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The sheets are too scratchy. That’s the first thing Isak thinks when he wakes up. He’s never been a fan of fleecy sheets, because they’re both scratchy and they make him feel like he’s about to drown in his own sweat.
The second thing he thinks jolts him awake, but it takes all of his energy to not open his eyes. He’s not ready for the stark reality of his situation, not yet anyway.
It’s Isak’s eighteenth birthday today. He had gone to sleep praying that the switch wouldn’t happen, that he’d be the older soulmate and that he wouldn’t have to deal with this. The switch only happens to younger soulmates anyway, forcing you to be trapped in a stranger’s body until you touch for the first time. And if he’s honest with himself, as he’s sitting in his soulmates body in an unfamiliar room, Isak has never been more terrified.
He’s kind of out. Jonas knows and Eskild knows and Mags and Mahdi might know by proxy, because he doesn’t engage in any of the girl talk. He’s working on being more open about it, but really he’s not quite there yet.
The soulmate legend permeates all spaces in everyone’s lives. Everything revolves around the magical experience of the switch, the switch that is happening today for Isak. It always happens on the younger soulmate’s eighteenth birthday, a mark of coming of age. It’s been a big part of his coming out as a result, because for all of his life he’s been a little scared that he’s been predetermined to live out a life where everything is a little off kilter and nothing feels as it should. He really really doesn’t want a girl for a soulmate.
Isak may not be brave enough to open his eyes yet, but his hand reaches up a little and comes down on his chest, resting ever so lightly just where he expects there to be breasts.
Oh.
The relief he feels now is palpable, because he now he knows that his soulmate isn’t a girl after all. That relief doesn’t last long, because for some inexplicable reason that Isak can’t explain the panic that immediately follows it, settling in around his bones. The panic feels different to the panic he feels in his own body, which does nothing but panic him more. However, the methods he had of getting rid of that anxiety didn’t change from body to body, and so he runs through all of his mantras in his head, thinking about anything other than what is actually happening to him right now.
His thoughts lead him back to the pep talk that Eskild gave him last night and the way that he had kept drilling Isak about where they lived and if he knew how to get home from x location or y bar. Even though Isak pretended it was annoying, it was actually a lovely feeling to have someone care about him enough to keep asking those questions.
“I’m just doing this because I care about you, Baby Jesus,” Eskild would say, wrapping Isak up into yet another hug. “And if your soulmate’s a dickhead, I’ll tie them up so you can shake their hand and then I’ll go and throw them in a back alley somewhere.”
The words reassure him more than his attempts at deep breathing do, enough that he opens his eyes for the first time since he woke up. The first thing he notices is the ceiling above him, which instead of his normal plain gray paint is made up of parallel white wood panels. There’s a poster on the ceiling too, of a movie that Isak doesn’t recognise. Moulin Rouge, reads the headline at the bottom of it, with two people wrapped up in each other against a dark background. The whole feel of it is very dark and gritty and sexy, and Isak just kind of stares at it for a while, wondering what sort of person his soulmate is to have a movie poster like this as the first thing that he sees when he wakes up every morning.
His eyes are open now, and he knows that he can’t just lie here until his own body finds him, because who knows how long Eskild will keep him talking? It’s been drilled in to him; wake up, get up and come home.
Isak isn’t expecting the bed to be elevated, and he definitely isn’t expecting the full length mirror directly to his right. Curiosity swells in his stomach, and before he knows it he is staring back at an unfamiliar reflection, hair wild from sleep, with kind eyes and an incredibly sharp jawline. The heat that suddenly pools in him is unexpected, and is a weird feeling considering he is actually looking at his own body.
He has to shake himself out from that train of thought, forcing the wake up, get up and come home mantra to the front of his brain. Eskild did a good job with that one.
The boy’s wardrobe, which is an actual cabinet down on the ground next to the mirror, reveals to Isak the first key difference between him and his soulmate. All the shirts, the jeans, even the fucking underwear in the drawers have all been neatly folded and stacked in neat little piles. The thought crosses his mind that maybe his mother did it, but a lean to the side to look at himself in the mirror again makes that thought disappear, because his soulmate looks twenty, and what twenty year old lets their mother fold their underwear like this?
