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Gordo was six months old the first time he was kissed by Mark Bennett. He’d been tired and fussy, and Mark had kissed him to make him stop crying. He didn’t remember, but Mark’s mother had been quick with her camera, and in the years that followed she was never failed to pull out the old photograph whenever the opportunity allowed.
“Even then, I just knew.” she’d tell whoever was listening, eyes and smile soft and maybe a little smug.
==
The first time Mark kissed him and Gordo remembered happened when he was eleven. It didn’t start with the kiss. It started the previous winter, during the first full moon of the year.
Gordo woke to his auntie’s hands cupping his face, her voice calling his name softly in his ear, and it sounded like a lullaby. He curled deeper into his bed, wanting to bury himself in the feeling of peace.
Auntie Daisy only chuckled softly, running her fingers along his side softly and he twisted away from the soft tickling feeling that was disturbing him. Daisy only persisted, dragging him as gently as possible into wakefulness.
Gordo sat up and scrubbed his hands over his eyes, looking out the window to see it was still dark. He was groggy, and couldn’t understand why she’d woken him in the middle of the night when his father appeared in the doorway.
“Aren’t you ready yet? The moon will be rising soon. If you’re not dressed and at the door in five minutes I’m leaving you behind.”
Gordo tensed at his father’s voice, leaning just a little closer to Daisy. Daisy just ran a hand through his hair and smiled at Robert.
“Don’t worry we’ll be ready.”
Robert moved downstairs, and Gordo went slack in relief.
==
The story started something like this.
A long time ago there was a family. Mama and Papa and Brother and Sister. They lived in a little house in the forest. Mama spent her days growing plants in her garden and raising her babies. Papa fixed cars for a living and spent his days at his shop.
At night they ran with wolves.
They weren’t wolves, but they were packpackpack, and Papa’s magic made them all safe. Brother followed in his footsteps, growing strong and powerful, and one day he would make them all safe as well.
But then there was fire. Their little house in the woods was gone, and so were Mama and Papa. And without a family, Brother latched onto the only thing he had left.
==
Robert and Daisy Livingstone moved like their own star system. A little universe of two, that no one else could ever be fully part of. Only for Daisy did Robert ever fully soften; the harshness in his voice and eyes completely gone. Robert made sure his little sister was always safe and happy, and Daisy kept her brother human.
They walked together out to the woods, Robert and Daisy led the way, their quiet conversation only broken by Daisy’s occasional laughter. Gordo trailed along, bundled into his warmest clothing and trying to keep up with the longer steps of the adults ahead of him. He knew it would do no good to ask his father to slow down. Robert never had the patience for his son. So Gordo worked hard to keep up instead of being left behind.
The clearing in the woods was familiar, and so were the figures standing in it. Abel Bennett stood waiting for them, already half shifted, and his shoulders sagged in relief when they arrived. Behind him stood his wife and Thomas, both wearing their wolf skins, and between them, looking small and fragile was Mark. Mark was twelve. It was time for him to shift for the first time.
Gordo didn’t have his magic yet, not fully, but he was here to learn. He watched his daddy set up the shields, and then he curled up with Daisy while they waited for the shift. Gordo was nervous. Mark was his best friend, the two homeschooled and raised together. He hoped everything went okay. Daisy, who had no more magic than the mailman, curled around him and they watched his father together.
“Isn’t he wonderful?” Daisy murmured, and he nodded but he was watching Mark. Should it be taking this long? The moon was high in the sky, and none of the other wolves took this long to shift. Maybe Mark was having a hard time.
Robert and Abel, still half shifted, were talking outside the shield. Thomas was running and whining around the clearing. The adults seemed to come to a conclusion and Robert dropped the shield to allow Abel to move forward, but before he could Mark moved.
He was half shifted, then human, then a mass of fur and claws as he flew towards Gordo. Daisy screamed, but Gordo didn’t have time to move before he found himself under the wolf, a nose in his ear.
“Mark.” he whispered to the beast, “Mark, I’m right here.” He wrapped his arms around the neck of the wolf, and he could feel the warmth in his chest while the pack around him sang.
==
Robert hadn’t spoken to Gordo for over a week after Mark shifted for the first time. Mark found himself at the Bennett’s every day. It was the same house he’d practically grown up in, but now Mark was touching him, always touching him. A hand on his back, his arm, looped over his shoulders. Gordo was puzzled, but embraced the contact, pleased that for once someone wanted him around.
==
“My mom died when I was born.” Gordo told Mark one day after lunch. They were laying in the middle of the yard, pinkies just barely brushing as they watched the clouds pass overhead. “I used to think that’s why my dad didn’t really care for me, cuz he thought I killed her. Now I just think he doesn’t really care for anyone.”
Mark didn’t say anything, but he slipped his hand into Gordo’s and squeezed, and Gordo pretended he wasn’t crying.
