Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I’m done, man. I’m done.”

Nick hung his head; he was almost crying. It was painful to see Nick whom she appreciated very much in such a horrible condition. Lindsay should do something for him, but what? She’d never had a deal with people being so desperate and had no idea what could comfort them. She almost decided to kiss him but stopped herself in time. It may cause unpredictable consequences. Instead, the girl stepped to him and hugged him tightly. A few moments later Nick raised his hands and hugged her back.

Lindsay didn’t know would it work or not. She almost heard Nick’s heart beating, and his heavy breath tickled her hair. They stood like this quite long, each in own thoughts. When she noticed his breath become calmer and deeper, she broke off the hug. Girl looked at her friend worried and said «Hey, all gonna be alright. I promise you. Just don’t give up, okay?”

Nick seemed as depressed as he was but gave her sad smile. “Are you sure?”

Lindsay nodded and smiled a little. “Absolutely. I believe in you.”

Nick lowered his eyes for a moment and then looked at her. “Thank you, Linds. Your support means a lot to me.”

“I’m glad,” said Lindsay. She continued to distract him from bad thoughts. “Hey, are you hungry? Let’s have some burgers, my treat.”

“Let's just get out of here, okay?” asked Nick, going to his car and opening a door. Lindsay followed him.

A few days later Nick invited her to join the whole group on the patio. She was afraid that she would be an undesirable person, but they acted as if nothing had happened. Ken mocked on Nick’s failed audition, Daniel brought some new chords to learn, and Kim called her Yoko playfully. Lindsay just smiled awkwardly and listened to the conversation mutely.

All seemed to be all right, but Lindsay remembered Daniel’s words. “He doesn’t need any help,” he had said meaning Nick would still get into the army no matter how hard he tried to avoid it. Lindsay always was kinda competitive, and it was a challenge, a solid chance to prove the whole world she was right. Besides, she would give favor her friend, and his future was even more important that whatever else.

Lindsay compiled a plan carefully. At first, she found out Nick’s schedule. They had only one common course, but there were some others Lindsay had taken a previous year. She couldn’t help him with Labor or Physical education lessons, but she could do it with Math and Biology. Lindsay made some calculation. If Nick gained at least three A grades for final tests and kept another average not lower than C-, all would be perfect. She just hoped he would be a better learner than Daniel.

At last, she decided to tell Nick about her plan.

“I know, you think I’m bothersome or impudent or both of them, but I really want to do something for you,” Lindsay ended her speech a little bit panting. “So… what do you say?”

Nick grinned and lightly slapped her shoulder. “Oh, man, it’s great. Your plan is awesome. But… does it work?”

Lindsay smiled. “It depends on you, I guess. So… when do we start?”

“Maybe, next week?” suggested Nick. “I have some plans this weekends, so…”

“Oh, okay, sure,” shrugged Lindsay. She didn’t expect they started right now.

“Great!” beamed Nick, waved her goodbye and went to his class. Or ditched it – she didn’t know exactly. For some reason, Lindsay felt a slight concern.

They didn’t start practicing next week, but it was her fault. Lindsay was so angry with Mr. Rosso notations, and she wanted to feel like an adult so much, that she almost forced her friend to get fake IDs and go to a bar. Moreover, when they discovered what first IDs were fake more than they had expected, Lindsay found a way to get new ones.

“Weird guy, that Toby,” said Nick to Daniel as Lindsay went into the house of her old buddy.

“Weird or not, but he makes perfect IDs,” noticed Daniel. “Besides… Did you see his plants?”

“His plants? No, man, I didn’t see them,” he came up with an unexpected but pleasant idea “Hey, do you think he’ll sell us some stuff? I mean if Mark will be empty. Like a fallback?” Nick exclaimed enthusiastically.

“I dunno. Maybe,” shrugged Daniel lighting a cigarette. “It’ll be kinda funny if Lindsay finds you a new dealer.”

Nick chuckled and smiled. “She’s full of secrets.”

“Wanna reveal some?” Daniel asked mockingly.

“Oh, shut up, man,” Nick slightly punched his friend in the arm. Nick didn’t realize when and why he started to feel something more than just a sympathy to Lindsay. Maybe, all that happened because Lindsay was a girl and she hung out with them. Or, he fell in love with her because of her being kind to him, because of her intelligence, loveliness, and all those little things that made her so cute. Apparently, this was no longer a secret for Daniel.

They stood in silence a while. Daniel was smoking, and Nick was beating rhythm with his drumsticks. Ending it with a spectacular swing, Nick said insecurely “She’s gone for a long time. Maybe, we should look for her?”

Daniel smirked. “Calm down, man. All these things take time. She’s gonna be here soon.”

Nick didn’t answer and started to walk around nervously.

The front door opened, and Lindsay came out quickly. Toby went after her and stopped at the doorstep.

“I’ll call you later,” said he saucily. Lindsay didn’t answer, and Toby returned to the house.

“Here they are,” said Lindsay and gave IDs to boys. Daniel threw away his cigarette and started to study his new document. Nick took his card but paid more attention to Lindsay. She was apparently ill at ease and looked upset.

“Hey, are you okay? Did he do something to you?” asked Nick carefully.

“No, no, all is alright,” answered Lindsay too fast and too strained for it to be true.

“I’ll deal with him,” promised Nick, clenching his fists and going to return to Toby’s place. He felt strange urge to protect Lindsay even when she didn’t need it.

“No, Nick, stop, please,” Lindsay begged, grabbing his hand. “He didn’t hurt me, he just… asked too many personal questions,” she confessed nervously.

“Personal questions?” frowned Nick. Lindsay tried to find proper words to explain, but she was interrupted by Daniel who figured out what had happened.

“Next time, Linds, when some dork tries to hit on you, just say you already have a boyfriend.”

Chapter Text

Three boys were sitting on the couch in Nick's basement. After the fiasco in 'Rusty Nail', they decided to comfort themselves with smoking pot.

"How do you think, where is John Bonham right now?" asked Nick lazily.

"Dumb question. He's rotting in a coffin somewhere," fuffed Ken.

Nick tried to kick him with his leg. "No, dumbass, I mean, where is his soul or spirit or something like that. He couldn't just die; he must leave something behind."

"He left," admitted Ken. "You have all Zeppelin's records. Be happy - John Bonham always stays with you."

"It doesn't help, man," Nick rose up to pick up a pack of crackers.

"All drummers go to the heaven," said Daniel sleepily.

"Oh, yeah?" asked Nick, champing. "That's cool. Then I'll meet him one day."

"All good drummers," corrected Ken. "You'll go to another place, there will be no drums, but disco all day and all the night."

"Boo," hissed Daniel. Nick threw a handful of crackers into them. After a few minutes of silence, he said again "I'm serious, I'd like to know things like that."

"You asked wrong persons. Find a brainiac like Lindsay and torture him instead of us," said Ken, sipping a beer.

