Chapter Text
[falling too fast to hold on]
[part 1/2]
You had to hide it.
Not for yourself, but for him. You couldn’t let him see you like this — in such a weak and dying state. You had to maintain and smile and look forwards, never back. Because you knew he would press you until he found out who had caused it, and he would be shocked when he discovered it was nonexistent other than he who caused such pain.
And he wouldn’t hesitate to take that blame, and he would weigh himself down and do all he could to maleness you stop loving him. But that’s simply wouldn’t do — because you loved that man. And there wasn’t anything in the world that could stop you from loving him.
Ever since you had been officially diagnosed, you had been avoiding Taehyung to whatever extent you could. From taking the long route when walking, to flat out ignoring him, his texts, his calls, etc. Hell, any form of communication that he used to get a hold of you. It was especially hard to stray from his path since you were a sub-choreographer for them, so there was only so much you could do to avoid Taehyung and the rest of them.
But alas, today was the deadline. You had to teach them the dances to one of their newer songs — House of Cards. The song involved a ballroom dance-like part which you despised, but you knew would eventually be your last option. You sighed and lifted a stray strand of hair hanging besides your ear, tucking it back as you entered the practice room. Flipping on the lights, you set down your duffel bag to the side of the room and began to stretch before you officially began to practice. You looked around the disturbingly empty room, grateful that none of the boys were here yet. You were the first and last practice of the day, each practice lasting for an hour and a half. The vocal line would be the only people to be there, so that meant you had more space to move around.
You huffed and collapsed backwards onto your back, your arms splaying out besides you. You grabbed your phone from the bag and checked the time, since you had possibly arrived drastically early. You had a wary and odd sense of time — either you were extremely early or devastatingly late. Luckily, you were extremely early. It was 6:13am, and practice started at 7:00am. Oops. Maybe you could practice a bit or take a depression nap, and you decided on the latter.
You awoke to Taehyung's smiling face and yelped, pushing him away with a spreading blush on your cheeks. You rubbed your eyes, peering around the room. Jin, Jeongguk, Jimin, and Taehyung were all there.
"Oh, uh, hey... S-sorry about that, I suppose I woke up too early, haha," you laughed dryly, trying to lift some tension in the room. Everyone in the room greeted you happily (albeit groggily). You attempted to get up, but was blocked by a coughing fit that made you clutch at your stomach. You felt metallic-tasting bile rise in your throat which you swallowed with disgust.
"Y/n, are you okay?" Jimin asked, crouching down to you height. You nodded gave him a crookedly painful smile and reached out for something to grab onto — only to find Taehyung's hand. You looked up at him and quickly looked away, his warm gaze no longer found as something you had the right to get lost in.
"Y/n, you should be taking care of yourself. Make sure you're getting in all of the sleep, meals, and rest that you need! We can't have someone as important as you slacking off in self care, okay? And emotional care! Have you been avoiding us? Is it because you're sad! If you're sad, you should come to us! We love you like you're a part of our fam — " Jin's motherly lecture was cut off by Jeongguk placing a hand on Jin's shoulder to stop his panicking. Jeongguk gave you a signature bunny smile, and Jimin placed a hand on your shoulder.
"Alright, alright, mom...I'll make sure to do that," you laughed nearly tripping on your own feet. Your breath caught in your throat but you ignored it, stepping away from the group of boys. "Now, let's get to practicing!"
Practice, for the most part, went along smoothly. Besides a couple of bloody coughs here and there, everything was fine. Before long, it was time to work with your next group of boys. As they were departing, Taehyung turned to you, duffel bag in hand, and hugged you, earning a blush and an awkward reciprocal.
"What is this for?" You sighed into the crook of his neck, longingly hugging him. You knew that if you fell any further for him, there'd be no way you could go back. But you were willing to take that risk. You leaned into his embrace and felt hot tears stinging to get past your eyelids, but you refused to let them fall for him like you had. He chuckled, his baritone voice like honey to your ears. You felt your chest bloom with newfound pains and you pulled away, looking down at your feet. "You should get to your next practice, Taehyung. I couldn't stand the thought of me being the fault of you not performing well."
"Y/n, I know that you've been avoiding me," Taehyung began, staring straight into your e/c eyes with his abysmal orbs. Panic arose in your own as distress engulfed you. "You don't have to tell me why, just know that I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you, Y/n. It's alright to cry on your own, just know that you have a shoulder to cry on." His soft, melodious voice filled your ears along with your heart, creating a sense of peace as you wiped away the forming droplets in your eyes.
"What would I do without you, Tae? Now get going, or you're going to be late for your next practice," you bitter-sweetly chuckled as you landed a gentle a punch on his left forearm. He smiled at you discreetly as he waved you goodbye, his warmth when he was in your arms already being reminisced upon.
It was the end of the day, and time to practice once more with Jin, Taehyung, Jeongguk, and Jimin. This time, you had to teach them the ballroom dance. Since you had studied the performing arts in college and had a bachelor's degree in dance, you knew the proper postures and functions to the lilting movements in ballroom dancing. And boy, did these men need to fix their own.
"Alright, so, who here knows how to ballroom dance?" You asked, looking down at the boys sitting on the floor. They looked around among each other, all shaking their heads 'no.' You nodded and got out your to-the-ready laptop, a video of you ballroom dancing on the screen. After they had watched it, you asked Jimin to demonstrate.
You immediately found flaw in his technique. Albeit interesting to watch, he was lacking in some attributes. His footwork was unique, but not exactly up to par for the classical era feel you were going for, and his posture was absurd. Shoulders and neck slightly slouching forward and his arms were just dangling out in front where a woman should've been. So you took initiative and grabbed Jeongguk's shoulders, placing him where a woman should've been.
"Jimin, back straighter. Place your hand on Jeongguk's waist and don't be a coward. Lift your heads up higher. Your arms should be resting, not completely straight."
You observed the awkward situation as you placed Jin and Taehyung together, ignoring the overbearing sense of pain in your chest. You let out several coughs, grabbing a tissue and looking down at the blood and splattered petals of jasmine.
"Continue working on the dance, I'm going to the bathroom," you coughed out, rushing out of the room.