Chapter Text
"Seems a little weird."
"No, it's going to be great."
Exhausted resignation mixed with a tinge of curiosity etched itself on Jemaine's face. He had always looked at Taika this way, especially when his mild protestations fall on deaf ears. For the most part, Jemaine cooperates for the sake of maintaining the status quo, as turbulent as it often could be when Taika is at the center of it all.
The man just naturally pulled everything to him, and Jemaine happened to be one of the fortunate few who survived such a magnetic and gravitational reckoning.
In fact, he liked it. He liked being around his best mate. No surprise there.
"Not sure 'great' would be the first adjective I'd use about what you want me and Loren to do."
"It's for the story," Taika leans an elbow on the ledge of the couch and stares far too deeply into Jemaine's eyes that any other person on the receiving end of that would think it was a total come-on. Truth is, no one really knows with Taika. His gift for subtlety is uncanny, in spite of his larger-than-life personality.
Jemaine had been quite immune to his charms though, as well as these little games Taika often plays just to get under people's skin. He's never malicious about it either. The man just enjoys prodding people, ensnaring their senses, luring them into a rabbit-hole of color and explosion and all things Taika-esque.
"Story, sure," Jemaine never dares break eye contact because to do so means giving Taika some sort of power, and he can't be adding more to the other man's ego now, could he? "But do you yourself have to film us together? Can't one of the other camera people do it?"
"Stevie can't make it tomorrow. He has to shoot this commercial. And Warren's missus had that baby. He's asked for a free day which is coincidentally tomorrow."
"Sounds too perfect of a coincidence."
And this is when Taika laughs before giving Jemaine a far too endearing impish smile. He uses an index finger to poke Jemaine on the knee, "What are you trying to say to me? That I made sure that the three of us would be all alone for that scene?"
This is followed by an exaggerated scoff, "We're all professionals here. Don't be daft, man."
Come on, Jemaine wants to say, You're being transparent, and you're supposed to be a better actor than that.
Instead, he responds with, "Ah, but 'professional', again, is not the first adjective I'd use about you," He then flicks Taika's finger away and gives him a soft whack on his forehead. Honestly, what a child. "Promise you'd behave?"
"I can't promise that," Taika grins. He then runs a hand through his thick black mane and adds, "I'm always me."
On hindsight, Jemaine should have had made Taika goddamn Waititi Cohen sign something that could have made him legally accountable for what happened next.
The character Loren played was a mild-mannered girl with bad taste in men. She's supposed to bounce off well with Jemaine's character, a toff with masculinity issues and an emotionally distant father. Basically, the kind of couple you root for in an ironic romantic comedy, which was exactly what Taika wanted.
It was a screenplay Taika wrote with no other than Loren herself, the girl he'd been dating. They've been together for quite some time now, which was apparently long enough for them to decide to collaborate on the film they entitled 'EAGLE VS. SHARK'.
When Taika approached him about the idea initially, Jemaine cooly remarked, "Most boyfriend-girlfriend would just get a pet together, no? Or a plant? I heard Loren is partial to orchids."
Of course, Jemaine had to be a part of it; meaning he had to be the leading man. He's a capable actor with the charm of an unassuming young man who actually plays up that impression just to get a kick out of people realizing he's anything but the quiet type they've pegged him as. That's his deal.
Together, he and Taika are going to conquer the world; or at least that's what Taika would say during cheerful drunken stupors among close friends. Taika also gets needlessly grabby and touchy when rightfully pissed, which was yet another quality Jemaine tolerates but, well, secretly finds cute. Sort of.
"He's quite obsessed with you, you know," Loren remarked one time while she and Jemaine were doing a quick review of their lines on the script neither will completely memorize since Taika enjoys operating on a 'stream of consciousness' narrative every time he films things.
"You are one of the few subjects we keep circling back to during dates," she added as a slow (almost sly) smirk spread on her lips.
Jemaine really liked Loren. She was the sort of girl you could see Taika dating. Anyone who knows Taika as well as Jemaine does can understand that he required women with strong nurturing instincts combined with a kooky sense of humor; a darling who can laugh at herself and laugh with Taika, most importantly. And Loren hit all those fine points.
If anything, Jemaine was just relieved there's someone else now whom he can share the burden of 'raising Taika' with.
"Must have become lousy dates fast then when he keeps bringing me up," Jemaine offered with a slight eyebrow raise, "Sorry. He shoots off his mouth without thinking at times and doesn't often care if the other person even wants to listen."
"Don't you wanna know what he says about you?" Loren was still smiling so mysteriously, and Jemaine found it intriguing enough that he had to ask.
"Mundane sort of bollocks, I bet."
"He said," she pressed on, "And I quote, 'I can't really picture who my future bride will be, but I can always see Jemaine there beside me as my best man.' Now ain't that something?"
Jemaine had gone silent for a moment as he pretended to read what was on the page he was currently on in the script. With a clear of his throat, he just said, "Yeah, it's something."
And then he chuckled, "He needs to stop being in love with me, is what it boils down to, actually. Gives people the wrong idea about him and me."