Isak has never been a very fashionable person. The only reason he can go outside knowing that he looks at least half decent is because he owns about seven clothes, all of them being a variation of the other. The drawers don’t reveal anything like the adidas stuff that Isak wears on a daily basis, which freaks him out for a second, but when he opens another drawer to find graphic tees, he knows he’ll be okay. The denim jacket that is hanging on the chair behind him also looks like it’s going to be a safe bet too.
He takes a deep breath before peeking his head out of the door, scared that someone else might be home right now. There doesn’t seem to be any noise, but Isak plays it safe by lightly padding down the hallway, creeping down into the kitchen.
“Anyone home?” He calls, breathing a sigh of relief when no one responds. Isak steals an apple from the dining room table as he moves further into the kitchen, walking along all the walls to examine all the family pictures that hang on them.
They all have the same four people in them, two people who he assumes to be his soulmate’s parents and a girl who seems a lot older than his soulmate, who is the remaining little boy. As he moves his way through all the perfect family photos, his heart clenches with sadness. He tries to ignore the fact that he doesn’t have any photos like this with his own family, ones where they all look happy and actually like a family.
There’s a phone charging on the bench, which is lighting up and buzzing sporadically as he looks at the pictures and chews his way through the apple. It’s distracting enough to pique his curiosity, because what if it is his soulmate trying to get in contact with him through Eskild’s phone or something?
When he looks at it though, the texts are not from Eskild’s number (a number which Eskild made Isak memorise last night), but instead from someone called best buddy mikael!!!!!!!!
best buddy mikael!!!!!!!!
(08:23)
even dude where the fuck are u????
if u’ve overslept i am going to fucking murder u
(08:57)
i got us an extension for an hour
if you’re not at uni ASAP we’re gonna forfeit this
(08:59)
AND DONT FORGET THE FUCKING BOOK I SWEAR
IF U DIDNT LEAVE IT ON THE DOORSTEP LIKE YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD I SWEAR I WILL KILL U
Isak tentatively peeks his head around the corner, and sitting on the doorstep is a black binder, papers and coloured post-it notes sticking out from every corner. The front of it is a little ragged and one of the corners has been cut off, showing Isak the sheer amount of work that has gone into compiling everything.
And whoever Mikael is, he needs this folder as soon as possible. The clock on the oven reads 9:01, which means he has the hour that Mikael has bought them to get to Even’s (which he assumes is his soulmate’s name) uni.
There are ten universities in Norway, eleven if you count the police academy. That’s ten universities that Isak has to rule out on the tram. He’s made up his mind before he knows it, scooping up the book, tucking Even’s phone in his pocket and moving out of the door, navigating his way through the unfamiliar hallways of the apartment building and into the lift. When he gets in, he hits the ground floor button and leans against the back wall, opening up the binder to comb it for clues about which one of the ten universities in Oslo he must deliver it too.
The first page of the binder bears an inscription:
Group 3
A Film for an Abandoned Lover
FIL2012
If found, return to University of Oslo
That was easy.
When he gets out of the apartment block the familiar streets of Ullevål greet him. He knows this area because Magnus used to live here, in the first few months of Nissen before his dad got a new job and they moved. The relief of knowing where he is and how to get where he needs to go is shortlived, dominated by the need for him to get there and get there quick.
University of Oslo is a massive campus, and this presentation or whatever it is could be anywhere on it. He’s only been here a few times, mostly to drop in books or papers that Eskild forgot at home.
He’s now just holding out hope that his soulmate has remembered whatever is on today and is gonna be there instead of anywhere else in Oslo. Maybe he should have texted Eskild or something, let him know what he was doing instead of just winging it the way he is.
That thought is pushed out of his mind by someone running into him, his arms gesturing out dramatically. “Where the fuck have you been?”
Isak can only assume that the person standing in front of him is Mikael, because Mikael was the one who was so impatient for him.
“I… I slept in?” Isak wants to hit himself the moment the words come out of his mouth, because why the fuck doesn’t he just say that the switch happened today and that he wasn’t really Even?
“Fuck,” Mikael says, clearly agitated. “You’re fucking lucky Yousef could sweet talk Prof Olsen into putting group four before us. Come on.”
