Chapter Text
Title: Worth the Wait
Author: Sulkygeek
Rating: R
Length: approximately 18,000 words
Spoilers: Through Goodbye
Summary: AU-- Quinn is 5 years older than Rachel in this and Rachel is one of those hopelessly awkward BabyGeniuses. But they fall in love (slowly, it's always slowly with me, don't play drinking games with my fics, folks, you will die and I don't need your angry ghosts haunting me. I am scared of them!!) anyway. Think of that Val Kilmer movie, Real Genius and cross it with lesbians and that's kind of where this will go.
Potential trigger warning for a reference to a past suicide attempt and suicidal ideation, but it's not the focus of the story.
NOT PROOFREAD AT ALL BECAUSE FUCK IT
Sometimes Quinn regrets staying in Lima, despite knowing that it was probably the wiser choice. Her mom and all of her friends don't seem to think so, but she looks at things a little more pragmatically than they do. She knows she could have gotten out, and she still plans on it, but she doesn't see the big deal of getting out at 22 instead of 18. She gets that she passed on several really prestigious schools-- it's been a couple years, and her mom still hasn't gotten over it. She gets that people just don't pass up Yale, Stanford and Columbia for fucking OSU. And sometimes, when she thinks about how tough the job market will be when she graduates in two years, it kind of hurts that she gave away the edge that could have gotten her the dream job. She knows that between two identical candidates, most employers would rather have the Yalie than some Ohio State townie. But it just came down to money. Even with financial aid, the out-of- state tuition on those schools would have just been murderous. And her financial aid was minimal because at the time she turned in her FAFSA, her parents were still legally married and her father's income was factored into the amount of financial aid she was offered. She hadn't seen her father in two years, but somehow, he could still kick her when she was down. And God, her mother offered to take on loans herself, but Quinn just couldn't do that to her mom. Not with how hard her mom works. OSU offered her a full scholarship with a stipend for textbooks. How the hell could she have refused that? She would have been insane. And Quinn wasn't as image conscience as she used to be, so she was okay with giving up the faux-modesty of saying "I go to Yale" for the true pride of knowing that she loved her mother more than she loved some silly Eastern school. And anyway, staying in town meant she could save money by living with her mom and living with her mom meant they were getting closer than they’ve ever been.
But just because she stayed doesn't mean all of her friends did. Most of them got out. Finn stayed in town, but she can only stand him about 50% of the time, at best. Santana and Brittany took off to LA. That was really the extent of her closest friends, not that she would describe her ex-boyfriend as a close friend. But he's someone she can count on, and that means a lot.
She's ridiculously glad that Santana and Brittany are coming home for the summer from California. They did last summer, too, but this year, there was talk of taking some hideous summer classes before Santana decided to 'fuck it with school.'
The first night Santana and Brittany get in, they get drunk and then walk to the high school where they sit on the bleachers of the football field and reminisce about the times the three of them would ditch their 5th period class senior year to make out under the bleachers. The three of them did everything together that year, and they pleaded with her just to go to Stanford because then Santana would go to Berkeley over UCLA and Brittany would find some other dance school in the Bay area. It was touching to feel how her two best friends would be so willing to build their lives to include her, but the truth was, she'd always felt like the third wheel and though they would vehemently deny it, she'd always felt like she would be left behind. So, she just never let herself get that close.
But she's so happy they’re back. When she gets to the airport, Santana throws her arms around Quinn's waist so hard, it kind of makes Quinn unable to breathe for a moment. And then she was lifted into the air and spun around. And of course, the moment her feet were back on the ground, there was Brittany, picking her up into the air again, spinning her around and laughing into her hair.
--
The next day, Santana's mom lets Santana know that Santana's cousin, Rachel, will be arriving in a few days to stay for the whole summer and to please air out and clean out Alberto's old room.
Santana grumbles, but it's mostly good-natured, because it goes along really quickly since Brittany and Quinn pitch in to help. Santana talks about Rachel occasionally, but Rachel is 15 and they're all 20, and well, for the average 20 year old, a 15 year old kid isn't all that interesting. Quinn only knows of Rachel very obliquely from what Santana has said about her-- she's never met the kid. But Santana seems to really like her. The kid is some bona fide baby genius/child prodigy. She's 15, but she'll be graduating from college next year with multiple degrees.
"You have to be nice to her, Q," Santana warns in a rare moment of giving a fuck about anyone other than herself and Brittany. "Rachel's…" she trails off. "You'll get it when you meet her."
Quinn gets the image of some pasty kid with an oily forehead, stringy hair, glasses that are taped together in the centre and a pocket protector. She knows it's stupid, possibly a little insulting and maybe even a little rude. But that's the image she gets of some kid who is going to be a college graduate by the time she's 16.
Rachel is both completely expected and unexpected when they meet.
--
Rachel is 15 and touched with an adolescent prettiness that promises to turn into beautiful. She's pretty in this sort of naïve, sweet way. Physically, there's nothing awkward about her. She's stunning in a way that makes Quinn ache and feel guilty because hello, Rachel is 15.
But it's the outfit that gives Quinn pause. Rachel is wearing an honest-to-God Spongebob Squarepants t-shirt, and Quinn is reasonably certain that she's doing so un-ironically. Primarily because Rachel is also wearing a pair of yellow denim shorts which showcase a set of legs that should not belong to a pretty 15 year old girl, but do. The unfortunate pairing of that white Spongebob t-shirt and the yellow shorts sort of make Rachel look like she needs to ride the short bus to the special education school.
Still, Quinn can't help but be a little charmed because Rachel is absolutely adorable. She smiles and blushes a lot and when Santana tells her they’re going to the mall to hang out, and Rachel can come with them, if she wants, she absolutely lights up.
"Really?" Rachel asks, as eager as a puppy.
"Really," Santana affirms with a nod and a wink. "But you're going to have to change, some Chester Molester is going to see you and just think you're a big eight year old and steal you and my mom will be really pissed at me. Dress like a grown-up, okay?"
Rachel's face flushes crimson and she looks mortified.
Both Quinn and Brittany instinctively look at Santana disapprovingly.
"I'll be right back," Rachel says, recovering pretty quickly. "Don't leave without me!" She's running out of the room and she's all legs. She moves gracefully, but Quinn suddenly thinks of some newborn foal just learning how to walk.
When Rachel comes back, she's wearing a floral pattern maxi dress, which…just, no. She looks pretty cute in it, but it also looks like something a retiree would wear and Rachel is 15 years old. It's a little too baggy for her, and the pattern is just a touch painful.
When she comes back into the room, she's looks really eager. "Is this okay?"
Quinn and Brittany look warningly at Santana, but Santana just smiles. "Sure, kid."
None of them have the heart to tell her. And really, somehow, the kid manages to pull it off. It's awkward, but Rachel manages to make it work.
--
They hit up the food court first. Santana and Brittany hit the Breadstix-to-go stand and come back with an obnoxious amount of breadsticks and two slices of pizza. Quinn settles on a bacon cheeseburger with French fries and Rachel gets a grilled vegetable salad.
She gets stuck alone with Rachel the first time when Santana and Brittany go to the bathroom, which Quinn sincerely hopes is not code for something else like back in high school, because the mall bathroom is just too gross to fuck in. She doesn't really feel like she's 'stuck' though because Rachel's actually kind of an interesting motormouth and Quinn is just content to listen to her spout off. Rachel's a bit of a rambler and makes unique associations, so even though Quinn can follow her train of thought, she still finds herself baffled by how a conversation that started out about shopping ended up about the oeuvre of Barbra Streisand.
(shopping led to how shopping started the French Revolution which turned into a conversation about overthrown monarchies which morphed into a conversation about the Romanovs in Russia which then got Rachel declaring her rapturous love for the animated movie Anastasia which led to Angela Lansbury which led to Broadway and finally led to the wonder that is Barbra Streisand)
Quinn finds herself utterly charmed. She's a little awkward and occasionally obnoxious, but she;s overall sweetly charming.
Santana just looks on while Rachel basically monopolizes the conversation and Quinn gets that Santana loves her cousin. Santana usually can't tolerate that kind of thing-- Santana likes silences so having someone talk ceaselessly is a little much for Santana. It's a little much for Quinn, too, but Quinn keeps her mouth shut because she 1) it's really kind of cute anyway and 2) Quinn loves Santana, so even if she'd been vexed, she would have kept her mouth shut anyway.
--
They spend a few hours at the mall and Santana gently pushes Rachel into trying on clothes that are more flattering and age-appropriate.
Usually, when the three of them go shopping together, they all go into the same dressing room. They’ve grown up together and so they've seen each other naked on many occasions through sleepovers, at swimming pools, and in the locker room in school. They all cheered together through four years of high school, so there's really no mystery to their bodies from one another.
But it's clear Rachel hasn't gone shopping much with friends, because she seems shocked when the three of them start to follow her into the dressing room, which is the largest because it's the handicapped one.
Quinn immediately rethinks going into a fitting room with a 15 year old kid and bows out gracefully, taking Brittany with her. She's not quite sure what she was thinking. It's just that once Rachel got out of that ludicrous Spongebob t-shirt, it was easy to forget that she was legally a child. Rachel had the face of a 15 year old, but not the body. And she didn't carry herself as a 15 year old either.
Rachel immediately relaxes.
"You leave, too," she insists to Santana.
Santana outrights laughs. "Kid, I used to change your diapers."
Rachel pouts. "You did not."
"I did," Santana insists. "But I'll wait outside."
Santana gives very specific instructions on how to pair the clothing, and Rachel rolls her eyes but promises to follow Santana's orders.
Rachel emerges and steps out cautiously. She looks shy and embarrassed. "Does this look okay?"
It's just a simple pair of dark wash blue jeans with a slight boot cut and a thin off-the-shoulder white cotton shirt. It doesn't show any cleavage, just shoulders. She looks cute and like a 15 year old-- the look is neither too child-like nor matronly, but it's not slutty or anything that Rachel would be uncomfortable with.
Santana is enthusiastic. "You look cute, Rach. Seriously. We're getting that."
Rachel ducks her head and laughs. "I am very cute," she agrees impishly. But her face is all lit up.
Santana rolls her eyes. "Okay, smart guy."
Rachel's smile widens. "I am very smart," she agrees again.
Santana chuckles. "Go try out the others."
In the end, Rachel gets a pair of jeans, two pairs of shorts, a dress, a skirt and three tops. Santana pays for everything over Rachel's protests. It's sweet and makes Quinn see Santana in an entirely different light, which is a strange thing considering they've known each other for so long.
They go back to Santana's house and hang out for a while before they separate to get ready for a party that night at Noah Puckerman's house.
They encourage Rachel to come along, but Rachel declines shyly, though she looks excited that she's even invited.
"I think I'm just going to stay in and watch Funny Girl."
Quinn's house is the meeting spot that night so they can carpool to Puck's house. She also lives close enough to Puck's that they can just walk home if they get too drunk to drive. It's only about half a mile.
Brittany and Santana show up together, but they arrive a little early when she's putting on the last touches of her eye makeup.