"Oh, man, that's a good idea. I wanna ask her tomorrow," pointed Nick merrily.

"You're hopeless," Daniel rolled his eyes. "Forget dead drummer, better ask her to go out with you."

"Um, I dunno," said Nick with a shy smile. "What if she refuses?"

"I don't get it," said Ken seriously, "Have you already found another Heidi?"

Daniel smirked while Nick blushed and kicked Ken one more time. There was all the answer.

Despite the fact that he was stoned, the idea to ask Lindsay firmly lodged in his head. Not about a date, he was almost sure she would refuse, and it could ruin everything. But spending some time only together would be perfect for him. So, next day Nick caught Lindsay after the first period.

"Hey, how's it going?" he asked friendly.

"Oh, hey, Nick," she smiled. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"I've been better," said Nick, "I wanna ask you… have you any plans this evening? I mean, you proposed to study together, right? So, I was, um, thinking if we could do it today? I have a Biology test tomorrow, so..."

He ended with an unsure shrug, but Lindsay smiled sincerely. "No, I have no plans. Come to my house after school, okay? And take you copybook with!"

"Got it!" beamed Nick. "Oh, I can pick you up after lessons, if you wanna."

"It would be great," agreed Lindsay. She watched as Nick going away and felt a strange mix of dizzy and impatience. Like before math challenge...

"Mom, I'm home," said Lindsay as they entered the house. Nick went after her a little bit awkward.

"Today you are late, honey," said Mrs. Weir going from the kitchen. "Oh… You are with a friend, right?"

"Mom, remember Nick?" asked Lindsay as Nick stepped to Mrs. Weir, grabbed her hand and shook it enthusiastically.

"Um, hello, Mrs. Weir, how are you?" asked he friendly.

"I'm fine, thank you, Nick," said Mrs. Weir with a polite smile.

"We'll prepare for the test," continued Lindsay.

"For the test? Oh, that's right. Good luck!" Lindsay's mom wished. "Don't forget, dinner at 7. I hope you join us, Nick?

The boy looked at , then at Lindsay and again at her mother.

"Oh, I, um, yeah, it would be cool, thank you," he shrugged shyly.

"Okay, let's go," said Lindsay and show Nick way to her room. When the door closed Lindsay exhaled.

"I'm sorry for her, she can make you feel really embarrassed," said Lindsay.

"No, not at all," protested Nick. "She's great."

"Yeah, probably," Lindsay smiled.

"So, let's start!" she went through her room and searched her copybook. Nick stood near the door and looked around. He felt strange being in the girl's place; he was confused noticing girlish things like a flower print on her blanket or paintings on walls. Besides, Nick didn't know what to do next - sit somewhere (and where?) or wait for Lindsay's direction? Or maybe should he say something, about her room, perhaps?

Lindsay found her Biology copybook and turned to Nick.

"Oh, sit down where you'll feel comfortable," offered she, taking a seat on a chair by the desk. Nick came to her and sank to the floor, resting his back on a corner of her bed. Now Lindsay could look down at him, and it was unusual for both of them.

"Well," said she, "I think we should read our chapters, then I ask you about the material, and after it, we discuss problematic issues. What do you say?"

"Um, okay," Nick opened his book as Lindsay did the same.

It wasn't easy. Lindsay was sitting half-turned so that Nick could see her profile and watching her was more interesting than boring paragraphs in the book. He caught himself he read one sentence the third time and couldn't understand its meaning.

"How… how do you think, if people are just, um, a lot of muscles, bones, and blood or there is something more? Ya know, like soul?" asked he at last.

Lindsay looked at him thoughtfully and a little bit sad. She remembered her granny's last moments. "I wish I knew. Maybe people are just animals with a highly developed nervous system, maybe Millie is right, and there are heaven and hell for our souls. I don't know. But in the end, we all want to believe in unproven theories if they get rid us of fear."

"Oh," only sighed Nick. Lindsay returned to her book and said no more.

Somebody knocked the door and almost immediately opened it. Nick slightly jumped by surprise.

"Lindsay, what are you doing?"

"Oh, hey, dad," Lindsay greeted her father and rose up. "We are studying."

Nick got up and saw Mr. Weir. He went to him and gave him his hand.

"Um, hello, Mr. Weir. I'm glad to meet you again."

"I have no doubt," grumbled Mr. Weir, but shook Nick's hand. "Say, Lindsay, all of your friends will study at our place?"

"Dad!" exclaimed Lindsay embarrassed.

"Well, well, I don't bother you. Study properly," he underlined word 'study' and went away, leaving the door open.

"What did he talk about?" whispered Nick as soon as Mr. Weir went far from them.

"Daniel," answered Lindsay with slight disappointment in her voice. "He asked to help him with Math, but he just wanted to get right answers to a test. I had some trouble after that. Don't mind."

She paused for a while and then change a topic.

"So, are you ready for the little test?"

"Gimme a few minutes, okay?" asked Nick. He tried to focus on paragraph he was reading again. At least, he did his best.

The dinner at Weirs went well, as far as it was possible with the concerned father who was ready to suspect every guy next to his daughter in all mortal sins. But Nick didn't give the slightest reason, speaking mostly about his drums or praising the cooking of Mrs. Weir. Nevertheless, everyone, including Nick himself, breathed a sigh of relief when he said goodbye and left.

Lindsay agreed to meet with Kim next day before school, and the first question her friend asked was "Hey, what's going on between you and Nick?"

Lindsay looked at Kim incomprehensibly, stopping for a moment.

"Um, nothing? We're just friends. Why did you ask?"

"I saw you yesterday," Kim smiled slyly. "So, he picks you up after school, yeah?"

"It was just once," answered Lindsay. She started to feel uncomfortable. "Nick asked to help him to prepare for the test. We were studying together, that's all."

"Oh, yeah? Nick has never paid attention to that school shit. I think it was just a lame excuse to hang out together with you."

"No, it wasn't," said Linsay with conviction. "He must keep his grades high unless he would get to the army. It's serious, Kim. And if you want, you could join us, we all could study together."

Kim smirked.

"Believe me, Linds, I know many ways to spend my time better. Besides, I don't wanna be the third wheel."

"Kim!" Lindsay exclaimed ashamed, but her friend just glanced at her innocently and changed the topic.

However, Kim's remark made Lindsay think was their meeting with Nick just about study or not. She'd like to think so, but something told her she had enjoyed as well leading someone instead of following like she always did. Besides, Nick was the really great guy and hanging out with him was always nice. She didn't know certainly, which of these reasons was decisive.

Chapter Text

“So, guys, are you going to watch the basketball match against Lincoln’s?” asked Lindsay at lunch. She knew that boys often spent their free time shooting hoops and thought that event could interest them.

Nick laughed. “Man, I prefer to play, not watch.”

“But since you out of the team you have only one option,” noticed Daniel, smirking.

“Oh, wow, Nick, did you play for school?” asked Lindsay curiously. “Why did you quit?”