Isak mentally marks the name Yousef down as he follows Mikael down into the University of Oslo campus, because now Even has two friends names that he needs to remember. He can’t say that the switch happened now, that would be embarassing. He’s already made up one excuse, so bullshitting through the rest of today until Even comes shouldn’t be too hard.
“Also,” Mikael says, turning back around to him as they walk with a confused look on his face. “What the fuck are you wearing? You haven’t worn that top since second year?”
Isak is saved from replying by a voice calling out to the two of them, coming from a huddle of boys standing outside one of the buildings.
“Oi Adam, did you find him?”
Mik–– Adam throws his hands up in the air, moving over to the boys who Isak now assumes make up the entirety of group 3. “He fucking slept in ,” he cries, putting air quotations around slept in.
One of the boys slogs him in the shoulder as he joins their circle. “Really dickhead,” another cries. “When you’ve called this day the most important day of our university careers. ”
Isak doesn’t reply again, the excuses all getting stuck in his throat. He’s never really felt comfortable around large groups of people, and compared to his usual three friends he’s now surrounded by five strangers, which constitutes as a big group to him.
Instead of more prodding which he is expecting, the one with the floppy hair quirks his head. “Are you having you know…” he says, stopping to look around before lowering his voice to finish his sentence, “an episode?”
The boy directly to his left slaps his shoulder. “Mikael!” he hisses.
“What?” Mikael replies. “We’re doing the communication thing Yousef, remember?”
Their banter gives Isak time to start thinking about how to respond, but it’s not enough time. He knows what an episode is because of his mum and her illness, but an episode could refer to any mental illness, and he has no idea what his soulmate might have. After a long stagnated silence where the whole circle stares at him, Isak eventually decides on shrugging and answering them with a non-committal maybe. He lowers his gaze to stare at the ground, unable to meet any of their eyes, before shrugging again. “Maybe,” he repeats, not trusting himself to say anything.
That seems to straighten them all out and remove all the anger and the tension from the atmosphere. “Do you need us to lessen your part for the presentation?” Mikael asks, a concerned look on his face.
Isak glances around, just in case he can see his own body coming over to them. But all around him, there’s no trace of anyone, which means that this is his only opportunity. He rubs his arm, looking around at all Even’s friends. “Can you?”
“Of course we can,” the only one whose name Isak doesn’t know says. “Whatever you need bro.”
It’s obvious as to the length and the depth of this friendship, because they all immediately get to work, huddled around the binder and pulling pages are
Eventually, the last boy who he now knows as Elias presses a few sheets of paper into his chest. “Default answers,” he says by way of explanation. “For your participation grade, yeah?”
Elias walks back over to the other huddle after that, giving Isak a moment to just breathe with his papers. He skim reads them, gets the general idea about what this presentation is about. The front page that Elias gave him is the assignment sheet, thankfully already filled out with his soulmates name (Even Bech Næsheim) and his date of birth (12th of February 1997) and all of his student ID numbers and other key information.
When he flips over to the back of the sheet however, Isak realises that it’s not an assignment sheet at all, but a student funding sheet. The title of the binder immediately comes back to the forefront of his mind, and he realises that what his soulmate is actually supposed to be doing right now is fighting for funding for a short film that he’s made.
He really really needs to come clean now, because he can’t do this. And he knows that universities have in place rules around the switch and if it happens on a day of a due assignment or presentation, so if Isak just tells someone then he can get it postponed and Even himself can do it.
He’s already half-lied about the episode though, so there’s a part of him that is committed to riding this out to save himself the embarrassment of all of Even’s friends finding out that it’s Even’s soulmate and not actually Even. But there is a bigger part of him that doesn’t actively want to sabotage Even’s grades and his chance at getting funding for something he’s clearly worked hard on, so he goes to reintegrate himself back into the little huddle so he can come clean.
That attempt is then promptly derailed by one of the doors in the building opening, and a female voice calling out “Group three please!”
“That’s us,” Mikael says cheerily, slapping Isak on the back as he walks past.
“Lets try not to fuck this one up boys,” Elias says, following him in. Isak is the last person to walk in the room, trailing after them all a little awkwardly. In the room is a panel of three people, all sitting behind the weird university lecture tables and scribbling notes away frantically. The five of them take their seats opposite them, sitting in a weird half-semi-circle half-line shape.