==
Summer came, and the boys spent their days exploring the woods and spying on Thomas and Elizabeth. Abel helped them set up a tent, and they camped out in the backyard of the Bennett for weeks on end. Sundays were for pack dinner. Gordo was the happiest he’d ever been.
It all had to end eventually. School was starting next week, and for the first time Mark would be attending while Gordo was left behind. Gordo would never say he was throwing a fit about it, but he had spent a lot of time alone in the woods kicking trees and rocks.
Mark had tracked him down eventually. Gordo had clambered into a tree and had hidden up there through Sunday dinner. He had heard his name being called but he didn’t want to come down. He wasn’t ready to face his days without Mark at his side. Mark going to school meant Gordo was going to be alone with his father and aunt again. He wanted to learn his magic, but it was awful under the cold disregard of Robert.
Gordo’s stomach was growling when he saw Mark. He looked up at the tree right where Gordo was sitting, even though Gordo was positive he was hidden in the leaves. Mark sat at the base of the tree and waited.
It was dark when Gordo finally clambered down. Mark had a sandwich and a bottle of water waiting for him. Gordo ate quickly, embarrassed about his behavior but Mark didn’t say anything. Instead, he leaned over and rested his head on Gordo’s shoulder.
“Me being at school won’t change anything. I’m still yours.”
Mark turned his head and pressed his lips against Gordo’s. It was soft and quick, and Gordo wondered at the butterflies in his stomach. When it was over Mark stood and held out a hand for Gordo to lead him home.
==
It hurt. Magic burned through his body and left as tears from his eyes when he released his connection. When he could channel it properly he’d be able to go to school. With Mark. Gordo stood up and tried again. This time he didn’t cry.
==
When Gordo learned to channel magic properly he almost saw his father smile. He practiced over and over until the connection came as easy as breathing. His father declared it was time to solidify the connection, and then Gordo could begin learning in earnest.
“It’s like you’re a lamp.” Robert told him, “The magic is the electricity, and the spell is the outlet. Instead of doing the spell to connect every time, the tattoo will act as the switch. You’re always plugged into the magic and it’s up to you to turn it on or off. Any spell can be shortened this way if you’re willing to live with the marks forever.”
It was the dead of the night, the witching hour, even if his father scorned the silly name. Gordo lay on his back shirtless in the damp grass, while Robert knelt above him, ancient bone tools in his hands. His father began the magic, tattooing a spell into Gordo to make him a permanent channel to magic. It burned as the ink took shape over his heart. Gordo didn’t cry, but he screamed. His father didn’t stop.
==
In the end, the magic reshaped the ink to represent Gordo. The raven started over his heart, but it didn’t stay there long. The burning feeling of the magic returned every time the bird took flight over his body. Robert looked at the raven and scoffed. Bad luck and death, he said it meant, and Gordo lowered his head in shame.
==
When the fall came, Gordo rode in the Bennett’s car to school with Mark. When Mark tried to hold his hand, he pulled back. Mark deserved better than the bad luck following Gordo around. Mark didn’t say anything, but his eyes were hurt.
At school, Gordo made friends, normal friends for the first time ever. It was a new feeling to have people around him who didn’t know about magic, or wolves, or his father. It was freeing. It was amazing. Soon, he went everywhere with Chris, Tanner, and Rico. Weekends were always spent sleeping at a house not his own unless it was a full moon. Full moons he still belonged to the pack, and for the first time he began to resent his magic.
Mark kept reaching for his hand in the car. Gordo kept pulling back.
==
That winter, Carter was born. Elizabeth and Thomas glowed with the baby in their arms. Abel stepped down and made Thomas the alpha. The whole pack smiled and celebrated. Gordo watched Mark holding his new nephew, and his heart broke that he’d never have a family like this.
==
In the summer the wolf came. Gordo didn’t realize how lucky he was to have his family until they were gone. Auntie Daisy was burned on a Wednesday. On Thursday Gordo woke up and Robert was gone. By Friday he was living in the Bennett house, struggling to fill the need for a pack witch.
At night Mark laid in his bed, and in the dark Gordo clung to his hand as he hadn’t in months.
“I won’t leave you.” he murmured when Gordo cried himself awake dreaming of his aunt.
“I’m right here.” he reassured when Gordo screamed out his anger at another faulty spell.
“You’re my home.” he whispered into Gordo’s hair, tucking a stone wolf into Gordo’s hands in the morning when he thought Gordo was still asleep. Gordo rolled over, sleepy eyes and messy hair, and this time he kissed Mark.
==
“I don’t think I like girls.” he told Rico, Chris and Tanner fishing one day. They paused for a moment before Rico elbowed him in the side.
“So like, which of us is your type?”
He shoved Rico in the lake, but they all laughed, and at the end of the day they walked with their arms over his shoulders just like they always did.
==
Life happened fast.
