Work Text:
It took Korea more than five years to finally fall in love with Kim Jonghyun.
Baekho couldn’t judge, though, because it took him nine.
He didn’t really know how it happened, or why it happened. In the turbulent time after Produce 101, his heart just went numb for the leader that made it all possible for them.
Kim Jonghyun, who has been the best leader for over five years. Kim Jonghyun, who had worked so hard on that damned survival show. Kim Jonghyun, who still smiled when he lost on said survival show. Kim Jonghyun, who consoled Baekho through scandal and through loss. Kim Jonghyun, who was always humble no matter what.
And then there was Kang Baekho, who fell head over heels for him.
When Baekho finally came to terms with those feelings, he immediately decided to confess. He had never been one to keep things in his heart, even something like this. He kind of expected that Jonghyun would laugh it off as a joke, and Baekho was okay with that. If that happened, Baekho decided to just not laugh to show his member that he was serious, and if Jonghyun does nothing to acknowledge that seriousness, it meant there was no hope, and Baekho would try to move on.
“I have something to say to you,” Baekho told his leader when they were alone. Jonghyun had come to the recording studio to listen to Baekho’s new song demo. Bumzu had gone to get food and Aron and Ren were at the dorm sleeping.
“Yeah?” Jonghyun asked.
“I… I love you,” Baekho confessed. He said the words slowly, making sure to drag out every letter and sound, making sure the words were laced with the sincerity that would make Jonghyun understand the kind of love Baekho was talking about.
The words visibly surprised the poor leader, who couldn’t seem to fathom what they meant. They were far too heavy to be understood as the light kind of love between friends or long-time acquaintances. And Kang Baekho certainly was not that good of an actor.
“What?” Jonghyun asked, wanting to hear the words again. Wanting to make sure his ears weren’t fooling him to read things that weren’t there.
“I love you,” Baekho repeated. The words were still drawn out carefully, still loaded with that scary kind of passion Jonghyun was not used to hearing from his members. Especially this particular member.
Jonghyun blinked twice, and Baekho just turned around to his computer and continued working on his composition. The tension was far too severe, and Baekho needed to distract himself from the impending disaster he had just caused by confessing.
Jonghyun didn’t say anything for a while. He just sat there, and Baekho could feel his leader’s piercing eyes on him as Baekho tried to focus and work on the composition. He truly could not though, not with Jonghyun looking at him like that.
“I need to go pee,” Baekho mumbled, standing up suddenly and bolting towards the bathroom.
Kim Jonghyun obviously didn’t feel the same way.
-
Baekho didn’t ever return from his pee break. But if he had returned, he would have come back to his computer and seen a Microsoft Word Document open over his music software, “I LOVE YOU TOO” written out in clear, bold letters.
Jonghyun rushed out and headed back to the dorm as soon as he typed it. He was scared that he had misread Baekho’s expression and misinterpreted Baekho’s words and didn’t want to be there when Baekho read the document and laughed at him for taking it too deep and making a grand gesture of it.
If Baekho really did love him the way that Jonghyun deeply hoped that he did, then Baekho would surely talk to him about it when they saw each other in the dorm that night. Otherwise, Baekho would just laugh at it on his computer, close the Word Document, and carry on with his composition, never bringing it up again.
And indeed, Baekho never brought it up again (but only because he didn’t see it).
And so, Jonghyun also never brought it up again.
-
“The hell?” Bumzu sputtered when he sat at the computer and saw a random Word Document open over the music software.
I love you too.
Bumzu scoffed in amusement. “So not cliché at all,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes.
You see, Bumzu thought this was Baekho’s failed, incomplete attempt at writing lyrics.
He clicked the little x to exit the document.
Do you want to save? The document will be lost if you don’t save.
Bumzu clicked ‘no,’ thinking those banal words were not worth saving at all.
Little did he know how much hope and yearning was in those banal words. How much happiness they would have given the person for whom they were intended.