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“Don’t act like you understand!”
“I’m not! I’m just trying to help, let me help you, Miles, please!”
“Well, I don’t need your help. I don’t need your constant coddling as if I’m too fragile to support myself!”
“Why are you so stubborn? God, just leave me if you think I’m too much for you, see if I care!”
“Maybe I will!”
“Maybe you should! Leave me, and I’ll be so much happier without your mightier-than-thou shadow looming over me all the time!” In retrospect, Phoenix shouldn’t have said those words, but he was just so worked up he couldn’t help it. Once they’d been said, they couldn’t be taken back, and instead they lingered in the air filling the silence that settled around the two adults with tension.
Neither of them spoke for what seemed like an eternity until Miles let out a particularly shaky exhale. It was dry from the surprise of Phoenix’s outburst and the fact that he hadn't spoken for such a long time. The only noises were their heavy breaths and the ticking of a clock only making it seem as if more time was dragging on with each movement of the hands.
“Is that-”
“N-No, Miles, babe, I’m so sorry. My mouth ran away from me, I, I, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to say that.” Phoenix stuttered, breathless and speaking softly so as not to cut deeper with his words. He had no clue what had come over him, it was like a breath he’d been holding in too long had finally been let out and his shoulders sagged with the relief of it. He felt awful…
“But you wanted to, didn’t you? You didn’t mean to, but you wanted to.” Miles replied, his arms folded in an uncomfortable, defensive manner. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Phoenix.” And he turned on his heel, walking off into their bed room, slamming the door harder than he intended. Phoenix breathed deeply, covering his face with his hands.
It’d be fine. He and Miles had had argument before, and they’d always bounced back from them. He almost wanted to laugh; he couldn’t remember exactly what it was that caused them to start griping at each other, and he had no clue as to how it had escalated so quickly. He sank to the floor, back against the wall and eyes shut tight.
It’d be fine…
Miles stormed over to the closet, yanking the suitcase off the top of it and unzipping it. He put it on the bed and started filling it with everything he needed to.
He’d had enough.
He couldn’t tell if it was something that was long coming for them or if it was just something he’d decided in the moment, but he had to get out and away from Phoenix, from the life he’d attempted to build with him. Attempted and seemingly failed…
Miles started packing up his clothes first, suits, shirts, trousers, socks, and it wasn’t until he started piling in his more expensive books from the shelves that he realised that he’d accidentally taken some of Phoenix’s shirts too. He took one of few out of the suitcase and made to put it back in the closet, but something stopped him, as he looked at it and felt the fabric scrunch up in his hands and he ended up dropping it on the floor.
What was he doing? What was he thinking? He couldn’t just leave and-
Yes, he could, and Phoenix would finally see that words have strength enough to-
It was a stupid idea! He wasn’t going to just abandon the years he’d spent with Phoenix – the man was naturally a part of his life, after having been there since childhood. No, he had to-
He had to. He had to leave and stop feeling so sorry for himself. He finally had the job he’d worked so hard for and, even if it had put a strain on their relationship, it was what he had lived to achieve. If Phoenix couldn’t deal with his decision then he had to deal with that himself, he had made his mind up. Even if it was a rushed decision and his heart was telling him no, he followed his head and picked up the shirt he’d dropped, folding it back up and putting it away.
He left the other two he’d packed up in the suitcase. He didn’t need another contemplation session.
He packed up the books on top of his clothes, and then reached for his phone. It was a good thing that it happened to be the day his sister was returning to Germany; he was sure her plane was leaving early the next morning. He requested she collect him on her way to the airport and then searched for his passport in the drawers.
He heard a noise come from behind him. Miles turned around to see a child sitting up on the other bed in the room.
“Papa?” The little child spoke, blinking his eyes. Miles had completely forgotten about the twins. He walked over to the bed that the child was on, careful to be quieter now he remembered that the kids existed.
“Apollo. You’re awake.” He stated, sitting down on the edge of the bed, making sure not to wake up the other child who was snoring away, still asleep. “What happened? Can’t you sleep?”
“Too loud…” The child yawned, crawling over to sit on his Papa’s lap.
“I’m sorry, Apollo, I promise it won’t be loud anymore.” He replied, kissing the little boy on the forehead. He hadn’t even thought about Apollo or Trucy. Would they remember? How would it affect them later on in life?