"What do people say then? Because you make it sound like this isn't a separate incident."
"Now don't be like that," Jemaine tried to make light of what he felt might be a serious issue if he didn't tread carefully enough, "He's a big flirt, Taika. But still a proper boyfriend when he finds the right girl."
"Yeah, just keep me posted when that happens," Loren nudged him with an elbow, gnawing on her bottom lip a bit as she swayed to the side.
And Jemaine nodded, "Well, I heard he's got the hots for the lead actress of this movie we're doing. Could be a promising thing, I reckon."
Loren was all smiles after that, and the conversation thankfully drifted to other venues that had nothing to do with Taika anymore.
Taika this, Taika that. Honestly. Jemaine often feels as if people they both know (and even utter strangers) only talk to him these days so they could ask about Taika goddamn Waititi Cohen.
He didn't really mind. The problem was how could anyone really articulate who and what Taika is? He's a mind-boggling enigma, even to his best friend who has yet to successfully explain to everyone why it had to be Taika, Taika, Taika...
They had to do a few more dialogue between Jemaine and Loren for the first hour. Taika filmed everything by himself, using two cameras. 'The big one and the small one' as he liked to simplify them.
"We'll cut away excess fat of the footage once we put them all together. They're all jumbled up for now. Doesn't matter."
Taika sounds a little deflated when he said that which would have been a cause of concern if only he didn't brighten up two seconds later with a quip, citing, "Every person is a work of art. Like me. Like this movie. That's it."
"That's it," Jemaine echoes with a sympathetic smile. "So, do you mind if I talk to you about this...arrangement? I have some--"
"We need to wrap this up in the next hour," Taika is already pushing him by the shoulder, right towards the bed. Jemaine reluctantly takes a seat. Loren is already posed there herself. She looks briefly at her boyfriend who is too busy working the camera to acknowledge her. That was until he starts instructing what his two stars must do next before he films the scene.
"When you guys kiss, you make it as urgent as possible. Like, you--" he points at Jemaine, "Just want to get over it but also enjoy it. And you--" he gives Loren a smile, "You want to savor it but are too shy and scared to make him slow down for the both of you."
"I'm basically just horny for her then? No foreplay whatsoever?" Jemaine only asks because he knows that would open a discussion. And it did.
"Well, yes," Taika pulls a chair and sits before the two, "We set it up in a way that your character is very casual about asking her to hook up with him seconds after the kiss ends. And Loren--Lily, is eager to please so she'll have sex with him anyway."
"It's really more because Lily wants to have your character as a boyfriend, and she knows sex is the easiest if not the only way to get him interested," Loren adds as she crosses her legs for a moment. "This is supposed to demonstrate the sad awkwardness of a hook-up that could have easily gone bad."
Jemaine chuckles, "From what I understand, it does get bad between them later on. Or even during the sex."
"Not really," Loren interjects, "They are supposed to have a fairly adequate fuck."
And Jemaine laughs, sounding amused as he quips, "That's a real boost to the male ego, Loren. I myself always aim to give a fairly adequate fuck."
"We like to be treated like queens, us girls, so thanks," Loren teases back, punching Jemaine lightly on the arm.
"Alright!" Taika claps his hands once. "I like this! You two have the right energy, you're even flirting--this is great! Let's use this heat and chemistry!"
"Uh," Jemaine gives the other man a dead stare, "Maybe try and dial down the enthusiasm, bro?"
"But this is important to me."
Jemaine would have countered with another thinly veiled snide remark but decides to let it go.
Taika pulls the chair away to give the two more room before he turns it around so the backrest faces the bed, and he could swing his legs on either side of the chair while filming.
"Is that how close you want to shoot this?" Jemaine looks into the lens. There's a frown on his lips that's almost taciturn.
"Right at the heart of the action," Taika grins wide and so self-assured as he gestures with a free hand, "Okay, rolling..."
Jemaine composes himself and keeps in mind what has to be done once the other man says...
"...action!"
He doesn't even bother saying the supposed last line and just surges forward to press his lips against Loren's. She doesn't part hers at all and ends up leaning away. The abrupt stop causes Jemaine to sink further until they both fall to the mattress together. Loren laughs and squeezes his shoulder.
It's worth noting they're both still in full costumes of Eagle and Shark.
"Oi, lover boy, get off!" She playfully tugs at his sleeve and keeps laughing.
"So sorry, I thought when he said action that I should just go right for it," Jemaine immediately pulls himself from the position and swipes a hand over his forehead, completely embarrassed.
"No, my fault. I thought there's still a line. Like, you were supposed to ask Lily if I want to snog you or some. Sorry."
"We're still rolling," is Taika's helpful input.
"Just say 'cut' and start over, you arse."
"But it's more fun this way. I'll keep shooting. You two just go do it again."
Jemaine does glare at the other man now. He knows Taika can see his expression through the camera lens, considering he isn't even being subtle about being disgruntled. But the pompous director doesn't even say anything else and keeps recording.
