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Bokuto had nightmares. A lot.
He didn’t know why or what started them. They were always different, and they were always awful, and he always had the worst time trying to fall back asleep.
Often times, when Bokuto had woken up from a nightmare and couldn’t fall back asleep (or was afraid to try), he’d text Akaashi and hope the setter was awake to answer. Bokuto always felt better when he could communicate with someone, always felt less alone and scared.
Unfortunately, Akaashi was not a light sleeper and he rarely answered. Bokuto usually just had to stick it out by himself, sitting in the dark and distracting himself until the fear wore away into exhaustion and he could pass out for a couple of hours until his alarm clock went off for volleyball practice.
On one really bad night, Bokuto had called Akaashi. The setter had answered, thankfully, but Bokuto could tell from his voice that he was a little annoyed. He’d done his best to hide it, of course, Akaashi being the good kohai that he was, but Bokuto wasn’t quite as oblivious as most people thought he was. He could tell through the whole conversation that Akaashi really just wanted to go back to sleep. Bokuto didn’t blame him. He was sure that for people who didn’t have nightmares, sleep was a wonderful thing to look forward to every night. But Bokuto was not one of those people.
Still, he never called again. Half the time he hesitated to text.
Tonight was a really bad night. Bokuto had woken with a start and had barely managed not to shout and wake up his family. That was a sign to him just how bad this nightmare had been. He hadn’t woken his family because of his nightmares in years, once he’d grown up and learned not to be afraid of the dark as well as his dreams.
Bokuto texted Akaashi.
He got no reply.
Bokuto was alone, in the dark, with no one to talk to in order to ease his fears. He kept picturing over and over again the horrible scenes from his dream, and every time he closed his eyes – even just to blink – he couldn’t help but jerk them open again in fear of falling asleep and reentering the same dream as before.
Bokuto swallowed. He really didn’t want to call Akaashi – didn’t want to bother him, didn’t want to burden him – but he also really didn’t want to be by himself. He turned on the light, hoping that would help, but Bokuto hadn’t been afraid of the dark in some time – not since he fell asleep one night with the lights on and realized that the nightmares would come either way, and that turning on a light in his room couldn’t drive away the darkness in his own head. The only difference was that with the light on he could see the tear tracks on his face in the mirror on the back of his door.
Bokuto grabbed his phone again, pulling up his contacts. His thumb hovered over Akaashi’s name as he debated whether or not to call his kohai. He shook his head, deciding against it, and he was about to put away his phone again when a different thought occurred to him. He scrolled through his contacts to the ‘K’s and hesitated a second before tapping Kuroo’s contact.
Kuroo always looked tired. Maybe he would be awake anyway?
It took a few rings for Kuroo to answer, and each ring further convinced Bokuto that Kuroo was not, in fact, already awake. He felt the guilt rising inside of him, before Kuroo answered the phone with a cheerful, “Bo! What’s up, bro?”
Bokuto let out a deep exhale at the familiar voice, and he felt tears return to his eyes at the utter relief that coursed through his veins. “Kuroo, hey, how are you?!”
Kuroo laughed. “I’m good, Bokuto, real good. You okay? Your voice sounds weird?”
Bokuto’s eyes went wide. “Um, no, I’m fine. Totally fine, yup. Absolutely fine. Weird how?”
“I don’t know. It’s rough. Kinda gargle-y. But that might just be because you were sleeping.”
“Oh, yeah…” Bokuto swallowed. “Were, uh- were you sleeping?”
“Yeah, I was, surprisingly. I usually have a hard time falling asleep.” Bokuto felt his heart sink in his chest at the confirmation. He felt so guilty, waking Kuroo up when he finally got a chance to sleep. “I don’t mind though. I like being awake. Just out of curiosity, though, why’d you call? Something up?”
Bokuto shook his head, though Kuroo couldn’t see it. “Uh, no! No, there is definitely nothing up. Just, um, I was awake, so I decided to check on you, see how you were doing and all that.”
It was silent on the other end for a second. “Bokuto, it’s three in the morning,” he deadpanned.
