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Ichimatsu stood paralyzed in shock, staring down at his older brother’s terrifyingly still form. He did nothing but look for the first few seconds after his discovery, seeing but not comprehending that Karamatsu was lying on the floor, unmoving, deep cuts on his blood-soaked arms, and he’s not breathing, Karamatsu’s not breathing-
Ichimatsu dropped down to his knees, mouth opening to let out a scream but only able to release a pathetic whimper as he reached a hand out to touch one of his brother’s hands that was lying in the center of the pooling blood. Oh God, there was so much blood. When Ichimatsu’s hand touched Karamatsu’s, it was cold as ice. The numb feeling of shock that had befallen Ichimatsu when he’d found his brother was soon replaced by a bone-deep panic, and he nearly doubled over with the force of it.
“Karamatsu?” Ichimatsu choked out. “Karamatsu-nii-san?!” He said, louder this time, his voice a high, shrill pitch he’d never heard from himself before, born of sheer terror and desperation.
Suddenly, Karamatsu’s head moved to look straight up at him. Ichimatsu jerked back, surprise overtaking him only for a second before he reacted. “Karama-“
Whatever words he was going to say died instantly in his throat as he took in the sight before him.
Karamatsu’s expression was one Ichimatsu had never thought Karamatsu even capable of making, let alone one that would ever be directed at him as it was now. His eyes were narrowed in a venomous glare, mouth downturned and face contorted with utter contempt and disgust.
Karamatsu sat up abruptly and raised his arms up as if to show them off, blood still dripping from the slashes onto the floor and further widening the sizable puddle of blood beneath them. “Do you know who did this, Ichimatsu?”
Ichimatsu’s breath caught. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t dislodge the lump in his throat.
“Do you? ” Karamatsu snapped aggressively.
Fear and confusion clouded Ichimatsu’s mind. What was happening? This couldn’t really be Karamatsu talking to him like this. This couldn’t be Karamatsu who was looking at him as if he despised him.
“Don’t act like you care now, Ichimatsu. I see right through your bullshit. You think your brother has no feelings, do you? You think nothing ever gets to your shitty, painful older brother?” Karamatsu sneered, teeth bared. “Or maybe you know about my pain, and you just don’t give a fuck? I’m sure that’s it. I’m replaceable. I’m nothing to you. You don’t care about me and neither do our brothers. You wouldn’t care if I disappeared. That’s why I’m giving you what you want, what you’ve made it clear you’ve wanted all this time. You did this. You killed me. You killed your big brother, Ichimatsu.”
“No… K- Karamats…” Ichimatsu’s face was streaming with tears, head bowed down as despair overwhelmed him. He reached out for Karamatsu’s hand again.
Karamatsu let him. When Ichimatsu lifted his head up to look at his brother, Karamatsu’s face had changed drastically. He looked much more like the Karamatsu he knew, a gentle and kind yet heartbreakingly sad smile on his pale face. The sight only made Ichimatsu sob harder.
“It’s ok, Ichimatsu. Please don’t cry, my precious little brother. It’s better this way. I want nothing more than for you and our brothers to be happy, and if that means I must disappear, then so be it.”
Ichimatsu shook his head violently, hand gripping Karamatsu’s even tighter. He couldn’t see anything any longer as tears overwhelmed his vision.
“Goodbye, Ichimatsu. I love you.”
Karamatsu’s hand squeezed his before it went limp, his body falling back down to the floor with a sickening thump.
“No! Karamatsu-nii-san, please! Don’t die!” Ichimatsu threw himself down onto his brother, clutching his body and frantically pushing his ear to Karamatsu’s chest.
There was no heartbeat. He had stopped breathing.
“Karamatsu! Karamatsu-nii-san! NII-SAN!”
Ichimatsu shot up, drenched in sweat and heart beating rapid and loud in his ears. His breathing came fast and hard, his face wet with tears. He tore the covers of the futon off of himself, stumbling to his feet and rushing to the bathroom as fast as his trembling legs could take him, the thought of simply checking the space beside him for his second oldest brother never once occurring to him in his panicked state of mind.
