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It had been hard for Woojin, picking the pieces up for a man that came before him. He always seemed to fall back each time he thought he made a step forward into Jihoon's life. It was a difficult process but it was one that Woojin promised himself he would endure for as long as Jihoon wanted him to.
During their first so-called "monthsary" (a day Woojin didn't understand why couples had to celebrate but complied to the norm anyways), everything seemed to go wrong for them each time. Woojin had predicted the weather wrong and both he and Jihoon ended up wet under a sudden attack of rain while frolicking around the amusement park. Jihoon was not all too fond with being wet so the pout stayed on his face for quite a while.
(Until he witnessed a clumsy Woojin slip on a slippery brick which rewarded the pained but relieved Woojin a hearty laughter from a previously pouty Jihoon)
As they walked around, Woojin could still feel the hesitation in the way Jihoon's hands slightly trembled in his. Jihoon looked down once in a while, sometimes forcing smiles just to make sure he doesn't worry Woojin. But knowing Jihoon for most of his life, he knew the ebbs of his seemingly cryptic facial expressions and how his gestures talk more than his pretty lips.
They went through several rides, disregarding the fact that they were still a bit soaked from the rain. There were times where Jihoon would genuinely laugh or smile or emanate so much happiness that Woojin thought his heart would burst at the sight of the very image. Other times, he could see the cracks, fleeting minutes of when he knew that Jihoon was still thinking of the heart ache that stemmed from the man before. Little afterthoughts, that probably wondered what would it have been like if the man would take Woojin's place. It hurt every once in a while, even if he'd brush off the hurt with a goofy smile. But it never made him love Jihoon any less.
On their way home, Woojin felt a small ray of hope once he feels Jihoon's breath and a small peck on top of his head during their ride home. He might have been half asleep then, opting to rest on Jihoon's shoulder like he always did whenever they went out together.
Woojin knew he always had a place on Jihoon's shoulder, this time he prayed he could also have a bigger space in his heart.
The end of their day was spent on a movie night. They watched some cheesy romcom together, hoping it could bore them to sleep. They were merely at one beer can in and Woojin could already see how cherry red Jihoon's face looked from the alcohol. The ending credits rolled and they still couldn't sleep after watching one hour and thirty minutes of a cliche plot. Jihoon's head was already rested on Woojin's shoulder and his hands comfortably entwined with his as they listened to the songs played during the ending credits, an upbeat pop song about falling in love while they both
figure out what the term actually meant.
"He's getting married tomorrow," Woojin knew that this was a sentence Jihoon had been holding back throughout the whole day. The man whom Jihoon thought he could spend the rest of his life with was engaged now, to a woman at that. The future was already evident, Woojin knew that Jihoon was willing to fight for it. But at the end of the day, Jihoon knew he was fighting for something he wasn't going to win in. Ultimately, he was left to wonder why his efforts were never enough to get the happiness he dreamed of having.
Woojin knew this fully well, the way Jihoon's face shifted every now and then whenever he would meet the broken boy. If he could help it, Woojin wished he wasn't so hesitant in the past. He wished he had the courage to tell his best friend how he really felt about him and do whatever he could to win him over. If only he did, Woojin wouldn't have to remind Jihoon over and over that he was permanent, someone here to stay.
"I know," was his only reply.
"Aren't you tired of me yet? Going back and forth with me? Getting disappointed all the time? Aren't you tired of waiting for me, Woojin?"
Woojin heaved a sigh, pressing the skin on Jihoon's palm softly and then staring at each line that formed branches on his fingers. How could he ever be tired of Jihoon?
"I've waited for so long, what makes you think I'll give up now?"
"The last thing I want to do is to hurt my best friend. You're the last person I want to lose," there was hurt there, the way his deep voice faltered at the end of the line.
"I know that you've been giving me reasons to leave. I've known you long enough, Jihoon. But watch me give you more reasons to stay with me because I didn't wait this long to have you just to walk away. If possible, I'd like to be permanent this time."
It confused him as to why Jihoon bursted out laughing after, pushing him to side and forcing him to fall over. "Hey!" Woojin complained, but it warmed his heart to see Jihoon looking so carefree after a somber conversation.
"Sap!" Jihoon retorted but the smile on his face was Woojin's little triumph.