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It is believed that within 300 years planet Earth will be uninhabitable due to our inability to sustain ourselves. One of the first things Jeongguk learns this year is a matter of time and how there will not be enough of it.
He could talk science and tell you about how the CO2 emissions have only ever increased and that the world is so industrially driven that it's practically impossible to change this. He could talk probability and tell you how if climate change isn't reversed then this fate will be irreversible in 20 years. He could talk politically and tell you how even if the Paris treaty is followed by every nation that signed it the prevention of reaching the two degree temperature increase would still not be achievable and as a result the 300 year mark would remain the same.
300 years.
Time had never been something Jeongguk worried about.
It seemed he always had too much of it. Too many years until he could escape his small town, too many months until his world could bloom back into spring, too many weeks until he could see his boyfriend again, too many days until the weekend, too many hours until the bus ride home, too many minutes until the end of another useless conversation, too many seconds until his heartbeat could recover every time his future was brought up.
Time always stood in his way and he supposes right now it isn't much different. Only instead of there being too much there isn't enough.
300 years. Probably less.
The issue isn't even that scientists can't find a solution for the greenhouse gas emissions. Of course it isn't. The world is far too politically reliant for the problem to be such a feeble matter. The problem is that nobody wants to solve climate change or at least those who have the power to don't. But really that's how it's always been. Those who want can't but those who can won't. Too many government officials being bribed by fossil fuel companies and too many corporations in it for a profit that they'll continue to earn because the world is a corrupt place.
The truth has always been bitter.
Jeongguk grew up in a small town. So small that he has to commute a few towns over every day to get to school because there aren't any where he lives. It seems that everyone he knows wants to leave as soon as they can, and he isn't exactly the exception.
If you were to ask him what he wanted to do with his life you'd probably get an answer that sounds a little too forced, a little to vague, a little too much of an answer he thinks you want to hear.
He might tell you he wants to be a curator because he has never been good enough as an artist. He might tell you he wants to work in communication but he's not sure what as because he's never been personable enough to be a people person. He might tell you he wants to be a music producer because he's never been good enough as a performer. Engineer. Chemist. Physician. He's probably said all of these before.
But if you were to strip down the professional setting and ask him without underlying tones of the world weighing down the inquiry, he'd tell you something much simpler. He'd tell you he wants to move across the country and live alone, perhaps on a cherry blossom farm. He'd tell you that maybe then he would have a valid reason to be lonely.
He doesn't understand why everyone is always so desperate to leave their towns, their old life, their old habits. He's fine with people wanting to leave to go somewhere else, but he doesn't understand those who want to leave for the sole purpose of leaving. As if a new place would change their world. A new start in a new place with new possibilities, but it really doesn't matter if you're still the same you. New beginnings have a tendency of having the same ends.
There is still CO2 in the atmosphere half way across the world.
Jeongguk tries to follow along with his class's discussion, but his mind keeps traveling elsewhere. The discussion topic is personal perception. Jeongguk would've contributed more of his thoughts, but nobody wants to hear about cherry blossoms or the end of the world. A girl talks about how humanity is not as wicked as it's made out to be. Maybe in a past life Jeongguk would've agreed. But as he sits there all he can think about is how 300 years is not a lot of time to have left.
~
7:14 am. Jeongguk is sitting in his school counseling office playing with the bottom hem of his white t-shirt.
Seokjin, his guidance counselor, called him down for the hundredth time. He can't believe the school won't leave him alone. It's always the same meeting too. The discussion is always too focused on what Jeongguk should be doing but never on what he wants. It seems that they don't care about what he wants at all.
It usually opens with a recount of how he's 5th in his class whilst taking AP and Honors courses and how the school values him as a student and how with his record he could do anything he wants with his life.
His friends have told him the same thing. They've expressed how lucky he is to have the grades to be able to do whatever occupation he decides.
That's why it'd be very underwhelming if he said that he wanted to live alone on a cherry blossom farm.