Brittany and Santana lay down on her bed together and Quinn casts surreptitious glances through the mirror to make sure Brittany and Santana aren't doing anything too sexual in her bed. They're giggling and playing footsie, but it's pretty G-rated, so Quinn is okay with that.
"Hey," Quinn calls out after she's done with her makeup and is spritzing on some Clean Cotton T-Shirt perfume. "So, why is your cousin staying with you this summer?"
Both Santana and Brittany go really quiet.
Santana sits up. "You can't talk to her about it," she says softly.
"I won't," Quinn promises, but she's curious. Rachel's parents live in New York City, but Rachel lives in Philadelphia, where she's finishing up at Temple University. She's just a little curious what brought Rachel here to Ohio.
Santana looks hesitant. "She had some problems with some girls she knows," she hedges.
Quinn arches her brow. "Okay?" she frowns. But she already feels a little wary because even though she's 20, she's not so far from 15 that she doesn't remember the fact that there is no one crueler in the world than a 15 year old girl.
"We still don't know exactly what happened," Santana admits. She sucks in a deep breath. "But she tried to kill herself," she says quietly. "She was in the hospital for a couple weeks afterward and when her dads went through her dorm room to pack up some clothes, they found a bunch of really mean letters from girls at the high school who lived in the neighborhood."
They all go quiet after that. They were all kind of Mean Girls in high school, and Quinn has been out of high school long enough to feel ashamed of herself. But she's only been out of high school for two years, so she remembers very acutely all the ways she was mean. She wonders if she and her friends made anyone else feel despondent enough to want to kill themselves.
"How did she try?" Quinn asks quietly. Some if it is just curiosity, but mostly she just wants to hear that Rachel just took a few too many Tylenol or something-- something serious but still not something that would have killed her. A cry for help, not a serious attempt.
Santana sighs. "My mom wouldn't tell me, so it must have been pretty bad."
That just makes Quinn so sad.
"I…I didn't see any scars or anything," Quinn says hesitantly.
"I don't know. My mom wouldn't tell me and Rachel is pretending like we don't know. I just know that Rachel didn't want to stay with her dads or her mom. So they sent her with us-- like, maybe she just needs a break, you know? So, she'll stay with us for the summer and then she'll just go back to school."
Quinn feels awful. And it strikes her that Rachel may be some bona fide Baby Genius, but she's still just this 15 year old kid who must have been convinced the world doesn't actually get better.
She really doesn't feel like going to Puckerman's party anymore, and it's clear from the mood in the room that neither Brittany nor Santana feel like it either.
"Um, you know…I think I'm just going to head back to my mom's. It's been a while since I let Rachel talk me into seeing Funny Girl, so…"
"I'll go with you, San," Brittany offers.
"Me too," Quinn says.
"Nah," Santana declines. "You guys go ahead. You're all dolled up."
Quinn waves her head dismissively. "There's going to be a party at Fuckerman's every other night all summer."
The three of them share smiles at the nickname. They all really like Puck, but he's really just a penis on legs.
Puckerman is home for the summer, too, and his mom is just so happy to have him around that she doesn't mind that her house turns into the party house while she works nights as a ER nurse.
Santana smiles gratefully. "Okay, cool. Can we grab a couple bottles from your mom's liquor cabinet?"
"Sure," Quinn agrees.
Her mom doesn't drink much anymore-- she goes to AA meetings, but she keeps liquor in the house to entertain. Even though she hasn't seen her mom drunk in years, she still finds herself checking the liquor cabinet just in case.
They grab a couple bottles, stop by a 7-Eleven to buy some snacks and go back to Santana's.
Rachel absolutely lights up when they walk into her room after knocking.
"Hi!" Rachel says. Her face falls and she looks worried. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," Santana says. "Fuckerman's party was lame, so we decided that we'd rather hang out with you."
They decided they'd just lie and say the party was lame, otherwise Rachel would likely feel bad.
Rachel glances at the clock on the nightstand. "But it's so early. Did you give it an adequate amount of time? Perhaps if you'd stayed longer, it would have met your satisfaction."
Santana rolls her eyes. "What are you watching? Funny Girl again?"
Rachel nods eagerly.
"Mind if we join you?" Santana asks.
Rachel shakes her head.
"We got some snacks and brought some wine," Santana informs. She moves toward the bed. "Scoot over, make some room for us."
Rachel complies and she just looks so happy.
Rachel hesitates when Santana passes her a bottle of wine. It’s a Moscato and therefore a sweet dessert wine. Santana chose it specifically because it's sweet and Rachel would probably be okay drinking it.
"It's okay," Santana murmurs.
"I just…never had alcohol before," Rachel admits shyly.
"We'll take care of you," Santana promises. "You won't get sick."
Rachel bites her lower lip, but then smiles. "Okay." She reaches for the bottle and takes a small exploratory sip. She smiles at the three of them who are all looking at her expectantly. She takes another larger sip and smiles shyly at them. "It's good," she says.
They all laugh, gently.
Santana pulls the bottle away and takes a sip of her own before passing it to Brittany. "Trust me, okay?"
Rachel nods and cuddles into Santana as they all settle in to finish watching the movie.
--
Rachel sings along quietly to the songs. And God, her voice, even subdued, is amazing.
"You still like to sing, huh?" Santana asks.
"I love it," Rachel says quietly.
--
Over the next two weeks, Quinn sees Santana and Brittany, and by extension, Rachel, almost every day. Since Santana and Brittany are only home for the summer, they don’t have jobs, but she does in a local museum. She just works in the gift shop, but during her lunch break, she gets to wander the exhibits, so she kind of loves it. She's worked there for a couple years now and she has a steady routine that she really likes.
One day, she's walking around the museum on her break and she sees Rachel perusing the Egyptian artifact collection that they're hosting for the summer.
Quinn comes up beside her. "Hey," Quinn greets.
Rachel turns to her and smile. "Hi, Quinn," she chirps.
Quinn kind of wants to chuckle, but she holds it back. "What are you doing here? I told you if you wanted to come to the museum to let me know and I'd use my employee discount."
Rachel shrugs. "I used my student ID. The discount was comparable."
This makes Quinn laugh. "So, I know San and Brittany can't be here, because when they come here to visit me, they never pay."
Rachel smiles. "They're at the beach. They invited me, but I don't really like the water."
"You should have come by the gift shop to say hi to me," Quinn gently chides. "I was pretty bored. How long have you been here?"
Rachel blushes. "I wasn't sure if you wanted me to come by."
"Of course, I would," Quinn says.
Rachel beams at her. "H-have you seen this collection?"
Quinn nods. "Yeah. A few times, actually. I did a whole tour a few times, but I poke around any time I'm here."
Rachel nods. "I took an Archaeology class this year," she offers.
Quinn smiles at her. "On Egypt?"
Rachel shakes her head. "On Pompeii and Herculaneum. I really liked it a lot." She looks regretful. "I wish I could take more classes in the Anthro department."
"What are you majoring in?" Quinn asks.
Over the past two weeks, she's gotten to know Rachel a little better. Rachel likes to spout a lot of trivia and she loves talking about musicals, but Rachel seems pretty reluctant to talk about herself. She speaks rhapsodically about her gay fathers and her biological mother and she's really enthusiastic about the subject of Broadway musicals. But she doesn't talk about Philadelphia or college or any of it.
Rachel's expression darkens a little. "I'm triple majoring," she mumbles. "In English, Physics and Economics. The Anthro class was just for an elective."
Quinn tries to lighten the mood. "With the way you talk about Barbra, I would have thought Musical Theatre," she teases.
Rachel smiles wistfully. "I wish."
Quinn wants to push the topic a little more, but the fact that Rachel is Santana's 15 year old cousin is very much on her mind.
"You coming to the party tonight?"
Rachel looks hesitant. "I don't want to be an uninvited guest."
Quinn rolls her eyes. "Believe me, there is no such thing at one of Puck's parties. Come with us tonight, okay? We'll take care of you."
There's been six parties at Puckerman's house in 14 days and Rachel's begged off attending all of them.
Quinn suspects the reason Santana pushes the issue is because she wants to make this summer really fun for Rachel, but the kid doesn't seem like she's into that sort of thing.
"O-okay," Rachel agrees after a long moment. "I--I think Santana really wants me to go, so…" she swallows hard. "I don’t want her to be impatient with me," she says quietly.
"Well, you don’t have to go because you feel obliged," Quinn points out gently. "We just think you might have fun, you know?"
O-okay," Rachel stammers. She smiles. "Is this your lunch break?"
"It's actually just my 15 minute break," Quinn admits which has extended into about 20 minutes.
"I-I am going to keep looking around for while. M-may we have lunch together when it's your lunch break, please?"
It's so goddamn cute and endearing.
"Sure," Quinn says with a smile.
--
Quinn's lunch break is another hour and half later. Rachel meets her in front of the gift shop and they walk to the museum's café where Rachel buys her a BLT with extra bacon over Quinn's vehement objections.
But Rachel insists and practically hurls cash into the register.
"You have been so nice to me. I insist."
--
It's the first time that she talks to Rachel one-on-one for a really extended period of time. Rachel is a little verbose and she has an odd, but endearing way of phrasing things. She says things like "I was filled with sad" and has this tendency of turning proper nouns into verbs. She talks about a case of mono that ravaged through her dorm and she describes her dormmates as "Typhoid Marying the dorm" and the originator of the epidemic as "Patient Zeroing us all." Quinn finds it really cute that Rachel describes people as being "unwell" instead of "sick." She wants to mock, but it's just so cute coming from Rachel.
She's endearing and Quinn kind of understands why Santana is sweeter to Rachel than she is to most people. It's like Santana's sweetness towards Rachel has dissolved, like sugar in tea, and now Quinn has soaked it up as well.
Rachel ends up sticking around for the rest of her shift. Since she's not old enough to get a driver's license, it turns out that Rachel took the bus to get there, so Quinn gives her a ride to Santana's and follows her inside.
Maribel looks really relieved that Quinn is there.
Maribel grabs Rachel into a loose hug and then smothers her face with affectionate kisses, making Rachel laugh softly. Then Maribel hugs Quinn and kisses Quinn's cheek.
Quinn loves her mom, but Santana's mom has this way of making her feel so accepted.
Maribel insists that Quinn stick around for Santana and Brittany to get back because they're all going to have dinner together. Maribel's made Peruvian style tamales and lomo saltado, so Quinn is more than willing to stick around because Santana's mom is such an orgasmic cook that everyone's been saying for years she should open her own restaurant.
While they wait for Santana and Brittany to come back from the beach, Quinn watches TV with Rachel in the living room.
"My dads were a big fan of this show," Rachel offers.
"It's one of my favorites, actually," Quinn says. "Is that while you’re named Rachel?"
Rachel grins at her. "Yes."
Brittany and Santana get home soon after that. Santana's father is working at the hospital, and Santana's brothers have long graduated from college and moved on with their own lives, so it's just a girls' night.
