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This is the truth about Jade Ellsworth.
Jade is the backbone of the Glories. She holds everyone else up, letting herself drown so she can push them to the surface. She has made it her personal mission to keep them them alive, surviving, and rigidly in place. She is a warrior and a worrier. She's bleeding mascara wrapped around her dark eyes and anger boiling like steam shooting from a kettle.
She is the girl who still scribbles love poems into the margins of her notebooks, even after she has been beaten and broken in ways most people couldn't survive. Who finds the will to keep believing in goodness when the world gives her every indication that she shouldn't.
She holds on to hope with a white knuckle grip. When Jade can't find the light in the darkness, she lights a goddamn match and burns her own fire to light the way.
She's the girl that held Hunter's shaking hand the first time he had to bury one of his roommates. Jade is the one who most often needed to be rescued, but saves them in a million small ways everyday.
She's the girl that stitched Casey's practically ruined punching bag back together, making it better than new, after the blonde beat it into submission. She's the girl that sings herself to sleep when nightmares leave her restless and have her begging for forgiveness from a God she isn't sure was even listening anymore.
Jade is the girl who spit in the face of her captives and set fire to whatever stood in her way. Even if that happened to be herself.
She's the girl that jumped in front of bullets for kids she barely knew, but deemed worthy of salvation. The one who aimed a gun at an angel and put herself between Ike and certain death. She didn't flinch. She forgave him.
(She redeemed him.)
She's the girl who seemingly condemned the violence around her and reveled in it. Who prayed to God and cursed His name in the same breath. Who constantly doubted herself and simultaneously believed she was utterly divine.
Jade is a contradiction. A survivor. A heartless warrior. A grieving daughter. A fool. A martyr. A dreamer. A firestarter.
But sometimes, the girl is just a girl.
Ike realizes he is putty for every single version of her.
1.
Sometimes, when Ike isn't running from armed gunmen or falling through the space time continuum to murder his father again, he likes to think about what his life would be like outside of the Academy. He has to have something to occupy his time, especially now that Hunter decided to join in with Casey's latest scheme and spends all hours of the night trekking all over campus, playing detectives. The freckled boy follows Casey around like a lost dog, eyes wide and full of adoration. Ike thinks she enjoys every minute of the attention.
It's not like Ike is complaining because he misses his roommate. The room is resoundingly quieter and Ike enjoys the extra privacy in the beginning. But after a while, he gets bored. Most days Jade is around to read and snark and smoke with him when both their roommates are missing in action.
It's not like he actively seeks out the redhead's companionship or anything. But after the incident with his father in the cell, Ike did feel like he had some explaining to do and after that conversation, something started to grow between them. After all, Jade is one of the few people in this school he can talk to without them making him want to blow his brains out and he didn't particularly like the idea of her hating him.
But Ike couldn't find Jade to help him occupy his time for the past week. The absence of her is how the whole bucket list got started.
There are a lot of things Ike would like to do if he could get out of the Academy. He knows he'll never really have a chance to do any of them, so what's the harm in daydreaming about it? That's also his attitude towards a certain blonde. Back to his bucket list.
Visit Coney Island again. See a swift sunrise overtake the sky, because he's not sure that the horizon hovering above the Academy is even the real thing. Take a road trip along the East Coast and get lost on some winding roads. Build something with his own hands. Sabotage another one of his mother's dreadful parties.
"See the ocean for the first time." A voice like a bell chimes through his room, and Ike looks down from his mess of blankets in his bed with a startled expression. He sees Jade spinning in the chair tucked behind the desk in the front of the room, obviously amused with herself. Her skin is pale like broken pottery. If it was anyone else sitting there he would immediately fix his hair and try and decent himself, but there's no point. He doesn't care about impressing the redhead. She's the only person who has seen him without gel in his hair. It's a terrifying sight.
"What?" He groans. Ike hadn't even realized that she was in the room with him. But now that's she is in front of him, he suddenly relaxes. A part of him had missed her presence over the past week. Gross.
He can tell she's been crying. Her eyes are puffy around the edges and dark makeup is smeared down the side of her face. Ike pretends he doesn't notice how she won't meet his gaze. Ike wonders where she disappeared to for the past few days, or more specifically who she disappeared with. There's a lot of guys in this school who haven't held a gun to her head that she would probably rather spend time with and Ike can't really blame her. He doesn't know anyone who truly enjoys spending time with him.