Her father was quite interested in school activities, so all Weirs had to compose him a company. Lindsay had visited every basketball match since her first year in high school, and it meant she could cheer Nick before they ever met.

“They found a dime bag in my locker and kicked me out,” confessed Nick grudgingly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. But… have you ever wanted to return? You are so good with it!” continued Lindsay.

“Hey, Linds, have you ever wanted to return to Mathletes? You are so good with it,” scoffed Ken. Lindsay was all abroad and fell silent.

“Shut up, man,” Nick hissed to Ken while Daniel explained “You know, you don’t need constant rehearsals to have fun. Right, Linds?”

“Yeah, sure,” she nodded, knowing he alluded to her role in band’s breaking. After a few moments of silence, Lindsay stood.

“Well, I'd better go. I need to find Kim.”

“She wanted to call her mother or something,” suggested Daniel and Lindsay hurried up to get away from the cafeteria. She was glad to find a proper excuse to escape from that embarrassing situation.

Lindsay didn’t mention more about the game and was surprised when met her friends at the match. She could only guess what made them change their decision, but even sitting in a few rows below she could see bruises and scratches on boy’s faces. At least Kim looked unharmed. So Lindsay was just sitting near her parents, waiting for the end of the game and wondering, why Sam in his Norseman mascot costume behaved so strange.

“We smashed that bastards!” said Daniel contentedly as Lindsay came to them after the game. Nick gave her a huge grin and immediately frowned as his bottom lip started to bleed again.

“Oh, my God, what happened?” exclaimed Lindsay, looking from one her friend to another anxiously. Kim fuffed, hugging Daniel affectionately.

“Just a little revenge to Lincoln’s scums. But you should have seen that losers! Right?”

Even Ken looked satisfied.

“So, guys from Lincoln school were beaten twice?” asked Lindsay with an unsure smile. But she didn’t have time to get an answer.

“Lindsay!” Mr. Weir voice drilled through the crowd in the hall. She turned around quickly and saw her parents, who were watching their daughter friends with disapproval. Nick waved to them cheerfully and a worry displayed on Mrs. Weir’s face as she saw his injuries.

“Need to go, Linds?” It was strange, but there was almost no sarcasm in Ken’s tone.

“Yeah,” Lindsay sighed regretfully. “See ya tomorrow.”

“I’ll call you later and tell about everything you missed,” Kim winked, and Lindsay nodded her gratefully before she went to her parents.

“I don’t approve your friendship with that burn-out crowd,” said Mr. Weir as the whole family was driving home. “I don’t know any successful person, who deal with that sort of people and I won’t be surprised if someone of them or even everyone ends up in jail.”

“Yeah? How many successful people do you know?” Lindsay didn’t want to argue, but she couldn’t just listen to father’s unfair insults. “How could you know about everyone’s friends if you have any?”

“Honey, your dad and I worry about you,” said Mrs. Weir quickly before her husband could say something rude. “We don’t want you to get in trouble and those children… well, sometimes they are really nice, but they go wrong so often. We afraid your new friends may involve you in some mischief, and it may end awfully to you.”

Lindsay said nothing, just rolled her eyes, knowing she and her parents could never come to an agreement about her new friends. Sam was sitting near her, quiet and distracted. Something tortured him, but because he didn’t act defiantly as she did, their mom and dad barely paid attention to him. Lindsay promised herself to have a heart-to-heart talk with him… when there were no parents around.

Meanwhile, the winter holidays were approaching. Usually, the whole Weir’s family brought together from all parts of the country to celebrate Christmas and exchange news and gossips. This year they decided to meet in Chippewa. Lindsay had liked family meetings like that before, but now she had a doubt she could enjoy holidays as she had done it previous years.

On the last day of the semester, Kim and Lindsay met the rest group on the patio.

“Have you heard?” Nick greeted them with a radiant smile. “Ken throw a Christmas kegger!”

“No way!” giggled Kim. “Do you parents naff off at last?”

“At last,” confirmed Ken.

“So, do you come?" continued Nick. He looked excited like he gained his Christmas present earlier.

“Are you kidding me?” said Kim falling on Daniel’s laps. “I dream to see famous Miller Manor.”

“She dreams to trash famous Miller Manor,” teased her Daniel.

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” sighed Lindsay sorrowfully. “It’s family time; I can’t skip it even if I wanted.”

“Ouch,” Ken was feignedly offended. “Your reject kills me.”

Kim laughed, but Lindsay was hurt a little. She would miss something interesting again and gain nothing instead. Fortunately, the bell rang so they must go to classes.

“Hey,” Nick followed Lindsay to her lesson. “I think it’s cool that you guys have, um, traditions and common family stuff. Really cool. And don’t be upset over Ken, he is an asshole.”

“Thanks,” Lindsay smiled a little.

“And, um, how many family things do you have on holidays? ‘Cause Ben Adams has a New Year’s party and it would be cool if you come.”

Lindsay hesitated. She liked the idea of a party, but her single experience of it was far from a pleasure. On the other hand, it would be a possibility to meet with friends instead of being stuck at home with all her relatives.

“But I didn't get an invitation,” said Lindsay at last. Nick grasped it like ‘I’ll come,’ and beamed.

“Neither did I. Relax, you mustn’t have an invitation for parties like that. Just grab some beer and snacks, and all will be cool.”

“Hey, you two! Go to class, go to class, right now! I won’t repeat it twice! ” voice of Mr. Kowchewski interrupted their conversation. Lindsay obeyed, waving Nick goodbye. She could think about parties later.

Chapter Text

First days of holidays lasted like forever. Lindsay used to enjoy winter holidays, but this year it was the first time her family met together without granny, and it was still painful for her. She had any joyful Christmas mood that radiated her mother, and when her uncles and aunts asked more and more about her plans for college, Lindsay was prepared to run away. Maybe, she didn’t like a kegger at all, but at that moment she preferred to be there. All Lindsay had to do was sitting in her ridiculous Christmas jumper, listening to same conversations and jokes and waiting for escape.

It was hard to convince her parents to let her go to New Year’s party. Mr. Weir said ‘no’, and Mrs. Weir tore between anxiety and wishing her daughter have fun. They softened a little when Lindsay said the party would be in few blocks out of their house and let her go when she told that guys from school orchestra were invited. They seemed to be a proper company for her, instead of Daniel, Kim, Ken, and Nick. But the final reason for Harold and Jean to allow their daughter visit that party was Sam. His friends left town for holidays, and he was bored all the time, so they decided that a party could amuse him a little as well as his sister. Sam listened to his parents with a skeptical gesture, but it would be better than stay at home all the time.

“Are you sure you want to go?” asked Lindsay as they left their house. Sam fuffed “I’ll kill myself if aunt Judy asks once more was there a girl I liked. Besides, this time it’s not our house will be trashed.”

They stood near a house, brightly decorated with garlands. Loud music inside told siblings they found the right place. Lindsay stepped to the front door and knocked. A few moments later an unknown guy opened it.