In this day and age wasted potential is targetted because 'we want you to take advantage of your talents', 'we want you to live a fulfilling life', and 'we want you to bloom into the greatest you you can be.' But what if Jeongguk doesn't want to bloom. What if Jeongguk is just fine living with the trees as company. A fulfilling life? The trees have always been enough for him, but they'd never be enough for everyone else.
Jeongguk quickly stands up from the chair and leaves the office. Nobody notices. Nobody ever notices.
~
"I swear if you slept in again I'm going to commit cold blooded murder." Jimin greets Jeongguk as he walks into the library. "You left me alone to fend for myself first period."
"You wish you could have a reason to put your criminal show binge watches to use." Jeongguk laughs as he sits down next to Jimin. "I was at school counseling. They can't get enough of me." Jeongguk winks and Jimin pushes him.
"Those meetings are getting long as hell." Jimin complains. "What do you guys even discuss now? Your life plans until you're lying on your deathbed? Did it include your will? Am I in it?
"My will is perfectly revised and MLA formatted complete with a works cited. And no you aren't in it." Jeongguk leaves out that he didn't even go to the meeting and instead sat in the bathroom during first period calculating how many minutes were in 300 years (1.6 x 10^8).
"What did you tell Seokjin you want to do now?"
"Environmental sustainability."
Jimin glances up from his coursework. "Mother nature isn't going to be happy with that." He pauses for dramatic effect. "She wants to kill us off once and for all, and she can't have geniuses like you fuck up her plans."
"I'll send her a fruit basket."
"A fruit basket? Isn't that like skewering a bunch of her kids and sending them back to her? I thought I was the cold blooded one."
Jeongguk laughs light heartedly. "Maybe I'll tell her what I want to do with my life instead."
"Jeon Jeongguk. I thought you wanted to make peace with her not get in her pants. Talking about the future is reserved for at least 5th base."
~
Jeongguk doesn't like thinking about the end of the world. It would seem most people don't. But if that's the truth why is humanity's focus always the future?
Jeongguk hates that he hates time the most.
He always feels like he has too much of it. Too much time to think about the dying planet and the fact that his actions really won't mean anything in the future. But while he has too much time he never has enough. It's a never-ending cycle and Jeongguk wishes he could stick to one perception. He never grants himself such a luxury, however, because his brain never seems to care about what he wants.
"What did you have in mind for a topic?" Namjoon interrupts Jeongguk's inner monologue.
To be completely honest Jeongguk hadn't thought about their project at all. "...Survival?" he trails off.
"That's surface deep analysis though." Namjoon responds. "I was thinking we should do something on what separates humans from animals."
Jeongguk blinks a few times.
"You good, Guk?"
Jeongguk laughs off the inquiry and quickly regains his composure. "Human vs. animal? Is there even a difference?"
"Simplified down I wouldn't think so, but who knows." Namjoon continues typing something into their shared document. "But that's the point of the assignment."
Jeongguk maxed out his classes this semester, and all of the assignments are beginning to blend together. He wonders what he was trying to achieve in taking eight courses. He wonders why he takes so many extra electives in preparation for a future he isn't even sure of.
~
The walk home from his bus stop is Jeongguk's favorite part of his day.
When he was younger he used to write letters on paper airplanes and send them flying from the top of his roof. His mother told him he was sending messages to the sky, and Jeongguk liked the idea of filling something as vast and empty as the sky. His mother told him the sky was thankful for his words, and despite them being whispers meant for a child he never truly grew out of sending messages to the sky. What you are told as a child may be insignificant, but these things whispered lightly never truly leave you when you grow up, do they.
When he was 8 his letters were of trivial matters. One was a request for the sky to send him an alien friend. Another asked if the sky got cold in the winter too. When he turned 16 he asked for courage to hold a boy's hand. When he was 18 he asked for the courage to let go.
He doesn't send his words flying anymore, but he does talk under his breath to the sky. He can get away with it too because nobody's around to hear.