Rachel is quiet at first and content to observe them, but they all gently try to pull her into conversation and it really doesn't take much pressing. The girl is a chatterbox. She's noisy as hell, really, once she feels comfortable and gets started. And she can talk about pretty much any subject with a degree of authority, but somehow she starts talking about String Theory which really only started out with an off-handed comment about time twins (the person in the world who was born in the exact moment as you, but while you were born in a first world country with access to proper sanitation, adequate amounts of food and health care, the other person was born in a third world country with access to none of those things and dies before his or her third birthday). Rachel gets so excited that she starts speaking faster and faster, but it leaves everyone else in the dust and by the time Rachel finishes what she's saying, she realizes everyone is just staring at her, and her smile completely falls.
"Sorry," she says meekly.
"Honey, there's nothing to apologize for," Maribel assures.
Actually, they all work overtime to assure her that there's nothing to be sorry about, but Rachel looks so upset and she stays quiet for the rest of dinner unless someone addresses her directly.
Quinn isn't entirely sure why Rachel looks so upset. But she remembers why Rachel is here in Lima for the summer and she doesn't like the fact that Rachel looks like she's ready to cry.
They finish up dinner and Rachel quietly offers to do the dishes, but Maribel tells Santana to do it instead, which makes everyone but Rachel laugh. Rachel does smile a little though, and then Brittany takes Rachel by the hand and leads her to the living room. Quinn follows after them and they all hang out on the sofa watching TV to wait for Santana.
They try to talk Rachel into going to a party at Puck's with them, but once again, she declines. Santana's clearly torn, but Rachel practically begs them to go, and so they do.
--
Quinn goes to work the next day and when she takes one of her 15-minute breaks, she walks around and kind of half hopes to see Rachel.
She's pleased when she sees Rachel looking at this traveling medieval books and art collection that was last at the Getty museum.
"Hi, Rachel," Quinn greets.
Rachel turns and beams. "Hello, Quinn. How are you? Did you enjoy the party last night?"
"It was cool," Quinn says. "You should come with us next time."
Rachel bites her lip. "Well, I don't want to go to someone's home as Santana's extra."
"Believe me, no one will care. I think you'll have fun. Puck will probably have a party in the next day or two, so come with us, okay?"
Rachel bites her lip again. "I--I…um,o-okay."
Quinn smiles. "What did you do last night?"
Rachel blushes. "I just stayed in," she says. "I read and watched some movies."
"What did you watch?"
Rachel blush deepens. "Funny Girl."
Quinn laughs. "Again?" she teases gently.
Rachel smiles. "It's my favorite. Barbra Streisand is my favorite."
Quinn chuckles. "What's your favorite thing about it?"
Rachel grins. "Everything," she declares dramatically.
Quinn chuckles. She looks at her watch. "I should get back to work."
Rachel smiles shyly. "May I buy you lunch today?"
"You bought me lunch yesterday. I'll buy you lunch."
"But I invited you," Rachel protests. "Proper etiquette dictates that--"
"You're 15," Quinn cuts in gently. "And you're Santana's cousin, and she's one of my best friends and we're in my work place. Those rules of etiquette overrule yours."
Rachel looks like she wants to object, but ultimately she gives a little nod. "I'll pick you up though," she says with a strong nod. She looks determined, and it's cute she looks that way for something so inconsequential. "I'll come by the shop."
"Sure," Quinn laughs. "Pick me up at 12." She smiles teasingly and pats Rachel's shoulder. "Proper etiquette dictates that you not be late."
Rachel beams. "I would never be late to call upon someone."
--
At 11:55am, Quinn spots Rachel hovering around the gift shop. She walks around the outside of the store for a few minutes until 11:59am. Quinn bites her lip, trying not to smile. She sees Rachel looking at her watch and then at exactly 12:00pm, Rachel is walking into the museum gift shop.
"Hi, Quinn," Rachel greets.
"Hi, Rachel," Quinn says with a smile. She grabs her purse and gives a nod to her coworker.
She and Rachel end up leaving the museum to walk across the street to an Italian restaurant where Quinn orders a pasta dish that comes with bacon pieces and asparagus. Rachel gets a grilled vegetable salad.
"Are you a vegetarian?" Quinn asks, crinkling her brow. She saw Rachel eating the lomo saltado that Maribel made the night before with gusto, and the lomo saltado comes with strips of beef. But Rachel studied the menu for a long time before settling on the grilled vegetable salad. And when they went to the mall that time, Rachel got a grilled vegetable salad then, too.
"I'm vegan," Rachel admits with a laugh. "But Maribel works so hard and I didn't want to make her work extra to make meals to consider me. I can eat meat and dairy-- I mean, I am physically capable of doing so even though it is a preference that I do not. I started preparing myself for this before I got here for about a week, so it wasn't such a shock to my system. I just…I didn't want to be a pest. I have my principles, but the first principle is always putting family first, right?"
Quinn gives her a small smile as she thought about her own family. "It should be," she agreed.
Rachel tilts her head to the right and gives her a warm smile. "Tell me a little more."
Quinn arches an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"Tell me a little more about your family."
Quinn laughs. She doesn't like to talk about her family-- it's a sore subject. Normally, she'd tell a person to mind their own business. But Rachel's just a kid and Quinn is no longer a defensive teenager.
"Family can be complicated," Quinn hedges.
"Are your parents still together?"
"Are yours?" Quinn shoots back.
"My fathers-- I have two gay fathers are still together, yes. My mom divorced my stepdad last year." Rachel pauses. "But I found myself indifferent to that other than to sympathize with her. I didn't like him and he didn't like me very much, either. So it was no great loss to me, though I do worry if my mother is lonely." She smiles. "So, are your parents still together?"
"No."
Rachel gives her this tiny, encouraging smile and leans forward across the table. She actually clutches her hands to her chest.
It's so sincere, Quinn could die.
"My parents are divorced, but it's only been final for about a year. They’ve been separated since I was 16," Quinn says, finally acquiescing. "They'd had problems for a while but they eventually couldn't ignore them anymore. Now I see my dad about once a year for dinner, but we don't have much of a relationship."
Rachel swallows hard. "Where does he live?"
"Not too far from here."
"But you only see him once a year? You don't want to see him more?" Rachel presses.
Quinn shrugs. "He wasn't someone who really wanted to be a parent."
Rachel's eyes are wide and sympathetic. "I'm sorry," she says softly, and she looks heartbroken. "Are you close with your mom?"
Quinn thinks about it. No, she and her mother aren't really close. She lives with her mother to save money-- Quinn has her sights on an MFA program in New York City after she graduates from Ohio State. She and her mother love each other. But they weren't close when she was growing up and even though her mother changed in a good way after the divorce, Quinn was never quite able of feeling comfortable around her mom. She trusts her mom, but she doesn't think she will ever sit down to have some heart-to-heart with her mother like other people allegedly do. But since she chose to stay in Lima for college, they're spending more time together than they ever have before-- they have a weekly dinner and movie night, which was never the case before.
"My mom and I are kind of complicated."
"Santana said you gave up going to Yale to stay with your mom."
Quinn chuckles. "No, it's not quite like that. My mom was pushing me to go to Yale and was ready to take on a bunch of loans under her name. My father is pretty wealthy, but when I was applying for colleges, my parents were still legally married, but he wasn't helping financially. I just couldn't do that to my mom. And anyway, I don't think an undergraduate degree matters that much. I think grad school is more important."
Rachel nods. "I agree," she says with a smile. "I turned down Yale, too."
Quinn smiles. "Just think, we might have met at Yale if we'd both gone."
Rachel grins. "It seems we were destined to meet eventually. Our many close calls."
Quinn laughs. "Why did you turn down Yale?"
"Academically, I had more latitude at Temple."
"Professor Berry," Quinn teases.
Rachel flinches. "Please don't call me that."
Quinn looks at her curiously. "What's wrong?"
"These girls I know…they call me that. But they mean it to be derogatory."
"Girls who go to your school?"
She's only known the kid for a short period of time, but the thought of people being mean to Rachel makes Quinn furious. She knows from Santana that Rachel had problems with bullies, but hearing Rachel talk about it is another thing entirely. And the thought of college-aged people being mean to Rachel makes Quinn want to rain down a world of hurt. That's just not okay.
"N-no. Not at Temple. Most of the people at Temple are really nice to me. I mean, mostly they ignore me. But when they talk to me, they're nice to me. And, of course, I'd prefer they be indifferent to me than be outright mean to me, so it's-it's fine. But these girls…they…they go to high school and they…" Rachel trails off. "The university offers tutoring services to the elementary, middle and high schools and I was assigned to the high school. A few of the girls needed tutoring. I met them through that and…" Rachel's voice peters off and her eyes well up. She crosses her arms in front of her chest and stares down at her food. "I don't want to talk about this anymore if that's okay with you."
"Of course, Rachel," Quinn says. "Look," she murmurs. "I know this is easy for me to say, since I'm not 15 anymore, but things really do get better."
Rachel smiles wryly through her tears. "Hmm," she says noncommittally. "I know you’re right. Thank you."
But the way Rachel says it, it's so obvious she doesn't believe Quinn. It upsets Quinn more than it should and she's still thinking about it when she and Rachel walk across the street to return to the museum.
Rachel continues to explore the museum while Quinn goes back to work and Quinn fires off a quick text to Santana to come to come by. She knows Santana and Brittany are just hanging out at Brittany's, and she doesn't want Rachel to be alone.
Santana shows up within 15 minutes.
"Where's Rachel?" Santana demands, looking around the gift shop.
"She's just looking around," Quinn informs. "I took her to lunch and we talked a little. She mentioned those girls you told me about and she seemed really upset. I can't keep my eye on her while I'm working."
"Thanks for watching out for her," Santana says, stepping forward to give Quinn a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, before running out of the gift shop.
"We invited Rachel to hang out," Brittany tells Quinn quietly. "But she didn't want to. It's not like we just abandoned her, you know?"
"I didn't think that, Brit," Quinn says softly.
Quinn watches and Brittany leaves, too.
--
When she gets off work that night, Santana, Brittany and Rachel are waiting for her. Rachel's going on about one of her research interests, and Quinn can see from the looks on Santana and Brittany's faces, that they can't follow a thing she's saying, but they’re trying not to say anything that would make her feel like she needs to stop talking. Quinn hears 'pattern formation in nonlinear dissipative systems,' 'turbulence in fluid mechanics,' and 'thermal convection' and feels so, so stupid. But it's also enthralling, because fuck, one day, this girl is going to make her mark on the world and Quinn will be able to say she knew her when she was just an awkward 15 year old girl.
"Hi, Quinn," Rachel greets with a wide smile.
That smile is absurdly infectious and Quinn smiles back.
It's kind of crazy, but it's the first time she realizes how pretty Rachel really is. The first day they met, she noticed Rachel was pretty in that 15 year old girl way. But now, with that wide smile and those pearly white teeth, she thinks the girl is really beautiful.
When Quinn smiles back, Rachel blushes and ducks her head, but she looks up again to meet Quinn's eyes. Rachel bites her lip and smiles shyly.
They talk about what they want to do that night, and they decide on a movie. Rachel blushes with embarrassment when she's carded for the R-rated movie and is reaching into her wallet to get out her student ID, but Santana stops her.