“Is Papa sad?” The little boy asked, looking up at Miles with wide eyes and Miles couldn’t stop himself from hugging the child closer.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry, Apollo.” Miles stood up, picking up Apollo as well, and walked back over to the other bed, setting the boy down and taking a second suitcase down from on top of the closet. If he was leaving, he wasn’t going to leave Apollo too, after all Phoenix wouldn’t be able to support both the kids with him going through university as a second-degree student.
No, he’d have to pack for two. It was a good thing they’d taken that trip with Thalassa to Khura’in and Borginia otherwise he’d never be able to take Apollo with him. He set to work packing up Apollo’s clothes and essentials, along with his passport.
“Apollo, we’re going to go on a holiday, okay? Promise me you’ll stay close to me?” Miles said, zipping up the suitcases and going over to pick Apollo up. He glanced over at Trucy, relieved that she was still sleeping as soundly as ever.
“With Mama again?”
“No, Apollo, häschen, just you and me.” Miles winced. Yet another reason that should have tied Miles back to reality, to remind him that he was being unreasonable and acting rashly. It really should have, but he couldn’t let that deter him. Apollo was legally his, and he had to do what was best for them. Apollo would forget in time, as would Trucy. Things would work out fine… “Go to sleep, Apollo, I’ll wake you up later.”
“I’m here to pick up my brother.”
“What?”
“My brother. I did as he requested, and I have the tickets ready for us to leave.”
“What?”
“You’re just as foolish as I remember, Mr. Wright.”
“What?” Phoenix was starting to feel like a broken record. What was Miles’ sister doing on his doorstep, more importantly, what was she on about? She pushed past him and made her way into their room, her heels clicking on the wooden floor of the apartment. He didn’t know what to so, so he stood at the open door, baffled by what had just happened.
Naturally, when Miles stepped out of their bedroom, suitcase in one hand and Apollo asleep in his other arm, and Franziska by his side carrying a second suitcase, Phoenix couldn’t believe his eyes.
“What?” Phoenix repeated, once more, looking between Miles and the suitcases and Apollo. “What… What are you doing? Where are you going?” He managed to stammer out.
“We’re going home. To Germany.” Miles replied, avoiding looking him in the eyes. Franziska excused herself, taking the second suitcase out of her brother’s hand and down to the car waiting for them outside.
“What do you mean ‘we’? You and Franziska?”
“And Apollo.”
“W-what?” He wasn’t being the more articulate person, but he was overwhelmed at everything happening before his eyes. Miles had gone into their bedroom after their argument, 3 hours had passed, and all of a sudden it looked as if he were moving out with one of their children in tow. He was understandably confused.
“I can’t do this anymore, Phoenix. I can’t just… I’m sorry.” He walked over to Phoenix and brought his free hand to his face, cupping his cheek and looking him in the eyes.
“Wait, no, Miles, you can’t, you wouldn’t…” He felt his breath catching in his throat and his eyes wet as tears began to form. “What about Trucy? Miles, they’re a pair, they’re twins, we can’t… separate them!” He couldn’t bring his voice above a whisper, he wouldn’t anyway because of the sleeping children right in front of him, and he felt so shaken.
“Phoenix, that’s why we adopted them the way we did. Just in case something happened. Apollo legally belongs to me, just as Trucy belongs to you, I can’t abandon him.” Miles explained, his hand still on Phoenix’s face, as if not wanting to let go and say goodbye.
“That was just in case though, it wasn’t meant to… Miles, babe, please, please say you’re joking.” Miles moved his hand to Phoenix’s back, pushing him slightly closer and kissing him, softly, barely there.
“I’m sorry. Franziska is waiting for me.” And with that Miles began to walk away to exit the apartment. Phoenix didn’t know what to do, as he watched the man he loved walk away from him with one of their children, leaving him behind, leaving Trucy behind.
“Is everything sorted?” Franziska asked, standing beside the car, as her brother made his way over.
“Yes. We can depart now.” He replied, keeping his eyes on Apollo. This was the best thing to do, he reassured himself, as he looked at his son’s chubby face as he slept and held on tight to the front of his shirt, curled up and peaceful. They’d be fine…
As Miles handed his son to his sister who was now seated in the car a shout came from the building. Out came running Phoenix, a box in his hands and tear stained cheeks. He looked pitiful. It hurt Miles’ heart to see.
“Miles! Miles, wait!” He panted, running over to the car. He finished handing Apollo over to Franziska and closed the car door, walking over to Phoenix and meeting him half way.