"You were thinking about things you’d like to do if you weren't here,” She explains, like she knows his mind better then he does. Some days Ike thinks she might. “Thats what I would want to do.”
She sound slightly annoyed, but Ike knows it's not because of him. He hasn't spoken to her in a few days, since she seemingly disappeared from the face of the Academy, and therefore he couldn't have done anything to piss her off. Ike found himself hanging out near her room, waiting for her to reappear. He only checked for her once or twice (eight times) and it's wasn't because he was worried about her. (He was. A little bit.)
“Seeing the ocean wasn’t on my list, Red. I've seen it a dozen times. It's not that special, unless you like gritty sand stuck between your toes and moms with muffin tops screaming at their children.” He says, and watches as her expression twists into something he doesn't recognize. Jealously?Maybe regret. He's struck a chord with her, and now he's fully awake, ready to use this to his advantage.
He's gotten pretty good at reading the distinct ways she rolls her eyes and scrunches her lips. But she seems so blank today. She's not biting at anything he tosses at her.
“And how could you possibly know that’s what I was thinking, anyway?" He tries to keep his tone light, but he doesn't know what the faculty of the school has done to Jade over the last week. It's not out of the question that she's unlocked some strange new ability.
"Maybe I can read your mind." She raises her eyebrows suggestively, verbalizing his fear. She isn't even looking at him, her gaze is fixed on the clock hanging on the wall. She's got a pink scratch across her face that wasn't there the last time he saw her.
"I doubt that." If you could, you would have ran away a long time ago. Ike shifts he weight of his head into the palm of his hand so he can meet her eyes.
"What am I thinking about now, Red?" He says, and he thinks of everyone awful thing he's ever done in his life: the hearts he's broken, the fires he's started, and the hate that grew in his mother's eyes. He thinks of his father's blood on his hands and the way Jade looked at him when he held a gun against her skull.
Jade decides to play along. Something in her demeanor shifts. She looks considerably lighter when she spins around so she's facing him.
She lifts her fingers to her head and scrunches her eyes so she looks deep in concentration. (He tries not to look at the bruises growing along the curve of her neck and scattering down her arm. Wherever she's been the past week, it looks like she's been having about as much fun as he has.)
"You're thinking..." She sings in a low voice, one that belongs humming songs on the porch of a pink ranch house somewhere warm, "That I don't have any books to read and you want me to come up there and read over your shoulder. Wow, Ike. That's so very thoughtful of you."
He snorts to himself. But that's what some different version of himself who hadn’t spent the past thirty seconds wondering whether Jade tastes like smoke or cinnamon might have been considering.
Jade quickly scales the side of the bunk beds, and he can see all the freckles dotting her arm as she plops herself down next to him. He digs around for the book they were reading last. They got into the habit of reading together when neither one of them felt like trying to fill in the silence.
She's like a goddamn furnace all the time, radiating an unnatural amount of heat, so he has to kick the blankets off. His body slowly relaxes now that he can feel her solid against him. He wants to ask about her strange disappearance, but he doesn't want her to get the impression that he really cares. Because he doesn't. So they read.
“You were talking out loud when I got here." She laughs to herself, and she tugs his blanket up to her chin, "Oh, and maybe hike the Appalachian Trail. During the fall, you know, when all the leaves are changing colors." She says, and her eyes gleam as she imagines how her hiking boots would leave anyway imprint in the dirt. She could light a bonfire and roast smores. Jade can't even remember the last time she's had smores. God, she really misses them.
"I'm not really one for braving the elements, Red. I think glamping is more my style. I'd rather take my chances with Gribbs then Bear Grills. So that definitely wasn't on my bucket list."
"Then what was?" She rolls over with a startling huff, and Ike sees just how dark the bruise ringing her eye is. He feels like she can look right through him.
Maybe someday if he were a better man, and they weren't here, and they could live and not have to fight and survive he could find out if she tastes like cinnamon or smoke just once-
"Oh, you know, nothing very realistic." Ike replies instead of the real answer.
(You.)
2.
