked over to his desk. Ryan could automatically see the hidden camera on him, his lips curled, already planning something. He already knew what this was, they had sent Garrett to flirt with him to make Shane jealous. If that’s what they wanted that’s when they were going to get. He quickly tapped Shane’s ankle with his own foot so get his attention.
“Hey Ryan.” Garrett said, obviously uncomfortable, but determined. “Hey Garrett, what’s up?” Ryan replied smoothly. “I just, uh, I just wanted to say you look really nice today.” Garrett was fidgeting with his own hands. “Really? thanks! You look really good too.” Ryan wanted to seem casual, but give Garrett a chance to actually start something. “Hey, uh, so I was wondering if you’d maybe like to go get coffee sometime?” Garrett said.
Ryan could tell that Garrett really didn’t want Ryan to say yes, though it wasn’t super obvious. He was rubbing his hands together and bouncing his foot. Anyone could mistake it for actual nervous energy, but Ryan knew what was up. “Sorry man, but I already have a coffee partner. Hope you don’t mind.” Ryan glanced into the small camera on Garrett and winked slightly. “Uh, no, I don’t mind. See ya.” Garrett speedily walked off.
“What was that about?” Shane asked. He apparently hadn’t caught on and was still glaring at Garrett’s retreating back. “What do you think it was about?” Ryan said, catching Shane’s eye and raising an eyebrow. “Wha- oh. Oh!” Shane finally realized. They both laughed and returned to their work, thinking little of what just happened.
-
“Okay, so making Shane jealous barely worked at all, so Zach and I will be taking a more direct approach. We’re going to be telling Shane and Ryan that we’re going to do a “Friends hook each other up to a Lie Detector” video. Then we’re going to hook both of them up and ask them questions about their relationship.” Eugene said, looking the definition of sly. “I swear to God, if this doesn’t work, than we’re posting this video for them to just find.” Zach added.
-
“Okay, first question, Shane Madej.” Ryan said, smiling like a maniac. Shane fake gulped, making is as audible as possible. They both laughed before sobering. “Okay, do you really listen to me when I talk about sports?” Shane quickly answered, “Yes, I always listen to you when you talk.” They were both quiet. “He’s telling the truth” The examiner said. “Aww, that’s sweet!” Ryan said, looking at Shane softly. “Next question. Did you eat the last of the ice cream I bought last week?” Shane hesitated this time. “No.” He said, much less confident. “He’s lying.” Ryan gasped, “I knew it! You fucker!” Shane laughed, “I mean, I blamed it on ghosts, you should’ve known.”
“Okay, more personal this time. Are a demon?” Ryan said, very serious. Shane snorted. “It’s a serious question!” Ryan defended. “No, I am not a demon.” Shane said, trying to sound as serious as he could be.” It was quiet for a long time. “He’s telling the truth.” Ryan’s shoulders relaxed, “Oh thank god.”
-
“My turn, fucker.” Shane said maliciously. Ryan shivered. “So, did you lie the other day when you said that you weren’t at In-N-Out?” Ryan blinked. “Yes.” They waited. “He’s telling the truth.” It was quiet for a second before, “You absolute piece of shit.” Ryan wheezed while Shane looked into the camera as if he was on the office. “We’re getting a divorce.” He said, causing Ryan to laugh again. “Next question, how often do you claim things to be ghosts just to get to me?” Ryan didn’t even hesitate. “All the time.” “He’s telling the truth.” Shane shook his head, “I knew it. Now you have to admit that ghosts aren’t real!” “Now wait a second-!”
-
“Are you guys going to tell us why we’re both hooked up now?” Shane asked, fully knowing the truth and not expecting a real answer. “You’ll see.” Is the only response he got. Soon after Zach and Eugene walked in. Both Ryan and Shane sighed, knowing that this would be a painful experience.
“Well well well, if it isn’t Buzzfeed’s local ghost hunters, Shane Madej and Ryan Bergara. Do you know why you’re here today?” Zach asked, a glint of something in his eye. Shane and Ryan glanced at each other, quickly deciding that they would play along. “Uhh, no?” Ryan said, trying to look more nervous than he actually felt. “We’re going to be asking the really personal questions. The questions that we all really want to know.” Eugene said, the same glint in his eye.
“Let’s start with a softball. How long have you two known each other?” Zach asked, playing with a fake cigarette. Neither hesitated, “Since 7th grade.” Eugene and Zach both looked surprised. “Really? I didn’t know that.” Shane shrugged. “We’ve known each other for a while.” Zach and Eugene looked at each other again.
