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“Fuckfuckfuckfuck this is FUCKED!” Taako hissed through his teeth and grabbed Kravitz’s arm. To say he was a little creeped out was the understatement of the fucking century. Taako had taken Kravitz out on a date, very much hoping to bone down later. Everything had been going swimmingly, until duty called Kravitz, and because Taako was a stubborn clingy wizard, (and an idiot imbecile!) he had demanded to be taken with. Now they were in some sort of abandoned village, small but absolutely crawling with undead. And Taako was wearing his sexy boots, instead of his adventuring ones.
Fucking necromancers.
Sometimes Taako wished that his boyfriend had a more safe and stable job. Kravitz probably had that same wish about him. But that's just how it was on this bitch of a planet.
Taako flinched in disgust as one of the late villagers shuffled past them, moaning and groaning. Thankfully the zombies were docile, at least for the time being.
“What happened here anyway?” Taako asked, not even trying to keep the repulsed grimace off his face. He was hoping to avoid direct contact with the walking corpses. He had spent way too long on his date night look to let it be ruined by some unplanned shitty sidequest.
“Some kind of disease,” Kravitz said somberly, “wiped out the whole village.”
“Great. Fuckin’ beautiful.” Taako deadpanned, still warily glancing around at the zombies. Kravitz shot him an amused glance but didn’t otherwise comment.
It was just Taako’s luck. Of course, some sad dick had caught wind of the village's misfortune and fucking honed in on the chance to stir up some shit just when he and his bony beau were going to have their long overdue date.
They kept walking, Taako determinedly hanging onto Kravitz’s arm and keeping his eyes on the undead shuffling around them as Kravitz led the way towards their destination, which was, of course, the graveyard in the middle of the village. Necromancers could be so damn predictable.
As soon as the first grave markers came to sight, a terrifying, animalistic roar cut through the stagnant air of the village and Taako immediately dived into some bushes, pulling Kravitz down with him by instinct.
Kravitz, who hadn’t expected the harsh tug on his arm, stumbled and half fell into Taako, just managing to keep his balance (but not his dignity) intact.
“What-- what the hell was that?” Taako hissed, ignoring his boyfriend’s fumbling out of the sheer goodness of his heart. There was a sound of movement from above and he looked up, eyes wide and ears perked.
Taako considered himself lucky because he was already down on the ground. He would’ve fallen on his ass otherwise. He breathed in sharply.
“HOLY MOTHER OF--!”
“SHHH!” Kravitz cried, slapping a hand over his mouth in panic. Taako immediately pulled the hand off his face and glared. “Watch the lipstick, homie!”
Kravitz grinned sheepishly, “Sorry, darling.”
Another roar. Taako ducked deeper into the bushes but kept his eyes on the creature circling around in the air above the village. Beside him, Kravitz groaned in frustration and covered his face with his free hand, the other one gripping his scythe.
Taako swallowed audibly, his eyes still on the sky. “That what I think it is?”
“Depends on what you think it is,” Kravitz answered, slightly muffled by his palm still covering his face.
“Undead dragon.”
“...Yeah, it is what you think it is.”
“...Welp.” Taako stood up and brushed off the knees of his pants with a sigh. He really liked these pants. “Let’s go, I guess.”
“I’m so sorry about our date Taako, I guess we’re going to miss our reservation,” Kravitz said as he stood up beside him, and he actually sounded sorry because Kravitz was always genuine like that. Taako shrugged because he really couldn’t be mad at Kravitz for something like this.
“’s fine babe, maybe next time, yeah?”
Kravitz’s lips curved upwards, and he turned into a skeleton mid-smile, his cloak appearing on his shoulders in a cloud of black smoke. Taako grinned. “Hot.” He pointed the Umbra Staff upwards and cast Magic Missile.
The dragon landed on the graveyard with a thud that made several headstones topple over. It flapped its bony wings threateningly and belched out a cloud of purple gas that made the grass and every other living thing in its immediate vicinity shrivel up and die in a matter of seconds.
“Try not to get hit by that dear,” Kravitz said dryly and Taako barked a laugh, slightly hysterical.
“No shit, handsome!”
The fight started; Taako kept his distance, shooting spells from the sidelines while Kravitz dealt melee damage with his scythe and other abilities. Unfortunately, neither of them could really take hits, so they were wasting a lot of energy dodging and shielding themselves.
“Krav, this isn’t working!” Taako yelled after rolling away from a swipe of the dragon’s tailbone. Kravitz used his scythe to parry a claw attack. “What do you suggest?”
“Do your golem thing! Use the stones here or something!”
“And then what?”
Taako’s grin was wide enough to expose pointed canines. “I’ll transmute ya.”
Taako provided a distraction, while Kravitz’s form melted away, and for a few seconds he was only a floating ball of light before rocks and other rubble started to collect around him and take shape. As soon as Kravitz’s form was finished, Taako transmuted the material around him into crystal. More specifically pink tourmaline.
What could he say, he was a romantic at heart.
“Salt and burn, asshole!” Taako yelled and cast Scorching Ray while Kravitz punched the dragon in the jawbone. Fuck, Fantasy Supernatural was such a great show.
It didn’t take too long to finish the monster off after that and Kravitz returned to his handsome form. As the dragon turned into dust, the necromancer crawled out of whatever hole he had hidden in, screaming about how they were going to pay and yadda yadda. He raised some more zombies from the ground below but Kravitz was quick to dispatch them with a swing of his scythe, though it had the unfortunate side effect of splashing both him and Taako with zombie innards and ectoplasm.
“Dude!”
“My bad, love.”
Taako hung back and seated himself on a rock, swinging his ankle idly while Kravitz gave his spiel about disrespecting the laws of life and death and sent the necromancer over to the Astral plane and the Stockade.
Taako waited until Kravitz was done and walking towards him. He stood up, hands on his hips.
“You know Krav, we make a great team. Wanna get married?”
Kravitz stumbled violently and stared at Taako, slack-jawed, and this time Taako laughed openly, slapping his thigh. “Hoo boy! Your face!”
“Taako, darling. Please tell me you did not just propose to me. You can’t do this to me, I had this whole thing planned out, rose petals and everything--”
Taako cut him off with a kiss, even though they’re both covered in zombie juices and other miscellaneous goop and dirt.
“I love you,” Taako crooned with a grin and draped his arms over Kravitz’s shoulders, batting his lashes.
“Dammit, Taako!” Kravitz cursed and Taako kissed him again to shut him up and just because he wanted to, goddammit. Kravitz huffed.
“Fine. I mean yes! I love you too.”
“Natch.”