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Today is a good autumn afternoon. The trees are colored in many shades between yellow and red, the sky is clear and the temperature is nice – not warm enough to go out with a coat, but not cold enough to wear layer upon layer of clothes either.
Jin puts on a sweater and goes out to meet Namjoon at their usual starting place, in front of a subway station that is half way between their apartments – it's a good place because it grants easy access to wherever they decide to go.
Jin and Namjoon have been friends for a little over two years now, and somewhere along the way they developed the habit of simply going out and exploring the city together. Sometimes, when they have more time, they venture to further places, other times they just revisit their favorite ones.
During their wandering they talk about many things. Some are casual, “What are your plans for the weekend?” “Have you written that paper yet?” “There was this funny thing that happened at class the other day…”
Other are deeper “I don’t know if this is really what I want to do with my life” “My family has been getting on my nerves about…”
At times they are silly “Did you know a group of butterflies is sometimes called a flutter?” “Maybe that’s why people say they have butterflies in their stomach when they have that fluttering feeling.”
And sometimes they don’t say anything. Their minds might be full of thoughts, but the only thing they want is the other’s company.
It depends on their moods.
Namjoon is already waiting when Jin arrives. He’s distracted, scrolling through his phone and Jin is thankful – this way, he has a little more time to admire the boy without it being awkward.
He looks beautiful – hooded denim jacket and olive sweats, so casual. Namjoon looks really good wearing casual clothes, and that’s the problem. He is always in casual clothing.
Jin sighs and approaches him.
“Hi,” he says with a smile. “Where are we heading off to today?”
“Oh! Hi!” Namjoon says, looking up at him and smiling. “I was thinking about hanging around Han River, what do you think?”
“Sounds good,” Jin says and they start walking.
“How was your day, hyung?”
“I finally got the result of that test today.”
“And…?” Namjoon looks at him expectantly.
“Today is on me,” Jin sighs, feigning disappointment. Namjoon laughs.
“I told you!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jin rolls his eyes, smiling.
The previous week, Jin had been freaking out about this upcoming test he was sure he was going to fail. Namjoon tried to reassure him by saying Jin was smart, had been studying for days and was probably going to do well, but Jin wasn’t buying it. So he decided to make a bet.
If Jin managed to pass, the next time they went out he would have to pay for whatever they decided to consume that day. If he didn’t, Namjoon would pay. Jin was feeling so hopeless he agreed – at least he would be able to drown his misery in free food afterwards.
It turns out he was better prepared than he though, and his B- came with the promise of a few less bucks in his wallet. Not that he minded, not at all. He would probably buy Namjoon the world if he asked.
On their way to the river they talk a little more about how Jin did on his test and about Namjoon’s day, but not much after that. Today is more about spending time together than actually talking.
“Coffee?” Jin asks when they get there. Namjoon nods and they head to the coffee stall where they usually get their drinks from.
After they’re done ordering, Namjoon steps a side to take pictures of the scenery and Jin’s gaze can’t help but follow him. No matter how many times they’ve been there, Namjoon always takes pictures. And the look in his eyes is of such wonder that one would think he’s never seen the place before.
If Jin could, he would frame this moments where Namjoon would let his guard completely down and have this innocent expression on his face. Pictures wouldn’t do him justice though, so he never bothered taking them. He would rather join him in these little journeys and see it for himself.
“You and your boyfriend look good together,” says the attendant, smiling at Jin and taking him out of his reverie.
Jin looks at him slightly confused and the man glances briefly between him and Namjoon.
“We’re just friends,” he answers coyly.
“Oh,” the man says, surprised.
He was somewhat familiar with the boys. Every so often they would show up together, order something from him, sit down and talk or just sit together, stealing glances when the other wasn’t looking. They had this fondness between them that made him utterly believe they were dating. Apparently, he was wrong about that.
But he had seen the way they looked at one another, the way their smile grew when the other laughed, how they could talk for hours and hours without getting tired, and how happy they were just sitting side by side, being together, as if that was the most precious thing in the world. And the man had lived long enough to know that those were the kinds of things you usually shared with people you loved, and he just had this feeling when observing them that that was the case for them – and not in a friendship kind of way.
“You know,” the attendant says, handing Jin his orders, “sometimes all we need is twenty seconds of courage,” the man smiles at him and turns to take another costumer’s order.
Jin keeps staring at him for a few more seconds before walking to where Namjoon sat.
“Thanks,” he says, grabbing the cup from Jin’s hands. Jin sits beside him, staring ahead to the river.
Namjoon had a good a taste in picking the places they’d visit. The view was beautiful. The river’s water moved with the breeze and it seemed to glint, the sky was beginning to change colors – pink and orange tainting the blue – and they could see the tall buildings from across the river.
From the corner of his eyes, Jin sees Namjoon sipping his coffee and tilts his head just a little bit, to try and get a better view without being too obvious.
He lets himself get lost in the curve of his nose, the angle made by his jawline, the soft cheeks that hide his adorable dimples. Oh, how Jin loves them and the beautiful smile that brings them to life.
