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Drip. Drop. Drip.
The sound of his and Banba’s blood haunted Lin’s restless dreams.
Drip. Drop. Drip.
Lin could see Banba from where he was sprawled in a pool of his own blood. The detective was propped up against a concrete wall. Blood was dripping from his hairline at a steady pace and splattering against the filthy ground.
Drip. Drop. Drip.
Despite his lack of strength, Lin tried to move. He needed to reach Banba. His vision was starting to blur, a black fog slowly rolling in. He couldn’t see the rise and fall of Banba’s chest and it was starting to send panic flooding through his slowly emptying veins.
Drip. Drop. Drip.
Lin couldn’t tell anymore if the sound was his and Banba’s blood or the tears dribbling down his chin.
Drip. Drop. Drip.
“Banba?”
No answer.
“Banba!”
“Lin!”
A rattled gasp left Lin’s lips as he startled from the nightmare. He launched up in bed, nearly falling to the floor. A pair of hands caught him though and slowly eased him back until his head was pressed up against something warm and soft.
“Breathe, Lin,” someone told him. “You’re okay. We’re okay now.”
Okay?
Lin looked around himself, taking in the scene around him. He wasn’t in the warehouse anymore. He was somewhere else— someplace cleaner. He could smell antiseptic in the air and the walls around him were a clear and spotless white.
“We’re in the hospital,” someone explained. “Do you know what happened? Lin?”
Slowly, Lin turned his head to the side. He searched for the calm and oh so gentle voice that called to him. It could somehow break through the mess of his jumbled brain, a fete very few had mastered.
Banba sat in a plastic chair beside Lin. His face and body were clear of blood but in the stuff’s place were bandages upon ugly bandages. As always, there was a smile on his lips but Lin could see the worry glazing his brown eyes.
“Lin?”
The man in question stayed dead quiet.
“Do you remember what happened? To us? To Feilang?”
Lin flinched and memories bombarded their way through the fragility of his already wounded mind. He did remember. Well, most of it that is.
Lin and Banba had left home to meet a client. The meeting place was some old warehouse but, as it turned out, their client wasn’t the one waiting for them there. No, an assassin —Feilang— was instead.
“We walked into a trap,” Lin said slowly. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth. “Someone from my past...they...they attacked us.”
“He wanted revenge,” Banba huffed. “Which for him meant beating the shit out of us and taunting you.”
Lin swallowed hard.
“Did you already forget, Mao?” Cold hands touched Lin’s swollen cheek. “The only person you can trust is yourself.”
He didn’t forget. How could he?
Lin’s eyes met Banba’s.
Drip. Drop. Drip.
He could still hear the sound of Banba’s blood— the blood the detective lost while defending him from Feilang’s blows.
“Lin? Lin, you with me?”
The man in question snapped out of his thought.
Banba sighed in what seemed like relief. “There you are,” he said as the glazed over look in Lin’s eyes started to fade. “Almost lost you there.”
“Wouldn’t be a bad thing.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
An uncomfortable silence filtered between them. Even the sound of the monitor beside Lin’s bed was deftly quiet.
“Tell me about him.”
Anxiety clawed its way up Lin’s throat.
“Wh...who?”
“Feilang.” Banba’s gaze was unreadable. “Please, Lin. I want to know.”
“But I don’t want you to.”
Feilang was Lin’s problem. He wasn’t Banba’s, Enokida’s, Jiro’s, Saitoh’s— nobody’s. Just Lin’s. It was Lin who had screwed up all those years ago. Lin who had caused all this trouble. Lin who—
“He said something to you,” Banba recalled. “He said that the only person you can trust is yourself.” Banba’s gaze was still unreadable. “Do you think that?”
Lin lowered his head. “So what if I do?” he thought to himself, his voice barely above a whisper even in his own head.
“Is that why you barely let the rest of us help you? Why you won’t let us take care of you?”
Silence was his answer.
“Lin.”
Banba’s hands were warm against Lin’s cheeks.
“Lin, look at me.”
The hitman did, though hesitantly. He wanted to run away, to hide from whatever Banba had to say. His head was still swimming and the memories of his past were intermingling with the present. He was scared— terrified of the words waiting at the tip of Banba’s tongue.
A smile only Banba could muster greeted Lin’s as he looked up.
“If the only person you can trust is yourself, then trust yourself to know who you can and cannot trust.”
Lin stared unblinking at the smiling man before him. There was a gentleness in Banba’s eyes. He wasn’t frustrated with Lin, something Lin had feared when he woke up only moments ago. If anything, Banba was calm and patient, something he seemed rather good with when it came to Lin.
Watery eyes ducked down and away. “Banba, I—” Lin choked up. He couldn’t say it, not with the memory of betrayal burned so deep into his heart. He wanted to tell Banba that he trusted him, that he trusted him more than anyone but he couldn’t. His past fears— past scars— were gouged too deep to heal so quickly.
The hands on Lin’s cheeks slid down and around his back. It was then that Lin felt his body pulled forward and his head a moment later collided with Banba’s chest. Fingers wound themselves into Lin’s hair and a calloused palm rubbed light circles into the tense muscle of his back.
“Take your time,” Banba whispered in his ear. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Lin felt Banba’s smile on his skin.
“You still owe me, remember?”
Lin couldn’t help it; he laughed. It was too high and broken, and it sent a river of tears falling down his scratched cheeks. It was what his walls needed though to finally break and allow his vulnerabilities to walk free.
The laugh quickly turned into sobs and the arms around Lin tightened. A series of comforting words followed the warm touches. It was the best Banba could do. Nevertheless, Lin was thankful. He was scared and hurt in more ways than one. He needed this— needed the reassurance that he was okay, that he and Banba would be okay. They had a long journey ahead of them and though it was hard for him at the moment, Lin knew that with Banba by his side everything would be alright.