Chapter Text
Eddie had a normal life, some would say he had a wonderful life. To Eddie, he always felt that something was missing. He tried not to think of it often because Betty would notice and ask him questions. That is the last thing Eddie wanted because he didn’t like lying to Betty. Eddie and Betty have been together since they were sophomores in High School and now they are juniors in college and living together. Eddie thought about popping the question multiple times but he just couldn’t. Betty is a beautiful and loving woman, opposite of his mother, and that is what Eddie liked about her.
They lived in a small apartment right off-campus. Betty didn’t like how far she was from her friends and tried to get Eddie to live further away from campus but he wouldn’t budge. Eddie wanted to be close to school and his friends. Richie and Beverly lived about 10 minutes from campus and Eddie loved that. In the warm months, Eddie could bike to their place and have a study session or homework session and be home in time for dinner with Betty. With Eddie being over at his friend’s she could use his car to drive out to her friends. It was a win-win in the end.
One Monday night while they were watching The Bachelor, Betty was acting different and Eddie noticed. He wasn’t sure what was wrong but left her alone. Betty didn’t talk to him all evening, so Eddie thought it would be best if he left her alone because that is what she preferred when she was having an off day. Eddie was texting Richie and was trying not to laugh at some of his jokes. His jokes have gotten better over the years but Eddie didn’t want to admit to that to him. While texting Richie, Eddie fell asleep on the love seat with his phone on his stomach. Betty stood up and walked over to wake him up so he could go to bed but then his phone vibrated. Betty couldn’t help herself and picked the phone up slowly so she wouldn’t wake Eddie up.
Richie: So, since Betty isn’t talking to you, do ya wanna come over? I won’t ignore you Eds ;)
Richie: Did you fall asleep on me?
Richie: Well goodnight sweetheart. Sweet dreams. :*
While Betty read the last text, Eddie woke up. His face twisted when he noticed she had his phone.
“Why do you have my phone, Betty?” He snapped while he came to his feet.
“I-I-I was checking the time.” Betty couldn’t look Eddie in the eyes.
“Don’t lie to me, Betty." Eddie spoke through clenched teeth. " Do you think that I am cheating on you?! Is that why you are taking my phone while I am sleeping?” Eddie hissed as he stepped closer to Betty and didn’t break eye-contact.
“N-n-no, I don’t think that! I do think that you don’t know what you want!” She rebuked as Eddie snatched his phone back.
“If you are going to let your friends tell you that I’m cheating on you then I don’t think we should be together!” Eddie turned away and Betty’s heart broke.
“They don’t think that you are cheating on me, Eddie!" Betty bit her lip, "They think you are gay!” Betty noticed that Eddie became stiff and stepped closer to reach out to place a hand on his shoulder.
“Gay?” He whispered to himself.
“Maybe you should just face the truth, Eddie. Maybe you are gay.” Betty lifted her hand off Eddie and walked out of their apartment.
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Eddie was laying down on his couch and looking around at the half-empty apartment. He noticed all the things that weren’t there and it made him shutter. He noticed the song that was playing and sung along.
“And I’ve been thinking lots about your mouth
A conversation superseded by the way he talks
I’d be an anchor but I’m scared you’d drown
It’s safer on the ground”
It has been a month since Betty left and Eddie missed the company. He wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about what happened. He wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Am I gay? This was the only thought in Eddie’s mind for the last month. He never meant to hurt her. She could have anyone she wanted but she chose Eddie; She chose wrong. He was not in love with her. She knew that there was a special person for Eddie but she knew it was not her. Betty’s last words were resonating in his head.
“Maybe you should just face the truth Eddie.
Maybe you are gay.”
Before she broke up with him, he never noticed how women never gave him butterflies. Women never made him blush. Women never gave him that fiery feeling in the pit of his stomach. But he knew who did. Eddie thought he was such a fool for not noticing earlier. He always felt this way around one person for as long as he could remember. He knew that this person could not feel the same way about him.
He did not know how to tell his friends about the breakup and about him thinking he was gay. He knew they would be very understanding and supportive but he was still afraid. Coming out is hard to do in a little town in Maine, even when same-sex marriage is legal. One person can let something slip out of their mouth and in the next hour, everyone in town knows. That is the scary fact about living in Derry, everyone knows everyone. Why would he risk this if he wasn’t sure about it?
Eddie was drug out of his thoughts by a familiar ring tone. He thought about not answering but he was alone for long enough.
“How may I help you?” Eddie answered his friend sounding ruder than he meant but shrugged it off.
