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Fallen. It was what Jinyoung had been labeled after he fought a war he knew from the start they would never win. And now, here he was, always teetering between the border of earth and eternal damnation. Impurity was his core but a part of him still remembered what it felt like to be blessed. He failed at being God’s servant and he failed at being a cursed being. So now, he was abandoned by both the holy and the damned. Jinyoung wandered around earth not knowing how he would spend his days. He’d do his duties as an impure entity every once in awhile- do it to thieves, murderers and liars. It wasn’t the most conventional but it was the only way he felt was right.
Sometimes, when he’d find himself in a certain hospital, he’d observe an angel nearby. His name was Lee Daehwi, who served as a guardian to a child named Park Jihoon. Jinyoung wasn’t sure why he knew the angel’s name but he was definitely Lee Daehwi. It was the name screaming at the back of his mind.
Jihoon, the boy Daehwi was assigned to, was a sickly child who spent most of his days in the hospital. At night when Jihoon was asleep, Jinyoung would spot Daehwi, crying outside for the young boy. With little time his child had on earth, Daehwi felt weaker and weaker, scorned by the thought of the child losing every opportunity he had to live a longer life. Jinyoung never intruded in the lives of angels. He had come across a lot of them as he wandered around, garnering either hateful stares or looks of pity. It was weird though, how he had somewhat found himself compelled to approach this one particular angel as he sobbed to no end. Some sort of gravitational pull that had led him to sit beside the angel and have this odd urge to console him.
“Uhm hi, you look ugly,” it was Jinyoung’s best greeting but it was the only way he knew how. Instinct, indeed the instinct of the cursed.
“Leave me alone. I’m not afraid to use my divine power on you, you filthy fallen,” Daehwi cried, leaving his threat empty as he sniffled and continued to wipe away his tears.
“Hey, if you look at it this way, when that Jihoon kid dies, you lead him to heaven, you’ll be back in the arms of Big J in no time.” Jinyoung wasn’t the best at consoling any entity that had any feeling or rational mind, that’s for sure now, because the sobbing angel wailed louder shortly after his reply.
“Jihoon could have been an actor! He could have gone to Hollywood! He could have been the next Tom Cruise if he wanted to! Now… now… I’ve failed him as an angel.”
It was a risk for Jinyoung to lay a hand on an angel. Divine power could burn him, turn him into ashes and get swept away by the wind. But when he did, there was just warmth, one that could likely be described as the kind of heat emanated by a small light bulb. It was a relief to Jinyoung that he wasn’t literally roasted on the spot. The Cursed One placed a hand on the angel’s back and gave him a light pat.
“It’s alright, Daehwi” Jinyoung told him, “I’m pretty sure the big guy will give Jihoon a chance to act in his paradise.”
“How would you know, you’re a demon!” Daehwi snapped out of it when he heard his name come out of the demon’s mouth. He turned to him, puzzled as to why the cursed one even knew who he was. “Wait- how?”
Jinyoung wasn’t as shell-shocked as he was so he remained calm as he replied with a shrug, “I don’t know. I knew from the very first time I laid eyes on you that you were Lee Daehwi. I just don’t know why I knew.” There was a pause there, Daehwi examined the demon, wondering if there was a name to him in his memory as well.
After the war, angels had to forget the demons that were chased out of heaven. The demons, in turn, also forgot the blessed - lovers, friends and families were stripped of their memories. It was impossible, if he and this demon really did know each other from before, there shouldn’t have been traces of him left. “Jin-” Daehwi stopped himself. Trying to remember this demon’s name was forbidden. He was risking paradise for a fallen who has forsaken the righteous.
“Just call me Jin,” Jinyoung knew consequences, the hesitation in the angel’s voice. “Don’t worry, I won’t lay a hand on you or Jihoon.”
“You’re one peculiar demon, Jin,” Daehwi told him. It wasn’t something he hasn’t heard before.
“I’ve been disowned by the cursed and forsaken by the heavens. It pays cause I get to do what I want,” he said with a curve of a smile on his lips.
“What do you want to do then, Jin?” Daehwi asked him. The angel seemed to have changed the way he viewed Jinyoung now, after he didn’t seem to be much of a threat. The tone in his voice was softer, less guarded and threatening.
“I don’t know, is it okay if I stick around with you to find out? I promise, I’ll try not to get you in trouble,” Jinyoung said.
“Alright.”
-----
Jihoon was getting frailer and frailer each day but Daehwi was beginning to feel a little less weight when Jinyoung was around. It became a routine of some sorts where they’d sit on the bench in the hospital’s garden and Daehwi would tell Jinyoung about Jihoon- everything that the angel knew about the little boy. Daehwi told him that Jihoon used to have a crush on a little girl named Mina but she rejected him because apparently he was too chubby for her when she was probably the same size as him. He also mentioned about Jihoon being in a play and how he was amazing as the main lead. Everyone in the crowd applauded him for his skills and that before he was diagnosed with his illness, he was set to do another leading part in their school play. The angel always seemed to light up whenever he talked about the child he was guarding, and although there was a slight sadness there, he was obviously fond of the child.
Before their usual meeting time, Jinyoung would stop by the hospital’s chapel, knowing that Daehwi was there to pray for Jihoon. He’d wait for him outside. There wasn’t a rule that demons weren’t allowed in a place of worship. It was a saying that everyone was welcomed in the house of the blessed, but there was still shame in the part of Jinyoung, being stripped of the heaven’s good graces. It had been centuries since he last prayed or communicated to the heavens. Daehwi was the first angel he came in contact with after being banned. It was scary, the whole concept of their interaction being a taboo but there was a sense of comfort too. Daehwi was Jinyoung’s little light of salvation and maybe it wasn’t a lot but he still liked the concept of having a tiny semblance of what it was like to be in the presence of the blessed.