Bokuto felt the tears in his eyes again, but he wouldn’t let himself cry. His voice would show it and then Kuroo would know something was wrong. “Yeah, well, we haven’t talked in a while, and I was sure I’d forget to call you tomorrow, so-“ Bokuto cleared his throat, resisting a yawn.
“Um, okay, yeah, that’s cool.” Bokuto could tell that he didn’t believe him, but Kuroo changed the topic to volleyball and they talked for another 30 minutes until Bokuto actually felt like he could fall asleep again. Feeling bad for keeping Kuroo awake for so long so early in the morning, Bokuto wound the conversation to a close.
“Sorry for keeping you up, Kuroo. I’ll let you go now.”
“No, no, it’s no problem, Bo. You can call me anytime. This was nice. We should hang out soon. Maybe we can get Akaashi and Kenma to agree to a two-on-two sometime.”
Bokuto let out a laugh at the idea of Kuroo convincing Kenma to agree to that. “Yeah, maybe! That would be fun.”
Kuroo laughed too, probably thinking of the same thing as Bokuto. “Alright, well, goodnight, Bo.”
“Goodnight, Kuroo!”
They hung up, and Bokuto slept the rest of the night without a problem.
*****
After that, Bokuto started calling Kuroo more often. Not every night, of course – that would just be cruel to Kuroo, no matter how much he didn’t seem to mind – but Bokuto at least called him once a week. At first he was still hesitant, unsure if it really didn’t bother Kuroo, but Bokuto soon realized that Kuroo was honest about not minding so he called whenever he had the darker dreams.
Somehow, Kuroo actually managed to talk Kenma into a mini-game with just the four of them, and Akaashi didn’t mind either, so the four of them got together on a Saturday after their normal volleyball practices with their respective teams.
They’d been playing for about an hour when Kenma all but demanded they take a break. Kuroo treated everyone to ice cream, though Kenma had a hard time eating his and playing his video games. Akaashi quietly watched Kenma play while Bokuto and Kuroo stood on the other end of the court, soaking up the cooler air from the oscillating fan in the corner.
At one point, Kuroo looked over at him in concern. “Are you alright, Bo? You’ve got bags under your eyes.”
Bokuto blinked at his friend for a second, deciding how to answer. The previous night had been pretty bad. He hadn’t called Kuroo though, because he’d already called him a couple of times that week and he was feeling really bad about it. His nightmares had been getting worse, though. Usually they were just crazy horror scenes, and he usually jerked awake right before he died, but recently his dreams had started to feature people he knew, too. Sometimes his friends were getting attacked along with Bokuto, but every now and then they were the villains of his dreams. They would tell him that they hated him or they would physically hurt him.
He knew his friends would never do anything like that, and he was fairly certain not of them hated him, but it was still hard to fall back asleep after seeing those images.
Bokuto cleared his throat. “Oh, yeah, um, I’ve been having a hard time sleeping.”
Kuroo snorted. “Well, yeah, I figured that much.” Bokuto quirked an eyebrow at him and Kuroo rolled his eyes. “Bo, it’s not exactly normal for people to call their friends at odd times early in the morning just for a chat.”
Bokuto laughed sheepishly. “Yeah, sorry about that, really.”
Kuroo shook his head. “No, I don’t mind. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
Bokuto nodded. “Yeah, I’ve just been having some nightmares is all. They keep me awake sometimes. I’m sure they’ll go away eventually. Then I can stop bugging you so much,” Bokuto teased, jabbing his elbow into Kuroo’s side. Kuroo jabbed him back and they went to sit down on a bench.
“What kind of nightmares are they?”
Bokuto’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected Kuroo to ask him that. “Oh, um, just the usual, I guess? Monsters, falling to my death, etc.”
Kuroo raised an eyebrow – the only eyebrow Bokuto could see with Kuroo’s ridiculous hairstyle (though who was Bokuto to judge). “Nothing else?”
Bokuto hesitated, but he eventually gave in. If he was going to bother his friend so much, he should at least be honest with him. “Well, usually there aren’t any people I know in the dreams. Recently, though, friends and family have been showing up. They’re getting worse, I think.”