Sometimes his words aren't directed toward the sky at all. Sometimes Jeongguk is talking to his friends. Sometimes he says all of the things he never got the chance to. Sometimes he's talking to the stranger that held the door open for him. Sometimes he's talking to his future.
He doesn't know what he's talking to today.
"I'm sorry you're dying." he says. "I'm sorry you're being suffocated. And I'm sorry I'm not doing anything about it."
~
When he gets home there's a letter from a person named Hoseok addressed to him in the mail. He racks his memory for any recognition of the name. He would ask somebody, but his dad's not home which means the house is empty.,
He opens the envelope with a knife.
It's a job offering.
Jeongguk briefly remembers job shadowing for his economics class at a mechanic two towns over. He had no interest in cars, but his boyfriend at the time worked there and said job shadowing would be a breeze. An intern had showed him around, and if Jeongguk could he would bet that that intern was Hoseok.
A job offering though? Jeongguk has no experience as a mechanic unless you counted the time he borrowed his neighbor's car to do a tire change for his drivers ed class.
Later on his dad will come home and tell Jeongguk he had called the bodyshop to inquire about jobs since Jeongguk didn't have any plan for his future. Jeongguk will then bite his cheek and nod his head while his dad apologizes by saying he only wants Jeongguk to have some options.
Jeongguk will then say he understands and will thank his father for caring. He'll fill all of the empty space between his dad pulling into the driveway and his dad's muttered goodnight. He'll fill it with thank you's and sorry's and I'll try harder's. His dad's worries always seem to fill most of the empty space anyway.
But for Jeongguk these choice words stopped working a long time ago. Thank you's and sorry's don't fill the empty space like they used to.
He will shove Hoseok's letter with a bunch of other papers in his room, and he will delete the notification from Seokjin in his school email's inbox.
~
Jimin notices the school counseling slip in Jeongguk's hand before he can shove it in his pocket.
"If it's that much trouble that they send you to guidance every day, you could just apply to the dance school I'm going to. You're good enough, Guk. You'll get in."
"What? And outshine you?" Jeongguk laughs jokingly. He's on the dance team, but it's never grown into anything but a hobby.
Jimin melodramatically drops his jaw. "The offer is going to be revoked if you don't let up on the disrespect."
Jeongguk shakes his head and folds the counseling request. Jimin's gaze falls back down to it.
"But forreal Guk, don't let them give you a hard time. You may have the second spot on the dance team, but you have the first spot in my heart." Jimin's smiling brightly at him, but Jeongguk can see the worry in his eyes.
"I'll think about it."
He knows Jimin wants to mention how Jeongguk seems to always be 'thinking about it' but he doesn't say anything, and Jeongguk wonders if it's relief he feels or frustration.
It must be relief he concludes after a few moments because he has no reason to be frustrated. Jimin's just trying to give him another option.
Sometimes Jeongguk wishes time would stop. Maybe then he wouldn't have to worry about having too much or too little of it.
~
"Did you find anything?" Namjoon asks.
"I didn't really have time, but I did manage to find some articles about the human vs. animal superiority complex." It's a lie. Jeongguk had plenty of time to work on the project. It just isn't appealing to research how insignificant humanity truly is.
"You went into the psychological side of it. That's brilliant."
Blood rushes to Jeongguk's cheeks.
In some ways Namjoon is everything Jeongguk wishes he could be.
"What are your plans for the future?" Jeongguk asks.
"Maybe becoming a sailor. The sea is a calming place, Guk. You'd like it. I'm going on a trip this summer actually. If you aren't doing anything you could come."
Jeongguk thinks about the sea. In the book they read the main character was stuck at sea for 227 days. The main character wasn't scared of the future. The main character just wanted to live.
"Are you scared of anything, hyung?"
"Everything in the world is scary if you squint hard enough. You just have to keep your eyes open and see things for how they are."
Jeongguk plays Namjoon's words over in his head.