“Phoenix, you can’t change my-”
“I know, I know. I just…” Phoenix said between breaths, before looking up at Miles with a forced smile. “Here. These are for Apollo.” He handed over the box and Miles took it in his hands, opening it to see what was inside. He stifled a sob when he saw what it was.
“His bracelet and our-”
“Yeah… I’ll always love you, just as much as I did back then, and Apollo deserves to know what I look like at least. I’m going to give Trucy the-”
“I love you.” Miles whispered, pulling Phoenix into a hug and letting himself cry. Even if he was leaving, he really did love Phoenix, and he hadn’t voiced it enough in their time together.
“I know… I can’t stop you leaving, but just… I’ll never forget you.” Phoenix hugged him back, holding tight and trying to commit the feeling to memory.
Miles pulled away first, red eyes and a sniffly nose as he looked at the man he loved for what would most likely be the last time. Phoenix offered a pained smile and then watched the man he loved get into the car and drive away from him for what would most likely be the rest of him life.
They’d be fine.
“Daddy! Daddy! Why’re ya staring off into the distance like that?” A 9-year-old Trucy rocked back and forth on her feet, waving a hand in front of Phoenix’s face.
“Oh, Truce. Sorry, I was thinking about… stuff.” Phoenix replied, smiling for his daughter.
“Hmm.” She crossed her arms, her right hand on her cheek. “Okay. But what about my summer camp! You said I could go to one this year!”
“Ahaha, yeah, I did, didn’t I?” He chuckled, patting the seat next to him on the sofa. “But I don’t wanna let my little baby girl go off for so long! Maybe I should keep you here!” He put his arms around her waist and pulled her onto his lap, hugging her tight despite her protest and squirming.
“Daddy! I wanna go to the one you said your friend works at! The Fray and Co one!” Trucy giggled, wriggling out of her dad’s grasp.
“Fey and Co, Trucy. And, of course, you silly! I’ve already got you signed up!” Phoenix rolled his eyes playfully and Trucy’s eyes lit up as if she had stars in them. She squealed and jumped up in excitement, clapping her hands together and grinning wider than ever before.
“Thanks Daddy!” She smiled, pressing a kiss to Phoenix’s cheek. “I’m gonna go pack right now!” And off she ran to her bedroom, leaving Phoenix on the sofa with a fond smile. He imagined what it would be like if Miles and her brother were there… But he quickly let those thoughts go, shaking his head and sighing. He needed to stop doing that – imagining what life would have been like if he had somehow managed to get Miles to stay. He had Trucy and she loved him more than he could have asked for, so he really couldn’t ask for more.
“Really? You’re letting me go to America for my summer camp?” A 9-year-old Apollo gasped, almost dropping his tea cup in surprise, Miles nodding his head and smiling gently.
“I found that one of my old mentors started working at a summer camp, and I think it would be a good experience for you.” Miles replied, watching as Apollo smiled in awe at the opportunity. They both had their tea cups securely on the table, so no accidents would happen in the shock of the exciting news, and Apollo stood up from across the table, beginning to pace back and forth.
“I’ve got so much to pack, and so many things to sort out, and I’ve got to make sure I don’t forget anything, and, and-” Apollo began rambling, stopping abruptly when he felt his Papa’s hand on his shoulder.
“Don’t get yourself worked up. Come, I’ve some free time today, we can pack together.” He offered, looking Apollo in the eyes and seeing them squint with his smile. Apollo immediately nodded, leading the way up to his bedroom and continuing to talk.
“Do you think I’m going to make friends there alright? What if I make a friend and we become so close and then I have to leave them? Ah, sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself, Papa. I’ll calm down a little.” Apollo laughed gently, apologising with a sheepish smile. He opened the door to his bedroom, making his way over to the drawers and choosing which clothes to take.
“No need to apologise, Apollo. You’re going to be fine, and as for friends you’ll have to leave…” He spoke, eyes watching the bracelet around his son’s wrist and his heart beating just a bit faster in his chest. “You’ll be fine.” He closed his eyes, ignoring the thoughts that were coming to his mind of Phoenix and Trucy. That chapter of his life was over; he had Apollo to look after and a job that required his utmost attention, and he didn’t need to dwell on the past.
“You’re right, Papa. I’m Apollo Justice and I’ll be fine!” Apollo laughed to himself, and Miles could help but smile as well, making his way over to help pick out what clothes Apollo should take with him.