Jin looks ahead once again. Namjoon was gorgeous, but that was the easy part – Jin knew all about that. The hard one was not being afraid to chase his dreams, still being able to effortlessly see good things in the world, being so humble and grateful and kind that made Jin wonder how was it possible that his heart could fit inside his chest.
He wishes he could write all of that down and let the world know how wonderful the boy was, but Namjoon had always been better with words than him.
Namjoon wasn’t perfect, Jin knew that. He’d been through the bad moments just as much as he’d been through the good ones. He’d seen him angry, disappointed, sad, insecure, being rude to people… But Jin didn’t mind – those things made him human (and Jin was much more into human than he was into perfect).
Jin steals another glance at the boy beside him, but this time his eyes lay on Namjoon’s lips. Jin has thought about them so many times now – especially how they would feel pressed against his.
His brain starts working at full speed. A voice inside his head screaming at him to do it, kiss Namjoon and finally find out how it feels. Another one bringing up all the arguments to show why he shouldn’t.
Jin knows Namjoon has some sort of feeling towards him, but he doesn’t know exactly what kind and that’s what scares him. What if he did something and messed up what they had? But what if he didn’t and missed out on the chance to live something great?
His thoughts are becoming louder by the second, weighting all the what if I dos and what if I don’ts, and still he can’t seem to reach a conclusion. All he wants is to scream and make the flood of thoughts stop.
That’s when he remembers the coffee man’s words. Sometimes all we need is twenty seconds of courage.
“Namjoon,” Jin calls before his courage is gone, his clock is ticking.
“Hm?” the boy answers, turning to face Jin – whose heart is beating desperately.
Jin kisses him.
Namjoon’s lips are softer than he’d imagined.
The thought suddenly makes him hyperaware. Oh god, he kissed Namjoon. And Namjoon’s lips aren’t moving. Shit. He probably screwed up. Maybe he should just stop and apologize now.
Jin’s about to pull away when he feels Namjoon’s hand on his cheek and the boy’s lips moving against his.
The kiss is very gentle, unhurried. Like when you’ve craved something for so long and you finally get it, but you don’t want it to end, so you try your best to make it last, enjoying every bit of it while you can.
But Jin held his breath before kissing Namjoon, and now he’s starting to get dizzy from the adrenaline rush and lack of oxygen.
“What was that for?” Namjoon asks softly when they move apart.
Jin freezes. Now that his twenty seconds were gone, he didn’t know what to do.
“I…” Jin keeps looking into Namjoon’s eyes, trying to read what’s going through his mind, but he gets nothing. Namjoon is just patiently waiting for him to continue.
Jin sighs and runs a hand through his hair, looking at the river once again.
“I don’t know… I guess- I just did something I’ve been wanting to do for a while now,” he’s cheeks are burning and he doesn’t dare to look at Namjoon.
The boy grabs one of Jin’s hands and intertwines their fingers, making Jin jerk his head to look at it, astonished. Then he lets his gaze travel up and he finds Namjoon watching him, a huge dimpled smile on his face.
“I like you too, Jin.”
With his heart beating frantically, Jin can’t help but smile back the same way.
“Now… Can we kiss again?” Namjoon asks bashfully, with a little flush on his cheeks. Jin nods.
Namjoon leans forward and Jin closes de gap, placing his free hand on the back of the other’s neck. The kiss is not so careful this time, but they still take it slow.
“Stop smiling,” Jin whispers against Namjoon’s lips.
“I can’t,” he answers, pressing their foreheads together, eyes still closed. “You’re kissing me!”
Jin giggles. “Yeah, I’m trying to. But it’s hard to do it when you’re smiling,” he says, breaking into a smile as well.
“It’s just-” He pulls away just enough to able to look at Jin without being cross-eyed. “This,” he points between them, “is just- Wow, you know?”
“Yeah…” Jin bites his lower lip.
Namjoon can’t seem to find his words but that’s okay, because Jin knows exactly what he means.
-
They spend the rest of the afternoon smiling at each other, trading light touches and sharing kisses, basking in their new found happiness.
There’s a lot of things they want to talk about – how long have they felt that way, why now, tell all the things they love about the other, how happy they get when the other does this or that, and so many other things. But not today – they’ll have a lot of time for that later.
Right now they just want to be together. And although they do this quite often, this time it has a different kind of feel to it – neither one of them has to hide their feelings anymore.
Jin and Namjoon stay like this until the sky turns dark and they have to go.
Jin gets up and stretches out his hand to help Namjoon stand. He takes it and intertwines their fingers before they start walking.
When they are leaving, Jin glances at the coffee stall from earlier. The man is still there, leaning on the counter happily watching them. Jin smiles gratefully at him and the man winks, going back to work.
Jin owes a lot to that guy.
He looks at Namjoon, brings the hand his holding to his lips and kisses it. Namjoon smiles and pulls him closer, kissing his temple before continuing their journey back home.