He finally reached the bathroom and wrenched the door open, fully expecting to discover his brother’s dead body lying there. He found nothing.
Ichimatsu couldn’t even make it to the toilet. His body crumpled to the ground and he threw up all over the floor. He threw up until he had nothing left inside of him. Once he was finally finished he forced himself to sit up and close the door, curling up into the fetal position against it. He sat there, unable to stem the flow of his tears, willing himself to calm down as he attempted to stifle his sobs in the fabric of his pajamas.
He wasn’t sure how much time passed before he finally felt up to moving from his spot up against the door, his mind tormenting him with all the images and details he remembered from his vivid nightmare that had felt all too real.
He forced himself to stand, feeling utterly emotionally burnt out and having finally run out of tears. He splashed cold water on his face until he felt half human again, dried off and left the bathroom. His heart rate picked up again when it occurred to him that he might have woken one of his brothers up with his breakdown. He released a breath he hadn’t known he was holding once he got back to their shared room and saw that all five of them were accounted for and sleeping soundly.
His breath caught again when his eyes landed on Karamatsu, still fast asleep. He’s safe. He’s right there, alive and unharmed, he hadn’t tried anything, he hadn’t tried to-
Ichimatsu looked away, squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn't think about that nightmare anymore. He never wanted to think about it again.
He padded to his spot in the futon as softly as he could and slipped back under the covers, flipping his pillow over since it was soaked wet from his tears.
He lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling. There was no way he was going to attempt sleep after that.
Unwillingly, Ichimatsu’s mind wandered back to his horrific dream.
He was being stupid. It was just his sick mind fucking with him. There was no way Shittymatsu was suicidal. Nothing he or any of their other brothers said or did ever bothered him. He was the most disgustingly confident and narcissistic person Ichimatsu knew. A painful guy like that couldn’t possibly be suffering, let alone suicidal.
… Right?
- - -
Despite his anxious thoughts and fears, Ichimatsu ended up falling into a fitful sleep after staring at the ceiling for what had felt like hours.
He was in a hazy state in between sleep and wakefulness when he was abruptly jolted awake to a distant cry of “What the hell? That’s so fucking gross!”
Ichimatsu groaned as he opened his eyes blearily. He had a massive headache that felt like someone had stuck a knife in his brain and left it there. The way he felt, he wouldn’t mind if somebody did just that.
Unfortunately, Ichimatsu was not going to be put out of his misery today. There was the sound of stomping footsteps coming closer until the sliding door to the bedroom was opened forcefully. A furious looking Todomatsu stood on the other side. “Which one of you disgusting pieces of shit blew chunks all over the bathroom floor and didn’t even bother to clean it up?”
“Tot-ty,” whined Osomatsu, who sat up and turned to face the youngest brother with narrowed eyelids still heavy from sleep. “What are you talking about? Did you throw up and now you’re trying to pin it on someone else so you don’t have to clean it up? Take responsibility.”
“Really, Todomatsu? You threw up? I understand if you’re feeling sick, but the least you could do is take care of it yourself," Choromatsu said as he shoved back the covers and stood facing Totty, frowning in disapproval.
“Totty! Clean up your mess!” Jyushimatsu chimed in.
Todomatsu stomped his foot angrily and pointed a finger at them. “It wasn’t me, you degenerates!” He placed his hands on his hips. “Where do any of you get off accusing me of that? I don’t care who did it! All I know is somebody needs to clean the bathroom, and it sure as hell isn’t gonna be me!”
Osomatsu raised an eyebrow and looked around the room at them all. “Well? Any volunteers?”
Naturally, nobody said a thing.
“Well, it’s a good thing I have a solution that’ll work for all of us. You guys are lucky to have such a smart and capable nii-san.”