He tries to reevaluate 300 years, but no matter how he looks at it 300 years is not a long time, and time has always scared Jeongguk the most.
~
"What do they keep catching you for?" A boy with silver hair asks Jeongguk when he walks out of the office three days later.
Jeongguk's head snaps up at the sudden inquiry. "What?"
"Ever since I got here you've walked out of that office every day. Does the school board not have the guts to suspend you or something?"
Jeongguk considers brushing off the question, but for some reason the words are leaving before he can stop them. "I get called down every day because they're afraid I'm going to let my life waste away."
The boy blankly stares at him for a second. "Damn it, I thought you were some drug lord."
The boy has pretty eyes. The kind that could get Jeongguk to admit more things in a few seconds than he has for the past few years.
"They should let you waste away however you want." The boy pauses and then the right side of his lip curls up. "I'm Taehyung."
"Jeongguk."
~
"In order to understand the human superiority complex in relation to animals it's important to understand what a superiority complex is. The superiority complex is a psychological complex that develops as a direct response to an individual's environment in which an individual is distinguishably talented while surrounded by mediocre things.
In relativity to animals, the superiority complex developed as a defense mechanism. It developed from our, ironically, animalistic instinct to survive. Humans view themselves as the top of the animal kingdom because if they were to not, they'd be openly admitting that there is another organism out there above humans, and therefore posing a threat to humanity. Of course there are animals that can pose a threat to humans, and this superiority complex is what has caused humanity to abuse their power over animals.
It can be seen modernly in bull fights and even archaically when the Romans hunted species of lions to extinction. The only difference that exists between humans and animals is the belief humans possess that they are above animals"
Jeongguk gets an A.
~
A counseling slip is sent to him in the afternoon this time, and because Seokjin catches Jeongguk right as he's about to leave he can't avoid it.
"I'm not here to tell you what to do." Seokjin says when Jeongguk sits down at his desk. "I just want to encourage you to look into your options. Take advantage of your opportunities, kid."
"Mr. Kim I appreciate the concern, but I'm doing fi-"
"You don't have to lie Jeongguk."
Sharp inhale. Slow exhale. Heartbeat. Chair being pushed in. Inhale. Heartbeat. Shoes on tile. Exhale. Heartbeat. Heartbeat.
"Jeongguk."
~
He doesn't want to be afraid of the future, but it weighs him down. It's not just his own future he's afraid of. It's the future of everyone and how nobody cares.
It's easy to not care. It's easy to turn a blind eye to every ugly, wretched thing in this world. Jeongguk keeps his eyes open though because he learned just what could happen during the time they're closed.
One day you're living as a young boy climbing trees and throwing paper airplanes at the sky and the next thing you know you open your eyes and the world is ending much sooner than you thought and you realize that maybe the future is just another word for now.
Jeongguk misses the bus because of Seokjin's meeting. He asks the sky to hold onto the sun for just a little longer because night comes a lot quicker this time of year. He's not keen on the idea of walking home in the dark.
The sky doesn't care what a lonely boy has to say though. Why would it?
"You better not be selling any drugs."
Jeongguk looks down from where his gaze had been fixed on the stars beginning to appear. He hadn't noticed the car that pulled up next to him.
"When I said they should let you waste away however you want I didn't mean get yourself killed."
Taehyung smiles softly, and Jeongguk forces himself to look away for a second. Smiles like that from boys like Taehyung are dangerous.
"You're walking on the wrong side of the road at night with no way of being seen. You're either selling drugs or want to die."
"Maybe I'm going on a nature walk."
Taehyung doesn't even pretend to ponder Jeongguk's response. "Nature my ass. Get in before I start offering you drugs instead."
"Where's the logic in that." Jeongguk swings Taehyung's car door open. "Oh wow you really do have drugs."
There's a bag of pot underneath the glove compartment.
"It's for a party." Taehyung remarks pulling back onto the road. "Why do you still have your backpack?"