“Yeah?” asked he.

“Hi, I’m Lindsay,” said Lindsay with exaggeratedly happy voice. “I, um, Nick, I mean, Ben invited us.”

The guy shrugged and let them come in.

“Whatever. A kitchen is on the right,” he noticed a pack of soda in Sam’s arms and fuffed.

Sam put his soda on a kitchen table and returned to the main room, looking around timidly. Both of them barely knew these people. But then a girl with long braided hair waved to them friendly. Sam opened his mouth in surprise and immediately smiled shyly. Lindsay heard as he said “Oh, hey, Maureen,” as he walked to his classmate. Lindsay smiled to herself and wished her brother’s previous crash was forgotten.

When the girl left alone, she started to look for her own friends. But Lindsay wasn’t as lucky as Sam. There was no sign of Kim and Daniel. They were either not here or found a more private place somewhere in the house. Lindsay saw Ken sitting in the corner near the keg, but she was still a little bit afraid of him and decided not even to try have a small talk with him. She was hanging out a little with Amy Andrews, a girl from school orchestra, but she got own company, and they left the party soon. And when Lindsay found Nick out, at last, he was talking merrily to some tall brunette girl. For some reason, this upset her more than she imagined, so Lindsay just went to the kitchen where she can pity herself without the public.

Lindsay felt total loneliness. She lost interest to hang out with her old mathlete friends, but her new friends didn’t need her company to have fun. No matter how hard Lindsay tried to fit in the new group, she was defeated. Moreover, Lindsay didn’t know what did she want exactly so she couldn’t start moving on to something new. She was one of the smartest kid in the whole school and felt so miserable what tears were ready to spill every second.

Lindsay heard heavy steps and quickly wiped her eyes.

"Oh, hey, Linds," Nick grinned as he saw his friend. "Glad that you came! I was looking for you. But why are you hiding here?"

Lindsay smiled weakly and shrugged.

"I don't know. I'm not a party person at all, I guess."

"Yeah, maybe. I mean, I thought you liked this party. Oh...” realized he suddenly, “I kinda left you alone. Sorry, man, I’m really, really sorry.”

Nick looked so guilty what sadness Lindsay felt disappeared.

“Don’t worry, you shouldn’t take care of me all the time,” she said.

“Maybe, I should,” Nick shook his head, and Lindsay admitted how unfamiliarly serious he sounded. A moment later he continued with his usual cheerful tone, “So... Do you wanna leave? We could go to watch fireworks or something. What do you say?"

"Yeah, I would like it," nodded Lindsay. Then she asked suspiciously, "But you drank, didn't you? How can you drive?"

“Oh, c'mon, man,” Nick nudged her slightly. "Just two beers, I'm sober, I swear. All gonna be fine, relax.”

He looked so innocent that Lindsay couldn't help but smile. She grabbed her jacket and prepared to go.

When they were going through the main room, someone called Nick. It was that tall brunette Lindsay had seen earlier.

“Nick, do you leave already? But the party has just started!” she said softly.

“Err, hey, Sara,” Nick shrugged “Yeah, but we decided to watch fireworks. Don’t wanna miss the show, you know.”

“Oh, I see,” she seemed to be upset a little. “Well, it would be great, I guess…”

And then Sara asked as a sudden idea appeared in her mind “So, maybe… may I go with you? Unless… unless I bother your plans, of course.”

She looked unsure at Nick, then at Lindsay and again at Nick. He laughed awkwardly. “Did she decide we are a couple or something?” thought Lindsay, but before she could think about that again, she had already said, “Oh, not at all, you don’t bother anything.” Nick shot her a quick glance while Sara brightened.

“Oh, it’s wonderful! I’ll say to Danielle I’m going to leave with you and immediately return.”

“Well, I should warn Sam, I guess,” said Lindsay fumbling her jacket a little bit nervous. “Be right back.”

“Um, yeah, I.. I'll be outside,” answer Nick.

He was waiting for girls near his green car in silent. Nick was frustrated, his plans for this night were failed with Sara’s presence. No, she was nice, and Nick liked to chat with her sometimes (except her disco things, of course). But now she was so improper, so wrong… and nevertheless, he couldn’t find an excuse to reject her ask. Maybe, Lindsay couldn’t too? “Oh yeah, she’s just too polite and friendly. She said she would like to go with me, right?”

Lindsay got out of the house first, zipping her jacket on the run. She stood near Nick, and he looked at her with a weak smile. Lindsay opened her mouth as she wanted to say something, but sighed and turned her face away.

“What?” he asked, wanting to hear her thought and being afraid of it at the same time.

“No, nevermind,” Lindsay shook her head. “So, where are we going?”

Nick shrugged. “Um, I dunno. To the park, maybe?”

Lindsay had no time to answer because the front door opened again. There was Sara, linking arms with another girl.

“So, fireworks, yeah? Woohoo!” exclaimed she too loud. “I see sparkles already!”

Sara kept her from falling.

“I’m so sorry,” she apologized with a guilty look, “but Danielle is a little bit… tipsy, and I couldn’t leave her there alone.”

“Oh, take it easy,” said Nick, opening a rear door of his car and helping Danielle to get in. If he couldn’t stay alone with Lindsay, he didn’t care how many girls would go with him.

Chapter Text

And then was a new 1981 year. For Lindsay, it started with watching fireworks in an extraordinary, awkward company and with her father's yelling (Mr. Weir was very angry with her late coming and decision to leave the party without Sam). Both of that occurrence was far from pleasant, but she almost got used to gaining less than she wishes.

Mr. and Mrs. Weir watched their daughter with rising concern. She still had good marks at school, but her behavior changed so much for worse. Lindsay got a few detentions, argued with parents more than any time before, and they were almost sure that Lindsay had tried alcohol or even drugs already. But instead of attempt to find out why she did all these things, they just blamed ‘the bad company’ and decided to barrier Lindsay off her new freak friends.

An occasion to do the first step gave one of the clients of Mr. Weir. He caught Lindsay and Kim hitchhiking and told about it to girls’ parents. Harold and Jean were horrified, but they hadn't even tried to have a conversation with Lindsay. Instead, Weirs decided to invite Kim's mother to a family dinner and discuss that accident together. They knew that Mrs. Kelly didn't like her daughter behavior, as well as Weirs, did. And she confirmed that Weirs suggested before: Kim was the worst person to be their daughter’s friend.

Lindsay listened to her parents skeptical. She wasn’t going to stop communicating with Kim only because her parents didn’t approve it. But Lindsay carelessly retold her friend about all that happened during that dinner and Kim overreacted to these words. She blamed Lindsay for not did stand by her, and Lindsay had no idea how to explain that misunderstanding.