“You can help me by coming over and keeping me company Eddie Spaghetti.” Eddie was caught off guard with Richie’s slurred speech and his one-liner.
Eddie dismissed his answer and spoke firmly. “It’s late. And that is not my name!”
“Late? Eds, it’s like eleven. Come on over and get drunk with me! I’m having a party!” Richie tried to persuade Eddie.
Eddie contemplated but he didn’t like getting drunk, so he thought fast. “I have plans, Richie.” Was all Eddie thought to say.
“You haven’t had any plans since you got dumped by Betty! Come on!” Richie felt like Eddie needed to loosen up a bit and this was the way since he would never touch a cigarette.
“Richie, you don’t have to be a dick and rub salt in the wound! I don’t have time to deal with you.” Eddie went to hang up but stopped when he heard Richie yell.
“That is bullshit Kaspbrak! You are staying home and sulking on your living room floor, I know you, Eddie,” with that Richie hung up with a huff.
Eddie couldn’t believe Richie would say those things. He didn’t understand why Richie couldn’t leave him alone. He just wanted to be alone with his thoughts and figure everything out. Eddie stretched back out on his couch, turned up his music and soon he drifted into a deep sleep.
All Eddie could see was Richie walking next to him and nothing else. It was pitch black and he was holding onto Richie’s hand tightly as to not let him go. He wasn’t sure where they were but he felt like he needed to protect Richie. He wasn’t sure why he felt this way because Richie had the biggest smile on his face and was telling his horrible jokes like normal. Eddie kept looking around for a hint to as where they were. As soon as Eddie turned back, Richie was gone. The ghost of his touch was still there teasing him. He heard Richie screaming and in the distance, he saw the well from beneath the house on Niebolt street. Eddie ran as fast as he could to the well and when he got there he looked over into the deep abyss. At first, he didn’t see anything and then his eyes adjusted to the dark and saw Richie hanging there with his mouth sewn shut.
“Richie!” he screamed as he grabbed for Richie’s hands and found them.
Eddie felt his hands getting slicker and knew he couldn’t keep ahold of Richie’s hands much longer. Tears stained Eddie’s face while Richie’s eyes pleaded for him to save him.
As Eddie whispered, “I love you, Richie,” Richie’s hands slipped through his fingers and Richie was gone.
Eddie shot straight up out of his reoccurring nightmare in a sweat and a coughing fit. He slung his feet off the couch and reached for his inhaler on the coffee table. He sucked his medicine in and counted to ten and let his breath out. Eddie grabbed for his bottle of water and gulped the rest of it down.
He found his phone between his couch cushions and looked at the time. It was 1:45 a.m. and Eddie wasn’t going back to sleep any time soon. He unlocked his phone and noticed that he had a missed call and a voicemail. Eddie brought his phone up to his ear and listened to a very drunk and very sorry Richie.
“Hey Eddie Spaghetti! It’s me Trashmouth! I’m sorry about what I said earlier. You should come over when you’re done with your plans because I would love to see that cute face.”
Richie was slurring his words and Eddie couldn’t get the big smile off his face.
Richie made him feel like he could do anything he put his mind to. Richie left him this voicemail about an hour ago and wondered if the party was still alive and thriving. Eddie closed out of Facebook and dialed a familiar phone number.
“Hey Eddie!” the sweet voice on the other end exclaimed.
“Hello Bev. Are you at Richie’s?” Eddie asked trying not to sound so eager.
“Um…yes! Can you not hear how great this party is? Are you going to join us? Richie said he will make it up to you, for earlier,” Beverly gushed.
“I was thinking about it, but I’m not sure. The party should be dying down any time now,” Eddie stuttered.
“Oh, come on Eddie, it isn’t too late for a Tozier party, you know that! The party has just started!” Beverly exclaimed.
Eddie knew she was telling the truth and he gave in. “Okay, I will be there in about thirty minutes.” He sighed and made his way to the bathroom.
Eddie undressed and stepped into the shower, hoping this will make him feel a little better before seeing Richie. As he was going through the motions, he remembers how Richie looked this past Summer. He remembered Richie bragging about being on his college soccer team and the intense workouts they have. Eddie started to feel light-headed and as he peered down he understood why.
His face twisted, “What is wrong with me?” he breathed.
He then quickly finished his shower and got ready for the night. As he looked in his mirror he was pleased with his outfit and made his way to his little Nissan Leaf. Eddie quickly unplugged his car and headed to Richie’s apartment a few minutes away.