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Robert fixes his tie in the mirror of their en-suite bathroom and gives himself a last look over. Today is his wedding day. Although he and Chrissie got married and he and Aaron wed too, this day feels like a first. He is legally pledging himself to the man he loves, not in a church but at a registry office. It doesn't matter to either of them where they do it, be it there, a garage or a pub, as long as everyone they hold dear gets to see how truly committed they are. Robert's committed to other things too. He's committed to making Aaron happier than ever before, to talking openly, to making sure there's a good old party after the legal stuff is over with and even to get his husband to dance again.
Music has always been a part of Robert's life in some shape or form. With Pat dying when Robert was just a few months old, he never got the opportunity to get to know her face to face. Instead, he had to rely on others, their memories and their stories to help him feel connected. He often felt untethered, like the idea of her as his mum was a concept he couldn't quite grasp. Jack tried his best, in his own way, but it was his grandmother, Annie, who gave him the best insight. Once, as a little boy, a song came on the radio. He wasn't paying much attention, but she was and Annie sat him down.
“One of your mum's favourites, that,” she said sagely, patting his hand. “She loved music. She used to play it to you when you were still in her tummy. S'pose ya wouldn't remember that, eh?”
He remembers now shaking his head. After that, he'd always wondered when a song came on from that band, that era, if she'd like it.
His memories are clearer as he got older – meeting Sarah and so desperately wanting a mother figure he'd so cruelly been deprived of in his then short life. Sarah was usually too busy for music, what with a farm to help with and everything else she was involved in. Books were more her thing until she'd set about baking biscuits in the kitchen and she would put a CD on to keep her company. It was before Victoria, so when a song she particularly enjoyed came on, Robert pretended he didn't like it when she'd grab him by the hands and twirl him round and round. Eventually, he'd be laughing and she would too, her face lit up like she felt truly free. On his darkest days, he imagines her listening to that CD, being free,and it helps ease the pain.
It's maybe because of this that music fell by the wayside for Robert a long time afterwards; picking up when Katie arrived into his (and Andy's) life. He'd had moments of relating songs to other people, past relationships like Donna and Nicola, but nothing ever as strongly felt to that point as Katie. Ill-advised maybe, but neither of them could deny the feelings they had and it was the first time he knew how to be romantic. He had something of a talent for it or a reputation some might say, but setting the mood in a caravan on a cold winter's night was worth it for Katie's smile and what came later, candlelight burnishing her hair gold.
Fast forward to Chrissie and Robert had honed his skills – as a businessman and a potential partner. Not all was good, but not all was bad either and following many dinners in restaurants and holidays away, he married her in the village where he was born. Returning was supposed to signal a new chapter for him, but he barely remembers the reception and whether they had a song and that's extremely bittersweet. Old habits resurfaced, regardless of the person they were directed at having turned his world upside down. In another life, being the person he is now, maybe he could've made her properly happy instead.
He's glad he doesn't have to have such regrets with Aaron as, for a lot of it, he has become the person he is because of Aaron and his guidance. He doesn't regret marrying him the first time and he definitely won't regret this time to make it legal, despite a lot of the previous year being soul-crushingly hard. He nor Aaron would've made Adele their first choice, but it was pretty perfect to hear it bookend their reunion at the start of the year. It's a song that's been on a journey with him and that makes it okay when Aaron pretends to refuse it. They know what it means really.
“Robert, come on! Stop faffing!” Vic yells up the stairs of the Mill as she impatiently waits for him. “You don't want Aaron thinking you've jilted him, do ya?”
Putting past losses back in the boxes of his mind, Robert scoffs at his little sister and calls that he's coming. He stayed at the Mill last night whilst Chas took in Aaron to the pub, forcing him to try on a little tradition for size and he no doubt grumbled about it the whole time. Seeing Vic's face as he emerges is worth it. If Aaron looks half as proud then Robert can class it as a good day.
“Oh, Rob,” she says, choked. “You look lovely.”
“Thanks,” he grins then tuts when she flaps her hands in front of her eyes, blinking back tears. “Ah, don't be daft!”
“You're gonna make me ruin my makeup,” she laughs wetly, letting Robert tug her in for a warm hug. He thinks of Pat and their mum, of previous girlfriends and wife, and breathes in, ready. Vic lifts her head from his chest and smiles. “Let's get you hitched...again.”
---
They did it.
He and Aaron are married and now they have the paperwork to prove it. As they stand outside in the darkness, taking a moment for themselves to let the big day sink in, Robert feels in his heart that this is right. He's being himself and he's with the person he wants by his side for the rest of his life. It doesn't matter what's gone on before. Love and loss and drama have all informed who he is. It's the same for Aaron and he wouldn't want him any other way.
At that thought, Robert has to pull Aaron closer and his heart does a joyful little flip as his husband doesn't question it, ending up in Robert's arms with his chin on his shoulder. The party is starting to wind down with a playlist of romantic, slow songs that no doubt Vic had a hand in, but he can't find it in himself to mind too much. One ballad changes into another, muffled harmonies and piano carrying over to them and Robert starts to gently sway, thinking he's getting away with it before Aaron squeezes his waist and Robert tucks his face down into his neck with a grin.
“Can we call this slow dancing now?” he teases because they managed to shirk any attempts to get them to have a first dance in public again. Aaron argued it wouldn't be a first anyway because they were already married before today in everything but names on a piece of paper.
“Over my dead body,” Aaron mumbles, no heat. “We're standing. In the dark.”
“With Take That singing about love songs,”
This is so cheesy,” he sighs.
“Adele's not so bad now, eh?” Robert chuckles. “But maybe we can call this one our song instead? It is a million love songs in one after all. See what I did there?”
Aaron scoffs, but doesn't give him a definitive answer.
It's alright; Robert will dance – no, stand – with Aaron as anything plays in the background.
They've got the rest of their lives to agree on 'their song'.