"I-"
"Were you really walking home? That's fucked up."
Jeongguk closes his mouth. "We're going the wrong way."
"Would you like to go on a date with me?"
"We're still going the wrong-"
"Good. Because we're going on a date right now."
"What?"
"I was told to bring someone cute." Taehyung glances over at Jeongguk. "I thought I'd be cute enough on my own, but they'll love you too."
"Sorry what?"
"Don't be so modest, Jeon Jeongguk. You must have looked in the mirror at one point in your life."
Jeongguk wants to melt into the carseat and disappear.
"Yoongi hyung throws stellar parties so there's no need to worry about it being a drag. Wait you've been to a party before right?"
Something heavy forms in Jeongguk's lungs at the mention of the name. He shakes it off before Taehyung notices the uncomfortable tension radiating off of him. "Yeah I've been to a party before."
~
"I didn't think I'd see you here again." Mingyu says when he opens the door and sees Jeongguk.
"You guys know eachoth-" Taehyung is interrupted.
A different boy pushes Mingyu out of the way. "It really is Jeon Jeongguk in the flesh." He turns behind him and calls out, "Yoongi guess who's here."
Jeongguk hasn't seen Yoongi in a whole year. When he shows up at the doorway Jeongguk's heart doesn't skip a beat like it used to.
Somebody yells, "Bitches really do come crawling back."
Yoongi winces.
"Why are you here?"
Jeongguk can only stare at the person in front of him.
"Have you made up your mind or do you still need time to think?"
The question is asked bitterly.
At age 16 Jeongguk held Yoongi's hand for the first time. The sky gave him the courage to reach out and intertwine their fingers. And at age 18 the sky gave him the courage to let go.
"I'm sorry." Jeongguk manages to stutter out.
But sorry doesn't fill the empty space like it used to.
"I-"
"That's what I thought." Yoongi cuts him off. "Go home Jeongguk."
The door closes after that.
"What was that?" Taehyung asks when Jeongguk turns to him.
Instead of replying Jeongguk mutters, "Can you drive me home?" He tugs on Taehyung's arm to get him to start walking.
Taehyung looks like he wants to say more, but he doesn't. "Okay."
~
Jeongguk never looked back on his relationship with Yoongi with regret. It wasn't a bad relationship. If anything it was some of the happiest years of his life. But after two years he grew to be less sure.
Love has a tendency to slowly burn out of our hearts, and it disappears before we can even comprehend that the feelings are gone, the kisses less genuine, the smiles more subdued.
Jeongguk still cares about Yoongi. The love just isn't there anymore. But in some ways that isn't fair. And a moral, more secure part of Jeongguk knows this. Why did he do it though? Why couldn't he work through his insecurities of the love not being enough? Of him not being enough?
"I know we don't exactly know each other, but you look like you're on the edge of collapse."
There's only so long you can lie to yourself before it stops working. People are blind to what they don't want to see, but Jeongguk grew up being told to keep his eyes open. He just wishes there'd be something more than a corrupt, broken world to see. He wishes he could keep his eyes open without wincing, without wishing he was more than just his skin and bones.
Everybody wants to be great, and Jeongguk has always fell short in his eyes. What's so great about a kid who trembles at the very thought of the future?
"Are you okay?"
"Yes." The word is said a little brokenly, and if Jeongguk hadn't been so caught up in his thoughts he would've cleared his throat and repeated himself with a little more certainty.
"Are you sure?"
Taehyung pulls onto a side road, and Jeongguk would mention how they're going the wrong way again, but he's too busy trying to suppress all of his thoughts. Is he sure? Is he ever sure?
"You don't have to tell-"
"I don't know why I do this." The words come out fast.
He doesn't notice the tears running down his cheeks until Taehyung mutters, "I can't believe I'm letting the most beautiful boy I've ever seen cry on our first date."
"I'm sorry." Jeongguk wipes at his eyes trying to regain his composure.