With that, Osomatsu got to his feet and strode over to where Karamatsu still lay sleeping. He placed his foot on Karamatsu’s side and gave a hard push that rolled him to lying on his front.
Karamatsu’s head rose from the pillow, blinking slowly to adjust his eyes to the light and looking slightly disoriented. “Wha-? Osomatsu?”
“Yep, that’s the one. Listen, Karamatsu, nii-san needs you to do him a huuuge favor. Actually, all your baby brothers do, too. You think you’re up for it?”
A grin instantly appeared on Karamatsu’s face. “Why, of course, my dear brother. Whatever it may be- anything, anything at all, I will move mountains to accompli-”
“Yeah, yeah, we got it, Karamatsu. Do you mind not being so painful so early in the morning? You’re killing your big brother, you know that?” Osomatsu said, teasing smile in place.
The words were completely normal, so insignificant and commonplace that it wasn’t even worth noting, and yet Ichimatsu felt his stomach lurch violently.
“You think nothing ever gets to your shitty, painful older brother? ”
“You killed me. You killed your big brother, Ichimatsu.”
Ichimatsu curled up on his side, not unlike how he sat in the bathroom the night before after he threw up. He buried his face in his pillow and willed the memory of the dream away. All he wanted was to forget.
“... So you’ll do it, right?” Ichimatsu tuned back into the conversation that had gone on during the rush of unpleasant memories going on in his head.
“If my youngest brother is not feeling well, then it is my natural duty to provide for him whatever he needs! Consider it done,” Karamatsu said way too cheerfully.
Osomatsu clapped Karamatsu on the shoulder and Ichimatsu could hear the wide smile in his voice as he said, “Great, thanks! Well, you know where the bathroom is. Get to it, I gotta take a piss soon or else I’m gonna explode.”
Ichimatsu heard the sound of Karamatsu's footsteps fade as he walked out of the room, not having voiced a single protest or shown any hesitation despite the unpleasant task ahead of him.
Suddenly, Ichimatsu was irrationally angry; finally, an emotion he was familiar with when it came to Karamatsu. Why didn’t that shitty dumbass ever stand up for himself? Who the fuck goes to do something as unpleasant as cleaning up vomit with such enthusiasm? It made no sense. Karamatsu made no sense.
Time passed. Karamatsu cleaned up the mess in the bathroom and everyone went about getting ready to face the day. Of course, that never meant much for them, as most of their days were spent lazing around doing absolutely nothing of value whatsoever.
On the surface this day seemed just like any other, but for Ichimatsu, it couldn’t have felt more different.
He started noticing things. Things he had never bothered to pay attention to before, things he had brushed off as normal and inconsequential but now made him nearly stick to his stomach to watch.
Karamatsu saying something painful and the others ignoring him. Seemingly only being acknowledged to be teased and criticized about his fashion, the way he talked, his personality. Memories of times when Karamatsu was in danger and nobody cared, when everyone assumed he would be just fine and the danger wasn’t real or serious because it was Karamatsu were coming to the forefront of his mind. Shitty things happened to Karamatsu all the time and he always came out just fine, nothing ever fazed him, Ichimatsu could (and does) treat him like he’s the scum of the Earth and he wouldn’t be affected at all.
So why then, after all this time, did seeing and remembering all these instances of Karamatsu being ridiculed, ignored, and forgotten make his nightmare seem less like a figment of his imagination and more like an omen?
As the day went on and Ichimatsu witnessed more and more of his brothers’ treatment of Karamatsu, he grew increasingly more frustrated and upset.
Why? Why wouldn’t Karamatsu stand up for himself? Why wouldn’t he do anything for himself? Ichimatsu couldn't think of a single time that Karamatsu had ever stood up for himself, had ever defended himself from their unasked for opinions about the way he talked and dressed; he had never once demanded to be heard when he was blatantly ignored, never yelled at them to listen, to care. He never got upset with them, never even showed signs of irritation. He took everything in stride, and it made Ichimatsu so fucking angry.