"Fuck you, Jewfro," Santana snaps at the guy working the ticket counter. "We graduated from high school together, so you know we're over 18. The only reason you want to see her ID is to see if she's legal, but you even eye her wrong and I'm going to set that shrub on your head on fire."
Jacob Ben Israel hastily forks over four tickets and they make their way to their seats.
--
Rachel ends up sitting in between Santana and Quinn. She clearly loves the movie. She laughs loudly through the funny parts of the movie and sniffles quietly through the sad parts. Santana, Quinn and Brittany sneak pleased smiles at one another behind Rachel's head. It's crazy how the sound of Rachel's laughter could make them all so happy.
After the movie, they go back to Quinn's house to hang out for a while and drink too many vodka and cranberries, so Santana, Brittany and Rachel end up crashing at Quinn's. In a rare moment of separation from Brittany, Santana and Rachel take Quinn's older sister's former room. Quinn and Brittany share the bed in Quinn's room.
"Don't skeeve on my girl, Fabray. I will beat you with a dog chain."
Quinn rolls her eyes. "Bring it," she says with a small, fond smile.
Santana's always been a big talker, and when pushed, she follows through with her threats of violence. But Quinn knows Santana would never be violent with her.
Rachel's eyes are enormous and she looks nervous. "Santana, I am certain that Quinn considers the rules of friendship to be sacrosanct and would never violate them to cast any romantic overtures toward Brittany and if being apart from Brittany is distressing, I can certainly walk home so that it becomes a non-issue and--"
"I was kidding," Santana soothes. "Brit would never choose Q over me anyway. Relax. And you aren't walking home." She slung her arm around Rachel. "Let's go to Taylor's old room."
"O-okay."
--
Quinn has the day off the next day, so it's decided that they're going to Edgewater Beach for the day, but only after Rachel makes them triple swear not to make her go into the water or forcibly throw her in. They draw straws over who has to drive, and Quinn loses. Quinn is certain that Santana and Brittany orchestrated it to make her lose because Quinn has a convertible and convertibles are perfect vehicles for driving to the beach.
Santana, Brittany and Rachel leave after breakfast to get ready and after an hour, Quinn picks up the three of them.
Even though Quinn was forced into driving, she doesn't really mind. Her car really is the perfect car to make the trip, and with snacks, good music and good friends, she can't complain.
Rachel rides up front with her, while Brittany and Santana ride in the back. Quinn looks through the rearview mirror every once in a while to see Brittany and Santana hold hands, kiss or rest their heads on each other's shoulders and the sight makes her smile.
They sing along to the radio, the sun kisses their faces and the wind blows through their hair. They could be a car commercial.
It takes a while for Rachel to get comfortable enough to sing, but once this Rilo Kiley song comes up on Quinn's iPod, Rachel lets out a squeal.
"I love this song!"
Rachel starts singing along, and okay, like, the song itself has a slow build. She's heard Rachel sing before, but just quietly and only along to Funny Girl. Full throttle, Quinn notices immediately Rachel has this amazing singing voice and by the time Jenny Lewis starts singing I've got nothing to give you, you see, except everything, everything, everything, all the good, and the bad Rachel's voice drowns out Jenny Lewis's voice and the rest of their voices, too. Quinn starts to get the chills. Because holy shit, how is this girl fifteen?
Santana, Brittany and Quinn stop singing along midway through the song, and just start listening to Rachel sing along with the song. Her voice soars and God, the people in the lane next to them who also have their windows down actually keep pace with them and stare at Rachel like they can't believe what they’re hearing either.
When the song ends, the people in the car next to them (with the exception of the driver) break into applause. Rachel blushes, but calls out a thank you.
"Holy shit, Rachel," Santana says. "Jesus Christ, you're amazing."
Rachel smiles. "Thank you, Santana," she says sincerely. "I love your voice as well. All of yours."
The four of them keep singing along with the radio and Rachel just keeps knocking all the songs out of the park. It's like, the kid's already gorgeous and some child prodigy. But now it turns out she's this amazing singer, too? It hardly seems fair that one person has been blessed like that. Quinn has to admit, it does make her a little jealous, but then she remembers the girl isn't even old enough for a driver's license and realizes she needs to just settle down. Plus, Rachel turns to the left and grins at her and Quinn can't help but smile back-- Rachel is just too darling.
They get to the beach and unpack the car. They find a place in the sand and set up a couple umbrellas for shade and hunker down under them.
Rachel wears a one-piece swimming suit with a thin long-sleeve button-up shirt over it, buttoned fairly high up, which Quinn finds a little odd because the girl barely has an ounce of fat on her. Quinn is proud of her body-- she eats right and exercises 6-7 times a week for at least an hour and half. But Rachel's belly is flat and her legs are gorgeous and there's absolutely nothing that girl needs to be ashamed about.
Rachel opens up a book and starts to read. Quinn tries to read the title, half-expecting some weird book about science or French medieval drama or something, but instead, Rachel is reading Danielle Steele. Quinn can't help but laugh.
Rachel blushes. "It seems appropriate to read at the beach."
It's apparently pretty good, because Rachel seems glued to the pages. Quinn re-reads County of the Pointed Firs which was assigned reading in a freshman English class, but she really liked it then, and it's perfect summer reading, so she's reading it now.
"I liked that one," Rachel comments when she sees what Quinn is reading.
Santana and Brittany play in the water for a while and come back to make out on the blanket. It's not vulgar or anything, so no one on the beach says anything. Quinn is accustomed to such displays, so she just ignores it. It's practically chaste by Santana and Brittany standards. But Rachel just stares at them when she isn't glued to her ridiculous romance novel.
Santana and Brittany leave again to get hot dogs, but they’re gone a long time, so it's clear what they’re doing.
Rachel dozes off and Santana and Brittany come back to their spot on the beach, giggling loudly.
Quinn shushes them, and Santana looks irritated until Quinn points toward Rachel.
Santana just nods and she and Brittany sprawl out again on the blanket on their bellies. Their legs swing in the air and they occasionally knock their legs into one another. Quinn just keeps reading and Santana and Brittany shut their eyes and eventually doze off, too.
Rachel wakes up and she smiles brightly at Quinn. They chat about inconsequential things for a while until this skinny teenage boy hesitantly approaches them. His approach rouses Santana and Brittany out of their light slumber, and it clearly irritates Santana. He gulps visibly when he sees the way Santana, Brittany and Quinn glare warningly at him, but his eyes are on Rachel.
"H-hi," he stutters. He looks down at Rachel. "I'm Andy."
Andy is about 5'8" and thin. He's only wearing a pair of swim trunks and his body has no real definition to it. He can't be any older than 15 or 16. His chest is practically concave and he has a light smattering of acne on his forehead. He's blond and green-eyed and while he's fairly cute, he still hasn't grown quite into his features yet. Despite the fact he's practically quaking in his flip-flops, he's showing a surprising amount of bravery, because he's still going through his awkward stage and he's honestly kind of reaching-- Rachel is way, way out of his league.
Rachel blushes and she instinctively moves closer to Quinn on the blanket. She kind of just cuddles into the blonde and Quinn feels protective.
"I'm Rachel," she says softly.
"Um. Are…are you new around here? What school do you go to?"
"N-no," Rachel says. "I don't live here. I'm visiting my cousin, Santana."
"Um, can I buy you an ice cream or something?"
"I--"
"Go ahead," Santana encourages. She reaches across Quinn to nudge Rachel's shoulder with her fist.
Rachel bites her lip, but gets up and slips her wedge slippers back on. "I'll…I'll be back."
The shoes elongates Rachel's legs which are already amazing. Andy blatantly stares at them and his gaze travels up Rachel's calves and thighs. Rachel is still wearing that white button down shirt over her one-piece, but it only covers just past her butt, and when she shifts, one could catch a glimpse of her ass.
"Andy," Santana calls out to the boy.
He looks terrified. "Yeah?"
"I keep razor blades in my hair. If you aren't back in half an hour, I'm coming for you."
Like, what the hell does that even mean, razor blades in her hair? Santana's been saying that since high school, but it makes zero sense to Quinn. But Andy clearly believes it because his eyes get big.
"Santana," Brittany chides. "Andy, just have fun. But be nice to Rachel."
He smiles at Brittany, flustered. "Okay."
Andy and Rachel walk off and Andy blatantly checks out Rachel's butt as they do.
"That little perv!" Santana exclaims, outraged. She's already starting to get up, but Brittany drags her down.
"San, leave it. She needs to be around some kids her own age. This could be good for her."
"Ugh, that kid needs to realize Rachel is way out of his league."
"San, Rachel is out of everyone's league who is her age. And you were the one who told her to go in the first place!"
Santana grumbles, but it’s clear she realizes this.
Twenty five minutes later, Andy walks Rachel back. Rachel is sipping an icy lemonade while Andy is happily slurping at an ice cream cone.
Vanilla, Quinn notes.
They stand around a little awkwardly. Rachel grabs her phone and passes it to Andy-- it's clear he asked for her number when they were alone. He punches in his number and calls himself using Rachel's phone and is satisfied once it connects. He passes the phone back to Rachel and they stand in front of each other for a little while before Rachel holds her hand out for a handshake at the exact moment Andy pushes forward to hug her. They end up doing this awkward handshake before Andy pulls Rachel forward into a hug. Then he walks back toward his own group with a final wave.
"He's cute, Rachel," Brittany says.
There's a pretty pink blush in Rachel's cheeks. "He lives in Lima, too. We…we might hang out later."
"Like on a date?" Santana teases.
"No!" Rachel denies. "Ju-just as friends. He-he's nice."
"You guys should be Facebook friends," Brittany suggests.
"I'm not on Facebook," Rachel says.
They gape at her.
"How could you not be on Facebook?" Santana asks.
Rachel shrugs.
"But aren't all your friends on Facebook?" Brittany asks.
Rachel flushes. She shrugs again. "I just don't see the necessity for Facebook," she says quietly.
She's uncomfortable again, so the subject gets dropped.
They hang out a little longer and eat dinner before they head home.
It's dark by the time they're on the road after dinner, but Quinn keeps the top down. Santana and Brittany tilt their heads back as they gaze up at the sky. They listen to music, but it's softer than the stuff they were listening to on the way to the beach. Santana and Brittany hum along to the music, while Rachel sings along very quietly.
Everybody's talking how I can't can't be your love, but I want want want to be your love, want to be love your love for real
But eventually Rachel falls asleep. She's still asleep by the time they drive back to Santana's house. Santana's dad is just getting home from the hospital, and even though he looks exhausted, he says he'd rather not wake Rachel up just yet. Rachel is small enough that he picks up her easily and carries her into the house.
Santana grabs her and Rachel's things and gets out of the car with a quick kiss to Brittany's lips. Once Santana, Rachel and Mr. Lopez get into the house, Brittany crawls into the front seat and Quinn drives Brittany home.
"Rachel is a cutie, isn't she?" Brittany asks once they get to Brittany's house.
"Yeah," Quinn agrees.