Lindsay didn’t notice how much Kim’s friendship meant to her until it had cracked. It was true that firstly they had had a prejudice against one another, but after disastrous dinner at Kelly’s house, their relations became warmer. Each girl had traits another wished to have even if they didn’t realize it. For Lindsay friendship with Kim was like a breath of fresh air in her perfect, well-planned routine life, and a reminder not to judge a book by its cover. And for Kim was essential to know that there was something she could lean on even if the rest of world would be against her. That’s why Kim felt and react so bad after Lindsay’s false betrayal.

Neither Daniel nor Nick, not to mention Ken, didn’t take their spat seriously. Daniel explored his girlfriend’s character quite well and knew she just needed time to calm down and think about what had happened again. Nick felt the same as Daniel, besides he was too busy with his own problems. As for Ken, he just didn’t care. Interactions between people were often beyond his comprehension.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Kelly gave one more noxious cue to Harold and Jean how to deal with teenage girls. And one day Weirs came to Lindsay’s room and tried to look for her diary. They found a notebook quickly, and Mrs. Weir started to read her daughter’s neat writing aloud.

“Are we like she described us indeed?”, she asked her husband perplexedly, regretting her decision to discover Lindsay’s private thoughts and memories.

“Nonsense,” Mr. Weir answered, but he sounded unsure. “She must have picked this disrespectful tone up from these burn-out kids. Say, did she write anything about drugs?”

“No, nothing,” Mrs. Weir turned the page and said with surprise. “Oh, there is Nick mentioned!”

“Nick? That tall goofy boy? Read, I need to know.”

Mrs. Weir squinted, searching the point in the text where she stopped reading.

“I can't stop comparing Nick with other guys I liked before. Is he confident? No. Is he smart? No. Can he inspire me for something great? Well… I guess it will be the same answer. So why am I thinking about him so much? He's just a guy, one of the hundreds I know. And yet… he's kind, funny and has a big dream (and he does his best to gain it). His presence makes me feel cozy (I miss this feeling at home from time to time). And sometimes I think he pays special attention to me. I mean, all his proposals to spend time together or with the group, his constant protection, even…” Mrs. Weir stumbled.

“What's the matter? Read on!” ordered Mr. Weir.

Mrs. Weir sighed and continued “...even his drunk pestering (at first I was so mad for it, but now I think he was cute, especially the way he asked for forgiveness), all these things couldn't be just like that, right? Nevertheless, it seems like it’s his usual way to deal with others, especially girls. If there were another girl instead of me, he would act the same, I’m sure. Perhaps, I could try to go out with him, but I need a confirmation of his real intention about me. It will be a disaster if I turn my friend into the stranger in an attempt to have a date with him. God, I’m like 12 years girl who is moaning over boys! I should take it easy, like Kim. Maybe, I should ask her advice about Nick? But why? I’ve already known her answer. “Just do it,” she would say and would be right. But I’m still holding over a decision. I wish sometimes I were more brave and reckless, just like Kim.”

Mrs. Weir looked at her husband, preparing for his anger. She read Lindsay’s unvarnished and sometimes quite rude notes, and her thoughts about boys might have been a final blow for Mr. Weir.

“I don’t want to see any of these… freaks in my house,” he said at last. His tone was cold “How could she write something like that, how could she think that way?”

“Oh, honey,” said Mrs. Weir, hiding Lindsay's diary in her closet, “it wasn't expected to see by others. We all are a little bit bold when we are alone with own thoughts, aren't we?"

She felt an unpleasant heaviness in her chest but put her hand on husband's shoulder, trying to cheer him up. Mrs. Weir continued her speech.

"You can prohibit Lindsay to invite her friends home, but she still can meet them at school. Besides, she may suspect something wrong if we…”

“So, do you propose to encourage her communication with that sort of people?” he asked sharply.

“No,” she retorted. “All I want is keeping our family together. And I think we shouldn’t forbid Lindsay to meet with her friends. Prohibitions could push her away more. Maybe, we should make small steps forward her?”

“Go ahead,” said Mr. Weir roughly. “Talk again when she leaves school and run away with some hippie scum.”

He left Lindsay’s room immediately, and Mrs. Weir rubbed her eyes, afflicted with her daughter’s secrets and tired of arguing, she had no idea what to do with all of this.

Chapter Text

Luckily for Lindsay, their contention with Kim lasted no longer. It seemed as both of them were ready to forget about it and took the first opportunity to make peace. Kim continued to be guest in Weir’s house and, to Lindsay’s surprise, her parents didn’t mind it. She respected their decision to be friendly to her friends even if their actions were corny. Lindsay winced, remembering a few last study meetings with Nick.

Usually, her parents weren’t interested in school materials she helped Nick to catch up. They paid little attention to their studying, and their only condition was to keep her room’s door open. But one day, out of the blue Mrs. Weir asked teenagers to stay with them. Her mother had insisted on studying in the dining room, and they had been spending these hours almost in silence, with her mother’s polite smiles and her father’s demonstrative newspaper reading. And the presence of Sam, who seemed confused by that sudden gathering, didn’t help anyone.

After such a disastrous studying she had proposed to change the place. Nick had agreed, his enthusiasm about it had been genuine and a little bit excessive. They had started to study in Nick’s basement, but it seemed more like hanging out without the rest of the company than real practice. Lindsay tried to explain Nick some tricky algebra exercises, but every attempt ended up with talking about music, or new movie in the cinema, or gossiping about guys Lindsay didn’t even know. She started to suspect that Nick was just avoiding hard studying as he did with everything he had struggled. This part of his personality a persistent girl inside her didn’t like at all. Lindsay almost decided to talk to Nick about it but stopped herself. She didn’t want to have a confrontation with another friend of her, and she was tired of being a goody two shoes she had been all her life. Besides, Nick’s grades started to improve slowly, and, that was the most important, she liked to spend some time just together with him.

As for Nick, he was entirely happy. A huge grin didn’t leave his face for long. Lindsay was near, she helped him with his grades, she was chatting and laughing with him, and every time Nick told her he had gained another B she smiled. His heart was melted with these smiles. He was almost ready to take the next step, but his insecurity held him back. If only he knew her real thoughts about him. If only she felt for him the same way he felt for her...

“If you want I'll ask her about you,” Kim said unexpectedly when Lindsay wasn’t around. She was a little bit tired of their love drama and decided they need a friendly help.

“What?” Nick was confused. “No way, man! I need to do such a thing by myself. Say nothing!”

“As you say, loverboy,” chuckled Kim. “But if you don’t hurry up, I’ll find someone less half-hearted for her.”

“Shut up,” muttered Nick.

Unfortunately, peace in the group didn't last for long although it wasn’t because of unsolved questions between Nick and Lindsay. In a few days, Daniel persuaded Lindsay to take her parents car, and they had an accident.

Nick left the car, and his mind wandered. He saw how a woman from another car yelled at Lindsay who looked utterly horrified. Then she and Kim, who sat at the front seat, started arguing, trying to decide whose fault it was. Nick wanted to hug and comfort her, but Lindsay, sunk in her problems, seemed not to notice him at all. He attempted to call her later, but the phone was picked up by her mom. Mrs. Weir didn’t give the phone to her daughter, just informed him dryly that Lindsay has been punished.