"I love Casey." Jade announces as she walks in the room, tossing her bag in the corner on top of Hunter's dirty laundry, "I really do. I'd take a bullet for her. I'd follow her to the ends of the earth with only mild complaints. She's like a sister to me."
Ike is too confused to question why she's bursting into his room at- well, he can't see the clock from his top bunk, but he knows it's late because his room is pitch black. He groans, but just to himself, because he doesn't feel like getting chastised by her.
"Does this rambling have a point or do you just want to remind everyone that even now that she and Hunter are an item, you're truly still the love of her life? Because I'm fairly certain this conversation could wait until the morning. You know how I need my beauty sleep, Red." Ike says, and he fills the room with noise to try and distract himself from thinking what just popped in his head. Her arms are crossed tensely against her chest and she seems slightly like she's about to pop. It's cute.
"There was a 'but' coming," Jade shakes her head at his interruption, "I love Casey Blevins with my whole heart, but if I have to listen to one more inspiring campaign speech, or brilliant new slogan idea, or hear her complain that she poked herself while trying to make a button one more time-"
"You're going to track down our ol' chap, David, and have him put you out of your ginger misery?" He grins, half asleep.
"Precisely." She snorts, very unladylike, and smiles darkly. She lets her anger leak out once and while, and she doesn't cover her mouth when she laughs. Ike doesn't worry about always having the perfect comeback, he hangs his scarf up sometimes, and once in while, he acts like an actual human being with emotions. They are their true selves around each other now.
They've been brainwashed, beaten, held captive, had to bury friends, and survived unspeakable horrors, but the tipping point for Jade was Casey blabbering about her campaign. Of course.
It's ridiculous but also perfect and he just stares. Ike knows he's slipping. He's in trouble.
"What were you thinking about? Right before I came in, I mean." Jade asks him, and she sounds tired. She slumps her head against him and his shoulder dips to accommodate.
"Nothing too serious. Just thinking about Aristotle's philosophy and relativism. Just pondering the meaning and origin of life."
"Well Ike," She sighs, "When a mommy and daddy love each other very much-"
"Very funny, Red." He responds drily, and his eyes are drifting closed, "But it's very complex stuff. I doubt you could understand."
"Maybe I'd know a thing or two about philosophy if this school spent less time trying to ritually sacrifice us and more time reviewing for tests."
"Touché."
"Ok, let's go. Put your shirt on!” Jade leans over and finds his shirt sitting among the clothes on the floor. She can tell it's his because it's only one that isn't a graphic tee.
"For what, may I ask are you dragging me away from the safety and comfort of my bed for?"
"I came here because I need a distraction from Casey. Distract me." She says, and then she waves her hands around sharply.
"Red, I think I've made it abundantly clear that I do my best work with my clothes off."
"Shut up, Ike."
And he does, tugging his shirt on and jogging over to pick up his blazer off the floor. He follows her into dark and Ike starts to wonder if there's anywhere he won't follow her.
3.
They walk and walk until they hear the soft echo of their shoes hitting metal floor of the basement and they are ready to fall to their knees and pass out from exhaustion. The Academy is always changing, shifting and slitting and shedding its skin like a snake to keep them from getting what they want. They pass cramped cells filled with screaming kids, other helpless captives, begging them to stop and unlock their doors. They keep their heads facing forward, not sparing a glance towards the source of the screams. This is what it means to survive, Jade realizes. To survive is let yourself grow cold and heartless so you are solid enough to survive whatever they throw at you. To grow immune to the pain around you so that you run on instinct and adrenaline. They are soldiers in the middle of battle and this is a war. They cannot pause to breathe or think or be human because that would require them to take their attention away from the mission at hand, and right now, that is the only thing that matters.
The basement is a labyrinth of horrors. The redhead sees the spot where a guard bashed her head in with a metal baton and Jade was sure her brains were splattered along the wall. She thought she was dead and when she saw Ike, she thought she was in hell. The thought makes her laugh now.
Jade leads the group guided almost entirely by muscle memory until they reach the cell at the end of corridor. Hunter is quickly trailing behind her and his bright green eyes don't miss anything. They lock fingers for a brief moment when they approach the door. How many times have they stood in this spot, risking their life for one of their friends? They don't even need to discuss plans anymore. They are a family and they don't leave anyone behind. Jade punches in the code they know by heart. It wasn't so long that they pulled her from one of these cells.