Kuroo gave Bokuto a look of concern, but before he could ask any more questions Akaashi called them over to finish their game.
*****
Bokuto jerked awake in a panic. “Kuroo,” he croaked, sitting up in bed and scrambling for his phone. He almost fell out of the bed in his panic as he snatched his phone off the charger and called Kuroo. For the first time since he’d started calling his friend, he didn’t stop to think about if he’d be inconveniencing him or burdening him. He just had to talk to him, had to hear him, had to know he was okay.
Kuroo answered the phone the same way he always did. “Bo! Hey, how’s it going-“
“Kuroo!” Bokuto interrupted him, not caring that it was rude. “Kuroo, are you okay? Is everything okay? Are you-“
“Yes, Bokuto, I’m okay,” Kuroo said calmly, as if he didn’t understand, as if he didn’t realize how important this was – as if he didn’t know he was in danger – as if- “Are you okay, Bo? You sound like you’re crying.”
It was only then that Bokuto realized he was practically hyperventilating, tears and hiccups almost preventing him from breathing as his mind begged for confirmation that Kuroo was okay. “I’m- yes, I’m fine, Kuroo, are you- you were- I saw you die, Kuroo! You were- and I couldn’t- there was nothing-“
“Hey, hey,” Kuroo gently interrupted him. “I’m okay, just slow down and tell me what happened.” Bokuto heard shuffling on the other side of the phone, and he figured Kuroo was getting more comfortable in his bed, like he usually did when he figured the phone call would last a while.
Bokuto took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “I had a dream.”
“Okay. What happened in the dream?”
“I- you- we were at-“
“Stop. Stop, Bo. You have to calm down. There’s no rush. Just take a second, and talk when you’re ready, okay?”
Bokuto nodded, but when he remembered that Kuroo couldn’t see him, he mumbled an, “Okay,” and breathed, his mind racing to wrap itself around what happened in his dream. “Um, we were. We were at a store. I don’t know what store.”
“Okay.”
“We, um, we were looking at volleyball stuff. I think I was getting new kneepads.”
Kuroo snorted softly. “You probably wore yours out too much.”
Bokuto smiled briefly. “Yeah, probably. Then we, uh, we walked out of the store. We were in the parking lot.”
“Okay.” Bokuto was quiet for a moment, his heart rate cranking back up as he thought about what happened next in his dream. “Then what happened, Bo,” Kuroo prompted, keeping him from getting lost in his head.
“There was a man. He was older, kinda creepy looking. He had a gun.”
“What did he do?”
“He… He held up the gun, pointing it at us. He told us to give him all our money. We tossed him our wallets, but he didn’t leave.”
“What happened then?”
Kuroo sounded short of breath, but Bokuto didn’t linger on it. “He didn’t believe that that was all we had. He tried to grab me – wanted to search me for more money.” Bokuto hesitated to continue.
“Did he shoot you, Bo,” Kuroo whispered, trying to be gentle.
“No! No, you wouldn’t let him.”
“What do you mean, I wouldn’t let him? What did I do?”
“You- when he tried to grab me, you-“ Bokuto started breathing hard, on the verge of hyperventilating again. He couldn’t speak. All he could do was watch the scene in his mind over and over, like the worst broken record.
There was a sound at the window. Like a knock. Bokuto practically shrieked, his whole body jumping from the fear. He scooted away from the window, going a little too far and falling off his bed, dropping his phone in the process. Bokuto scrambled to right himself, his hands feeling along the ground for his phone as he stared wide-eyed at the window.
His fingers finally wrapped around his phone and he brought it back up to his ear. “Kuroo,” he whispered. “There’s someone at my window.”
He heard heavy breathing on the other side and an amused huff. “Yes, Bokuto, I know. I’m the person at your window.” Eyes going even wider than before, Bokuto squeaked and dropped his phone again. He raced around his bed to the window, throwing open the curtain to see Kuroo on the other side. Gasping at the sight of Kuroo clinging to his second story window, Bokuto opened the window as fast as he could and practically yanked Kuroo inside.