Next time the group saw Lindsay something changed in her, and it wasn’t just her outfit. Something made her avoid the whole company. Moreover, she said some pretty mean reveals to Kim, Daniel, and Ken. They retold it to Nick, who was confused about the whole situation. He thought Lindsay’s reproof related to him as well and felt terrible about it. Not because she offended him, but because she told the truth even if she didn’t notice it.

Nick had thought he could change. With Lindsay's help or without it, he had thought he could become someone, not necessarily important, just someone who wouldn't be a waste of space. But it seemed to be an illusion, one of many Nick had. He was a loser indeed, and nothing would change it. Lindsay just prolonged an existence of his misconception. He could just enjoy the rest of the time he had before his doom. Nick sought solace in smoking pot. He didn't need that stuff when Lindsay was around. But now it was the only thing that could comfort him. Nick's days passed in a sweet, smoky haze.

Day went after day, and nothing changed. It seemed Nick was the only one who was pining over Lindsay's absence. Kim was still mad at her, unlike Ken and Daniel. Lindsay’s company amused them sometimes, but not enough to exert extra efforts to keep her in the group. Lindsay returned to mathletes, but her new former friends couldn’t stop to talk over her.

“Hey, maybe enough?” asked Nick after another caustic comment about Lindsay. Kim rolled her eyes, while Ken looked around and said “She isn’t even here. Why are you trying?”

“Ya know what?” answered Nick touchily “You’re all just missin’ her company. It's easier to pour shit than to admit it.” He kicked the bench and walked away.

And something in Nick’s words was right. Perhaps Lindsay didn’t fit in the group correctly, but she still was a part of it. The realization of this fact made them make some effort. So, Daniel, Kim, Ken, and Nick spent a nice evening, watching the mathletes competition and cheering Lindsay. And Nick noticed one more time how smart she was and admired her more and more.

A few days later Lindsay left mathletes the second time, and they started hanging out again. Sometimes she told funny stories about geek life, but mostly she listened to her friends silently. Nick couldn’t stop smiling. Almost everything returned to normal.
One day Lindsay caught Nick in the hall after the second period.

“Hey, Nick,” she said with a guilty smile “Do you have a minute?”

“Um, yeah,” he smiled back. “What’s up?”

Lindsay took a deep breath. “Nick, I just… I should apologize to you.”

“For… for what?” didn’t understand Nick.

“You know, after that accident I acted like a bitch, and I was unfair to you, to all of you. But I skipped our lessons, and I know how it’s important to you, and I can’t forgive if something happens to you because of my fault, and…”

She looked so cute when she asked for forgiveness, that Nick hardly resisted himself from kissing her right now. Instead, he tapped on her shoulder.

“Hey, Linds, no hard feelings,” Nick said sincerely. “We could start to do that again, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” nodded Lindsay. “Just choose the time.”

“Cool!” Nick gave her a big smile. If she looked for a reason to hang out with him again… perhaps, he still had a chance.

Chapter Text

Spring brought unexpected changes in McKinley High. It seemed like Ken, sarcastic and grumpy Ken Miller, fell in love. His chosen one was Amy, a girl from school orchestra, whose witty comments caused that reaction. Ken's friends were surprised and even more when they discovered what Amy didn't mind about going out with him. They quickly found an occasion to bring them together - Pink Floyd Lazer Show. And Nick thought it would be a proper opportunity to him as well.

"Hey, Daniel, I need your advice," muttered Nick as they came to Lazer Dome and were waiting for girls. "I just… I can't help, man, I'm so in love with her."

Ken said nothing but kept his ears open. Daniel gave them a sly smile.

"Relax, guys. Three simple rules. Don't talk to them first. Don't pay attention to them."

"Um, I don't know, man. I can't…" hesitated Nick.

"And third. When tension becomes unbearable, look at your girl. Stare at her. A few minutes and you found her tongue in your mouth."

"Are you sure it works?" asked Ken surprisingly nervously. He saw Amy, Lindsay, and Kim, walking to them.

"Of course," Daniel smirked. "Just don't mess up."

It looked like a strange triple date. Two of them barely knew each other, two more broke up and back together like every week, and the last two pretended to be just good friends. They took their seats, and Daniel turned to Nick as if to say "Follow the plan." Nick nodded, took a deep breath and squinted to Lindsay. She looked at him and asked, "Hey, what time does it start?"

He just shrugged and gave no answer. Lindsay repeated her ask some girl sitting near. After that, she started watching stars on the dome. Sometimes, the girl looked at Nick encouraging him to talk, but he pretended not to notice it.

"Oh my God," whispered Lindsay and giggled. In several rows from them, Ken and Amy were kissing and paid no attention to anybody. Nick blushed a little. Now even Ken had a girlfriend.

The light turned off, and laser figures appeared at the top. But it was far from Pink Floyd.

"What is that?" exclaimed Nick. "Where is Floyd?"

"It'll be next week, man," said some guy in a Stetson. "Now here is southern rock. Yee Haw!"

"Oh," sighed Nick. He and Lindsay exchanged glances and laughed awkwardly. Lindsay returned to watching the show, and Nick felt he must do something. Maybe, hugged Lindsay or said some nice or funny thing. It got worse when Kim and Daniel started to make out right in front of them. Nick chuckled nervously. Lindsay leaned to him and whispered, "I didn't know that together with tickets we bought the obligation to smooch."

"What? Ha, that's funny," laughed Nick, but his heart bled. He thought he had gained enough pieces of evidence that Lindsay didn't feel the same. How stupid was to count mutuality. Nick sat in the dark near the girl he loved without a chance to be with her, listened to music he didn't like, and his fingers scratched with the desire to roll a spliff. Lindsay's hand found Nick's palm and squeezed it. Nick was amazed by this sudden gesture, but it lasted only a few seconds. After that, his desire to smoke became stronger.

Lindsay sighed quietly. Before they came to the show, Kim had told her Nick kinda liked her, and Lindsay was curious was it untrue or not. And the lazer show with its loud music and turned off lights seemed to be a perfect place for such confessions. But now Lindsay surprised by how uncomfortable felt Nick near her, freezing every time she touched him accidentally or spoke to him. "Perhaps, Kim exaggerated his real intentions," she thought with a chagrin. This incomprehensible tension between them made her feel awkward, and a little bit hurt. And Lynard Skynyrd's 'Free Bird,' playing around, didn't help her to feel better.

It took time for Lindsay to realize something wrong was happening with Nick. She knew he and others smoked pot sometimes and she almost persuaded herself that it was entirely normal. But now Lindsay thought Nick had started to smoke too much. Every day he was more or less stoned, and regular communication with him became practically impossible. Moreover, his school performance deteriorated significantly. Lindsay tried to help him to catch up with the school program, but it didn't work. Once Nick came high to their study, and spent all that time giggling, mumbling some nonsense and asking for brownies. And next time he just forgot about their meeting. One part of Lindsay was ready to give up, but another prepared to fight for Nick, even if it meant to compete against him.

