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Zayn and Liam were ‘in love’, it was more of a one-sided love, but Zayn was too smitten to realize this.
However, Harry, the boy – practically man now – that he has known for about 4 years now, was not.
In simple terms, Harry was unbelievably in love with Zayn, the raven-haired boy was too involved with Liam to even slightly notice this; while anyone who had a brain could easily tell you that the green-eyed boy had strong feelings for Zayn.
They were best friends, but somewhere along the way Harry’s feelings grew for Zayn, into something more than he could handle. He cried himself to sleep almost every night, wondering why he wasn’t good enough for the hazel-eyed beauty, and why Liam was.
It all became too much for Harry, and he cracked, he ran up to Zayn one day and kissed him right on the lips, not caring about whether or not they’d be friends after this, but he just had to feel his lips against Zayn’s, he had to know if it was right.
And it felt more than right, well to him, at least, he confessed his undying feelings to Zayn, and he felt himself break inside as Zayn only stared at him, eyes filled with sadness and pity, and mouth shut, unlike the mouth Harry had pictured to be smiling and open with surprise and happiness.
After Harry’s confession, there was a little tension between Zayn and Harry. Zayn rejected him as gently as he could, he was still with Liam, and Liam meant everything to him. Harry remained friends with Zayn, even if it hurt, he needed Zayn in his life.
Soon enough, Liam broke it off with Zayn; he tried to explain how Zayn was only an ‘experiment’, and how his heart always belonged to Danielle. Zayn spent a month crying himself to sleep; he cut everyone off, including Harry.
Harry had enough of not talking to Zayn; one month without Zayn was too much for his heart to handle. One night he stormed into Zayn’s room and found Zayn staring out the window with a blank expression, Harry hugged him, which resulted in Zayn breaking down in his arms.
He spent the night consoling Zayn and wiping away the many tears that were shed.
A few weeks later, Harry had asked out Zayn again, hoping for another chance now that Liam was out of the picture, and Zayn seemed to be doing a bit better. Zayn accepted, maybe it would change things for the better.
Even if he wasn’t Liam.
Zayn tried not to compare them; he tried to remind himself that they were two completely different people. He tried not to notice how it was curly hair instead of a small brown quiff, green eyes instead of those brown orbs he adored. How it was a tall, lanky body that slept next to him every night, instead of muscular arms wrapped around him. He tried so hard not to notice these things, but it was impossible to do so.
Because he knew, Harry wasn’t Liam.
One night Zayn came home crying, Harry kept pestering Zayn to tell him why. The look Zayn gave him was all Harry needed to know why, Zayn had seen Liam and Danielle together.
Zayn spent the night crying in Harry’s arms, he told Harry that Liam stole his heart and never gave it back. Harry merely smiled and told him, ‘It’s okay, you have mine to keep forever now’.
Zayn tried his best to cheer himself up after hearing that. He wanted Harry to think that Harry made him happy; Harry deserved it, after all. But it was hard, of course it was, all of it was hard. He didn’t want that heart.
Because it wasn’t Liam’s.
On the day of their 4th anniversary - four years of being together - Harry proposed to Zayn. Zayn said yes, not mentioning to Harry the reason as to why he said yes, Zayn had heard only days ago from an old friend that Danielle and Liam were due for a wedding, he said yes to Harry out of spite. ‘Maybe he’d hear about it and get jealous’, he’d tell himself, he knew it was completely wrong, he knew he was playing with Harry like a toy. Harry never deserved any of it, but he wasn’t really doing it because of Harry. He’d do the same with anyone else; he wasn’t doing it because Harry was Harry.
But only because he wasn’t Liam.
After 6 years of being together, Zayn had finally cracked. He turned to alcohol, slept with strangers, and barely touched Harry anymore. The guilt was starting to be unbearable for Zayn; he absolutely hated not being able to love Harry. Whenever he and Harry had sex, Liam was all that Zayn could picture, he always felt disgusted with himself afterwards. So he slept with strangers, he could think of Liam there without feeling guilty. Although, it was still cheating on Harry, which he would feel guilty about, if he wasn’t drunk all the time.
Harry had tried his best to forgive Zayn every time Zayn stumbled into their home at 5 in the morning, obviously drunk, but after 3 weeks of the same thing, Harry had had enough. He yelled at Zayn, he pleaded with Zayn to tell him why he was acting this way. He needed to know if he could do anything to help Zayn, anything to help their dying relationship.
‘You’re tearing us apart.’
Those few words were all Zayn needed to hear to absolutely break down, he fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands, and crying his heart out.
‘You’re not him.’
Zayn muttered those words guiltily, he knew Harry would know what he meant. Zayn repeated the words over and over again, the words stabbing Harry’s heart repeatedly.
‘You’re not him, you’re not him, you’re not him…’
Harry smiled sadly, he saw this coming, he saw it coming the moment Zayn said yes to Harry asking him out. The thought of Zayn still loving Liam remained with him, even after 6 years of them being together. He always pushed the thought aside, the optimistic side of him telling him that Zayn finally loved him and not Liam. That side was wrong, of course, and Harry knew he was being selfish the whole time. He knew there was love for Liam somewhere inside Zayn, but Harry pretended not to notice. He pretended so that Zayn would stay with him, so he could be with Zayn for as long as it would take before Zayn crashed. Yes, he knew, of course he knew, you’d have to be brainless not to know.
Harry knew Zayn still loved Liam, even if Liam started a family of his own, and was happy being with Danielle. He knew Zayn would never love him, even if Harry loved him with all that he could, he knew that love would never be returned.
Because he wasn’t Liam.