Taehyung looks over at him and pulls the car over. He reaches out to stop Jeongguk's frantic movements. "It's okay to cry. I don't mind."
"I don't even know you." Jeongguk mumbles ignoring the burn Taehyung's hand leaves on his wrist.
"You probably wouldn't be crying if you did." Taehyung gently lets go of Jeongguk's arm. "That Jimin kid you hang out with? You probably wouldn't be crying if he was here."
"I don't know why I'm crying in the first place."
"I think you do."
Jeongguk presses his mouth into a thin line and looks out of the window for a moment. He looks toward the sky because old habits don't die easily.
It isn't that he's a different person around his friends. They just don't need the burden of Jeongguk's every minor conflict. Everyone is worried enough on their own.
But quick smiles and forced laughter don't fill the empty space either. Jeongguk doesn't know what to fill the empty space with anymore.
Taehyung is still looking at Jeongguk when he turns back from the window. Taehyung has a way of getting Jeongguk to talk before his brain can even process his actions. It's a split second decision.
"Humanity has less than 300 years left." Jeongguk looks down at his hands. "And nobody cares."
Taehyung processes the words. "It sounds like you do though."
Jeongguk shakes his head. "I can't do anything."
"That's not true-"
"No. I can't. There are so many solutions, Taehyung. There are so many ways to buy more time, but nobody who can wants to. Everybody just wants to be rich and happy, and I hate it. I hate that I can't be content with being rich and happy. 300 years. Probably less. Nobody cares because nobody wants to accept such a finite amount of time."
Jeongguk looks up, and Taehyung's eyes are soft. He has pretty eyes.
"My brother's in the military and my dad works too much. My mom fucked off, and I still don't know why. All of my friends think I'm going to save the world. They think I have some secret plan, but I don't. Everybody always worries about me, but there's nothing to worry about. They think somethings wrong because I don't want to do anything with my life."
Jeongguk looks back out to the sky.
"I've lived such an easy life. I've had everything I could ever ask for. I was in a good relationship with Yoongi for two years, but for some reason it stopped being enough and I killed it off instead of trying to fix it. They're all so worried. Yoongi wanted me to move in with him once I graduated. One of my friends told me I could go to dance school with him, and another one offered to take me sailing. My dad tried to get me a job. Seokjin thinks I should go into medicine and save lives. I just don't want to do any of that. There's no need for them to be worried."
"Well what do you want to do?"
Jeongguk stops himself from answering for a second. He asks the sky for the courage to tell the truth.
The sky doesn't reply.
"A cherry blossom farm. I'd like to live alone on a cherry blossom farm."
He turns back to gauge Taehyung's reaction. Taehyung smiles, and everything about his expression is soft.
Taehyung pities him but not in the way everybody else does.
"My dad travels a lot for work." Taehyung says while pulling back onto the road. "I'm a transfer student and move around a lot. I grew up in a wealthy family and from experience I can tell you that the wealthy are not always happy. Once somebody is rich they don't want to lose their wealth. You're right about them not caring. There's no profit in the end of the world."
Jeongguk listens quietly as Taehyung continues.
"A lot of my friends growing up told me they wanted to be rich and happy. You hit that right on the head. I told them the two don't coexist with each other. I've met a lot of people from constantly moving around. I've always told them to do what they want with their lives and not care about what others think. It's selfish, but it's important."
They're on Jeongguk's road.
"Sometimes they send me letters in the mail after I move away. It doesn't always work out for people, but you can't count on it to."
They're at Jeongguk's house. Taehyung scribbles something onto a piece of paper.
"You're right about us not really knowing each other. But if you ever need anything."
Taehyung hands Jeongguk the piece of paper. His phone number is written down.
"I'm shit at answering texts, but just let me know."
Jeongguk nods his head as he gets out of Taehyung's car because he doesn't know what else to do.
"Wait. Jeongguk."
Jeongguk turns back to Taehyung who is smiling at him again.