Isak looks down at the notes he has and reads them again. They’re all scripted answers to possible questions, with all of the rest of the boys knowing that if one of these questions comes up to leave it to him, so he can get his participation grade.
“Well hello boys, good to see you putting your hand up for this opportunity,” one of the judge people says. They all smile widely at her, so Isak assumes that this one is their professor and someone that they know.
“We’re really excited about it Professor,” Elias says, grinning widely. Isak feels a weird little sense of achievement at his confirmed connection.
They do a whole bunch of questions after that, moving swiftly through all the procedural stuff and into more complex questions about the structure of the film and what they need and why they deserve the funding.
The film itself, at least in Isak’s opinion and from what he can piece together, sounds really good. It’s about a character, gender unspecified, and the chronicles of the most important relationships in their life; stretching from their parents all the way to their first significant other. The film is set over two weeks, where they have a one night stand with someone immediately preceeding a really deep conversation about the fragility of human connection, and over the two weeks they search for that person in order to try and regain the feeling of being truly understood, reminiscing and reconnecting with all of the people who have played important roles in their life.
“Mr Næsheim,” the professor says, shuffling her papers in order, “you’ve been oddly quiet in this. That’s not like you at all. Are you all okay?”
Isak sits up a bit straighter, taking a deep breath and relaxing his shoulders, actions which do nothing to relieve the anxiety in his stomach. “Yeah, yeah I’m just having a bit of a rough day. Sorry.” He has always been a compulsive apologiser, so the sorry slips out straight afterwards.
“Alright, well maybe you could answer this for me. Why do you think that this film is important?”
The question is one of the ones on his prepared notes sheet. Isak looks down at it and begins to read the first sentence, “I think this film is important because of all of the symbolism and how it tells many stories––”
No. Isak may not be a media studies student, but he knows what films are supposed to do and what they’ve done for him. And this conversation has actually been interesting enough for him to pay attention to it, so he has a decent knowledge of the film.
“Actually,” he says, looking up from his notes and directly at the panel of judges. “This film is important because of the stories it’s going to tell, and the way that it will be able to connect with such a large audience because of all the stories that are embedded in it. It’s really important to take risks there, and to take and use smaller stories, because that way the people who see the film can know that they’re not alone, that other people are going through the same struggles with them and that there are people there to support them. So yeah, I just kind of think that where our film shines is in its diversity and in its appreciation for people supporting others.”
Isak trails off towards the end, his rant kind of losing a bit of steam, but the professor is grinning openly at him now, with the other two scribbling down something frantically, so Isak guesses he must have done something right.
“Thank you for your answer Mr Næsheim,” one of the other judges says, and for Isak that means he’s back to sitting quietly and listening, waiting for the whole thing to be over.
And it is over quickly after that, all of Even’s friends feeling bouncy and light now that one of their biggest sources of stress is gone, at least temporarily. They all resume their huddle outside the classroom, ready to review all that went right and all that went wrong.
“It’s over now boys!” Adam says jubilantly, punching the air. They all congratulate each other, Isak staying as out of it as he can. He has no idea where that burst of confidence came from in that lecture hall, but he’s glad that it happened. That burst of confidence has also now disappeared, so Isak is back to feeling anxious in this large group, albeit a lot less anxious than he was feeling before.
He manages to stay mainly out of the conversation until Mikael drags him into it, complimenting him on the one impassioned answer he managed to give. “And that answer Ev, that was amazing!”
He has to tell them now, that he isn’t really Even. They’re all going to separate now and if he’s honest he could really use their help to find the actual Even. Isak looks around quickly, just quickly enough to notice something out of the corner of his eye, something incredibly familiar. It takes him a moment to realise that the familiarity is because he’s seen it in the mirror everyday.
Standing with his leg cocked up on the wall and scrolling through what is probably Isak’s phone, considering the weight of Even’s actual phone is sitting in his pocket, is his soulmate.
“I gotta uh–” Isak starts, before totally aborting what he was going to say and making a mad dash over to where his actual body is standing. He giggles internally at what Even has dressed him in, because that Jesus top he’s pretty sure is actually Eskild’s. Either he knicked it from the wash or Eskild gave it to him on his way out.