That’s when he made a decision. If Karamatsu refused to show how he really felt, then Ichimatsu would just have to force it out of him.
That night, as his brothers were preparing to leave for Chibita’s stand, Ichimatsu informed them that he was going to stay home this time.
“Ichimatsu-nii-san… are you ok?” Jyushimatsu asked in an uncharacteristically worried tone. “You’ve been really quiet all day and you don’t look so good. Did something happen?”
“I’m fine, Jyushimatsu. I just don’t really feel up to going anywhere today.”
It used to be that it wasn’t rare for him to not feel up to leaving home, but he had been getting better lately. He wasn’t surprised that Jyushimatsu had noticed something was off. It didn’t help that he really did look like shit today, either.
“Ok… if you say so. I’ll bring back some oden for you!” Jyushimatsu’s said, his trademark grin returning.
On the way out alongside his brothers, Karamatsu briefly laid a hand on Ichimatsu’s shoulder and squeezed in a gesture of reassurance. Ichimatsu tried not to let that make him feel guilty for what he was about to do. Not yet, at least.
Once everyone was gone, Ichimatsu took a deep breath and dug up the leftover familiar frustration and anger from the day to remind himself of why he was doing this.
Steeling his resolve, he began heading back in the direction of the brothers’ shared room.
- - -
“We’re back!” Ichimatsu heard Osomatsu call out from the front door. He didn’t get up from his spot in the corner of the brothers’ room to greet them. He wanted to make sure he was there to see Karamatsu’s reaction to what he’d done.
To make sure he wouldn’t have an excuse not to take his anger out on him.
“That really hit the spot. I was starving,” That was Choromatsu. His voice sounded close.
Ichimatsu felt his heart skip a beat when he heard Karamatsu’s voice, this time undoubtedly right outside the room’s sliding door. “Indeed, brother. My taste-buds have been rejuvenated with vig-”
The door slid open and Karamatsu’s voice died out mid-sentence. Confused, the brothers behind him looked over his shoulders to check what the delay was and their mouths gaped open.
There, lying in the middle of the floor was Karamatsu’s guitar. Or rather, what was left of it.
It had been smashed to pieces. The wood was scattered, the strings cut apart. It was unsalvageable.
Ichimatsu could see Karamatsu’s face from where he was, but it was unreadable.
“Oi… what the hell happened?” Osomatsu demanded. He was the first to move, pushing forward and passed Karamatsu who stood still as a statue. Todomatsu and Choromatsu continued to stare at the destroyed instrument, Todomatsu’s hands covering his mouth.
“Why is Karamatsu-nii-san’s guitar broken?” Jyushimatsu sounded confused and bit upset, poking his head out from behind Karamatsu.
That seemed to break Karamatsu out of his trance. Ichimatsu saw Karamatsu clench one fist, yet still his expression remained carefully blank and his stance rigid. Slowly, he relaxed his hand and un-tensed his shoulders, breathing in deeply.
“Ichimatsu… what happened to my guitar?” Karamatsu asked, his tone calm and composed as he stepped closer to where Ichimatsu sat in his corner.
How could he still be staying stubbornly calm at a time like this? Ichimatsu felt his irritation flare up.
“What do you think happened, Shittymatsu?” he bit out. A barely imperceptible flinch broke Karamatsu’s illusion of calm briefly.
Good. This is what he wanted. He wanted- no, needed Karamatsu to lose control.
Osomatsu took a step forward, actually looking angry. “Ichimatsu, what the fuck? This is too far, even for you.”
“Yeah, Ichimatsu-nii-san, this is-” Todomatsu was cut off by Karamatsu raising his hand up.
“Brothers… please. I appreciate your support, but go on to the bath house without us tonight. Ichimatsu and I can handle this ourselves.”
Osomatsu balked. “But-”
“Osomatsu, please.”
