Work Text:
andrew watches as renee shuffles her cards absentmindedly; the gold-laced cards shimmering as she moves them back and forth.
“what about a reading?” she asks, familiar glint in her eye. it isn’t a question of whether they do one or not, but if andrew wants the results.
“about what?” he asks, curiosity deadly in that he will never say no to knowing. ignorance is bliss, but andrew has never had enough of a taste of bliss to choose that over the familiarity of truth. truth is harsh like knife blades, harsh like the edges of his cards.
whenever anyone else handles andrew’s deck, deals with andrew’s truth, they always manage to cut themselves.
“whether sunrise boy likes you back or not.”
sunrise boy . it fits him, strangely. much like everything else about him.
the boy that turned andrew’s world from night to day. the boy that turned shades of gray to color, and never seemed to notice or care.
sunrise boy is a copper statue yet to rust, light shining off of him and the sapphires in his eyes. he is metal, and metal tastes like blood. he is metal, and metal reflects whatever light is pointed at it.
sunrise boy is a mystery, one andrew has taken to trying to solve. he is at a disadvantage; he can shine as many lights as he wants to onto the copper, each work just as well.
he has no way of telling which one is right, which light he shines shows the truth. even his cards are less vague than sunrise boy.
“i don’t like him.”
“of course you don’t,” renee agrees, smiling softly and setting her cards down on the table. “but you could stand to think about him less, or at least do something about it.”
the first was an avenue andrew had tried to follow, chasing daydreams and speculations away with drinks and the boys who made them; meeting men in back rooms and storage closets for stolen moments.
the second was an option andrew had considered at length and couldn’t seem to stop considering; hands fisted in soft copper curls, tongue in the other boy’s mouth, chapped lips against his own, warm body against his fingertips.
the first only seems to lead to Andrew thinking more about the second, neither of which resolving the problem.
soulmates are supposed to find each other and know exactly what to say to the other. they are supposed to let their gazes meet and the first thing they see be the color of their partner’s eyes. it is supposed to be a romantic, unforgettable moment. the moment your world is painted in more than monochrome.
andrew had walked into the fox in the hole and found ice blue eyes staring back at him. then those same ice blue eyes had gone back to counting change and copying orders as he went about his day.
renee fans out her deck, seventy-eight cards of golden etchings near blinding. “pick a card.”
there are eight cards in a love reading, each representing a different aspect of the relationship: your true self, the true self of the object of your affections, how they see you, how you see them, the past, the present, the future, and your next step.
andrew’s true self turns out to be the ace of swords.
“you’re powerful and strong. you have enough clarity to see ahead into your relationships and decide what is best for the both of you,” renee says, already trying to put together the puzzle without all the pieces.
“that’s never been true,” andrew counters.
“it’s truer than you think,” renee shoots back. she holds out her cards again.
sunrise boy’s true self is the reversed two of wands.
“he fears the unknown— is probably inexperienced in relationships and doesn’t know you beyond being a regular at his place of work. he doesn’t know what to expect or how to deal with you or your relationship.”
“romantic,” andrew says dryly, flicking a sugar packet across the table.
his soulmate is avoiding him because he is scared. it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise; most everyone with a brain is scared of monsters.
“you don’t know him too well yet either, beyond stalking him here,” she says, gesturing to the general area they inhabit. “don’t be so quick to judge. this just means you need to get to know him better.”
that much is true; andrew frequents the fox in the hole coffee shop on tuesdays, wednesdays, and thursdays between nine and five every week only because the view is better here than in any other shop in town.
the decor of the fox in the hole is rather upsetting on its own, the bright orange that covers most of the walls clashing terribly with the white decorations and the dark wood of the floor and tables. but even the bright orange apron and visor on sunrise boy doesn’t have the decency to make him look bad.
sunrise boy is as beautiful as his namesake; a constant reminder of the masterpieces color can create. he is a renaissance painting in a hole in the wall coffee shop, an angel amongst men, and andrew is not the only one who has noticed.
something so pretty deserves to be in a museum, free to be admired by many. as it is, the fox in the hole is public property, and people come to admire him anyway. andrew is not alone in his wanting, and as such is not enough of a fool to think he’ll be the one picked from the masses of admirers, regardless of whatever colors signaled his claim on him.
soulmates are never a definite. andrew never thought he had one, had always found them too unreliable and unreal. now he has proof that he was wrong, but andrew knows he doesn’t deserve one.
renee fans out her deck again. “pick again, this one will be how he sees you.”
andrew picks: ace of pentacles, upright.