The second Kuroo was standing on the floor, Bokuto pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. “How could yOU DO THAT TO ME, KUROO, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A MONSTER!”
Kuroo huffed again in amusement and wrapped his arms around Bokuto. “Sorry, Bo, you just sounded really scared, so I thought I’d come over and help you out.”
Bokuto smiled for a second before scowling again and looking up at Kuroo. “How did you even get here so fast?”
Kuroo smirked. “I biked. I’m actually pretty awesome at it.” Kuroo’s smirk fell away as he noticed the tear tracks on Bokuto’s face, as well as how red and puffy it was. His thumbs wiped away the residual tears and pulled Bokuto over to the bed. “Are you okay, Bo?”
Bokuto’s cheeks heated. He hadn’t meant to worry Kuroo so much. “Yeah, I’m fine. I- you didn’t have to come all the way here, Kuroo, I would have been okay, I promise.”
Kuroo shrugged, not looking convinced that Bokuto was actually okay. “Eh, it’s not like it’s a burden to see one of my best friends.”
Bokuto shot a suspicious glance at his clock. “It’s three in the morning, Kuroo.”
He shrugged again. “So? Let’s have a sleepover or something.”
Bokuto shivered at the thought of going back to sleep. Kuroo seemed to catch on. “Or we could have an awake-over? We don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to.”
Bokuto didn’t want to be responsible for his friend losing any more sleep, but he definitely didn’t want to go back to sleep himself. Then he realized it wouldn’t be so bad to be awake in the dark if Kuroo was asleep where he could see him. “No, sleeping is fine.” He could just wait for Kuroo to fall asleep and then just stay awake by himself.
Kuro gave him a disbelieving look. “Okay,” he said slowly. He rearranged himself on the bed so that he was leaning his back against the headboard. “Are you sure? That dream sounded pretty bad.” Bokuto swallowed, remembering he hadn’t even told Kuroo the worst part. “What happened? After the guy tried to grab you, I mean. What did I do?”
Bokuto stared at the wall across from him, and he started shaking a little as he remembered what had happened. “Hey, hey, Bokuto, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me!” Kuroo tried to recover, but when he saw that Bokuto wasn’t calming down he cursed under his breath and pulled Bokuto into his arms. “Shhhh, it’s okay. Everything’s okay. You’re okay, and I’m okay, and everyone else is okay. It was just a dream.”
A stray tear slid down Bokuto’s face as he burrowed into Kuroo’s arms. “He tried to grab me, but you wouldn’t let him,” Bokuto whispered. “You knocked his hand away and stepped in front of me. He- his gun went off. On accident, I think.” Bokuto shivered again, turning his face into Kuroo’s chest, his friend’s shirt muffling the rest of his words. “You were on the ground and he ran off and you were bleeding and I couldn’t stop it and-“ He choked up, unable to finish.
“Oh, Bo…” Kuroo tightened his arms around Bokuto and ran his fingers through his hair to comfort him. “It’s okay. It didn’t happen. I’m fine, I promise.” Bokuto nodded, but the tears didn’t stop and he didn’t pull away.
Kuroo held him until they fell asleep. When Bokuto’s alarm went off, they woke up in the same position.
For those short few hours, Bokuto hadn’t had a nightmare.
*****
After that, Kuroo came over every time Bokuto called, no matter what the dream was about. Bokuto felt so guilty for it, but he couldn’t stop himself from calling. He was too selfish. When Kuroo was there, the dreams weren’t so bad, or weren’t even there at all. It felt so good to be held and to know he was safe.
One time, though, Bokuto didn’t call Kuroo, even though it was one of the really bad nights. The dream was horrible, and Bokuto was crying, and he wanted more than anything for Kuroo to be there. But he’d already called him three times that week. He couldn’t bring himself to call him any more than that. Kuroo had a life, and he had school and volleyball practice. When he stayed at Bokuto’s he had to leave for school 30 minutes earlier to not be late for practice. He started bringing clothes with him so he wouldn’t have to go back to his house in the morning. Not to mention, Kuroo needed sleep. It was usually around 3 a.m. when Bokuto called, and by that time Kuroo was usually already asleep.