"Okay, say the line first and then kiss me again," Loren brings them back to the fold. "Ready?"
The second attempt fared better; Jemaine angles his face to the left to avoid the eagle costume's beak from impeding the act. Loren meets his lips eagerly and exhales with a soft moan before she parts her lips and deepens the kiss.
"Hold on," Taika interrupts, "You're snogging Lily wrong."
"Pretty sure I got the right idea--" Jemaine doesn't get to finish that sentence because in the next instant Taika gets between the two of them there on the bed. Loren anticipates it in time and scoots away to the side.
"What are you--?"
"So, I'm Lily. Pretend for a second."
"Taika--" Jemaine's patience is wearing thin, but he doesn't budge, not even when his friend curls a hand around the eagle's beak above his hairline and uses that to pull him close. Taika instead comes nearer until he could literally feel the man's breath on his face.
"You kiss her with some roughness," Taika inches too close for comfort now, "But don't touch her anywhere. Just use your mouth to make sure she knows you're in charge."
"Okay, point taken. Now let me--"
Again, the sentence cuts short when Taika bruises his lips upon Jemaine's without warning. The contact makes him coil within, and it took all of his willpower not to shove Taika away. His mind starts to reel from far too many thoughts the second their lips touched, leaving him frozen and rather useless anyway.
Something inside him bends to the will of the other man that he ends up narrowing his viewpoint onto the shared heat growing between them--on Taika parting his lips and sinking a bit of his teeth on Jemaine's bottom lip as if to ask permission to keep going.
And by god does Jemaine let him.
For some reason he thought that this unexpected snog would be clumsy, but much like everything Taika goddamn Waititi Cohen does, it's always spontaneous yet thoroughly well-executed.
He also kisses Jemaine like he had done it before, and he feels that Taika might as well have already. Maybe this isn't their first snog. Maybe during one of their drunken late-night chinwags, Taika had kissed him then, because he sure as hell knew how to command Jemaine's tongue, swirling it against his own as if they're learning a new language together.
But the enjoyment doesn't last for another moment because Jemaine finally resists and pushes off Taika before angling his face from reach and slapping his friend lightly against his cheek.
"Alright, alright, that's enough of that," he tries to pass it off as a joke, but he prays to any god out there who would listen that the loose garment of the eagle costume does well enough to hide the erection he's now shamefully sporting.
If Taika notices, Jemaine will ritually perform seppuku right there and then instead of facing the repercussions.
"We're still rolling, by the way," Loren drawls in. Jemaine snaps his head to the direction of her voice and finds that she's perched on the director's chair and filming the scene all by herself.
How in the hell even?
"Another take then?" Taika cheekily offers, grinning from ear to ear, "What do you say, partner?"
"Look," Jemaine isn't going to let either of them to get the best of him, so he decides to chime in with a joke, "If you wanna fool around, we'll fool around. But only right after we wrap up the scene with me and Loren first, alright? We're all professionals here, remember?"
"I don't mind sitting this one out, actually," Loren keeps holding up the camera, fixing it right on the two men still sitting too close to each other on the bed, "I think I need more directions, babe. Can you show me again how the snogging is supposed to go?"
"Okay, you monsters, you both had too much fun already. And was that whiskey on your breath, Taika?" Jemaine tries to grab the camera away from Loren who smoothly avoids it, "And does he always snog you when all boozed up? Because I think that's a personal issue you as his girlfriend need to deal with fast."
"Nah," Loren adjusts the lens and in all nonchalance remarks, "Whiskey kisses are the best. You should know now."
She exaggeratedly points the camera at Jemaine's face, "Do you take issue in how my boyfriend snogs? Because he's got style. You're one lucky man, Jemaine Clement."
"Okay, I'm confiscating this!" he finally takes the camera away and then stands up, "And giving you both a time-out. Pick a wall to stand on and don't talk until I say so."
He makes for a haste exit next. There's still the matter of his hard-on to deal with after all.
He comes back not five minutes later and finds Taika and Loren standing on opposite ends, facing their respective walls, just as he instructed. Both of them have also been suppressing giggles the entire time.
"Wankers, the both of you. Made for each other to a fucking tee," Jemaine chuckles, albeit surly in disposition still. He hands Taika the camera and then gently takes Loren by the wrist to lead her back to the bed. "Can we hurry, please?"
"Always rushing perfection." Taika speaks up as their eyes meet for a brief yet coded moment. "Slow and steady is lost on you, bro."
There's a warm haziness to Taika's earthy browns that made his stomach flip. A ghost of a smile appears on those lips Jemaine had just tasted moments ago, and he realized--with a dawning then sinking feeling in his gut--that he could get intoxicated with that mouth.
He feels unhinged all of a sudden. Was it because of nausea? Nervousness? Whatever it was, Jemaine plans to bury it all the way down to the very core surface of earth and never talk about it with anyone. Ever.
"Rolling..." Taika sits back on the chair like a king descending his throne, grasping the camera on his hands where all his power thrums alive as he says,"...and action!"
To be continued??