"Why are you doing this? You're an amazing guy when you're not stoned?" she asked softly. Nick invited her to smoke his new weed together, and Lindsay decided it was an excellent chance to speak with him seriously. But instead, Nick started to yell at her. Lindsay was listening to his blames with burning ears. All her doubts and fears came true, she was nothing to him but just a goody girl, who pretended to be cool and wanted to freak out her parents. She really couldn't relax and have fun at all, without her constant hesitations. Kim told her that so many times that Lindsay got used to it, but Nick's truthful words caused more hurt she had expected. Lindsay found a small bag of weed which Nick threw to her. Well, she tried it once more. Maybe, this experience could help her to figure out why her friend was doing that.

Nick's irritation quickly passed after Lindsay had left. He ate a big pack of chips and relaxed on the couch. His mind was wandering from one to another and Nick totally forgot about all the things he had said to Lindsay. Only one slightly disturbing feeling stood like he had done something awry. "Man, I'll deal with it later," he thought lazily and fell asleep.

Next day he was looking for Lindsay, but couldn't find her. Only at the end of the classes, he saw her going to the school bus. Nick ran to her.

"Hey, Linds, what's up?" he said smiling.

Lindsay looked at him as she saw him for the first time. After a while, she said quietly "I tried it, your stuff."

Only after that Nick noticed how wan she was.

"Oh, really? Um, how… how do you like it?" he asked her curiously.

"How do I like it?" she whispered amazedly. "It was horrible, Nick. I was scared, I was paranoid, and I could control neither my thoughts nor my body. If Millie wasn't with me, I didn't know what I might do or what might happen to me."

Lindsay was silent a little. And Nick didn't know how to react. Even when he had started to use it, he had never felt such a weird side effect.

"You know, you were right," continued she, "I'm exactly as my father. I can't just enjoy anything and perhaps never can do it. And it hinders me to understand, truly understand you and others. Look, Nick… maybe it would be better if I take some time to think out that situation. Alone."

Her voice was sad. Lindsay turned and went away without looking at Nick. She didn't see the pain on his face, and he couldn't notice how hard it was to her said all these things. The bus drove on, leaving the tall boy near the school.

Lindsay was deep in her thoughts. All her life turned out to be too strange and too complicated. At the beginning of the school year, she had just wanted to change the routine of her life and have a little bit more fun and freedom. But instead, she gained more problems in school, troubles with parents and constant doubts about her new and old friends. And about Nick.

He was apparently more than just a friend for her, but thinking about him was far from usual sweet dreams what people in love usually imagined. Lindsay felt constant concern, anxiety, and fear for him. Even Kim, who had become her close friend didn't cause such a strong disquiet. And the worst was the fact that she could do almost nothing.

Or she could? Well, perhaps, there was no reason Nick should pay to her words more attention than to Daniel's or Ken's (since they had known Nick much longer than she). But Lindsay couldn't just watch as the guy she… she cared about (even in her thought she avoided using such a powerful word as 'love'), was becoming addicted and ruining his chance for the better life. A little dubiety arose in her mind "Why should I waste my time and nerves on someone who doesn't want to change anything in his life?" But she quickly went away this thought. A true friend would never leave another in need.

Chapter Text

"Lindsay, honey, the phone's for you; it's Millie," Jean called from the kitchen. Lindsay walked out to the kitchen and grabbed the handset."Hey, Millie, what's up?" she asked.

"Hello, Lindsay," Millie said, sounding reserved. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. After... you know, after that."

"Thank you, Millie, I'm fine," Lindsay whispered. "Listen, I was thinking about calling you, but you beat me to it. Can we meet somewhere? I need to talk with you about something important."

"Oh, okay," Millie replied, a hint of surprise in her tone. "We can meet in the park if you want. I can be there in ten minutes."

"Yeah, it would be great. Thank you!"

Lindsay hung up and went to the living room where her mother was busying herself ironing laundry and half-watching the television.

"Mom, I'd like to walk with Millie a little in the park. Is that okay? she asked hesitantly, but her mother just smiled.

"Of course, darling. Invite her over sometime; she hasn't been here for so long."

"Sure," Lindsay said with a nod and went out to meet Millie outside. Less than a minute after leaving, she saw a girl with a big dog, moving to her. Lindsay waved to her and smiled weakly.

At first, they walked silently, and only after the girls reached the park, Lindsay spoke.

"Millie, I want to say thank you, for all the things you've done for me. It was foolish of me, and I'm almost sure it'll never happen again."

Millie nodded. "You're welcome." She looked at Lindsay and asked, "But why are you continuing to do all of this?"

Lindsay bit her lip. It was hard to explain that to Millie, who had kinda been a guiding light in her life, but she figured she should try.

"Have you ever thought that our lives are strictly planned? And we just follow that plan, not paying attention to what surrounds us, and don't even know about it. It annoys me, I don't want to live my whole life with blinders over my eyes."

They sat on a bench, and Millie was fumbling the leash in her hands, not allowing Goliath to run away.

"I understand your curiosity," Millie admitted slowly, "but I think hanging around the freaks is the wrong way to explore the world. What can they teach you?"

"Nothing wrong or harmful, I assure you," Lindsay said, shaking her head. "Besides... they aren't as bad as you think they are."

"How could you know? Do you remember all these horrible things they've done to you? Like the kegger party in your house, or detentions, or the car accident? Or smoke that stuff that made you scared your own shadow? That's not what I call a 'good influence' or a 'nice experience.'" Millie sounded serious. "I can't understand why you defend them."

Lindsay exhaled. "Well... maybe they just have no idea how to spend time any other way. I mean, they're nice, really nice, you would know it if you hung out with them sometimes. But their lives, families, and surroundings are far from ours, in a bad way. If only you knew about all twisted and horrible things that have happened to them, you wouldn't judge their choices so critically."

"You mean they act out because of what's happened to them?" Millie asked ironically, caressing her pet absently. "I feel sorry for them, but I feel sorrier for you."

"Yeah, you got it," Lindsay snapped, but immediately added in a softer tone, "Look, I don't wanna fight with you, I just wanna ask you for help."

It was unexpected. Millie stared at Lindsay in amazement.

"My help? It seems like you had already decided everything for yourself."

Lindsay sighed and rubbed her eyes.

"I can't explain it, at least not now. I think one of my friends is in trouble, and I wanna help him. But I'm not sure if I can cope with it alone, and I don't know whether he will accept my help or if he needs it at all."

"Oh... giving a hand to someone in need is a good deed, but... you can't do anything if they won't accept your help. I know that from experience." Millie looked at Lindsay sorrowfully but then smiled.

"But I'm glad that you decided to share your thoughts with me. I missed our talks."