She was barely human when they found her, the light from the hallway burned her eyes, and when Ike tried to carry her out, she scratched him so hard that he bled through his favorite shirt. He made her write on a napkin that she would buy him a replacement one when they got back to the real world.
Now it's her turn to return the favor. A hidden door opens in the wall leading to a cell nobody knows exists and they quickly slip inside. Jade has no idea what state they'll find Ike in now.
Let Ike hate her, she decides. Let him fear her. Let him blame her for letting them take him. Let him try and kill her.
Just let him be alive.
"Ike."
Jade calls into the darkness. For the first time in three weeks she sees the figure of the boy with the crooked smirk who prayed with her in a cave. He's thinner then she thought possible, all sharp edges and protruding corners. Ike is always larger then life but she's never seen him look weaker. His smirking face looks hollow with shadows cutting across the line of his jaw. His hands are cuffed and folded in front of him so he looks like one of those porcelain statues praying in the chapel in her hometown.
“Are you okay, dude?" Hunter chimes in the way only he can, so brightly that it makes the clouds part to reveal the sun and makes the pain of the past few weeks seem to fade away in an instant.
Ike still hasn't answered them. He's breathing. Jade studies his chest and counts each time it rises and falls. She regards each breath as a miracle.
Ike crawls to his feet, and it gives them a clearer view of the damage his body has taken in the past few weeks. Bruises blossom along his collar and disappear under the tattered shirt that barely clings to his torso.
"Ike." Jade repeats and it sounds like she's trying to stir him from a deep sleep. Her voice cracks and it's the most emotion Hunter has observed from her since they dragged Ike out of her bed the night they took him.
Ike is never at a loss for words. He's quick on his feet and his tongue is sharper then any blade they use in the facility. Why isn't he looking at her? Why won't he answer her?
"Wow, Jade. It's so cool of you to charge down here and rescue me like a knight in shining armor. Thanks a lot, Red. Hey, you cut your hair. Looks great. I missed you." Jade impersonates Ike, shouting as all the tension and fear explodes out of her at once, "Oh, no problem, Ike. I know you'd do it for me. And yes, I did cut my hair, thank you for noticing. And I missed you too."
He lets out a shallow breath, a pained one, and takes a step back, retreating further into the shadows of the room. He looks at her with an expression that stings like whiskey in a wound. She can't tell if he's trying to hide or getting ready to pounce like a wild animal.
"Is that it? You don't have anything to say to me?" Jade looks up at him, pupils blown wide, and that thing in his stomach that he always tries to ignore starts stirring.
It's in that moment that her heart doesn't belong to her anymore. No, it hasn't belonged to her in a long time. Somehow she lost it to the douchebag from Manhattan who Casey always said would break her heart. She just never imagined it would end like this.
"Let's just get him out of here." Hunter whispers to Jade, and suddenly he wishes he was in bed wearing his Star Wars pajamas. The cell is so cold that it's biting at his arms. He can't imagined how Ike survived weeks in this place. She nods slightly, but Hunter is sure she wasn't listening to a word he said.
"Are you from Tennessee?"
Ike's voice crackles through the darkness like a bolt of lightning.
"No, I'm from a farm in Iowa. You know that." Jade mutters, scrunching up her freckles in confusion. He's been ridiculing her about that since the day they met. How can he not remember?
"Because," Ike continues slowly, painfully so, "You're the only ten I see."
"What?" She groans, completely taken a back.
"It finally happened. He's lost his mind." Hunter gasps, "I think I liked him better when he wasn't talking."
"I thought of that line and I was going to tell you that night. But then I never got the chance." Ike steps forward again, inching into the light, seemingly very pleased with himself, "And I swore if I saw you again, I'd tell you right away."
"Well," Jade chuckles, "Consider me wooed. Can we leave now?"
"Yeah, I like that plan." Hunter scratches the back of his neck, ducking into the hall to check for any sign of guards.
They walk and walk until they hear the soft echo of their shoes hitting metal floor of the basement fade and Jade holds on to his hand so tightly that her painted nails leave marks on his palm. He's alive and she realized she loves him and now she has no idea what to do about it.
4.