“Uh– hi?” Isak says when he gets over there, because even though he wasn’t really subtle coming over Even still didn’t notice him. When he looks up though, he breaks into a grin. The disconcerting feeling in Isak’s stomach doesn’t go away.
“Hi,” his soulmate says back, pocketing the phone and holding out his hand. “I’m Even.”
“I know. I’m Isak.”
“I know.”
It’s at that moment that Isak takes Even’s hand. The world doesn’t change, nothing feels offkilter, no magical gusts of wind suddenly start to blow. Nothing changes except for Isak’s heart, which feels settled in a way that it hasn’t before. One second he’s staring at his own face, the next at Even’s, which if he’s honest with himself is a very nice face to look at.
Isak looks over Even’s shoulder now, at the huddle of friends he was just part of. He laughs then, because obviously him and Even had been staring at each other for too long to be a normal conversation and now all of Even’s friends are staring open mouthed at the situation. Even turns around too, and smiles when he turns back, his head quirked.
“Did you do my presentation for me?” he asks, his eyes crinkled in confusion.
Isak shrugs, blushing a bit as he looks down at the floor. “I haven’t exactly mentioned the switch?”
Even grins incredulously at him. “Why not?”
“Never the right time?” The question in his voice makes Even laugh for real, a hearty belly laugh that makes Isak’s heart feel warm.
“I’ll uh– give me a second would you?” Even says, backing away and making his way over to his friends. Isak stares at them, watching as Even talks and all of their facial expressions go through all the phases of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The first one to break from the circle is Mikael, who comes sprinting up to him with a wildly confused look on his face.
“Why did you not tell us you were Even’s soulmate?” he cries, waving his arms around.
Isak’s face morphs into one of exaggerated panic. “I panicked okay! And it looked like the presentation was very important so I didn’t want Even to miss out on an opportunity.”
Even starts walking back over then, while Mikael talks to him about how impressed he was that he could bullshit his answer and pretend to be Even so well. The two of them make eye contact over Mikael’s shoulder, which makes his stomach burst into butterflies.
“Mikael,” Even says, his voice stern but kind. “Go back over please.”
Mikael rolls his eyes, but complies with Even’s request, calling out as he goes, “We’re going for kebab in about five minutes after we grab our stuff from the Hub okay?”
“Does that mean we have five minutes to talk?” Isak asks, watching Mikael walk away with the rest of the boys.
Even nods. “That means we have five minutes to talk.” He takes a deep breath, the smile growing on his face as he surveys Isak up and down. “Well hello soulmate. It’s good to finally meet you.”
“Likewise,” Isak says, fighting to keep the grin off his face but failing.
“Thanks for doing that you know. The whole interview thing. You didn’t have to. You could have just mentioned the switch.” Even steps a bit closer to Isak and reaches out to take his hand, entangling their fingers together. Isak wonders if his heart has ever beat this fast.
“I didn’t do it for you,” Isak says back, rolling his eyes.
“Oh really?”
“Nope.” He takes a deep breath, wondering if he should play this off as a joke or not. “I’m not good with big crowds.”
Even quirks his head. “My friends qualify as big crowds?”
“There are four of them. I’m used to three.”
“You only have three friends huh. I mean, that’s less people I need to impress. You have a much harder job than me.”
Isak grins back at him. “I think I’ve already won them over with all my magic film knowledge.”
“Not all of them,” Even replies, shaking his head humorously. “Mutta is part of our little squad too. He just does journalism and not film and design like the rest of us.”
“Well,” Isak shrugs nonchalantly. “I’m afraid we’re gonna have to stop being soulmates then.” He doesn’t untangle their hands.
Even steps back in mock affront. “Why?”
“Four friends were stretching it, but five? I’m afraid I just can’t.”
“Shame. I really liked you. Thought you were really cute too.” Their faces are getting closer together, the atmosphere becoming more electric with every second that
“Really?” Isak can’t help the genuine question that seeps into his voice. Even doesn’t seem to mind, reaching his free hand up to cup Isak’s cheek.
“Really.”
Even’s lips have barely grazed his before their attention is pulled elsewhere by Elias, waving his arms wildly and calling out to them. “Are you lovebirds coming?”
“One second!” Even calls back, not bothering to hide his frustration.
“Take two?” Isak offers, and Even smiles, not bothering to reply. His kiss is answer enough.