"Yeah," Lindsay said with a nod, appearing distracted and distant, "we should hang out more often."

"Yeah, you're right." Millie glanced over at the setting sun and stood up. "Well, I think Goliath and I should go home. Do you come with us?"

"Oh, I think I'll walk around here a little bit more. See you tomorrow?"

Millie shrugged. "Okay. Bye, Linds!"

Lindsay watched her childhood friend leave, her giant Great Dane almost dragging her at times. She, however, stayed on the bench for a while. Her thoughts were wandering, and she started to doubt her sudden decision to ask for Millie's help. And even if Millie agreed... she knew how to deal with a crisis, not an addiction. And that meant Lindsay needed to ask for advice from another person. She already despised herself for what she planned to do.

The next day, Lindsay tried to avoid all of her friends, both old and new. She didn't want anyone to see where she went. She reached the office she had planned to visit, took a deep breath and knocked on the door."Come in!" a cheerful voice coaxed from behind the door.

"Hi, Mr. Rosso," Lindsay mumbled, entering.

"Oh, an unusual, but pleasant surprise. Sit down, Lindsay. Tell me, what brought you to my humble corner?" he asked with a friendly smile.

Lindsay sat and fidgeted a little, not knowing how to start. At last, she straight out asked him, "I wanna ask you, how to overcome addiction to marijuana."

"Hm, I'm surprised. May I ask, why are you interested?"

Lindsay chuckled. "I'm just curious."

Mr. Rosso looked at her suspiciously. "Really? Lindsay, I won't judge you, but if something's happened, I need to know what exactly. Maybe we could prevent bigger trouble, right?"

Lindsay rolled her eyes. "I want to try it, okay? But I don't want to get addicted or anything."

She lied, and she was almost sure that Mr. Rosso didn't believe her. But he just spread his hands and smiled.

"As I said, I won't judge you. When I was younger, I was also curious about certain... recreational organics. Long story, but I can tell it you if you want. Anyway, you can't become an addict after one. It's formed after repeats. So, don't worry, you won't become junkie after one joint. But it doesn't mean I encourage you to do it, okay?"

Lindsay nodded and tried to get more information. "But is there some special therapy? Or pills?"

Mr. Rosso shook his head. "No. Only motivation, determination and, in hard cases, the help of others. You know what? I'll give you a brochure, you can find more information there."

The guidance counselor took out a booklet and gave it to Lindsay. "Here it is. You may give it to a friend of yours."

Lindsay said nothing as he continued, "I mean, give it to someone responsible, who can take care of you if you get into trouble. Like Millie."

"Yeah, sure." She took a brochure and stood up. "Thanks, but I'd better go."

"You're welcome," Mr. Rosso said, standing up as well. "I'm glad you remembered the path to my office."

Lindsay nodded and left the room quickly. The first part of her plan had been accomplished, but the hardest part remained. She still had to talk to Nick about his problems... and the last time they did that it ended with his accusations and her hyper narcotic anxiety.

Over the next few days, Lindsay avoided being alone with Nick. In part, she was simply postponing their talk, but there was also something else that put her plan with Nick on the back burner. Lindsay had caught sight of Millie crying in the class one day. The girl listened to her friend's sobbing and felt a wave of cold horror and guilt creeping inside her. The previous night, Lindsay and Kim had hit a squirrel or some other small animal as they drove to meet up with the others. They didn't think much of it at the time, but now it was revealed that the girls had actually hit and killed Goliath, Millie's old dog, instead.

The loss hit Millie more than anyone expected. One of the best students in the school forgot about homework and school activities, spending her days in tears and mourning. Lindsay felt too guilty to confess to Millie about the accident or refuse her need for condolence, but she quickly found that she wasn't the only one. Kim had, seemingly, been too guilty (or selfish - Lindsay couldn't tell which) to come forward with the truth or brush Millie off after they somewhat bonded over the death of childhood pets. Lindsay's former best friend was hanging out with her new best friend (as well as other freaks Millie had so despised), and Lindsay didn't know what to make of it. What happened to perfect miss Kentner? Lindsay could only guess, but nevertheless, worry started to rise inside her. What if Millie trapped herself into something horrible? She had already shoplifted with Kim (unknowingly, but still), and what would be next?

Lindsay knew her friends enough to expect alcohol or weed. It would ruin Millie, she had no doubt. Looking back at it, Lindsay wondered if her friend had felt the same when Lindsay had changed her interests herself. But these thoughts only added more to her sense of guilt.

The new Millie went so far that she decided to go see 'The Who' in concert with Lindsay and others freaks - a decision she never would have made before the loss of Goliath and all that followed. Millie, the former goody girl, now wore ripped jeans and a rock t-shirt, chatted casually with people she had barely spoken a few words to before and began acting altogether different. Even though Lindsay had made similar changes at the beginning of the year, she couldn't stop thinking about how that lifestyle might ruin her friend. Lindsay silently observed how Millie had spoken to her mom, listened to Mark's catcall compliments of Millie's new look and attitude, and was inwardly horrified. It wasn't Millie at all. Lindsay felt tense and helpless at the same time.

"I'm really glad that you could come," Lindsay heard a familiar voice say, though she didn't immediately recognize it as Nick's. He was sitting in a folding chair, strumming a guitar.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, me too. I love 'The Who,'" Lindsay answered distractedly, trying not to lose Millie from her sight. And a sudden thought flashed in her mind: this was an opportunity to speak to Nick, about all her plans and doubts.

"Pete Townshend has really been inspiring me as a songwriter," said he, squeezing the guitar neck.

"Oh, really?' That genuinely surprised her.

"Yeah." Nick looked nervous. "Actually, I wrote a song for you... if you want to hear it."

"I do." Lindsay was flattered a little but quickly added as Nick prepared to play, "But later. To be honest, I need to talk to you. About what happened."

"Oh, okay." Nick was visibly upset. Lindsay noticed Ken was watching them, so she sat near Nick and lowered her voice.

"I was thinking about what happened and what I said to you," she started, carefully choosing her words. "And I still believe you have some problems with using."

Nick rolled his eyes, putting his instrument aside. Lindsay sighed. It was the second time a day she was reminded how irritatingly motherly she behaved.

"I understand, I have no right to persuade you or give advice," she continued. "And you don't need it. But if you decide to quit, I will be here, to support you or whatever you need. Just let me know, okay?"

"Okay," mumbled Nick, looking at her with a strange expression. For sure, he didn't expect the talk to be so short.

"Okay," Lindsay repeated blankly. Her gaze caught Millie and Daniel with bottles of beer, and the girl felt an urge to prevent the most terrible turn of events. "Sorry, need to go. See ya later."

She gave him a small, sad smile before she rushed to Millie. Nick was left to watch, how Lindsay sparred with her friend and how Kim broke the silence. He didn't hear what they were talking about, but after that Millie forgot about her little rebellion and went home. And Lindsay followed her.

His 'I'm sorry' song remained unsung.