Brittany looks like she wants to say something more, but she just hugs Quinn and thanks her for the ride before she exits the car and walks into her house.
--
Over the next few days, Rachel hangs out with this Andy kid and his friends, and Santana reluctantly concedes that maybe it's good for Rachel to have a friend her own age while she visits. Plus, Santana feels less guilty when they go out to the 18-and-over clubs and can't take Rachel with them.
They tease Rachel that Andy is her boyfriend, but Rachel keeps denying it. She even starts to look a little mad that they tease her about it, so they back off.
One night, Rachel agrees to go to a party with them at Puck's house. Rachel wears a skirt that she brought with her that leaves very little to the imagination and a tank top that's pretty modest because it exposes no cleavage. It's cut pretty high up-- almost up to her neck, but Rachel's arms look toned and awesome in it, so it's a good look.
The look Puck gets on his face when they walk in with Rachel is so blatantly sexual that it would have been comical if Rachel were just a little older. He's drinking a beer with Finn and they both practically run over to meet Rachel.
Santana scowls. "She's 15, Fuckerman and Finnept."
They get this look of hilarious disgust and dismay. Finn just walks away looking like he got kicked in the crotch, but Puck sticks his hand out and shakes Rachel's hand like a gentleman. He smiles and tells her to treat his house like it's hers and offers to get her a drink.
"We're the only ones give her drinks tonight," Santana says sternly.
He nods and smiles again at Rachel before he walks away.
"He seems nice," Rachel says softly.
"He's too old for you, don't get any ideas, Rach."
"I wasn't," Rachel protests softly.
Santana looks skeptical, but she doesn't say anything further.
They start Rachel off slow. Santana mixes her a weak drink that's prettier than it is strong. Rachel takes it hesitantly, but when she takes her first sip, she smiles widely.
"It tastes pink."
That makes them explode with laughter.
Over the course of the night, they make sure Rachel is never alone. The four of them stick together for the most part, though Santana, Brittany and Quinn each individually leaves the group for short periods of time to have conversations with others.
They make sure Rachel drinks a glass of water for every drink she finishes, so by the time they leave, Rachel is clearly drunk, but she's not sloppy or anywhere near getting sick.
They walk to Quinn's house because they're all too blitzed to drive and it's not that far away despite the fact none of them are wearing shoes conducive to walking half a mile.
They're all so drunk, no one thinks it's weird when they just collapse into Quinn's bed to pass out.
--
Chapter Text
The next morning, Quinn gives them all clothes they can bum around in while her mom makes them breakfast. Her mom doesn't care that they all drank last night because she knows they didn't drive and they all watched out for one another. Back in high school, her mother used to come down pretty hard on her every time she got caught drinking despite the fact her mother is this borderline alcoholic. But now that she's in college, her mom just wants her to be safe. She seems a little pissed that they got Rachel drunk, but it's clear her mom is just as charmed by Rachel as every other adult.
They're in her room after breakfast hanging out for a bit before everyone has to go home, when the t-shirt Rachel borrowed from her rides down, exposing part of her chest.
There's this scar in the middle of Rachel's chest, down the middle of Rachel's cleavage. It’s easily concealable with the right bra and shirt, but Rachel's not wearing a bra right now and her breasts aren't so pornographically enlarged that they’re all squished together like Pamela Anderson's. That's a lot of fixation on a 15 year old's breasts, but the point is, Quinn wasn't looking or anything, but she sees the scar anyway.
Rachel catches Quinn's stare, flushes a bright red and immediately pulls up her shirt so that it goes all the way up to her neck.
Santana sees and her face darkens. "Eyes up, Fabray."
Rachel's still a dark pink. "I-it's okay, San." She swallows visibly. "Um, t-the scar is from a heart transplant I had when I was two."
"You were 22 months old, Rach," Santana interrupts quietly.
Rachel rolls her eyes. "I had a heart defect called Anomalous Left Coronary Artery from the Pulmonary Artery. And when I was 22 months old," she said, casting a look at Santana, who rolled her eyes in response. "I had a heart transplant."
"Wow," Quinn said softly. She hazards a glance at Brittany, but the other blonde does not look surprised at all, so it's clear she must have known already. "How are you doing now?"
"I'm really good," Rachel says with a smile. "I was closely monitored when I was growing up, but there was no rejection or anything, so I'm really good now. I still follow up with my cardiologist, but really, I'm fine."
"Were you really sick as a child?" Quinn asks quietly.
"She had a heart transplant before she was even two, Q. What do you think?"
"San, be nice," Rachel scolds. "Yes, I was ill as a baby," she informs. "But I'm in perfect health now."
The thought of this kid as a sickly, dying infant-- and she must have been dying if she needed a goddamn heart transplant, breaks Quinn's heart.
It makes sense now to Quinn why Rachel refused to allow them into the fitting room with her when they went to the mall. Or why she chose to wear as one-piece swim suit rather than a bikini. Or why the tops Rachel wore tended to be really conservative, almost grandmotherly even though her skirts and shorts tended to border on slutty. In retrospect, Rachel is just so self-conscious about her appearance and it all makes sense now.
This poor kid.
The topic changes and they talk about how hilarious Tina Cohen-Chang is when she's drunk. Soon after, her friends go home. Quinn can't help but think of Rachel for the rest of the day.
--
Over the next few weeks, Rachel visits Quinn at work at least one or two days out of the week. Frequently more.
It starts out with the two of them hanging out when Quinn has her breaks and eating lunch together. But it soon morphs into Rachel hanging out in the gift shop. Rachel is considerate and doesn't distract Quinn when there are customers around-- she just thumbs through the books on the shelf. Quinn is certain that by now Rachel has read all the books the museum sells. There's always at least two people working in the shop at any given time, and no one, not even the manager, minds that Rachel is around.
Rachel makes good conversation and Quinn is certain that Rachel could talk to a piece of string. Most of the time, it's easy to forget their five year age difference.
In addition to Rachel's visits breaking up the monotony of Quinn's work days, Santana, Brittany and Quinn take Rachel to the beach at least once a week, and each time, they have an amazing time. They take Rachel out to parties, bonfires, the mall and the other few places they can take a 15 year old. Rachel also keeps spending a lot of time with Andy and his friends.
Santana, Brittany and Quinn continue to tease her about it, even though Rachel really does get kind of irate.
There's this unspoken pact between the three of them that they want to make this summer as amazing as possible for Rachel, and so far, Rachel seems like she's having a really great time.
She seems happy and carefree. One day, she gets a sunburn, but on her, it’s cute.
Then one day, Santana catches Rachel and Andy having sex at the house.
Santana is furious and kicks Andy out of the house. She yells at Rachel and makes the girl cry.
Quinn is perplexed by how angry Santana is-- Santana lost her virginity when she was 13 to Puckerman, and Santana's always had a fairly relaxed attitude toward sex. Before she and Brittany became exclusive, those girls were indiscriminately having sex with half the student body at McKinley.
"I'm not pissed that she's having sex, I'm pissed that she lied to me about it! She said she wasn't dating him!"
"Maybe they aren't dating, maybe it was just sex."
Santana looks furious. "Are you saying my cousin is a slut or something?"
"You were the one who used to say that sex isn't dating."
"Well, that doesn't include my 15 year old cousin!"
But the thing is, Santana is so unaccountably angry that she basically ignores Rachel. Yeah, they still hang out-- Santana would never ice Rachel out like that. But when they hang out, Santana just ignores Rachel and it's mean. Rachel does this thing where she hesitantly calls out to Santana, to ask her a question or offer her a brownie or a french fry or something, and Santana just rolls her eyes and doesn't respond.
It's mean and juvenile and Quinn points out repeatedly to Santana that she's not the 15 year old, Rachel is.
"You just don't get it," Santana snaps.
"Well, then explain it to me," Quinn says. She really doesn't understand why Santana is so pissed off, because she keeps on with the act even when Brittany threatens to cut her off sexually if she doesn’t stop being such a bitch to Rachel.
But Santana doesn't give any explanation.
It goes on for a week and Rachel brings it up when she visits her at work one day. They're grabbing lunch from the museum cafeteria while they talk about it.
"Is she really that mad at me?" Rachel asks, her voice shaking. She looks like she's going to cry, and oh God, Quinn really doesn't want the girl to start crying. She thinks anyone would be powerless at the sight of Rachel crying, because right now, Rachel just looks sad and Quinn's heart is already clenching. Rachel Berry has the saddest sad face. Add tears to that, and she could get the Pope to give her the Vatican just to make her smile again. And Rachel is a Jew.
"I think she'll get over it," Quinn says. "I really think it's just because you're only 15."
Rachel's voice wavers. "I didn't even really want to," she says, her voice cracking.
Quinn's heart stops. "What?"
Oh, if Rachel is going to say what Quinn is thinking, then that Andy kid is going to end up dead by the end of the day. He really is.
Rachel sees the look on Quinn's face and rushes to clarify. "No, no. Not like that. I wasn't forced or anything. Andy is a gentleman. He's wonderful."
Quinn sighs with relief. "Okay."
"I didn't really want to though," Rachel says, teary-eyed. "We've kissed and I didn't really want to do that either. But I just let the kissing happen, so when he…" she swallows hard. "When he started to push for more, it was…I didn't know how to tell him to stop. And it was…it was easy for me to keep him away from my chest. I could control that, so…I-I didn't even have to take off my shirt, so he never even saw my…" she swallows hard. "You know," she whispers. "The scar."
Quinn looks at her sympathetically. She didn't see the extent of the scar, but she could tell it was fairly large. "Honey, we all have things about our bodies we don't like."
"That's easy for you to say," Rachel sniffs. "You're perfect."
"Believe me, honey. I'm not perfect. And you're a really pretty kid."
Rachel blushes. "I…No…I'm not…I…"
Quinn smiles and reaches across the table to still Rachel's flailing hands. Rachel talks a lot with her hands and it's cute, but she really wants Rachel to listen carefully.
"Rachel, really. You are really beautiful. And you have nothing to be ashamed about."
Rachel clutches her hands over her chest, where the scar is, as though she's hiding it. Even though with the shirt she's wearing, there's no way it could be visible. "But it's so ugly," she says softly.
"It's not," Quinn assures gently. "Rachel, if the only reason you slept with him is because you thought you could get away with him not seeing a part of your body you're not comfortable exposing, then you're setting yourself up for a lot of heartbreak because it means you're always just going to settle for what's safe, not necessarily for what you really want."
Rachel looks like she's ready to sob, but she sucks in this huge shuddering breath, the way little kids do when they’re trying to be brave and stop crying. "That wasn't the only reason," she says, her voice really small. "I just…I needed to see something and I…" her voice wavers and she stops talking.
Quinn isn't really sure where Rachel is going with this and Rachel has a tendency to ramble and get way off point, so she decides to direct the conversation a little.
"When you say you just needed to see something, are you talking anatomically?
It's actually a legitimate question, even if it comes off a little funny. But it makes Rachel laugh.
"No!" Rachel exclaims.
Quinn feels sort of stupid, but she's glad Rachel laughed, so she has no regrets.