Osomatsu looked back and forth between the two of them and sighed dramatically. “Ok, if you’re sure. Just try not to kill each other while we’re gone, kay?”
He patted Karamatsu’s shoulder and corralled the rest of the brothers out after gathering their things, leaving only Ichimatsu and Karamatsu alone in the room.
Ichimatsu waited. Was Karamatsu finally going to blow? He leaned forward in anticipation of what Karamatsu would do next.
Karamatsu came closer, and closer, until he was standing over Ichimatsu where he sat. He crouched down in front of him.
He raised his arm up and-
Rested his hand on top of Ichimatsu’s head.
“Ichimatsu, was Jyushimatsu right? Did something happen? You’ve been worrying me today. Far quieter than usual, and now it seems you were upset enough to break something. You know you can talk to me, right?”
Ichimatsu was stunned. Completely floored. This was not the reaction he’d wanted at all, and yet, he should’ve expected it. Only fucking Karamatsu would worry about the emotional wellbeing of someone who had just destroyed one of his most prized possessions on purpose as long as that someone was his little brother.
Of fucking course.
Ichimatsu shoved Karamatsu’s hand off of his head and stood up, fists clenched. “Are you fucking kidding me? What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?”
Karamatsu looked confused. “What do you mean? I’m fine, I-”
“No you’re fucking not! I smashed your stupid shitty guitar on purpose! I did it specifically to upset you! To make you feel like shit. Doesn’t that bother you?!”
Karamatsu stepped back, eyebrows furrowed. “Well, yes, it bothers me when you’re troubled, brother. I want to help in any way I can.”
Ichimatsu barked a humorless laugh. “You’re unbelievable. Fucking insane, you know that? You should want to scream at me for doing something so awful to you, my own brother. Why aren’t you mad? You should be punching me! Hit me, Karamatsu! Hit me! I fucking deserve it! I’m trash! I’m less than trash, I’m scum! Why can’t you see that?”
Karamatsu’s eyes flashed, finally showing signs of being genuinely upset for the first time. “Don’t say those things about yourself, Ichimatsu. It’s not true. And I could never hurt you.”
Ichimatsu couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so outraged. He felt angry tears gathering in his eyes. “You finally get upset, and it’s not even for yourself? I refuse to believe it’s possible to be this fucking selfless! What is wrong with you?! There’s no way you never get mad about the way we treat you! The way I treat you! Why don’t you tell us when you get upset? H-how the fuck are we supposed to know when we g-go too far and hurt you? How are we s-supposed to know if you need h-help?”
At that point, uncontrollable tears were rolling down Ichimatsu’s face and sobs were ripping their way out of his chest against his will. He furiously wiped his eyes and glared at Karamatsu, who looked stunned and extremely alarmed.
“Ichimatsu? What are you talking about? I don’t understand. Where is this coming from?”
Ichimatsu backed up until his back hit the wall and he slid down until he was sitting, burying his face in his arms as he cried. Once again, memories of his nightmare came unbidden into his tortured mind.
“I’m nothing to you.”
“I’m replaceable.”
“You don’t care about me.”
“You wouldn’t care if I disappeared.”
“You did this.”
“Goodbye, Ichimatsu. I love you.”
A hand squeezing his before it goes limp and lifeless, ghostly pale, cold skin, a heart that’s stopped beating, he’s not breathing, he’s not breathing, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe-
“Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu, come back to me! What’s wrong?” A panicked voice pierced through the memories and yanked Ichimatsu’s consciousness back into reality. He realized he’s hyperventilating, his heart pounding erratically, and he couldn't move, couldn't do anything but sit there and try desperately to breathe as the room spun around him.
He felt hands on his face as Karamatsu kept talking. “Ichimatsu, my baby brother, Ichimatsu, you’re going to be ok, I promise you.
“Ichimatsu, it's ok, I’m ok, I'm not going anywhere.
“Ichimatsu, breathe with me. In, and out. In, out..."