“Okay, Ryan. Have you ever made out with a coworker?” Eugene asked, echoing a question that Zach got in their own lie detector video. “I mean, technically yeah.” Ryan responded. “He’s telling the truth.” Eugene nodded slowly. “More than one?” Ryan snorted. “God, no.” The standing men looked confused, “He’s telling the truth.” Shane and Ryan giggled. “What do you mean by that? Why is it so obvious?” Ryan tried to control himself. “There’s only one coworker that I want to make out with.” “Who?” Eugene asked, hopefully. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” Ryan replied, winking into the camera.
“Okay, so Ryan’s being difficult. So, Shane. How many romantic partners have you had in the past 2 years?” Zach asked, leaning on the desk. Shane smiled, “One.” It was quiet. “He’s telling the truth.” “Okay then, how many romantic partners have you had in the past 5 years?” Shane easily replied, “One.” Eugene stared at him, slightly amazed. “Wanna go back to 10 years? I think you can guess the answer for that one too.” Shane smirked.
“What the fuck?” Zach said, staring at Ryan and Shane, both of the weirdly smiling. “Ooh, I have a question you guys can ask!” Ryan said, his smile becoming a smirk. “Ask if either of us have ever been married. That would be interesting.” Everyone in the room was quiet. “Have you… have you ever been married?” Zach asked, almost timidly. Both Shane and Ryan had a response ready. “Yes.” Both men trying not to laugh. “They’re telling the truth.”
Shane and Ryan both started laughing as everyone in the room stood, shell shocked. They easily removed themselves from the machine and sauntered to the door. “We’re going to get back to work. Hope that’s all you needed!” Shane said, causing Ryan to laugh again.
-
Shane and Ryan hadn’t even turned their computers back on before they heard a bang of a door hitting a wall. The same door they had just exited. “What the fuck!” Eugene yelled, exiting the room quickly. The men at their desks snorted as Eugene almost sprinted to their desks. “What the fuck?” He whispered, more saying than asking. Ryan shrugged, a smile still playing on his lips. Eugene just looked at them before he schooled his face into one of determination. He quickly turned on his heel, looking for the closest empty desk. He quickly climbed it.
“Lady, gentlemen, etcetera! I would just like you to know that operation Spooky Idiots is both a bust and a success!” He yelled, making sure that everyone in the office could hear him. Everyone’s eyes flicked towards Shane and Ryan, who were practically on the floor laughing. “These assholes,” Eugene yelled, pointing at the giggling men, “Have been married the entire goddamn time!” He paused, letting people gasp and take in the information. “And because Zach and I are the founders of this operation, we get dibs on answers!” He leapt off the table with a grace that only he could carry.
It took a minute before either Shane or Ryan actually stopped laughing, Eugene and Zach standing there the whole time; both men looked like disappointed parents. “Okay, okay, what do you want to know?” Shane asked, taking a deep breath after another laughing fit. “How long have you two been married?” Shane’s eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Almost 12 years. Though we’ve been dating for 17.” The second Shane even started talking he was surrounded by about 30 of his coworkers, all seeking out answers. “Jesus, there’s a lot of you.” Shane heard Ryan whisper behind him. “Jesus, back off you guys, I can make a powerpoint on our relationship if you want, but stop crowding!” Shane said defensively. He didn’t like it when Ryan was uncomfortable. Most of them scattered, but Eugene stood his ground.
Shane swiftly turned back to the man in front of him. “Ryan and I have been together for a long time, we never meant to hide our relationship from you guys, we wear our wedding rings around our necks,” Shane swiftly pulled on the chain around his neck, lifting it from under his shirt, “Our legal last names are Madej-Bergara, which you could totally just see on any email we send. We’ve also known about you're little mission for a couple weeks, by the way.” Eugene nodded along with what Shane was saying.
Ryan had relaxed by that time as well. “That Garrett thing was clever. Probably Keith’s idea, right?” He said, surprising Keith who was standing nearby. “Yeah, how’d you know?” He asked, walking up to them. Ryan shrugged, “Well, the date was 100% Ned, the lie detector was Eugene and Zach, and it’s honestly just something you would do.”
Shane glanced at the clock on his computer screen. "Hey, it’s five. Time to head out. Ryan and I are going to go back to our shared home, with our shared bed, and watch Lord of the Rings for our movie night, a thing we do weekly because we are married.” Shane said, exaggerating every word that came out of his mouth, packing up quickly and saving whatever was on his screen. Ryan laughed, taking Shane’s hand.
Everyone in the office watched at they left, hand in hand, smiling at each other and talking in soft voices. They looked the definition of content and happy. Ned turned to Keith, “So who next?”