"Cherry blossom farms are pretty."
~
Taehyung mentioned seeing Jeongguk leave the office everyday, and so Jeongguk waits at the office door the next day.
He waits for ten minutes, but the silver haired boy never shows up.
It seems that time has never been kind to Jeongguk.
~
"You've sat outside the office for eight days in a row. Are you Seokjin's personal slave now?" Jimin slaps Jeongguk on the back.
Jeongguk laughs. "I'm just waiting for someone."
"Who?"
"Taehyung."
"Never heard of him."
"He has silver hair?"
"The transfer student?"
Jeongguk nods.
"He's pretty."
Jeongguk lips curl into a smile. "Yeah. He is."
~
Jeongguk:
Where are you?
delivered 2:01 am
read 9:27 pm
Taehyung:
Apartment 203, 988 Sajik Road, Incheon, South Korea
delivered 9:28 pm
read 9:28 pm
Jeongguk:
Will I ever see you again?
delivered 9:29 pm
read 9:30 pm
Taehyung never replies.
~
"I'm proud you were able to come to a decision."
Jeongguk crumples up the school counseling pass as he opens the door to leave.
"You'll do great things."
He tries to bury Seokjin's words into the very back of his mind. He tries to pretend everything isn't falling apart. He tries to pretend it hasn't been falling apart this whole time.
~
The world ends in 2024.
Jeongguk is 27 years old.
Methane explosions from underground craters suffocate the entire western hemisphere.
Jeongguk doesn't have much time left. Nobody does.
He looks up to the sky and prays for good luck as he rushes down the streets of Busan. The toxic gas isn't expected to reach him for another few days, but it doesn't matter.
Jeongguk has been suffocating for a while now anyway.
He clutches the envelope in his hand close to his chest.
There are no cherry blossom farms in Busan. But he doesn't want to be remembered as another person who died a sad death after living a sadder life. He doesn't want to be another statistic for the textbooks of some alien planet that decides to research the fall of the human race.
It's okay that it isn't the truth. Humanity lies everyday to inflict hurt and pain upon others. His lie is harmless, and it won't mean anything in a few days.
The shopkeeper at the florist gave him the petals for free.
There is indeed no profit in the end of the world.
Taehyung mentioned moving around a lot. Jeongguk knows it's unlikely he's still in Incheon. He knows it's probably wasted energy. Energy that could be used to contact his brother. Energy that could be used to visit Jimin one more time. Energy that could be used to look up at the sky before it turns black with fumes.
Jeongguk remembers smiling and laughter. He remembers throwing airplanes at the sky and feeling like he was on top of the world.
He remembers the small town he grew up in and the concrete jungle he moved too. He remembers thinking about everyone who said they'd leave. He remembers thinking about everyone who didn't.
He remembers the pain. He remembers the fear of endings coming before beginnings. He remembers the white slips of paper demanding a future from him he did not want to give.
He remembers the reactions. He remembers the missed calls, the emails, the 'where did you go Jeongguk.'
He remembers the regret. He remembers the sleepless nights. He remembers the end of the world not coming fast enough.
But for some reason he remembers a boy telling him to be happy most of all. He remembers the passenger seat of a car and confessions long overdue. He remembers the boy's smile and his eyes and his words.
He wants to be remembered as somebody who died happy. He wants to be remembered as somebody who was unafraid of becoming everything they wanted. He wants to be remembered as somebody who loved and was loved in return.
What does it matter if it's a lie? What does it matter if Jeongguk felt relieved when the end of the world arrived faster than he anticipated. Faster than anyone anticipated.
He didn't take Taehyung's advice, but Taehyung doesn't have to know that. Taehyung doesn't have to know that Jeongguk is no better than the people who could save the world but didn't. Taehyung doesn't have to know that Jeongguk is just as human as everyone else.
Taehyung probably won't receive it anyway.
Jeongguk checks the contents of his envelope as he reaches the mailbox.
Three cherry blossoms.