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Dean had an idea. He had a plan. He had some feelings, too. But right now, he had his mind set on something. Seeing Cas all dressed up in that black jacket and those jeans when they went to that gay bar a few days ago gave him thoughts. One of which was to immediately get him more clothes like that. He wasn’t sure where he had gotten that outfit or when, or with who, because he had to be honest. Cas was brilliant and wonderful, but there was no way he didn’t get help dressing himself. The guy thought his trench coat was ok to wear with absolutely everything. It wasn’t that Dean didn’t like the coat, though. He really loved him wearing one because it was just so Cas. He didn’t miss it too much on Thursday night though, because the coat tails would have definitely blocked the amazing view those jeans provided. He had seen his angel wearing less, but his baggy, white boxers didn’t have the same flattering effect.
He added boxer briefs to the mental list he was putting together. He wondered how much Cas would be into it. He certainly hoped he would be at least as excited as Dean was about it. If not, he planned on just letting it go and taking it easy on him, but he hoped to Chuck that wouldn’t be the case.
There wasn’t a whole lot of convincing that needed to be done to get Cas to go shopping with him. They were friends. Best friends, even. Best friends went out and did things together, even in friendships that involved unrequited love. He had to tell himself it was definitely one sided, because he just wasn’t sure about Cas’ feelings. Sure, sometimes he did and said things that made Dean hope, but if it wasn’t a hundred percent certainty, then it was a no.
For now he focused his efforts on finding stores that had the kinds of clothes that Cas liked. The only problem was that his angel didn’t have a good idea of what kind of clothes he had any particular taste for other than for them to be utilitarian and comfortable and for Dean to think they looked nice, because of course he cared for Dean’s opinion. He was the human he had most contact with. There was nothing there to read into. Nothing at all.
They started off at a store that seemed to market to the very fashion savvy and Dean desperately wished he had Tan France’s help from Queer Eye. That guy was a genius and Dean envied him for his skills. He also may have a bit of a crush on him, but that was besides the point. He didn’t feel like he was being much help, just offering options and assuring Cas that he would surely look nice in anything.
That store was a bust. The next store they went to was almost on the opposing side of the spectrum in regard to their approach to clothing. There were a lot of racks of neutral colored polos, non-descript straight cut jeans, a surprising variety of khakis, and what seemed to be a wall of the same black, white and grey button up shirts. They walked out of that store pretty quickly.
The next few places had a few items that drew his angel’s interest, but they only bought one of those items. It was a celeste blue down jacket that made the color of Cas’ eyes stand out impossibly more.
Dean was losing hope. How did Tan make it look so easy? Dean could acknowledge that he liked men. Really liked men, and one man, slash angel particularly, so didn’t that give him some intuitive skill on dressing well and finding nice clothes? Right? Being gay, or at least a little gay, or in this case bi, or whatever he had read on the internet, was supposed to give him the power of fashion! That’s what tv had led him to believe and while he always turned his nose up at those stereotypes and refused to be put into a box of this is what queer looks like, right now he wished all those stupid stereotypes were true, or at least applied to him. Why didn’t he get the queer superpowers? Why did he just get the pining? He just wanted to help Cas out. Having an identity crisis right now wasn’t appropriate. He was on a mission.
He was about to declare the mall a bust when they simultaneously spotted a shop that seemed like a novelty clothing store in a secluded corner by a pretzel stand. They walked in and just by looking at the two mannequins that were modeled in the entrance of the store to be sitting cross legged on a picnic blanket, Dean could tell this place held some promise. As they walked between racks and walls, Castiel became more and more enthusiastic, and Dean encouraged him to pick out whatever he liked, relieved that they would be able to go home with more than just a new jacket.
His angel first picked up a pair of long socks that were speckled with tiny bee hives and held them up to inspect them, and then looked up at Dean as if to question if socks counted as clothing that he needed.
“Get whatever you want, Cas. Franklin Murphy is footing the bill.” He grinned.
It was like a dam broke because then his angel couldn’t be stopped. He picked out several pairs of soft and stretchy skinny jeans in various colors and washes, different styles of sweaters, sincere graphic t shirts, and flannel shirts that Dean decided he would be sharing because damn they were soft. Dean willingly followed with a permanent smile on his face, dutifully taking the clothes from Cas as he eagerly picked them out, building a pile in his arms until eventually he had to strain his neck to properly see his angel.
“Dean this store is so wonderful, I –”
Whatever Castiel was going to say was cut off when he scrambled to pull some of the clothes from Dean’s arms into his own grasp. He was pretty sure angels weren’t supposed to blush because their Grace regulated bodily functions like blood pressure and heart rate and all that jazz, but there Cas was, his ears tinged in red, and a soft pink creeping up his face that matched one of the pairs of socks that was sticking out of his pile.
