Chapter Text
Rick stared out the window, contemplating his next move. He’d been doing this for the past hour. This was not a decision to make hastily; this was life changing. It was cold outside, freezing. He sat so close to the window that condensation had formed in places where his warm breath met the cold glass. That almost surprised him. The past week had been hell. He’d been spending his time running his mind over every event that took place. It was just... too much. He sat there, wanting to scream and cry and just do something so that even for a little bit, he would be distracted enough to not feel how he felt right now... hopeless, his mind supplied: he felt really fucking hopeless. Sure, he’d felt like this in the past, in fact, that emotion pretty much summed up his whole damn life, but this time, it was different and that thought scared him.
Currently, he was existing outside of a really shitty apartment that he could barely afford. His apartment was located between two other rooms on the third floor of a four story apartment complex. On days when he wasn’t getting shit faced he was practicing... with his band.. in his apartment... singing screaming The Flesh Curtains song's lyrics. He was pretty much the worst neighbor ever, not that he gave a shit. Though, it was annoying considering how he got an average of two noise complaints a week. He really should have been kicked out by now-it happened at the other apartments. As much as he hated the apartment, how fucking broke he was, and just his shitty life itself, he hated the neighbor on his left side the most. That guy had some real balls. When ever he got pissed off because of Rick's “over-the-top” noise, he would literally punch the wall then yell at him to shut up. Who the fuck even does that?? Whenever this happened, Rick would do the same thing back or just purposly be even louder, so this usually resulted in screaming matches through the paper-ass thin excuse of a wall.
Right now though, Rick didn’t have time to think about how much he hated that fucking guy because he hated himself more. He was now trying really fucking hard not to cry, but he just couldn’t fucking handle it. He felt like he was going to have a fucking psychotic episode.
At first, he started laughing at literally nothing as a sad attempt to keep himself from crying. But he just couldn’t fucking hold it in so he started crying while laughing and he felt like he was losing it. He could hear grumbles coming from the rooms next door to him because he wasn’t exactly being quiet but that didn’t even matter. It wasn’t enough to just obnoxiously laugh and cry anymore. He started screaming. No more laughing, s c r e a m i n g. He had to get rid of these emotions. He tried reaching for his flask but he fucking couldn’t. The faucets that were his eyes were blurring up his vision and nothing made sense because he couldn’t see. He was berating around his room while screaming profanities and crying and trying to find his booze and decided that he couldn’t go on. He couldn’t do it. He couldn't fucking do it. The tears streamed down his face and his head was so foggy and he felt like there’s not going back from what he was about to do but he had to do it.
He looked to the window and slammed his fist into it. It didn’t break. He slammed into it again. It didn’t break. He yelled and then grabbed the nearest object by him and hurled it at the window with all of his strength. It cracked. Just a few more hits. He dropped the object he had previously used and started slamming his fists into the glass again and again and again. He could hear his neighbor on the left throwing insults through the walls but he couldn’t fucking deal with him right now. There was blood running from his fists and some glass stuck out of his hands. With one more hit to the glass, the entire window shattered, making a particularly loud noise, possibly even louder than his screaming. He stood before it. Just sobbing silently now. This was it.
His head was too loud to hear the insistent noise coming from the door behind him. Perhaps someone was pounding on it? He couldn’t really find himself to care. But then suddenly, the door exploded open. Rick didn’t even turn around. He just stood there, his tears finally giving up. He stared emptily out the window frame and to the parking lot outside. He heard a voice, but it was so far away, so distant, he couldn’t decipher what it was saying. He took a step closer to the ledge of the window seal. Just staring at the ground. Nothing even felt real. He didn’t even feel like he was walking towards it. The voice behind him became louder, almost sounding panicked.
He slowly closed his eyes. He didn’t even hear anything anymore. As his eyes shut, he entered a void that was only known to him. He drew in a shaky breath, the tears on his cheeks drying. He felt a light breeze on his face coming from the nonexistent window. He was going to do this. He needed too. He took a step forward.
A hand. That voice again. Fingers wrapped around his forearm. The voice begged him to stop. He stepped forward and then-
Nothing.