When Daehwi finally came out of the chapel, he’d greet Jinyoung with a smile and they’d proceed to their usual routine of mundane chats and childish bantering until the sun rose and Jihoon woke up.
After that, Daehwi would return to his child’s side and Jinyoung would leave to wander around town once more.
----
It was on the winter of Christmas Eve when Jihoon’s faithful day came and Daehwi was there to help him through it. The boy had cried and cried, asking why he couldn’t spend more time with his mother and father any longer. His parents, along with his older brother, stayed by his body’s side the whole time. His somber spirit hugged his parents, begging Daehwi to give him more time. Time, he unfortunately couldn’t give.
“Hey little boy,” Daehwi gave Jihoon a small smile. “You’re going to see your parents again. I promise you. Your other dad is waiting for you upstairs. He’s been watching you and loves you and has all the happy things you need if you’d come with me.”
“But...will I be okay?” Jihoon asked, sniffling and wiping the tears from his chubby cheeks.
“Yeah, you’re going to be the happiest little boy ever. You’re going to act in front of very good people, be the best actor you can be, I promise you,” Daehwi told him.
And with that, Jihoon gave in.
A pang of white light materialized in front of them, making Jihoon squint at the sight of it. He looked at Daehwi, unsure as to what he should do. “Follow that man over there,” Daehwi instructed. “He’ll take you to somewhere nice.”
“How about you?” Jihoon asked him. “Aren’t guardian angels supposed to come with us?”
“I have something I need to do first. Go ahead, Jihoon. I’ll follow you after. Let’s play lots and lots of games there, alright?”
Jihoon nodded and then made his way into the illuminated gates of paradise.
Even if there was still a somber feeling deep inside of him, he felt relief that Jihoon was now in the hands of the Creator. He silently prayed in gratitude and apologized for breaking protocol just to say goodbye to someone cursed. He was slowly losing his power, feeling stripped of divinity since angels were only allowed to have it given that they were guarding someone on earth. Daehwi was growing vulnerable by the minute but he had to wait for his cursed friend. He had to, it didn’t feel right to just leave without saying goodbye.
Daehwi waited for him at their usual meeting place. The wooden bench in the garden, one that was shaded by a beautiful cherry blossom tree and had the perfect view of the moon. “Jinyoung..” His name. This was the demon’s name. “His name is Jinyoung.”
He wasn’t sure how it happened. How he was sure that was the demon’s name. Sure, they might have known each other from before but he shouldn’t have remembered. Heaven’s power was absolute, it was strong. The cursed and blessed should never remember each other or feel any sort of connection after that War. But…
-----
As Jinyoung made his way to the hospital to meet Daehwi, he felt an ominous presence surrounding the area. He felt a surge of panic as he dashed towards their usual meeting place. This kind of vile aura only appeared when an angel and a demon were engaging in a battle. Daehwi had divine power, demons would never dare to lay a hand on him but something in his gut knew that there was something wrong. Upon arriving, the sight of Daehwi lying defenseless before the hands of a ruthless demon made Jinyoung’s blood boil. The angel had lost all his powers as the aura of grace no longer emanated from his entity.
‘Jihoon must have passed,’ he thought. ‘You should have gone with him, you fool!’
He charged towards Daehwi’s oppressor, ready to use his powers against his own forsaken brethren. But the demon fled, his laugh echoing as he found amusement in the irony. “You will never go back to paradise, Jinyoung!”
But it was never about paradise.
Jinyoung had stayed on earth long enough to accept he was never going to go back to the land of the blessed. There was never a concept of it in his head, but there was a longing- a longing he could never figure out. As he knelt down beside Daehwi, for the first time in a long time, he put both his hands together and prayed. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he begged the heavens to take him back to them. Let Jinyoung turn into nothing but just bring Daehwi back to their good graces.
Pain. His head throbbed as memories upon memories started piling up in his head. It was the missing fragments of his life back before he was exiled.
Daehwi.
Daehwi was there. Of course, he was there. His smile so bright and his presence ever so warm in Jinyoung’s mind. It was a name he could never forget. Even if everything else was stripped off of him, Daehwi was always his constant, tattooed on his mind even when the strongest of forces tried to take all memories of him away.
“Please, I know I no longer have the right to ask anything of you. But if you can just give me this, one last time, just give me one last chance to be with him again.”
-----
Seoul, 1973
Jinyoung woke up to tears staining his cheeks and an ache in his chest. There was a feeling of loss dwelling within him and he couldn’t help but let out quiet sobs in the middle of the night. The whole room was quiet, and all the kids in the orphanage were all sound asleep while Jinyoung continued to cry for a sadness he couldn’t understand. He crawled out of his bed and made his way into another boy’s bed, hugging him from behind while he continued to cry uncontrollably. The little boy who owned the bed turned to him and hugged him tight, patting his back consolingly.
“What’s wrong, hyung?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Jinyoung told him. “I just.. I had this weird dream. I thought I lost you, Hwi.”
“You won’t lose me, hyung. It’s just a dream,” Daehwi hushed as he wiped the tears off of Jinyoung’s cheeks.
“Promise?”
Daehwi nodded in response, “Yeah, I promise. I’ll be here when you wake up and we’ll be still be together no matter what.”
There was still this fear in Jinyoung- the fear of the future where he’d lose Daehwi to fate once again. But tonight was theirs and eventually, staying by the boy’s side was enough to calm him down.
The future is an ever-changing concept.
To Jinyoung, Daehwi was his constant- a blessing nothing or no one could ever take away from him.