Chapter Text
"you can't be fucking serious."
jason didn't think that the one school dance that he decided to attend could be ruined by his family, but here he was, basking in the fact.
they couldn't really want to chaperone his first homecoming, could they? of course not, they know their boundaries.
but, alas, they were deathly serious.
"first, watch your language, second, what is so horrible about us coming along?" mendel asks, actually quite excited about the outing.
"maybe because im fifteen and i don't want to have to deal with you guys all night?"
trina gasps audibly, clearly surprised with her son's blunt words. everyone else just rolls their eyes, they had thought this would happen.
"look, jason," cordelia starts, "if it makes anything better, im catering so you'll at least be able to have some good food while you deal with us." she smiles sweetly as jason shrugs, sighing with exasperation. charlotte moves to her side, putting an arm around her and smiling in the same fashion.
"it really isn't that big of a deal, kid. you'll see us, once, twice maybe the entire time? it's one night, you'll be fine," whizzer adds, trying to level with the distressed teenager.
"plus, what could really happen at a highschool dance that would effect you anyway?" marvin clearly wasn't entirely on board but whizzer was forcing him to go so he was trying to make the most of it.
jason opened his mouth slightly to reply, then sharply closed it when he realized what conflicts could arise if he had truthfully responded.
"fine then. i expect to have a great night and i will trust you all not to ruin it." jason hoped for the best and decided to just ignore the fact until it actually came down to it.
but then it was friday night and he was stepping inside the dimly lit gymnasium with his family trailing behind him.
he moved to push open the door but then stopped to say, "wait, like, five minutes before you come in. i need time to distance myself from you guys."
before anyone could give him a snarky response to his comment, the teenager had fled to the inside of the dance room and away from them for the duration of the night.
holding up to jason's request, the group waits outside for about five minutes before walking inside to the warm and loud room before them.
"it stinks in here!" cordelia shrieks, caught off-guard by the smell to adjust her volume.
"ah yes, the scent of hormones and sweat," charlotte comments. "okay everyone, time to divide and conquer."
the group of six splits up to spread around the gym, although, marvin opts to stay near the wall in a back corner. watching these kids makes him worry about what his own child deals with at school. is he constantly subjected to these kinds of people everyday?
kids these days, he thought.
and here is yet another young couple that just won't keep their hands to themselves. "alright, alright, save room for jesus, you heathens," marvin scoffs as he pulls apart two horny teenagers grinding on each other.
he sighs, why do i have to deal with this on a friday night? he glances at whizzer on the other side of the room from him, manning the bathrooms to make sure that no one gets too handsy. hopefully he's as annoyed about this as i am.
desperate to get away from the hormones, marvin makes his way to the snack table and two slightly pissed off ladies.
"marvin! can you believe that we've been here for almost an hour and the food is barely gone? i make all of this and these sixteen-year-olds have the audacity to ignore it," delia complains, only noticing a student standing nearby when she had finished.
the boy's hand was about to grab a pastry when he quickly retracts his hand after hearing the comment.
"yeah, you're included in that," she says mockingly with enough disgust that the boy quickly speed-walks in the opposite direction and out of sight.
"whoa, dee, chill out, you can't attack everyone around you because they won't enjoy your fantastic treats. just mentally insult them from afar," charlotte comments, seeming to accentuate cordelia's anger with her passive-aggressive answer.
the blonde sighs and closes her eyes before opening them with a smile on her face. "so marvin, how has your night been so far?"
"eh, it's been tolerable," he answers truthfully. "but i don't appreciate having to constantly separate these kids to keep them from
"well, im sure that jason is at least behaving himself-" charlotte pauses, "wait, where is he anyway?"
after a moment of scanning the large room, marvin sees jason, and he actually is behaving himself. he's talking to a girl and seems to be making her laugh too.
"i found him, he's perfectly-" but then he sees trina and mendel standing several feet away paying very close attention to the exhange happening between their son and the girl. of course they're doing this.
"i didn't think that they would start this so soon, but i guess we shouldn't have had our hopes up so high," charlotte points out, clearly seeing the scene in front of them.
"alright, i need a break, im going to see how whizzer is doing but i'll check back in later, okay?" marvin asks but only gets distant nods in return, the girls were too invested in watching jason to actually reply. he chuckled to himself before walking to where a bored looking whizzer stood.
whizzer smiles when he sees him, "hey, how's it going? have you been enjoying tonight as much as i have?"
"if you haven't been enjoying this at all then, yes, i have as much as you."
"puh-lease," whizzer says, rolling his eyes and waving his hand, "it hasn't been that bad, i've only had to kick, like, one couple out of the bathroom and they had barely even done anything besides a full-on handjob."
"that sounds eventful but i can't say that i've had to experience that much tonight. i half-expected a fight to break out or something exciting like that but all these kids want to do is get into each other's pants."
"well," whizzer leans into marvin, his voice getting softer once he nears his ear, "i could give you something more exciting. and it may have something to do with getting into your pants."
"this is a school dance, we can't do anything without the possibility of getting caught - i mean, aren't you standing here to prevent that sort of thing?"
"look, relax a little bit, it'll be fine. we won't do anything, just a quickie," whizzer smiles innocently, as if he's talking about something childlike and not something more adult than that.
marvin gulps, a warm tingling sensation moving from his chest to his crotch. the idea of bailing on a crappy dance to have fun with whizzer was exceedingly more enticing.
desperate to get away, the older man gives in to his wants and pulls whizzer into the bathroom behind him.
and in the lovers' attempt to separate themselves as much as they could from this school dance, mendel and trina were determined to be completely invested in it.
they stalked their son from afar, monitoring his every move without him knowing. it might as well have been taken as a spy mission for them.
"okay, he doesn't seem to be doing anything right now, still just talking to that girl," trina comments.
"i think her name is heather, but trina, do you really think we should be doing this? i mean, jason is a good kid, we can allow him some boundaries-"
"wait, look!"
the couple watches as the space between jason and heather disappears and jason leans in to kiss her.
"okay, we've seen too much, abort mission!" mendel whisper-yells, pulling trina back with him to get far away from the situation.
they retreat to a section of the room farther back to where some other chaperones stand and chat with them until the end of the night.
the family reunites at around eleven outside of the school, each of them looking affected by the night in one way or another. jason, however, seemed to be the most energized of all.
"so, jason, how was your night? did anything special happen?" trina asks, clearly hinting at something.
"yeah, actually, i got a girlfriend!" as the group cheers, mendel and trina share a look.
"and... something else?"
"what do you mean, something else? what more do you want me to say about it?" jason asks, trying to read between the lines of what she was implying.
"well, i mean-"
"we saw you kiss a girl!" mendel blurts out before clapping a hand over his mouth.
"what? how would you know that unless you were - were you guys spying on me?"
"no, of course not, we knew that you would be fine but-" trina starts but jason interrupts.
"no buts! you guys need to stop, this is exactly what i didn't want! you guys can go, my friend said he'd take me home."
everyone stays silent as he targets one last angry glare to the group before stomping off to where they assumed that his friend must be. standing there in silence, they look at each other, wishing that it tonight hadn't gone as bad as it has.
charlotte speaks up, "we better just go. jason knows not to stay away for too long."
they walk back to the car they drove here in, but it has a sharp contrast from their first trip - the silence. nobody speaks, nobody wants to comment on what a mess they've made until,
"we really messed up," trina says, sadness laced in her voice.
"yeah." and that's all that any of them can muster to say, ending any actual conversation for the rest of the night.