Ichimatsu kept gasping in frantic breaths, desperately trying to match the pattern of steady breathing that Karamatsu was setting for him, until finally, eventually, his episode began to pass. His breathing and heartbeat slowed back to normal, leaving him shaken.
Once Ichimatsu had started showing signs of calming down, Karamatsu wrapped Ichimatsu in his arms and sobbed, squeezing him tightly to his chest.
“Ichimatsu… Oh God, are you ok? I don’t understand. You have to tell me what’s been going on with you right now. Please.”
Karamatsu pulled back, hands remaining placed on Ichimatsu’s shoulders as he looked him in the eye and awaited an explanation.
Ichimatsu reached up, intending to brush Karamatsu’s hands off but instead ended up gripping them tightly, allowing himself to be reassured by the feeling of life’s warmth keeping Karmatsu alive and here with him.
“K-Karamatsu. I want to ask you something, and I need you to give me your honest answer. Promise me.”
Karamatsu blinked, surprised. “Oh… of course I promise, brother.”
“Ok, good.” Ichimatsu took a deep breath. “How do you feel about the way we treat you?”
Karamatsu’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“You know damn well what I mean. We ignore you, call you painful, don’t do anything about it when you get yourself in dangerous situations.”
Karamatsu’s expression was contemplative. “Well… I won’t lie to you, Ichimatsu. I have felt... hurt in the past by some of my brothers’ actions. But I really don’t mind it when you all call me painful! I know that you all prefer me to be myself even if I can be annoying. And I don’t get ignored all the time… as for the danger part… Ah, well, that’s ok, too. I’m sure none of you really thought I was in any danger of dying!”
Ichimatsu frowned. Was it really ok? Was Karamatsu really telling the truth? He found it hard to believe that someone’s self-esteem wouldn’t get at least a little affected by getting the same shit that gets thrown at Karamatsu on a daily basis…
“... and it’s fine that you guys don’t care as much about me as you do about each other. I don’t mind it. All I care about is my darling brothers getting the love and attention they deser-”
Ichimatsu, shocked out of his reverie, shoved his hand over Karamatsu’s mouth. “Stop. Shut the fuck up. What did you just say?”
Ichimatsu removed his hand so that Karamatsu could speak. “I… said that I just want my brothers to get the love and atte-”
“No, Shittymatsu, before that.”
Karamatsu’s smile became a bit sad and no, nope, this was not going on one second longer.
“Karamatsu… nii-san. You really think we don’t care about you at all?” Ichimatsu really didn’t even have the right to be upset or surprised about that, but he couldn’t help it. None of them had ever thought…
But maybe that was the problem.
“Non, non, brother. I know that you all care for me as a sibling, but I’m no fool. It is clear as day to me that you all simply have a stronger bond with each other than with me, and I understand! As we grew, our personalities have just begun to clash too much. It’s not my fault nor is it yours either, Ichimatsu. There is no need to worry.”
Ichimatsu shook his head. He could sense the tears coming already, and he was sick of crying so he’d have to clear this up quickly because this was bullshit that couldn’t be allowed to continue.
“Karamatsu, it’s… it’s not true that we… I mean, we all care equally. About each other. I couldn’t… if something actually happened to you, I’d… we’d…” Ichimatsu growled in frustration. He wasn’t good at this. He didn’t know how to get across what he wanted to say.
Karamatsu’s eyes had widened during Ichimatsu’s struggle, but he simply put on an infuriatingly fake smile. “It’s ok, Ichimatsu. There is no need to spare my feelings. This is something I’ve come to terms with, and-”
“No! It’s not fucking ok! It’s not true, Karamatsu! We just… you never stand up for yourself or let yourself be seen being... vulnerable. At all. We end up taking your kindness for… I mean, we end up taking advantage of your k-kindness and… it’s fucking stupid but we never really thought of you as someone who could be hurt. We never think of you as someone who needs anyone’s help, and you never fucking tell us anything so we can’t help you and we get into this- this mindset that nothing can touch you. That you don’t need any protecting or anything because you’re not vulnerable or selfish like the rest of us. I want- I need you to tell us if you need help. If you’re feeling like shit. I can’t deal with the th- thought of losing you Karamatsu-nii-san. Don’t let yourself fade away from us. You’re one of us. We’re not whole without you.”