"I know what a penis looks like," Rachel says bluntly. "And if I had curiosities about what they look like, I can always look on the internet."
Rachel's a little loud, and when she says 'penis' there are people who look their way.
Quinn flushes with embarrassment, because it's clear that she's an adult and Rachel's a kid, and she wonders if people think she's some kind of predatory pervert.
"Rachel," Quinn warns gently. "Inside voice okay?"
Rachel blushes. "Okay." She sobers. "I just needed to see for myself…" she hedges.
"What did you need to see?"
Rachel's eyes well up again. "I don't like boys that way," she whispers. "I've known for a long time, but I never really had an opportunity to be around guys my own age t-to ch-check. Then Andy…" she trails off. She sniffles. "And now I know. I knew even after he kissed me, but I-I hoped that if we had sex, maybe…" Rachel looks so sad. "I'm gay," she whispers really quietly.
Quinn feels like an asshole, because Rachel's been in town for about a month, and they've all teased her about boys, just assuming when they all should have known better. Santana's gay, Brittany's bisexual, but she's more specifically Santana-sexual and Quinn herself identifies as bisexual as well. She's generally more sexually attracted to men, but she tends to fall more deeply in love with women. Quinn can't believe they all just assumed Rachel was straight.
"Rachel, it's okay," Quinn says gently.
She's not sure why this is so distressing. Rachel's fathers are gay and her mother is obviously gay-friendly if she was the surrogate for Rachel's fathers. Santana's gay, too, so it’s obvious that there are people in Rachel's family who are accepting.
"It's not," Rachel whispers. "It's absolutely not okay."
"Rachel, it is okay," Quinn assures.
It's taken Quinn a long time to get to this point. She grew up in a religious family and she's still closeted with her father, so she's glad she barely sees him. She likes men and women, but she recalls she got crushes on boys and girls as early as kindergarten. She remembers remarking she'd like to marry her kindergarten teacher, Ms. Baker, who was this pretty 23 year old brunette barely out of college. Her father beat her senseless right at the dinner table and the very next day, she was swapped out to a male kindergarten teacher. She grew up having to pray on her knees for hours and the church she grew up in was pretty intolerant. It was only after her father walked out on the family that Quinn felt like she could breathe in her own house, and her mother was the very last person she told that she liked girls.
It took her a long time, but she's at peace with her sexuality.
"It's not," Rachel whispers. "Not for me. I just…I can't ever seem to be just normal. Even from the very beginning, my very first organ betrays me. I couldn't even do that right, so it necessitated a heart transplant. And then it turns out that I'm this freak and I skip all these grades and everyone my age thinks I'm this weirdo." Rachel's voice breaks. "I don't even have any friends." She sniffles. "And I'm not some weirdo," she says, her voice small and cracking.
"Of course you're not," Quinn says and she is on the verge of tears herself. She doesn't really get it because she's not very emotional, but she's a sympathetic crier when it comes to this girl. And just like she expected, she can’t stand the sight of this girl crying. "You're just extraordinary."
"I just want to be normal," Rachel mumbles. "I just wanted one thing about me to be normal, and I can't even do that. I can't even like boys like a normal girl."
"Rachel, lots of normal girls like girls. Being gay is perfectly normal."
"But it's still different," Rachel points out, her voice shaking. "And it’s just one more way that I'm different, and I don't know why this has to be so hard for me. Why can't I just have this one thing where I'm like most of the world?"
A thought occurs to Quinn when she remembers what Santana told her about why Rachel's spending the summer in Lima
"Is that why you tried to kill yourself?" Quinn asks gently, quietly.
Rachel freezes and her face becomes crimson. She looks humiliated. "Santana told you?" she asks, her voice cracking. She starts to get to her feet like she's going to run away.
Quinn reaches out and puts her hand on Rachel's arm. "It's okay," she whispers. "Just sit down, okay?"
Rachel sniffles but complies. "It's not the only reason," she whispers. "But it's part of it." She swallows hard. "I just thought it would be better that way."
They really needed to get out of here so they can talk in private.
"Hey," Quinn says. "Why don't we go hang out? I'll take the rest of the day off work. We can go talk."
Rachel nods silently.
Quinn knows she needs to get Rachel out of there before they both break down. They leave the cafeteria and Quinn clocks out to take the rest of the day off. She'll miss the money, but not enough to leave Rachel hanging like this. Rachel gets into the car with her and they drive to her house.
They pick up the conversation again once they get to Quinn's room.
"What's going on, Rachel?" Quinn asks softly.
"It doesn't matter. Thank you for listening to me. I--"
"What’s going on, Rachel?" Quinn presses.
"I'm certain you have better things to do than waste your time--"
"What's going on, Rachel?"
Rachel sighs raggedly. "I just didn't want to have one more thing about me be different," Rachel says quietly. "And I…" she swallows visibly. "I met this girl," she admits softly. "She's one of the girls I tutored at the high school. But she's…she's older than me. She's 18 now, and…I unintentionally outted her," Rachel admits with a sigh. "She was out to her family-- they're amazing. But she wasn't out to her friends and one day, we'd been dating for a few months, I just…I wanted to declare my feelings and I'm all about the grand gesture…"
Quinn fights a smile, because yeah, she can totally see that.
"I didn't know she had friends over," Rachel said softly "Because she said she was going to just hang out with her family. So when I went over there with my guitar--" she winces at the memory. "I sang her our song, and her friends were there and they started to make fun of me and then of her and…" she trails off. "It was such a mess."
"Oh, honey," Quinn says softly, because honestly, she can empathize with both sides. Not the bullies who were mean, but with Rachel and that little girlfriend.
"Karen never talked to me after that unless it was to tell me to get sterilized or to just kill myself," Rachel says softly.
"What?!" Quinn asks, outraged. She's done empathizing with that little girlfriend, now she wants to kill her.
"It's okay," Rachel says. "I know why she's doing it."
"Wait, doing it? Like, present tense? Not past tense?"
Rachel bites her lip and reaches into her purse to pull out her cell phone. She fiddles with it and then passes it to Quinn.
Quinn looks at the list of text messages. She can't see the content of all of them, just the list and the first few words of each text messages. Most of the text messages are from phone numbers that Rachel hasn't saved to her contacts. But one set of text messages is from a Karen Fulton. All of them say things like "Freak" and "Whore" and "Kill yourself" and "Get sterilized."
Quinn's eyes tear up at the sight of them and she realizes if those text messages affected her like this, it must have torn Rachel down. She sees that some of the text messages are as recent as this afternoon.
"Honey, this…this isn't right."
"It's okay," Rachel says wearily. "I have it coming."
"No," Quinn says strongly. "No, you don't. No one deserves that. Rachel, what they’re doing is not okay."
"It just got to be too much for me," Rachel said. "And then I got this offer from Cal Tech to go there after I graduate from Temple to enter in their PhD program. It was a full ride and they said I could teach undergrad classes while I attended my grad classes." Rachel sniffled. "And that was just the last straw."
The jump in topics is jarring, but rather than redirecting Rachel, Quinn decides just to go with it.
"Why was that the last straw?"
"It's just not what I want," Rachel says softly. "I don't want to go to Cal Tech. I don't want to work in a lab. I don't want to study Economics either. And even though I like all my English classes better than my Econ or Physics classes, I don't want to do that either. I don't want any of it. But my parents have already put so much into this and I just…I can't disappoint them. I owe them. I was so sick when I was a kid and my parents have already been through so much. Like, my mom-- she wasn't even supposed to be involved in my life. She signed a contract she wouldn't try to contact me until I was 18, but when I got sick, I was two months old, and they all thought I was going to die because I had my first heart attack then."
Quinn can't help it, she starts to cry then, because the thought of this sickly baby growing into this sad teenager is just too much for her. It's not loud or anything, and Rachel is so lost in her own story that she doesn't notice that Quinn's started to cry, which is probably a good thing.
"I was in the hospital a lot then and my dads contacted my mom because they thought if I was going to die anyway, then I should be surrounded by love and support." Rachel wipes at her eyes. "My dads didn't want her around, but they called her because they thought it would be best for me. And my mom didn't have to come back, but she did for me. And through everything, my parents always supported me. Like, you should see the books they've all read over the years raising me-- all these books about raising intellectually gifted kids. They always, always put me first. And all of them keep saying how I'm going to do so much for the world, how they're really proud of me because of it." She sniffles. "But I don't want to do it."
"What do you want to do?" Quinn asks.
"I want to be an actress on Broadway," Rachel says softly.
Normally, that would make Quinn laugh, because like, doesn't everyone say that? But Rachel looks so bleak when she says that, and Quinn can't laugh.
"Isn't your mom an actress on Broadway though?" Quinn asks.
"Yes, but…"Rachel trails off. "I can't be an actress. It would mean all the money and time my parents put in would be wasted. And like, I have a career path that is a certainty right now. How can I trade that in for a profession that's known to be capricious? And I'm realistic that I'mnot attractive enough to win any roles--"
"You're beautiful," Quinn interjects sincerely.
Rachel seems to ignore her. "I've accepted that I can't be what I want, that I have to go into a profession that I don't really want to do, just because I'm good at it. I was okay with that when I thought I'd have someone to share my life with." She swallows. "I was so in love with her," she whispers. "But knowing that I have to have a career I don't want, and have to spend my entire life alone and knowing that I was always going to be different in every area of my life, it was just too much."
"Rachel," Quinn says gently. "I am really familiar with trying to live your life by family expectations and you can't do it. You're 15 years old. You have a lifetime ahead of you."
Rachel sniffled. "That's just it. Even if I die young, like by the time I'm 30, that's 15 years of a life I don't want. I can't live like this anymore."
Quinn swallows hard. "Rachel, I need you to be honest with me," she says lowly. "Are you thinking of killing yourself?"
Rachel looks at her warily. "Whatever I decide is my choice."
Quinn's heart thumps in her chest. She's having a hard time breathing. Jesus Christ, when she agreed to take Santana's little cousin under her wing, this wasn't what she signed up for. She's not equipped for this.
"We're a lot alike, you know," Quinn says. "I'm not a genius and I don't have the amazing voice that you do. Make no mistake, you could make it on Broadway if you wanted. You're beautiful and talented and don't let anyone tell you any differently. But I know what it's like not to want disappoint your family's expectations, and I can tell you that your family would rather be disappointed than you kill yourself because you didn't want to disappoint them."
Quinn barely knows this kid, but it would break her heart if anything ever happened to her.
"I'd rather kill myself than disappoint my family," Rachel says softly. The tears start to fall. "Santana hates me now. She barely even looks at me. I can't disappoint anyone else in my family."
It's just so sad.
"You're 15," Quinn points out. "Your life hasn't even begun yet," she whispers.
Rachel swipes her palms across her eyes. "Maybe if I were the average 15 year old, but--"
"Okay, I can concede you’re way above average," Quinn says with a small smile. "But you're still 15 and nothing can ever convince me that your life has gone so wrong that the only option for you is to kill yourself."