“Dean I’m so sorry, I did not realize that I had burdened you with everything, I just got carried away I suppose. Let me take those, I am so sorry.” He awkwardly tried to balance everything he was already holding while reaching for Dean’s pile as well, but the hunter evaded his hands and maneuvered himself to get a hold underneath his angel’s arms and reclaim the colorful mess of fabrics.
“It’s not that heavy. I’m stronger than I look.” Dean nudged Cas with his shoulder, smiling brightly. The two of them had been able to spend a lot of quiet time like this together, just doing little things like shopping and reading and cleaning, and the hunter knew better than to take it for granted or let it go unappreciated.
“And hey, Cas, this,” he motioned with his chin at the clothes, “It isn’t a burden. It’s never a burden.” Castiel needed to be told again and again that Dean would do anything for him, no matter how small or how seemingly trivial. He would stand with him to bear the weight of the world and he would walk beside him to carry a heap of clothing.
His angel picked out a few more items before going to the fitting rooms to try everything on, as Dean advised.
One by one, he modeled everything he tried on for Dean, and in a sparked moment of nostalgia, he played music on his phone that Charlie surely would approve. When Cas came out in a bright orange sweater that had a picture of a smiling quokka on the front, he gave Dean a questioning tilt of his head.
“What?” He shrugged. “Montage!”
The next time he came out, he looked a bit perplexed. The flannel was clearly a size too big and the jeans didn’t seem to fit well either.
“I don’t understand. I picked the same size in everything.”
“Vanity sizing, man. Show me what those are, and I’ll go get something smaller.” He smiled at the clerk who was folding clothes on a shelf and excused himself to reach for the right sized flannel. She returned the smile and offered her help, but he assured her she didn’t need to trouble herself. He’d take care of Cas.
He didn’t notice her stealing admiring glances at him and Cas as he helped him find the right size, and with figuring out how to pair different items together.
As they were making their way to the register with their impressive haul, Cas stopped one more time to graze his fingers over a knit hat of a sock monkey. He pulled it on over his head and looked up at Dean with the barest hint of what could only be described as a dopey grin.
“What do you think?”
“I think it is ridiculous. And you should totally get it.”
And there it was. The rare gummy smile that showed off how perfect his angel’s teeth were. The smile that reached his eyes and made them crease softly at the corners. It was like the first sunrise after a long Northern winter.
Castiel stepped to be able to wrap his arms around Dean from the side, seeing as he wouldn’t be able to reach all the way around him with all those clothes in the way.
The same clerk from earlier was standing at attention, waiting for them at the register.
“You’re so lucky to have such a sweet, supportive partner! Mine isn’t nearly as good at taking me shopping as yours is. Her arms don’t hold nearly as many flannels.” She said to Castiel, still smiling brightly.
Dean blanched, not sure what to say. How many more times were they going to be mistaken for a couple? What was he missing that apparently every stranger and their mom saw? He debated on correcting her, but before he could, Castiel brushed his hand over Dean’s shoulder with a subtler smile than before. Dimples and teeth were reserved for Dean.
“Thank you. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner, you are right.”
“How long have you guys been together?”
“For the better part of nine years. He makes this life much easier.”
“It makes me so happy to see you guys out like this. My partner and I used to feel like we had to be so careful, living in Kansas, but it has gotten easier. I’m totally going to tell her about you guys!”
Once again, instead of correcting her, Dean decided he wouldn’t take away the solidarity and comfort someone else got from seeing a couple they thought they connected with. He guessed Cas was on the same page.
Dean helped Cas put his new wardrobe away in his closet and dresser, folding and hanging everything neatly and finding the right place for it all. He came across the monkey hat, and he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He had to know what Cas was thinking when he went along with the girl at the store’s assumption.
“Partners for nine years, huh?”
Cas looked up from the olive-green canvas sweatshirt he was folding.
“We always present ourselves as partners. Although we were not in suits or did not present badges, so I am unsure how she got to that conclusion. But I felt a version of the truth was easier than coming up with a falsehood.”
He could distinguish the exact moment that his chest felt like it tightened its hold on his heart and a lump threatened to form in his throat. Of course. It had been a misunderstanding. Cas thought she meant they were partners as in agents, not romantic partners. How could he have been so stupid?
“Thank you for today. I know I already said it, but you truly do make this life on Earth so much better. I never thought I would prefer it here to Heaven, but I could never find it in myself to go back. So, thank you, Dean. For everything.”
“Yeah. Of course. No problem.” Once he was sure his voice wouldn’t crack, he continued. “And you know…you’ve made my life better these last nine years, too.”
When would Dean be brave enough to say everything he had already said, but in three little words instead? If people kept thinking they were together, surely, he could find what everyone else was seeing, and maybe Cas would eventually see it, too.