By the end of Ichimatsu’s rant, he was looking down and away from Karamatsu with his eyes squeezed shut, which had been in an effort to make the incredibly embarrassing but necessary words come more easily to him. He looked up.
Karamatsu’s mouth had dropped open, shock plain on his face. They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, Ichimatsu growing increasingly uncomfortable, when suddenly Karamatsu burst into tears.
Ichimatsu flinched. “K-Karamatsu?”
“I-I’m sorry, Ichimatsu, I-I just, I had no idea you f-felt this way, I… I had no idea-” Karamatsu cut himself off with a sharp sob, putting his face in his hands as he cried even harder.
Ichimatsu reached out- and hesitated. He realized he wanted to hug Karamatsu, which was not only a foreign feeling to him but he didn’t know how to approach something like this-
Before Ichimatsu could work himself up much about it, Karamatsu made the decision for him. He felt his older brother's arms around his shoulders and a wet snotty face push against his neck. Ichimatsu surprised himself when he found that not only did he not mind, but he returned the hug after only a second's hesitation, and then Ichimatsu was hugging his second oldest brother for the first time in years.
Karamatsu wasn’t crying for long; he seemingly forcibly got ahold of himself, sniffling and pulling back and looking like he wanted to say something. Ichimatsu waited.
“Brother, I first want you to know that I appreciate what you’ve told me more than you’ll ever know, and… since you feel so strongly about it, I promise that I will not neglect myself so much any longer. But first, I do have a question for you.”
Ichimatsu dipped his head in acknowledgement, waiting.
“What… exactly brought this on? You've never showed such concern for me before and it’s only been since this morning that you’ve been acting so strangely. What changed?”
Ichimatsu looked away and closed his eyes in thought. Did he really want to relive the nightmare?
Maybe it would help to talk about it. After all, Karamatsu wasn’t the only one who had communication issues, so he might as well give it a shot.
He heaved a sigh and tried his best to look his brother in the eye. “Last night, I… had a nightmare. An extremely shitty one. It… it felt so real. When I woke up I still thought… I thought it was reality.”
Karamatsu nodded. “May I ask what it was about?”
“... It was about you. You had… s-slit your wrists and b-blood was everywhere… you… first you told me that it was all my f-fault, that I had killed you because I never c-cared about your feelings. And then it- it changed and it was really you and you told me that you were d-doing me a favor and it would be better if you disappeared. And then you… and then…”
Ichimatsu bit his lip hard, trying to keep tears from flowing once again.
“Oh, Ichimatsu,” Karamatsu said, and he gathered Ichimatsu in his arms again, hugging him tightly. “I don’t want to die. I promise you. I’m not going anywhere, ok? Nii-san is here, I’m alive, and I’m here to stay.”
Ichimatsu nodded, burying his face in Karamatsu's shoulder and swallowing thickly.
Neither said a word for a while, staying like that. Ichimatsu was content to. He knew that not everything was going to change; his brothers, himself included, would continue teasing Karamatsu- they were brothers after all- and it was going to be hard adjusting to the idea of Karamatsu as a vulnerable person, someone that needed someone to show they cared just as much as the rest of them, but Ichimatsu would gladly make the effort if it meant keeping Karamatsu right where he belonged: right beside him and their brothers.
“... I’ll buy you a new guitar, Shittymatsu.”
“Ah, non, Ichimatsu! There is no need for tha-”
“Karamatsu.”
“Uh, I mean… yes, you’d better replace it! I don’t appreciate you breaking my things at all and I wish you wouldn’t do it!”
“... Better.”