Chapter Text
The faint chill over his skin soaks deeper with the addition of rain and Rin can't help but think it's only appropriate.
In hours before, he would have embraced the rain with a flutter of his heart; it reminded him so dearly of Haruka that he'd have to fight the sentimental feeling of it tracing trails in the licks of his hair. He'd fight the smile and imagined scenario of fingers in place of water droplets, where Haru would be the one delicately streaming down the soft spots on his back.
He bit back the urge to scream.
A skin of metallic taste slides over his tongue and he's only further entranced into the realm of resentment. Some part of him blames Haruka - barely functioning, jittery-eyed Haruka that held his gaze for only a split second because he was "sorry, really sorry but it wouldn't work." The vague thought of Makoto brought his teeth down again and this time, he cursed.
The rain kept his irritation bubbling, enhancing each heavy step with sliding quality. He wasn't stomping anymore, was only throwing as much of a fit as he could get away with in public. His eyes drifted around, the thought of his location hitting him for the first time since his departure from Haru's house. He had shown up unexpectedly, with a pounding head that insisted he stop running from his fears and just tell Haruka how he felt.
A good sprint away, with a soaked hood over his pounding head, Rin felt that nothing had changed much outside of the looping context of his thoughts. What was originally a monologue of encouragement was now a broken record of excuses - Haruka's explanation of "it just wouldn't work"; complete with dodgy eye-contact and what he swore was hitched breath behind the door.
Dejectedly, he supposed he could settle for an isolated bench and just sob in the rain.
He had somewhat convinced himself that tears would be perfectly hidden in this weather before meeting a counter to his argument on the bench he had rounded on. Slouched over, hood untouched and collecting a scoop of rainwater, was a blond boy shivering. Rin paused, the pit of his stomach aching terribly at the sight.
Nagisa Hazuki emitted cloudiness, as if the weather had soaked through the fabric into his entire being. Generally, he wasn't purely sunny but still rather bright, with hair like a string of lights and eyes that flickered with movement. He was supposed to be radiant, glowing in shine or showers. But with weight above his eyes, a concrete pressure in his stomach, he didn't shine like he was supposed to.
Rin slid closer, eyes probing but hesitant as he gently fell onto the bench beside the boy. Nagisa's head was facing away and down; there really wasn't as much danger of recognition as he had expected. Still, Rin can barely keep his eyes from lingering and struggles to maintain the push of burning behind his eyes.
He thinks that maybe he's caught up in a poor punchline: situational humor at its best. As his eyes dip down from the clouds, he imagines the audience rumbling in a crowd of muttered laughter; something akin to the rustle in the sky that makes Nagisa's shoulders jolt up. It's hardly a joke by any normal standards but the sheer bitterness in his mouth makes a dry chuckle slip off his tongue.
Nagisa freezes, shoulders still tense and forcefully dropped to pull himself together. There's a pause and the audience is leaning forward with bated breath - Rin's just giving him a look that he wants to be apologetic but which must look condescending. It's a shame he never learned to emote properly; it's just another matching characteristic he has with-
He shakes his head, hoping to spill out these thoughts like he would water from his ear. Nagisa finally looks at him.
He tries, chirping halfheartedly with a fading song: "Rin..," the afterthought of "-chan."
It sounds strained, like an imitation of what Nagisa Hazuki must sound like to everyone else. Rin gives it a humble 5/10, he's not buying it.
Nagisa's eyes are red-rimmed and as is his nose. Delicate red patches sprinkle the base of his eyes - where Rin remembers seeing the same feature on Gou when she had sobbed over their father some years ago - and there's a certain film over his eyes that's unmistakably tear-induced. It feels like a dream: the sun sucked out of his halo of hair and leaving a dripping brown tint to it. His eyes weren't magenta nor sparkling but a dull pink, further intensifying the redness of his puffed eyes.
"At least put your hood on," he had muttered out, flipping the fabric up and adjusting it. Nagisa paid him a courteous amount of attention, eyes drifting up despite not quite watching what was happening before them. Rin could only sympathize: mindlessly, his hands moved on their own. It could be said that he wasn’t anywhere near the bench or in the park, his head still left on the steps to Haru’s house. At least it had the company of his heart, he mused sullenly.
The flimsy fabric wavered, slipping off instantly at the mention of wind. Not that it mattered much, Nagisa was already soaking wet. He didn't visibly change with the loss of his shelter: shoulders still drooping down, head still heavy and weighed down with hair draped over his eyes.
Rin let out a heavy sigh, because his chest had already been constricting enough but the sight of personified sunshine clouded by sadness was just spreading the ache to his stomach, and attempted comfort despite the lack of his own.
"What's up with you?"
Nagisa's reaction was diluted if anything - vague panic in the sense that his eyes widened like his drooping frown was a well-kept secret, a distinct twitch of his lips as if he could still pull off a smile even with watering eyes. It made Rin's stomach churn, made his fist clench then sprawl out in a desire to fix something he'd never been confronted with in the entirety of his lifetime. It was uncomfortable sure, but the painful observance of Nagisa's drained figure set off alarms in his head and they were screeching to make it stop as soon as possible.
"Was it-," he swallowed, the name caught in his throat and bringing back the forgotten ache in his chest. He tried again, more vaguely, "Did the guys do something?"