And every time, Kuroo dragged himself out of bed and over to Bokuto’s house to hold him and wipe away his tears. Because Bokuto had a bad dream and didn’t want to be alone.
So Bokuto didn’t call him that night.
Just the same, around 3:15 there was a knock on his window. Bokuto had gotten used to it over the past few weeks, but this time he jumped in surprise, not expecting it since he hadn’t called Kuroo. Still, he went over to open the window. “Kuroo, what are you doing here,” he asked as the other boy climbed in his window.
“You didn’t call me,” Kuroo said.
“Yeah, exactly, so why are you here?” Kuroo gave him a weird look, so Bokuto backtracked. “Not that I don’t want you here! I’m just… confused?”
Kuroo was almost always smirking. Even when he wasn’t, he looked pretty laid back, all go-with-the-flow and whatnot. Right then, though, Kuroo was utterly serious. Not in the kind, gentle, ‘I’m here to help you’ sort of way that he got when Bokuto called him, but in a ‘this is very serious and I’m not playing with you’ kind of way that made Bokuto nervous. “You didn’t call me, but you’re awake.”
Bokuto swallowed and nodded. “Yeah… So?”
“You never call me more than a few times a week.” Bokuto nodded again. “But you have nightmares every night, don’t you?” Bokuto didn’t make a move to reply and Kuroo sighed harshly, grabbing Bokuto’s bicep in a firm grip. “Don’t you?”
Bokuto nodded sheepishly, a pit growing in his stomach as his confusion at Kuroo’s presence and expression intensified.
“So you have nightmares every night but you don’t call me every night. Why not, Bo?”
Bokuto sighed. He knew Kuroo wouldn’t let it go. The look in his eyes showed no sign of backing down without answers. “Because! You need sleep and you have a life and I don’t want to bother you! It’s not like it’s easy for you to come over here all the time. I don’t-“ Bokuto stared at the ground. “I don’t want to be even more of a burden than I already am, Kuroo.”
There was silence for a moment, and Bokuto practically wallowed in the embarrassment he felt. He was too afraid to look up at Kuroo, unsure what his reaction would be to what he said.
Then Kuroo hugged him.
“What- Kuroo-“
“Shut up and let me hug you, Bokuto.” For once, Bokuto actually did shut up. “You are not a burden. You can never bother me. It is not hard or difficult or annoying for me to come over here. Ever.” Kuroo pulled back a little to look Bokuto in the eyes. “And believe it or not I sleep better when I’m here anyways.”
Bokuto blinked, his eyes getting wider. “But- I- Um, okay?”
Kuroo rolled his eyes and plopped on the bed, maneuvering them into their usual position whenever Kuroo came over. Since Kuroo was usually just trying to comfort Bokuto and remind him that he wasn’t alone, they often ended up spooning because it was easier for Kuroo to hold him that way and they wouldn’t wake up with messed up backs. Kuroo buried his nose in Bokuto’s hair and exhaled softly. “Bokuto, I don’t think you realize, but I love it when you call me. It surprised me at first, but then I just looked forward to it. I was happy that you trusted me with something like this – that you would reach out to me.” Bokuto decided not to tell him that the first time he called was just because he didn’t want to bother Akaashi…
“I didn’t realize how bad your nightmares were. But then you had that nightmare about me and I came over and I realized how awful it was and,” Kuroo swallowed and took a breath, his nose still in Bokuto’s hair,” and then I spent every night you didn’t call me wondering if you were okay.” Bokuto’s entire body tensed against Kuroo’s as he was overcome with guilt at worrying his friend. “Wondering if you were asleep or if you were sitting here all by yourself, terrified and alone because you didn’t want to worry me or something.”
Kuroo tightened his arms around Bokuto and sighed. Bokuto felt his hot breath against the back of his neck. It shouldn’t have been as comforting as it was. The nightmare was long forgotten by then, but the fear he’d felt in the aftermath and the guilt of making Kuroo worry was still on his mind. Feeling Kuroo’s arms around him and his breath on his neck reminded him that his friend was there. He wasn’t alone. Kuroo made sure of it. Kuroo wanted to make sure of it.