“sunrise boy sees you as a new opportunity, a manifestation in his life that is unfamiliar yet still something he would like to pursue,” she interprets, smile growing. “he’s inexperienced in romance, but he might want to learn with you.”
sunrise boy has also never said more to andrew than repeating his order back at him, sometimes more than once to make sure he remembers every sugary add on andrew likes in his coffee. andrew compiles a new sickly-sweet monstrosity every time, if only to see the awe and exasperation on his face as he writes down the ever-growing list of additions better suited to a sundae.
andrew rolls his eyes. “he knows i like whipped cream on every order; that’s not even enough to build a grindr profile with.”
“maybe he would know more if you bothered to talk to him,” renee suggests. “communication works both ways you know— maybe you’d learn something too.”
andrew scoffs. the boy is already scared of andrew. the more he learns about him, the less he’ll want to stay. historically, a troubled past is only attractive in movies, and andrew is far from hollywood material.
no one that andrew allows in stays to get closer. it’s safer just to keep everyone out.
the next card, how andrew sees him in return: reversed seven of swords.
“you see him as a challenge, as a break in habit. he could be a deviation from the norm, different than the other boys you’ve pursued.” renee wiggles her eyebrows at him.
“he’s nothing special,” andrew says, but renee knows how to spot a. this is the boy that turned andrew’s darkness into light— he’s nothing but special.
the next card— the ten of swords— represents the past.
it isn’t a very good card, as andrew remembers it. renee knows it too, but doesn’t let as much show on her face when he pulls it from her hands.
“sunrise boy doesn’t have a past with you yet, so i’m going to take this to mean your past love life,” she says, which is fair enough. that card fits the train wreck of andrew’s romantic pursuits as well as anything. “no relationship you’ve been in has lasted long due to your inability to trust your partners. unfortunately, that lack of trust is not without reason, seeing as you have a history of being betrayed and let down by others.”
andrew wonders, not for the first time, how much of this reading is renee interpreting the cards he pulls and how much of it is just her psychoanalyzing him. he knows from his own readings that it is always a bit of both.
“next comes the present,” she says, and holds her cards out again.
king of pentacles, upright.
“this means that right now you have control. you are calling the shots and you can dictate this as you please. it is you who decides the terms of this relationship by choosing to act upon it or not. nothing is being done without your explicit consent.”
andrew knows that that shouldn’t make him as relieved as it does. nothing said is definite; the cards are only a suggestion of the truth, only one way to look at things. he is not in the business of believing what he can only see through a smokescreen.
pipe dream or not, it only serves to ease the beating of his heart. breathing is less of a trial, though he hadn't realized it had ever become one.
the last card pulled, the future, the queen of wands.
“this represents your combined determination to make this work. you both are going to want this and work for it, though it won’t be easy. what it will be is rewarding, warm, and beautiful.”
andrew thinks on Renee’s words for more than too long and beats hope back with a stick. he cannot count on a suggestion, he cannot count on a pipe dream.
sunrise boy is walking towards their table, carrying a platter of one coffee with a whipped cream tower and one strongly herbal tea along with two small pastries for the both of them. he has a new addition to his apron: a name tag reading hi! my name is NEIL!
renee grins at andrew. “good luck,” she says, before gathering up her cards and leaving him to fend for himself.
neil sets the platter down on the table, moving their order off of it.
“date bail on you?” the copper boy asks, nodding at the empty seat at the table. it’s the first thing he’s said to andrew, despite all that it is meaningless.
“i think she’s found her own.” he says, gaze fixed on the traitor at the main bar. he raises an eyebrow at the back of her multicolored head, silently cursing her name over and over in his mind. she’s perched on a barstool chatting animatedly with a blonde andrew has never seen before, hands inching closer and closer together across the countertop.
“oh,” neil says, watching them and letting his face go red.
andrew finds himself gesturing to the empty seat across from him. “would you care to fill in?”
neil looks about to say no, face already contorted in displeasure, but then checks the clock on the wall and reconsiders.
he shrugs. “why not? i get off in a few minutes anyway. you think you can wait for me that long?”
“take all the time in the world,” andrew says, surprising himself at how much he means it.
tarot cards are only a suggestion of the truth, a small glimpse of it from rose-tinted glasses. for once, andrew thinks it might be enough to put his heart on the line for the chance at something greater.
for once, andrew wants it to be true enough that he might will it into being.
for once, andrew might allow himself to love, or at least give it a shot.
neil slides into the seat across from him a few minutes later as promised, shaky smile in place.
“your eyes are gold,” he says, just as uncertain as his smile.
“yours are blue,” andrew replies, though blue is such a poor word to sum up all that comes to mind when he looks at them.
neil’s smile turns from scared to solid, his body visibly relaxing.
andrew knows he doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve a soulmate, doesn’t deserve the possibility of them working this out.
andrew wants it anyway, and as long as neil does too, he thinks it’s okay that he can have it.