Chris had a new baby sister. Robert was captured and his magic stripped. Abel passed away. Elizabeth was pregnant again. The council was pressuring Thomas, telling him they needed his help hunting Richard Collins, that he was growing more and more wild and dangerous.
The pack was leaving. Gordo was staying.
It was a long battle, but in the end Gordo needed to stay, needed to plant himself where his power was rooted and growing. He’d continue to study his magic, and protect the land they called home. Gordo was going to live with Tanner’s family.
Mark curled around Gordo that last night in the house, trying to rub his scent so deep into his skin it would never leave.
“I’m coming back.” he said, “I swear I’m always coming back to you.”
==
The tether, because that’s what it was, burned in Gordo’s chest. The distance pulled at him until he wanted to run until he reached Mark again. Instead he studied, he learned, and he made his home safe for when his family came back.
==
Mark came back when he could, and on those days Gordo always stayed with him in the old Bennett house, curled around each other in bed. As they got older, chaste kisses turned heated, and pinkies linked in the dark became hands wandering over skin. Gordo always refused when Mark offered more, because his heart already broke every time Mark drove away. He’d crack right in two if it happened and they were mates. Eventually, Mark stopped asking.
==
When Gordo was eighteen he moved out. Just a little house he’d bought with the money left by his father, and he reopened his grandpa’s shop. It felt good to build something with his hands. Before long, Chris, Rico, and Tanner were all there, and it felt like family again.
==
One day, the wolf came back.
Gordo fought, with magic and skills he’d forced himself to learn over the years, tattoos he’d inked and burned into his own skin glowing. All he saw was Auntie Daisy burning, his father leaving. At the end of the day, Gordo stood and the wolf was gone forever.
==
They’d fought before, but nothing ever like this.
Mark’s eyes glowed orange, his rage at finding Gordo had fought alone pushing him halfway into a shift. Gordo screamed back, because who was supposed to fight with him when they all left him behind.
The next morning Gordo left the little stone wolf in Mark’s car and left before he woke up.
He waited sitting against the front door of his little house until he heard Mark on the other side. He didn’t answer. When Mark finally drove away, he rubbed his chest to try and make the hollow feeling go away.
It never did.
==
The years were dark, and some days he struggled to remember himself. His friends and his work kept him grounded, and he reminded himself of the evil his father was, and swore again to never be that man.
==
Ox was a joy. He delighted in every shy smile, every earned word, every bit of knowledge and pride the boy had as he worked alongside them. He knew what it was like to have a daddy that left you behind.
It felt good to be tethered again.
==
Gordo hadn’t been afraid for a long time, not since the time he’d killed the wolf who took his family. But finding out the Bennetts were back, Mark (matehomelove) was back terrified him. He didn’t want them near Ox. He didn’t want Ox getting hurt, getting left behind again. He tried to warn Ox off, tried to talk to Maggie. No one listened to him.
It boiled over when he walked past the diner and saw Ox sitting at a table with Mark and all of Thomas’s sons. His rage grew, and his magic sparked, and the wolves could feel it. Mark was up and out the door in a second, and crossing the street to Gordo.
It was like old times, all the rage leftover from his father and the wolf and life, and nowhere left to aim it but at each other. Gordo’s stomach twisted when Mark realized that Ox was his tether now. It wasn’t guilt, he told himself.
==
Watching Ox learn the secret of the wolves, be tethered to Joe...It was painful. He spent the years watching them grow together and tried to ignore the memories it brought up of his own past.
Sometimes, during the full moon, he’d see Mark watching Ox and Joe just like he was. Sometimes Mark looked up and watched him instead. Gordo looked back, and they let the past lay between them, dividing, never uniting.
==
Richard was free. Robert was free. Gordo’s world was ending. The little boy who had worshipped his father shattered under the knowledge of what he had become.
==
Gordo failed. His wards were wrong, and they were broken and now they had lost. Gordo was pack again and it was too late. Maggie. Thomas. Their deaths were on his head.
This time it was Gordo who left.
He needed to atone.
==
Sometimes in the middle of the night Gordo’s phone would vibrate in his pocket. Sometimes he would answer and he and Mark would just listen to each other breathe. Sometimes he just let it ring.
==
After a year gone Joe decided they needed to throw the phone. Gordo disagreed. Gordo lost. It was harder to sleep without Mark there. It always had been.
==
Three years and they were back. Gordo stood back and watched these boys, men now, he’d been traveling with be greeted by their family. But then Mark pulled away and he was looking at Gordo, and Gordo was looking at him too.
Soon, his traitorous heart whispered.
==
Evil came back again. This time Gordo didn’t fail. This time those who harmed his pack faced death. Robert wasn’t there, but Gordo knew their time would come and he’d be ready.
==
In the end, he looked at Mark and Mark looked at him. Gordo held out a hand, and with that smile just for him Mark pulled him in.
Pack, said the magic in his veins.
Home, said the air in his lungs.
Mate, said the beat of his heart.
This time, no one left.