As Bokuto’s body relaxed into Kuroo’s hold and they began to fall asleep, Bokuto promised himself that he would call Kuroo after every nightmare from there on out.
*****
Turns out Bokuto didn’t need to call Kuroo. After that night, Kuroo came over every night, whether Bokuto called or not. At first he was coming over around 3 in the morning, when Bokuto usually woke up from the first round of nightmares, but then he started getting there by midnight, before Bokuto had even fallen asleep. He still came in through the window, which amused Bokuto, and they quickly fell into a routine. Kuroo would knock on his window and Bokuto would let him in. They’d get changed into pajamas and brush their teeth. They’d joke around or finish homework or play a video game together, and then they’d crawl into bed, Kuroo holding Bokuto in his arms.
It was really nice, and Bokuto actually noticed his nightmares getting better and easier to deal with. There had even been a couple times where he’d managed to sleep through the whole night without a single nightmare. At least, not one he remembered, and not one that had woken him up.
The two of them didn’t talk about it. They didn’t talk about the spooning, or the fact that Kuroo was pretty much exclusively sleeping at Bokuto’s 7 nights a week. They didn’t talk about the tender way Kuroo held him, or the way that Kuroo would rock him in his arms when a really bad nightmare sent him shaking for half an hour. They didn’t talk about the way that Kuroo’s arms felt like home, or the fact that Bokuto had gotten so used to it that he didn’t think he’d be able to fall asleep without Kuroo holding him.
They didn’t talk about the fact that they fell asleep together and woke up together. They didn’t talk about their feet getting tangled together or Bokuto rolling over in the middle of the night so they woke up face to face ( they didn’t talk about Kuroo’s lazy smile in the morning when their first sight after waking was each other), or how normal that had become.
They didn’t talk about Sundays off from practice when they’d sleep in until almost noon, still wrapped up in each other’s arms. Sometimes they didn’t even sleep. They just lay there together, doing nothing, just wrapped up in each other.
They didn’t talk about any of it. And as much as Bokuto loved it – loved the closeness and the safety and the feeling of this is home – he knew it was slowly killing him.
Every night as he fell asleep in Kuroo’s arms, his nose in his hair and his breath on his neck and a foot wedged between his own, he told himself that they’d have to talk about it – that they couldn’t go on like this forever. But then he’d wake up in the morning to Kuroo’s rough voice whispering, “Hey,” and the two of them brushing their teeth together and Kuroo making fun of all the gel he put in his hair, and he’d convince himself, ‘ Tomorrow. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.’
They never talked about it tomorrow.
*****
After that first time, Bokuto didn’t really dream about Kuroo anymore. No more being mugged and Kuroo stepping in front of him, no more Kuroo protecting him with his own body like a human shield.
Until tonight.
Tonight Bokuto woke up with a gasp as his entire body shot up into a sitting position, his eyes darting to the corners of the room in search of attackers and an arm flinging out over Kuroo to protect him. His breathing was labored as he glared into the shadows, unable to see anything in the darkness, unable to make sure that Kuroo was safe.
“Bokuto,” Kuroo said quietly, gently, as he sat up and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, the other hand coming up to rest on Bokuto’s tensed bicep. “Bokuto, it’s okay, you’re safe.” Bokuto shook his head. Kuroo smiled softly at the subtle way of communicating that it wasn’t himself Bokuto was worried about. “Everyone else is safe, too, I promise. Your family, your friends – everybody is safe.”
Bokuto shook his head again, unable to vocalize his terror, afraid that saying it out loud would make it real. Kuroo’s eyebrows quirked in confusion, until he noticed Bokuto’s arm still protectively slung across his torso. “Oh,” he whispered before scooting closer to Bokuto, their thighs pressed together as Kuroo gently wrapped his hand around Bokuto’s protective arm, his head coming down to lean against Bokuto’s shoulder. “I’m okay, too, Bokuto. I’m perfectly fine. And I’m safe. I’m here with you. You’ll keep me safe like I keep you safe. We’ll both be okay.”
