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Pidge doesn’t feel very well today. In fact, she feels so bad that she didn’t even get out of bed this morning. It is now mid afternoon, and Pidge hasn’t left her quarters all day.
Also, she has only let Allura into her room. Allura suspects that she only wants her girlfriend, who she must trust the most, to see her when she feels awful. That revelation should make Allura feel happy, but instead it just upsets her. Because she just wants Pidge to stop feeling bad.
Allura is on the Bridge, chatting to Coran and Shiro, when she hears Pidge’s voice over the com system.
“Hey, Allura, are you there?” she says. Her image doesn’t appear on the screen, further confirming Allura’s theory that Pidge doesn’t want the others to see her.
“Yes, I’m here, Pidge,” Allura says.
“Hey, are you okay, Pidge?” Shiro calls, his eyebrows pinched together in a nervous frown.
Coran nods. “Yes, how are you, Number Five?”
They hear Pidge sigh. “I’m… not too good. Can you come and see me again, Allura, when you’re free?”
“Of course I can,” Allura says.
“Is there anything we can get you?” Coran asks.
“Uh… I’m not sure.”
“Well, we’re all free if you need anything,” Shiro says.
He is telling the truth; luckily for Pidge, there is nothing of interest happening today.
“I will,” Pidge says. Sighing, she adds, “Thanks, guys.”
And she breaks the communication link.
Allura looks at the two men, and their expressions show they are nearly as stressed as her. She says ‘nearly’ because, as Pidge’s girlfriend, she is obviously even more worried about her than them.
“Do you know what’s wrong with her, Princess?” Shiro asks.
Allura sighs. She wouldn’t want to tell them this, but Pidge gave her permission last time. so she says, “She is very… dysphoric today.”
“Ah,” is all Coran says.
Shiro shakes his head. “Why didn’t I notice?”
“And she feels incredibly self conscious about her body, so she doesn’t want any of you to see her,” Allura explains. “No offense intended.”
“No, we understand,” Coran says, a sad smile on his face.
“You should go see her,” Shiro says. “There’s nothing better to be doing here.”
Coran gives her shoulder a squeeze. “Yes, go and see her. I’m sure you’ll be able to help.”
Allura smiles. But she can’t help but think, I hope I can.
---
Stopping off at the kitchens to take some cookies that Hunk baked, Allura takes a walk through the Castle to Pidge’s room. She reaches door and knocks.
“Pidge? Can I come in?”
“Yeah, come in,” Pidge says in the same flat tone she’s been using all day, and the door slides open.
Just like earlier, Pidge’s bedroom doesn’t look very good. The lights are dimmed, and Pidge’s bed is unmade. Pidge sits on the bed with her knees tucked up to her chest, her head bowed. Her hair is messy, her face pale.
“Hi,” she mumbles.
“Hello again,” Allura says, walking across the room. She holds out the plate. “I… I bought you some of Hunk’s cookies.”
Pidge smiles weakly. “Thanks.”
She takes the plate, but she doesn’t eat any of them.
Allura sits beside her on the bed. “Would you like me to put my arm around you?”
Pidge nods. “Yeah. That’d be nice.”
So Allura shuffles closer and wraps her arm around Pidge’s shoulders. Pidge leans against her, her messy hair brushing against Allura’s jaw.
“Thanks.”
“Are you feeling any better?” she asks.
Pidge shrugs. “A bit, maybe. It just all gets to me sometimes, you know.”
She knows grief is nothing like gender dysphoria, but Allura understands how your emotions can all pile up and overwhelm you. “I know.”
“I like it when you’re here, though,” Pidge says. “’Cause you do good hugs and I know you love me even though…”
Pidge trails off, her voice hitching. Her eyes fill with tears and she screws her face up, her breathing shuddering.
“Please don’t cry,” Allura says, moving a hand to carefully stroke Pidge’s short hair.
Pidge sniffs. “Sorry. It’s just, lots of people wouldn’t want to put up with someone like me, someone who gets dysphoria that totally incapacitates me and makes me hate so many parts of my body and my mind. But you don’t care. You still love me…”
The tears spill over, dribbling down her face. Allura’s chest clenches, and she brushes the tears away with the back of her finger. She presses a kiss to Pidge’s cheek, and she tastes the salt of her tears.
“Of course I still love you,” she whispers, wrapping both her arms around Pidge and pulling her close.
Pidge lets out a spluttering sob and presses her face against Allura’s shoulder, arms wrapped around her back and trembling hands tightly gripping folds in her dress.
“I love you so much, Pidge,” Allura says, kissing her head.
She hears Pidge sniff. And her voice is muffled as she says, “Thank you. I love you, Allura. Thank you so much.”
Allura smiles sadly and hugs her sobbing girlfriend. “I love you too.”