"I just feel out of options," Rachel says hopelessly. "I had this internship with the Coroner's office and it just got me thinking. I didn't want to kill myself at home-- I didn't want my fathers or my mother to find me and if I died in their homes, it would diminish their immediate resale value and I knew my parents would not have lived in the home I died in. I didn't want to do it in my dorm because I was worried the university would, like, penalize my parents somehow for it. So I went to my internship with some Vicodin I bought from this boy in my dorm. I mean, it was the Coroner's office and since I knew I'd end up there anyway, I thought it would be convenient."
Quinn feels sick. The thought Rachel would worry about such trivial things while she was miserable enough to want to die is heart-shattering. "What did you do?"
"I took the Vicodin. I should have used vodka or something, but I didn't. I just used water. And then I laid down on the table where the coroner conducts autopsies."
"Oh, Rachel," Quinn whispers.
"I just thought it would be efficient."
"Oh, Rachel," Quinn repeats softly. "Nothing could be so bad for you to do all that. You-you can’t do that, honey. You have to promise me you won't ever try something like that again. Never."
Rachel looks despondent.
"I'm always going to be different, I'll never be normal and I'll never be able to have a life I really want, because what I want would basically spit in the faces of people who actually do love me. And I don't think I can afford to do that." Rachel starts to cry. "I don't have any options left."
"You aren't out of options-- that much I can promise you," Quinn murmurs. "Come here," she says, softly, spreading her arms out, beckoning Rachel.
Rachel's face trembles as she practically throws herself into Quinn's arms.
Quinn holds Rachel as she sobs.
"Life will get better than this," Quinn promises quietly. "Honest, it does. Please believe me."
Rachel doesn't respond-- she just continues to cry.
Quinn tries to comfort Rachel the best she can, but Rachel basically cries herself to sleep.
--
Rachel wakes up about an hour later, and she looks mortified.
"It's okay," Quinn assures gently.
They meet up with Santana and Brittany for dinner, and when Rachel and Brittany go off to use the bathroom, Quinn punches Santana in the shoulder as hard as she can.
"Ow! Jesus Christ on a cross, what the hell was that for?" Santana demands.
"Stop ignoring her," Quinn warns lowly. "You're being mean and she's 15 years old. She looks up to you and she needs people in her corner. So, stop it."
Santana looks guilty. "Did she say something to you?"
Quinn refuses to break Rachel's confidence. "San," she says. "Why are you so upset with her?"
"She's just a kid," Santana says softly. "I don't want her…having sex."
Quinn snorts. "Santana, you say that if you can't have sex everyday, your digestion will suck."
"I'm an adult. Rachel's 15."
"San," Quinn says. "She really needs people, okay? Just start being nice to her again."
Santana swallows visibly. "I don't even know why I'm so mad," she admits.
"Well, you are an unreasonable asshole," Quinn points out.
Santana smiles wryly. "Thanks, Q."
"Anytime."
Santana sighs. "Okay, Q. You win."
When Rachel and Brittany get back to the table, Santana pulls Rachel into her lap and just hugs her. They don't really say anything, but Rachel's smile becomes huge. They sit like that for a few minutes, cheek-to-cheek, before Santana says "shove off now, kid," and Rachel complies.
--
A couples days later, Rachel comes home from hanging out with Andy a little earlier than anticipated. Santana, Brittany and Quinn are quietly getting drunk in Santana's room while listening to the Drive soundtrack. They don't realize Rachel is home until they hear water running and they all get up to investigate.
Rachel's crying in the en suite bathroom and the look on Santana's face is insane and frightening.
They're waiting for Rachel when she emerges and she immediately runs to Santana and throws her arms around her.
It takes a few minutes for Rachel to calm down enough to say what happened.
"Andy thought it was weird I don't have a Facebook," Rachel says with a sniffle. "So he Googled me and he found some articles Time and Newsweek did on me and he got mad at me and said I lied to him because I told him I was still in high school."
"Honey, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" Brittany asks.
Rachel's lip wobbled. "I just wanted to be normal." She sniffed. "I hate the internet," she declares balefully.
"He's the creeper that Googled you, Rach," Santana says.
"I thought he was my friend," Rachel whispers.
"It won't always be like this, Rachel," Quinn says softly. She feels so helpless.
"It doesn't matter," Rachel says with a teary smile. "I go back to school in a few weeks anyway."
"Come on," Santana says. "We'll go to Fuckerman's and see if we can get you some cute boy to hook up with. Someone your age."
Quinn cringes. That's the last thing Rachel needs. Santana is all over the place with this thing. It's so weird. "San," she intervenes.
"I know I freaked out about you and this Andy kid," Santana tells Rachel. "But the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."
Rachel looks so depressed. "It's okay, San. I'm okay, really. I just want to stay in and watch Funny Girl."
"We'll hang with you."
"I just really want to be alone right now."
"But--"
"Please?"
"Okay," Santana sighs.
When Quinn goes home that night, she passes Rachel's room. It's dark, but Quinn can hear Rachel crying.
Quinn sighs and quietly knocks. She waits for a moment, but when she gets no response, she enters anyway. Rachel keeps crying and Quinn slowly makes her way to the bed and gets in beside Rachel. She puts her arms around Rachel and pulls her close.
Rachel's sobs grow louder as she cuddles into Quinn, burying her face into Quinn's neck.
Quinn strokes Rachel's hair. "Honey, it's not always going to be like this."
"Yes, it will," Rachel sobs.
Quinn has to roll her eyes. This was the thing about 15 year olds, even the ones with genius IQs-- they have no perspective. She laughs gently, because yeah, she can totally remember being 15 and feeling just like this, so she can't blame Rachel at all. "No, it won't," Quinn murmurs.
"I can't even go a summer without being found out as a freak," Rachel whisper-cries.
"You aren't a freak," Quinn soothes. "God, I don't even know what you're crying about, really, sweetheart. You're beautiful. You're a literal genius. You're crazy talented. That's like, this trifecta for success."
Rachel laughs sardonically. "I'd give it all up if I knew someone would love me." She pauses. "Romantically. Not like how my parents love me." Rachel wavers. "It doesn't even have to be another girl," she says softly. "I'll be straight if I have to. I had sex with Andy and it was okay. I…I can do it if I have to. But no one is ever going to love me, so it's a non-issue."
Quinn sighs quietly. "Rachel, sweetheart. It feels that way now, but…"
"Karen told everyone about m-my scar and now they all call me Zipper." Rachel's voice shakes. "I think that'll be the story of my life," she sighs. "I've never been in school with anyone my own age and the one time I do meet someone, I end up ruining it."
Quinn's body practically vibrates with rage. Her jaw clenches so hard, she gets a headache. It's hypocritical to judge this Karen girl so harshly because back in the day, she was pretty cruel, too. But the cruelty of calling a girl who has a scar from a heart transplant "Zipper," just seems unspeakably and breathtakingly cruel.
"Rachel, any girl worth loving won't care about that," Quinn whispers. Quinn is very careful to use a gender-specific word. "Any girl worth loving would know she's lucky that you would even give her the time of day."
"You don't have to be quite so hyperbolic," Rachel sniffs.
Quinn laughs gently. "I'm not being hyperbolic. Rachel, sweetheart. One day, you're going to realize that I'm right."
She's had to reassure Rachel of this so many times, Quinn realizes that even if Rachel is her intellectual superior and is advanced cognitively, when it comes to emotions, she's very much 15. And it is in this arena that Quinn knows she's smarter than Rachel. She really wants Rachel to take her word for it, but she also gets how hard it must be.
It's quiet between them for a long moment and then Rachel rubs her nose on Quinn's collarbone.
"Quinn?" Rachel says quietly. "You…you're really beautiful."
Quinn freezes, because shit. Rachel is stunning, really. And Quinn can't deny there have been moments when the sight of Rachel has stirred up something carnal deep inside her. But Rachel is 15 years old and it's illegal. And every time she's felt longing for that girl, Quinn has felt an immediate sense of guilt.
"Honey," Quinn says softly. She cups Rachel's face in her hands. "You're 15, and I'm 20. It's wrong. Whatever you're thinking…"
"I won't tell anyone," Rachel says softly as she clings to Quinn. "It's not wrong. You're so beautiful and…I promise, if you let me...I-I can make you feel really good. Even Karen conceded to that. And it's dark," she whispers. "You won't even have to look at my body, you can just lay there and close your eyes and--"
Quinn's wet and tempted. She desperately wants to give into temptation. She would love nothing more than those fingers between her legs or that mouth licking the inside of her thighs. There would be no lights turned off-- she longed to see every inch of that body. But she can't.
Quinn can't help but let out a little moan at the mere thought of it. But she gets a hold of herself.
"I can't," Quinn whispers. "It is wrong. There's a huge difference between 15 and 20."
Quinn feels Rachel slump against her.
"Okay," Rachel says with a sniffle. "I-I get it. I'm sure you…you could have your pick of anyone and there's no reason you need to settle for me."
"No," Quinn says strongly. "It's not like that at all. You have no idea how much I want to give in. But it can't happen right now."
"Why?" Rachel pleads. "This summer has been amazing because of you. And I-I'm not a virgin or anything. I-I think I'm in love with you and--"
"Honey," Quinn interrupts gently. "Nothing will ever happen between you and me as long as you're 15. If you were 18, there would be no question in my mind. But until you're legal, nothing will ever happen."
Rachel deflates even more. "I'm basically an adult. I live on my own--well, in the dorms. I'm even going to graduate from college before you."
Quinn hugs her. "Look me up when you're 18, honey."
"You're probably going to be with someone," Rachel says softly. "I won't disturb that."
"You might be with someone, too."
Rachel laughs self-deprecatingly. "I'll definitely be single."
Quinn holds Rachel as they talk softly until Rachel drifts off. Quinn kisses Rachel's forehead and disentangles herself gently before she climbs out of the bed. She exits the room quietly and shuts the door gently.
She only takes a step before she sees Santana climbing up the stairs holding a glass of water.
Oh no.
The look of rage on Santana's face is frightening.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Santana growls.
"San…"
"What the fuck are you doing?" Santana repeats.
"San--"
"What the fuck did you do?!" Santana shouts. She throws the glass of water aside and rushes Quinn, shoving her so that her back slamsagainst the door of Rachel's bedroom. "You bitch! I trusted you! You fucking bitch! She's 15 years old! I trusted you!" Santana shakes Quinn like a rag doll.
"I didn't do anything!" Quinn defends.
She can't believe this. She can't believe she's getting attacked when she didn't do anything, when she tried to be good.
"She's just a kid!" Santana screams. Santana pulls her hand back and slaps Quinn, hard, in the face.
Quinn immediately clutches her hand to her cheek.
The doors to the occupied bedrooms in the house open, and Quinn is mortified that Dr. and Mrs. Lopez step out of the master bedroom, looking worried and bewildered.
Rachel opens the door and steps out.
"San?"
Santana looks at Rachel. "Are you okay, Rachel?" She peers closely at Rachel's tear-stained face and misinterprets everything. The look she gives Quinn is murderous. "I'm going to kill you, Fabray!"
"We didn't do anything!" Rachel exclaims, insinuating herself between Quinn and Santana. "She just comforted me. I was upset and she just hugged me. That's it! Nothing happened! She even made it very clear that nothing would ever happen between us. Nothing happened, San!"