She's half asleep, which is as much rest as she ever gets in this place. When you're living in a prison, it's almost impossibly to ever fully let your guard down. Jade hasn't been able to figure out how to do it yet.
She stirs when she hears the door creak open, and then the figure slips inside her room, tripping on the blazer Casey left in a pile in front of the doorway. Jade gasps quietly, reaching for the knife she keeps tucked under her pillow, one she confiscated from Pamela a few weeks ago.
"Jade, I need your help!" Hunter squeals as he catches his breath. He's being chased by someone. Something. She waits a few seconds for him to explain.
"What's wrong?" She narrows her eyes, waiting for someone to bust down the door after him.
Hunters huffs and glances up at the ceiling, "Well, first off, I need to stress that I was just trying to be a good roommate. I was just trying to be a decent pal-"
"What." Jade frowns, hands on her hips as she feels her heartbeat start to slow.
"I mean, we all know he's a drama queen, but this different, Jade. This is pure rage. He's on a rampage. He chased me half way through the campus." His apple green eyes go wide in disbelief, a look reserved for staring down death. What is he going on about?
"Hunter, you've gotta slow down. Are we not under attack from the facility? Are the guards not after you?"
"What are you talking about? Guards? This is about him. He's going to strangle me with his scarf. You've got to help me, Jade." He reaches out so he has her by the shoulders. She has never seen him so panicked.
There's a familiar noise as the door opens, a menacing figure hovering. They are nothing but a silhouette outlined by the sun streaming in through the window. Hunter glances at the open window, genuinely debating about making a run for it and jumping outside. It's too late for him to move. He's frozen in place.
Hunter's scrawny form shakes as he stares at Jade, his lips mouthing help help help over and over again.
"Someone want to tell me what's going on?" Jade asks the room, but neither one seems interested in filling her in. Ike tackles Hunter, but they are both pretty pathetically unathletic so they topple over on to the piles of clothes.
"You're a psychopath." Hunter complains, shoving Ike's face away from his.
The psychopath in question winks at Jade as they both climb to their feet, Ike brushing off his sweater and Hunter fixing his crooked tie.
"Remember that day I time traveled to save you? You can't kill me. You said on my birthday that we were friends. No takebacks." Hunter reminds him, hands raised in surrender.
"We were friends, until you touched my hair." Ike shuts the door, "Until you did this."
“You asked me to give you a haircut —”
“I certainly did not! I asked you to trim the edges! Trim, Hinter! Do they not use that word in Canada? Because you obviously don't know what it means. ”
“That is what I did.”
“This,” Ike points, spinning around so Jade can inspect the damage that's been done, “Is not trimming the edges, you incompetent ginger moron!"
Jade gulps. Ike's hair is in uneven chunks, longer in some spots and buzzed in others. It takes all her might not to giggle. Even Hunter cringes as he looks over at his disaster of a haircut, and he tries to cover his smile with his hand.
Hunter uses the momentary distraction to go dash into the hall and away from Ike who is in the verge of a complete meltdown.
"Well," Jade laughs, leaning herself down on Casey's bunk, "...It could be worse."
But even she doesn't believe it. This is a nightmare. This is incredible. Wait until Casey sees this. God, she needs a camera.
"My hair is eighty percent of my personality, Red." Ike turns to her, and it's the closest he's ever looked to crying, eyes puffy and desperate, "What am I going to do? I'm going to strangle Hunter. Do you know how much money I've spent on my hair? How can I show my face outside ever again..."
Jade runs her fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there is no space left between them and she can feel the beating of his heart against hers. She kisses him, runs her fingers through his uneven hair and he grabs at her waist. Jade remembers it all: the disgust she felt when she first met him, the way she throws her head back when she laughs at his jokes, how she felt when they found him in that prison, and how he made things feel spectacularly mundane. Ike has the ability to make her feel like a normal girl once in a while and to make her fight for the life they could have if they were somewhere far from here.
Ike pulls away first. He needs to tell her…what? That she is infuriating and brave and better than anything he deserves. That he is twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn’t pull himself together into some semblance of a man for her. That without meaning to, he’d began to lean on her, to look for her, to listen to her.
"That took long enough." Jade snorts, her smile scrunching up her freckles.
(She tastes like honey. Completely unexpected and unforgettable.)