Nagisa was still, strangely so and frustratingly so, and mechanically shook his head. He took a shaky breath and forced the corners of his lips up, eyes still scrubbed red and hands shaky, "Why would you say that Rin-chan? Like there's something wrong.."
His voice was as stiff as his spurious smile and Rin found himself relieved that he didn't attempt a laugh - it'd probably break whatever resolve was left.
Frustrated enough, and maybe a little bitter from the constricting in his chest, Rin decided to push him anyway,"Don't bullshit me."
"I'm not-," Nagisa swallowed again, his eyes notably tearing up before he somehow willed it back down, "I'm not. Really, I'm-"
'Fine' must have been what he meant to say, something along those lines. Rin had heard it before, enough times from his own mouth, and decided that Nagisa was not going to make the same mistakes he had for years. In place of denial came affection, Rin lunging forward and pulling Nagisa into his arms.
The tears were immediate, so full and rich that they streamed faster than the pouring rain. Nagisa, predictably, shattered in his embrace.
Rin closed his eyes, absorbed the feeling of body heat spread over the distinct ache in his chest and felt something crack. He bit his lip, sucked in a gulp of air, then proceeded to join Nagisa in his unrestricted sobbing.
For a moment, they were no longer separated. The troubles didn't matter, the rain didn't matter; the only care either had was the comfort of another, the hug of a person that wasn't the one they'd craved for but it didn't seem so with eyes shut tight. Rin had distinctly heard a name gasped out between the crumbling sobs Nagisa had wailed out, though it was soft and uncertain like a forbidden territory Nagisa had dared stumble into.
So, with sudden clarity, Rin realized that this was about Rei.
He pulled away, brushed Nagisa's bangs from his eyes and decided that if the blond could breathe then he could explain, "What did he do?"
Nagisa was busy hiccuping, attempting speech but restricted between quick breaths,
"N-Nothing."
"I said not to bull-"
"He didn't do anything," this time with sureness, though the deep frown was still on Nagisa's lips, "I was just thinking about him."
Rin took the answer but didn't back down; there was a certain binding of emotion that came with crying in another guy's arms and he'd be damned if he wasn't going to at least get some answers after that, "While you were sobbing your eyes out?"
"Yeah," Nagisa sniffled, tried to play it off but heaved out a sigh because he'd been caught and he'd have to talk now, "I'm in love with him."
Surprisingly, he didn't flinch. Rin had suspected it was something like that, though he wasn't sure how it tied into whatever wracked Nagisa's spirit enough for him to sit out in the rain trying not to cry. He tried again, a little more sensitive this time around, "That's fine, Nagisa. There's nothing wrong with that."
The blond shook his head immediately, as if conditioned to do so, "No, there is. There really is."
"Nagisa, no one cares if-"
"My dad does."
Oh. That explained everything rather easily, Rin mused. He supposed this problem was a lot bigger than he'd expected. With his arms still wrapped snugly around the smaller boy, he gave a small squeeze. Nagisa knew just how to bring out the brother in him and in the privacy of their embrace, he didn't think it'd be asking too much for a little supportive affection.
"So, did you-?" He didn't want to say it, he knew it was implied by the way Nagisa was steadily avoiding the subject. The blond nodded, a sad smile seeping out with the tears that began forming again in his eyes.
"I have a backpack," Nagisa sniffed, gestured vaguely to the bag on the other side of the bench that was no doubt soaked through by now, "My oldest sister said she'd take me in but she lives kinda far from here."
Even when he was knee-deep in his own troubles, Nagisa still thought dearly of his friends. Or maybe it was just Rei he was concerned about; either way, it was a strange mix of selfish desire and selfless companionship.
"The second-oldest has a roommate already," he continued, wiping at his eyes and sighing dejectedly, "The youngest lives with us still, so.."
Another squeeze, gentle with the added touch of Rin rubbing his hand in circles over Nagisa's back. It seemed to be helping him keep calm - sensitive to Nagisa's constant need for physical comfort and Rin's searching for a distraction to keep him level-headed. Vaguely, he noticed the sheet of rain lighten, a dusting of mist layered over their already dampened clothing.
"Tell Makoto," it was immediate and natural, the instinct he'd been trying to deny himself. If anything, Makoto already knew his own situation and was almost certain to have been the reason for tension already in the air. Rin took in a deep breath, allowed himself to get a little lost in the warmth Nagisa provided, and listened with his head resting on Nagisa's shoulder as the blond spoke.
"His house is already full, he has two kids to take care of," the tone was troubled but longing. Nagisa must have been facing the same denial of Makoto's help Rin had, "He wouldn't say no - of course he wouldn't, he's Mako-chan - but still. Only if I can't find any other solution."
The youngest of the two seemed mature enough for the both of them, speaking calmly now that he'd gotten over his phase of pretend. He was accepting the reality without much of a pause and sorting through his options. Rin mentally bet himself that Nagisa would've fared better in Australia than he had.
The most obvious answer was tingling on Rin's tongue, his head snapping at him to just say it while also faintly cursing Nagisa for not stating it already. There was one person missing from the conversation, one very important and very capable person that Nagisa must have been begging to have brought up. Dutifully, with a barely functioning throat by this point, Rin stated the obvious: "What about Haru?"