Quinn wants to cry because she can't believe Santana would jump to conclusions like that.
Santana still looks suspicious. "Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
Santana can't meet Quinn's eyes. "Q," she whispers. "Q, I-I'm sorry," she says, her voice cracking.
"Whatever," Quinn says, her vision is blurry with tears. "I should get home."
"Wait, Quinn! Stay the night!" Brittany pleads.
"Quinn," Maribel entreats. "Please, stay in Michael's old room."
"Thank you, Mrs. Lopez, but I should get going."
Quinn is humiliated as she walks down the stairs. She barely hears Rachel yelling at Santana as she walks away, she's so fixated on just going home. She's outside walking to her car when she hears someone shouting her name, but she doesn't turn around. She hears bare feet slapping against pavement.
Santana slams into her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she cries, throwing her arms around Quinn and hugging her from behind.
"Forget it," Quinn says flatly.
"It's just you were coming out of her bedroom and I thought you left hours ago--"
"Forget it," Quinn repeats, keeping her voice steady even though she is ready to burst into tears. She knows how bad that must have looked, but God, where's the trust?
"Q, please--"
"Let me go, San."
She feels Santana tremble before she pulls away.
Quinn doesn't look back before she gets into her car and drives away.
--
She has to go to work the next day, and it's a miserable experience for her. She takes her lunch break crying in one of the bathrooms and when she gets back, she sees a bouquet of gardenias.
"They're for you," May, her coworker, tells her.
There's a note attached reading
I'm sorry. It was all my fault. Please call her.
-R
Honestly, the person with the least amount of blame in all this is Rachel. She wants to text Rachel to tell her it wasn't her fault, but she realizes she doesn't actually have Rachel's phone number, which only heightens the absurdity of the night before.
She knows she's had some impure thoughts about Rachel, but God, who wouldn't? But Quinn has never once lost sight of the fact that Rachel is a kid, even when she was tempted to do so. Yeah, she had some impure thoughts, but her intentions were always pure. She would never take advantage of a kid like that, not even a gorgeous, wiser-than-her-years kid who is warm and willing. She's depressed about the whole thing, because at least if she actually slept with Rachel, it might make getting slapped by Santana worth it. But Quinn would never have forgiven herself if she had-- there's a line drawn in the sand over those kinds of things and Quinn refuses to overstep. She will steal liquor from her mother, go into work late with impunity and steal pens from restaurants if the ink appeals to her. But she has enough integrity to refrain from seducing the 15 year old cousin of one of her best friends. She's hurt the said best friend doesn't realize that.
When she gets off work that night, she walks to the parking lot and sees Santana leaning against her car.
"I hate it when you do that. I don't want you scratching the paint."
"I'm sorry, Q," Santana says softly.
"Okay."
"Look, I know I was a total cunt. I just jumped to conclusions and blew up at you just like that useless tit of an ex-boyfriend of yours. But I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for hitting you."
"Okay."
"You can totally take a swing at me."
"Forget it."
"Q, just hit me. We'll both feel better."
"I said forget it, Santana."
Santana swallows hard and hesitantly reaches for Quinn, taking her by the arm. "Please accept my apology, Q."
"Apology accepted, S," Quinn says. "But I'm just going to go home. I need some time away from you to cool off. But we're fine."
Quinn gets into her car and drives away before Santana can respond.
--
By the next day, things go back to normal. It's unceremonious, just the way Quinn likes it. Besides, Rachel has to go back to school in a week and Santana and Brittany have to go back in two, so time is precious and running out.
They don't talk about it and it never comes up again.
--
The rest of Rachel's time in Lima is spent exactly the way they've been spending it.
When Quinn reflects on it, it must have been a pretty good summer from a teenager's standpoint. Quinn's really glad they were able to give Rachel that.
Quinn and Rachel share a tight hug on Rachel's last day in Lima. They exchange phone numbers and Quinn swears to visit Rachel in Philly and Rachel swears she'll call Quinn if she ever needs to talk. Quinn thinks it's a perfectly fair trade.
--
Over the next few months, Quinn keeps in contact with Rachel regularly. They text a few times a week and email every couple of weeks. Rachel gets a Facebook, and it's kind of piddly because her only friends are her parents, Dr. and Mrs. Lopez, Santana, Brittany and Quinn. Then one day, when Quinn is checking out Rachel's Facebook page, she sees Rachel and that Andy kid are now friends.
She follows their friendship timeline just to make sure his intentions are pure because the memory of Rachel crying over him is still fresh in her mind. He seems really nice and sweet, so it makes Quinn smile that Andy and Rachel are friends again.
Soon after, a boy named Mike Chang appears as a friend on Rachel's timeline.
She hears from Rachel that she met Mike at a dance class she was taking off-campus.
"He moves like water," Rachel once told her, her voice awed. If it weren't for the fact that Quinn knows better, she would think that Rachel has a crush.
Mike is 18 and he seems like a really nice guy. Since Quinn lives closer to Rachel than Santana and Brittany do, Santana makes Quinn swear to check Mike out when she visits Rachel.
Rachel takes voice and dance lessons under private instruction, and she genuinely seems much happier because of it. It cuts into her school work, but Rachel really doesn't need to expend much energy into her school work anyway, so whatever.
Rachel turns 16 and Quinn visits her at school to celebrate. She meets Rachel's fathers and mother, who all clearly adore Rachel. Rachel is totally the apple of their eyes, and meeting them, Quinn is 1000% certain they would support anything Rachel wanted. There is no way Rachel could disappoint them, and frankly, Quinn doesn't think Rachel could disappoint anyone.
She meets Mike, too, and the guy is just really nice. He's decent and Quinn is so, so glad Rachel has him because he just really seems to like Rachel a lot in a way that's completely platonic. He seems unfazed that Rachel is a genius and it's so obvious how happy that makes Rachel.
--
Rachel graduates that June with all kinds of awards and accolades. She ends up moving to Boston to attend grad school at BU and starts working in a lab and teaching classes.
Rachel hates her studies and the work, but she keeps taking dance and singing lessons which makes her feel better.
Quinn is a little disappointed and a lot worried, because Rachel seems to think that she's going to keep that up until she dies or something and that's totally unreasonable. Rachel tells her not to worry because she likes school and work "well enough" but Quinn can't help be concerned. She keeps encouraging Rachel to just follow her passions and do what she loves, but Rachel just laughs and says "there's just no way."
Sometimes, though she cries.
Rachel is just shy of 18 when she shocks everyone by announcing that she's quitting grad school and her jobs to move back to New York to enroll in the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts to study musical theatre.
Quinn's never been more proud.
Everyone thinks Rachel's gone crazy and is going through some teenage-life crisis, but everyone who really knows her can concede that they've never seen her happier. She makes friends her own age for the first time in a very long time and it's clear this is the best thing for her. The admissions board at NYADA is a little confused since they assumed Rachel wanted to enter their grad program, but she's very clear she wants to learn all that she can from them, and to do that, she needs to enter into their undergrad program.
--
When Quinn graduates from OSU, she moves onto an MFA program at Columbia. She moves apartments three times and Rachel helps her each time.
The third move happens just after Rachel's 18th birthday. It's December and the city is decorated for Christmas. Quinn turns on the heat in the apartment to make it more comfortable, and when she turns around, Rachel has slunk up to her.
She's holding up a sprig of mistletoe.
"I'm going to assume you are familiar with the traditions surrounding mistletoe," Rachel says very gravely.
Quinn smiles. "I am."
Rachel tilts her head. "May I?"
She's smiling so prettily.
"You may," Quinn grins.
Rachel takes another step forward, her eyes gazing into Quinn's.
Quinn's breath hitches and she licks her lips with two and half years of anticipation. Sometimes, she can't believe she had the fortitude, because God, when she looks at that face, she just wants to get down on her knees and howl at her beauty like a dog in heat. She turns into a dirty old man on a Leonard Cohen-level around Rachel. She has no idea how she managed to stay chaste with Rachel all this time without the aid of a chastity belt for one or both of them-- they've never even kissed. Yes, there've been small flirtations and micro-relationships for both of them with other people, but they’ve really just waited for one another.
It was helpless love for Rachel.
For Quinn, it was an attraction that slowly built to love because, just as she expected and suspected, Rachel is irresistibly loveable.
Their faces are so close now.
Rachel tilts her head up and Quinn bends her head down. Their noses brush against each other and they both exhale softly before their lips finally meet. They each moan into the kiss and when Rachel's tongue brushes along Quinn's lower lip, Quinn's last coherent thought is that this was worth the wait.
--
The first time they have sex, it's a few weeks after that and Rachel wants to do it with the lights off.
Quinn thinks it's a shame to waste a body like that on sex-in-the-dark, so she gently negotiates with Rachel into taking her clothes off while Quinn uses the dimmer switch on the floor lamp in her bedroom.
Rachel crosses her hands over her chest, and looks up at Quinn with wide, frightened eyes. She looks a little weepy.
Quinn pulls Rachel's hands away from her chest and gazes down at the scar that symbolizes the day Rachel got a new chance at life. Quinn would never look away. If anything, she would celebrate it.
"You are so beautiful," Quinn whispers, gently kissing down the length of that scar.
"It's so ugly," Rachel whispers. "You don't have to--I mean…"
"It's beautiful," Quinn assures. "You're alive because of it."
She's done her research on Anomalous Left Coronary Artery from the Pulmonary Artery and she knows that if it weren't for that scar, it's highly likely Rachel would have died before she was three years old. The thought of that is just too tragic and Quinn is thankful, so thankful for that scar because it is a reminder that Rachel is alive, Rachel is here.
For anyone who loves her, that scar is a reminder that Rachel slow danced with Death and kicked his ass to the curb. One day, Quinn hopes she can make Rachel look at it the same way. Rachel is young-- only 18, and Quinn thinks to herself she has a very long time to work on it.
"I thank God on my knees for this scar," Quinn whispers before she kisses it again.
--
When Rachel is twenty-five, she's nominated for her first Tony award. Quinn decides it's the perfect time to propose because even though Rachel's revised her life plans to accommodate her change in career, Rachel still has very high expectations of herself in terms of career accomplishment before she'd even consider marriage. Rachel no longer wants a Nobel Prize or a Pulitzer, she wants the EGOT. But truth be told, Rachel's always wanted the EGOT, it's just now she's brave enough to go after it.
Quinn gets on one knee and barely has "will you ma--" out before Rachel shrieks and screams "yes!"
Quinn kisses her with a laugh and slips the ring on her finger.
--
A year later when they share their first dance as a married couple, Quinn brushes her lips against Rachel's ear.
"See? Didn't I tell you that one day, you would find a girl who loves you?"
Rachel laughs. "You did."
Quinn nuzzles Rachel's cheek. "You were so dramatic."
"I was 15," Rachel points out.
"I know," Quinn murmurs fondly. "You were worth the wait."
The End

wkgreen on Chapter 2 Tue 02 Jul 2024 12:22AM UTC
Comment Actions