Bokuto swallowed. “Are you sure?”
Kuroo nodded, his forehead still on Bokuto’s shoulder. “I’m absolutely certain,” he whispered.
Bokuto slowly relaxed against Kuroo’s chest, his arm slowly coming down to his side as Kuroo wrapped his own arms around his chest, holding him tightly. “I’m sorry,” Bokuto whispered.
“No.” Kuroo’s voice was still gentle, but it was also firm now. “Don’t be sorry. If it’s any consolation, I’m flattered you’re so worried about me.” Bokuto could hear the smirk in Kuroo’s voice. He turned to glare at him, but it was too dark for either of them to make out the other’s face. “Hey,” Kuroo whispered, serious again. “I really don’t mind. I wouldn’t be here if I did.”
Bokuto took a deep breath. Now was as good a time as any. “Why are you here?”
“Hmm?” Kuroo asked. As if he hadn’t heard him perfectly clear.
“Why are you here? And don’t say it’s because we’re bros or something. Akaashi wouldn’t do this for me. He wouldn’t be here right now, even if I asked him to be.”
He could feel Kuroo swallow behind him, the head rested against his shoulder feeling heavy all of a sudden instead of relaxed. “I sort of thought it was obvious,” he said quietly. Nervously.
Bokuto didn’t like it when Kuroo sounded nervous.
“This is me we’re talking about here, Kuroo. Nothing’s obvious to me but volleyball.” Kuroo snickered as Bokuto turned to face him. They couldn’t see each other in the darkness, but he didn’t care. It felt more natural like this. He could still feel Kuroo’s leg against his and his hands on his arms and his breath against his face. He couldn’t see him, no. ‘But I can still feel you,’ he thought. ‘That’s good enough.’
Kuroo sighed. “I suppose that’s kind of true.” Bokuto could detect the smile in Kuroo’s voice, but he also knew it was a weak one. “I’m here because I care about you, Bo. And not just as a bro. Or a volleyball rival. Not just as a friend. Not like I care about Kenma, or like you care about Akaashi. Not like that.”
Bokuto swallowed. “Then what’s it like?” He thought he knew, thought it was becoming more obvious, but he wanted to hear Kuroo say it.
Kuroo huffed a laugh, but it didn’t sound right. It sounded bitter. Sad. Like he was already bracing for a rejection. Bokuto heard that laugh and decided he didn’t want to hear anything else. He didn’t need to. He quickly found Kuroo’s cheeks in the dark and pulled him in for a kiss.
When he pulled away, he was smiling. Kuroo had kissed him back. “Never mind,” he said. “I know what it’s like.” Then he kissed him again.
They kissed a long time, languid and sweet, until Kuroo pulled away with a yawn. “As wonderful as this is, Bo, we have volleyball practice in the morning.”
Bokuto groaned. “We always have volleyball practice.”
He could feel Kuroo smiling against his neck. “Is that a bad thing?”
Bokuto sighed. “Not usually…”
Kuroo laughed at his expense as he pulled him back down so they were lying together. They were facing each other. Though they’d woken up like this many times, they’d never started out this way. It had felt too intimate when their feelings were unspoken, unconfirmed. Bokuto couldn’t help but smile as he felt Kuroo’s breath against his face. For once he wasn’t worried about falling back asleep. Even if he had another nightmare, even if he woke up in the dark, Kuroo would still be there, holding him. ‘ I can still feel you. That’s enough for me.’
*****
The next morning, Bokuto woke up to Kuroo’s lazy smile, a rough, quiet, “Hey,” and, for the first time, a morning kiss. They brushed their teeth. They got dressed. Kuroo made fun of how much gel Bokuto put in his hair, and Bokuto pouted, saying that, “Not everybody can just wake up as beautiful as you do, Kuroo.”
“You do,” Kuroo told him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Every morning.”
When they were ready to go, Bokuto had walked Kuroo over to the window. Kuroo hopped up, about to leave, before turning back and pressing another kiss to Bokuto’s lips. “See you tonight,” he whispered against Bokuto’s lips. Then he left out the window.